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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25046761">Summer in the City</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lattice12357/pseuds/lattice12357'>lattice12357</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(but the angst doesn't dominate the story), AU WHERE MISGENDERING DOESNT EXIST, Aged-Up Character(s), Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Domestic, Eventual Smut, Figuring your shit out as a young adult, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Happy Ending, Hook-Up, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Masturbation, New York City, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Sugawara Koushi, One Night Stands, Other, Pre-Relationship, Recreational Drug Use, Roommates, Sappy Ending, Sawamura Daichi is a Mess, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends, Strangers to Lovers, Sugawara Koushi is Inconveniently Hot, Sugawara Koushi is a Good Friend, Sugawara Koushi is a Little Shit, Then, Thirsty Sawamura Daichi, Trans Author Writing Trans Character, Transmasculine Suga, Very happy ending, Writer Sawamura Daichi, because these characters deserve nice things, brief mentions of dysphoria, oui'd, tender.....they are both.......so tender, things are just sad sometimes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:20:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>142,821</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25046761</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lattice12357/pseuds/lattice12357</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sawamura Daichi is a world-famous, bestselling author at 23. Between dealing with family issues, a breakup with his long-term boyfriend, and the pressures of fame, he desperately needs a break. At his secretary and best friend’s urging, he decides to spend his summer on sabbatical in New York City.<br/><br/>His new personal assistant (and roommate), Sugawara Koushi, complicates matters by being stupid hot. But being in their orbit makes Daichi too starry-eyed to care. From a friendship born out of reckless adventures and comfortable domesticity, Daichi and Suga learn more about themselves, what they want, and maybe even what it feels like to fall in love.<br/><br/>complete &lt;3</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kuroo Tetsurou/Sawamura Daichi, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>173</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>363</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. daichi is jetlagged</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>NAME: </b>
  <span>Sugawara Koushi</span>
</p><p>
  <b>PRONOUNS: </b>
  <span>they/them</span>
</p><p>
  <b>AGE: </b>
  <span>23</span>
</p><p>
  <b>OCCUPATION: </b>
  <span>unemployed (recent college graduate)</span>
</p><p>
  <b>FLUENT IN ENGLISH: </b>
  <span>yes</span>
</p><p>
  <b>FLUENT IN JAPANESE: </b>
  <span>yes</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<ul>
<li><b>Describe yourself in three words.</b></li>
</ul><p> </p><p>
  <span>adaptable, intuitive, caring</span>
</p><p> </p>
<ul>
<li><b>What role do you play in your friend group?</b></li>
</ul><p> </p><p>
  <span>I’m pretty good at reading people, so I’m often the one calling my friends on their bullshit or checking in when someone seems off. I also love encouraging others to let loose and take risks.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<ul>
<li><b>What is the most important quality you look for in a roommate?</b></li>
</ul><p> </p><p>
  <span>Compassion. Someone who cares about others is more likely to be respectful of our shared space and be a nice person overall.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<ul>
<li><b>What is your stance on LGBTQ+ issues?</b></li>
</ul><p> </p><p>
  <span>I’m transmasculine and queer, and I feel strongly that all queer and trans people deserve to live in safety and be accepted and recognized for who they are. I also think that LGBTQ+ rights can’t be thought about without considering oppression based on race, class, ability, and nationality, amongst other factors.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe you think I need a babysitter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiyoko raised her eyebrows. “Daichi, I love you, but you have to admit that without me looking out for you you’d be overcommitted, working yourself to exhaustion, and malnourished. And while I love being your secretary, I don’t love you enough to relocate to Manhattan with you for three months.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed, making plaintive puppy-dog eyes in an attempt to incur sympathy. “You’ve never been wrong, Shimizu-san. Let’s call the whole thing off. Screw Western supremacy. I can stay here in Tokyo and you can keep bullying me to eat vegetables. I’ll even give you a raise for being so damn good at making sure I’m a person.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smirked. “We both know the amount you pay me is exorbitant enough. And because I care about you so much, I’m not letting you back out of going. You’re going to go eat pizza and ride the subway and smell the pee stench and kick your writer's block in the ass. And maybe even have some fun for once in your adult life.” He opened his mouth to retort, but she beat him to it: “and no, moping around with your laptop in cafes or going to book signings doesn’t count as fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi slumped over the desk in between them and rested his head on his arms. Kiyoko would have berated him more thoroughly for his poutiness if she didn’t know the very real anxiety behind it. “But what if this person is weird? Or a serial killer?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going to have to trust my impeccable judgement like you always do. I have a very good feeling about them from their interview, Daichi; I wouldn’t have hired them to be your personal assistant if I didn’t. They’re kind and they have a good sense of humor, but they’re...tough. Not Shimizu Kiyoko tough,” she quirked her lips upward, “but I trust them to kick your ass if you need it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” he deadpanned. She smiled in return.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you’re nervous, but you wanted to go for a reason, and I think you should go too, and you’ll have a person on standby that will make everything more easy and fun and comfortable. And, if everything goes to shit, you can always come home.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If everything goes to shit, you can always come home. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He heard Kiyoko’s calm voice in the back of his mind as he fit the key into the door of his--their--new apartment. There were a couple of boxes in the hallway that weren’t his own, implying that Sugawara Koushi had beat him there. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sugawara Koushi. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He didn’t know why he hadn’t thought to ask Kiyoko for a picture of them, or why he hadn’t googled. Instead, his mind had filled in the blanks, imagining someone shorter than him, with glasses and an undercut and black hair a little longer than his. Or maybe dyed hair, and lots of piercings; this was New York, after all. Maybe they had a tattoo. Maybe they had a tattoo on their </span>
  <em>
    <span>face</span>
  </em>
  <span>--!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pushed the door open and stepped inside hesitantly. “Hello?” The kitchen to his left and the hallway to the living room in front of him were devoid of Sugawaras. A faint voice responded from what sounded like upstairs, “Hi! I’ll be down in one sec!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi dropped his suitcase and backpack in the hallway and wandered through the kitchen and into the adjoining living room. As always, Kiyoko had done her research and chosen immaculately. The place was nice without being ostentatious--pre-furnished and spacious, with big windows and lots of natural light. The furniture and decorations gave the place a homey feel rather than a trendy, minimalist one. He plopped onto the deep red couch and was pleased to find that it was as comfy as it looked. Despite his jet-lagged exhaustion and general anxiety about everything that was to come, he felt warm hopefulness in his chest as he gazed at the sun-dappled carpet. Maybe he could write something he’d be proud of here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Footsteps coming down the stairs behind him, and that voice again--”Sawamura Daichi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> He turned and saw a person just about his height, with gray hair and warm hazel eyes. “Yes! That’s me,” he said, jumping to his feet and walking the few steps to meet the other person with his hand extended. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Sugawara Koushi, but everyone calls me Suga,” they said with a smile, shaking Daichi’s hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice to meet you Suga, please call me Daichi,” he responded, trying to smile and be normal and look at them without staring. Wow, Suga was...</span>
  <em>
    <span>pretty. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Handsome. Gorgeous. It was hard to figure out </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span>, exactly, but there was something about their face that made it hard to wrench his gaze away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, Daichi,” they said, smiling warmly. “I’m glad you made it! It’s a brutal flight from Tokyo. How are you feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um...pretty exhausted, to be honest,” he said apologetically. “I wanted to at least get all of my stuff up here, but I was thinking about crashing after that. I’m really glad to be here, though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it’s a great place. That sounds good--I just have to bring in the boxes in the hallway, then maybe I could help you with your things? I was also thinking about ordering in if you want to stay up a little longer to eat dinner. I won’t be offended if you’d rather sleep, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi, as a rule, was loath to take people up on favors, but his exhaustion and need to not plan things won out. Besides, Suga was his personal assistant--he had to get used to them helping, as weird as it felt. “Both of those sound great, actually, thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool,” Suga said, smiling. They brought Suga’s last boxes from the hall to upstairs, where they picked which bedrooms they wanted (Suga, graciously, had waited for him to get there before claiming one). After a polite back-and-forth about what kind of food to order, they mutually agreed on tacos and placed an order that would arrive by the time they finished moving Daichi’s boxes from the lobby (Suga’s idea). Thankfully, Daichi hadn’t mailed much ahead from his home in Tokyo, so before long the two of them were collapsed on the comfy couch and blissfully refueling with carne asada goodness (and the lemonade that Suga had brought with them along with some other basic groceries). Daichi had only known the other person for an hour and he already owed them his life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He told Suga as much when he was done eating and they laughed around a mouthful of taco, covering their mouth with their hand. Daichi noticed, entirely unintentionally, the cute way Suga’s face crinkled with happiness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No worries, I’m happy to help.” They looked at Daichi pensively. “Although it’s a bit weird because you’re like...paying me to help out? But I hope we can be friends, because you seem like a nice guy and I’m genuinely happy to be here. I guess I’m just saying, you’re not imposing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you Suga, I really appreciate that. This is…” he gestured at the room and at the city outside the window, “...a lot. So it’s a relief to be living with you, and I’m excited to get to know you better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes!” they agreed. “But we’ll have lots of time to talk tomorrow. I can take care of this stuff, why don’t you go get some rest?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi protested weakly as Suga began gathering up their takeout debris, but they just laughed, successfully sending him up the stairs with a threatening fake glare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sleep well, Daichi!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight, Suga.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Suga came up the stairs later, they couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of Daichi, clearly visible due to his open door and well lit room, fully clothed and passed out on the bare mattress. Suga flicked off the light switch and closed the door gently, smiling to themself and curious to learn more about their mysterious new employer.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this is my first fic! writing is hard for me and I don't have much confidence, so if you would be interested in reading more of this story it would mean the world if you left a comment and/or kudo :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. suga is a ruthless grocery shopper</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When Daichi opened his eyes, his heart clenched with anxiety as he tried to figure out where he was. After a moment, the fog of sleep lifted and he breathed easier, taking in the white ceiling of his new room. He hadn’t unpacked anything, and the disorder of piled boxes against the barren walls was uncomfortable. The window shone with warm afternoon sunshine; according to the clock on his nightstand, it was 2:12 PM.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Assuming that he wasn’t hallucinating the delicious smell of coffee due to caffeine deprivation, Suga had made a pot recently. He sniffed his underarm, and, satisfied that he didn’t smell gross enough to offend, made his way downstairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning--or, afternoon I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga looked up from their seat at the kitchen table and smiled. “Good afternoon, Daichi. There’s coffee left if you want any.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes please. Could I borrow one of these mugs? I haven’t unpacked mine yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go for it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He picked a purple one from the small collection in the cabinet and filled it before joining Suga at the table. Upon closer inspection, he realized with a sickening jolt that the dark green book in Suga’s hands looked very familiar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Suga said sheepishly, setting it down. “I’ve been meaning to read it since it came out, I swear! Just never got around to it and figured I probably should.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, that’s great--that you haven’t read it, I mean. Could I ask you a favor? That you not read it until you know me better as a person? This sounds weird but this novel is...personal? To the point where people read it and feel like they can understand me. But that’s not--it’s not why I wrote it and there’s things I don’t like about it. I just don’t want it to color your perception of me, if that makes sense? Sorry, that sounds weird--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga picked up the book and casually flung it to the floor, out of sight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Book? What book? Are you an author or something, Daichi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi gaped at them. Their smile started to falter, uncertain, until Daichi’s face split open into a grin. It felt unfamiliar, to smile so genuinely, and that realization stung for a moment. But greater than that was an overwhelming sense of relief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really appreciate that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No worries, I’m sure I can find something else to read out of, yknow, the entire world of literature. And if it makes you feel better, I was only on the first page. You’re lucky I was too busy being a headass college student this past year to read for pleasure. God, how awkward would it be if I were an enamored fan?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t even </span>
  <em>
    <span>say</span>
  </em>
  <span> that--you wouldn’t believe the people I’ve met--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And as Daichi described his experiences (of a fan sending him daily letters for two months, a reader who tearfully berated him during a televised Q&amp;A because of how the novel ended, and an extremely passionate man who got down on one knee and proposed to him at a book signing), he didn’t feel suffocated by the weight of being a public figure. Suga laughed, gasped, and pretended to vomit in all the right places. Talking about the absurdity of his situation with someone who didn’t know him from his youth in Miyagi made the whole thing seem manageable, somehow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well rest assured, if anyone tries to fuck with you in public, I’m more than happy to be your bodyguard,” Suga said, jokingly pushing up their sleeve and flexing their arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi stared for a second too long at the well-defined and definitely not a joke bicep before wrenching his eyes back where they belonged. “I might have to take you up on that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga’s eyes danced with mischief and suddenly widened. “I just remembered! I was going to ask you if you wanted to go grocery shopping? There’s one two blocks away and it’ll be easier to carry everything back if we both go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They made a list together, discovering a shared love for hummus and dark chocolate, mutual distaste for bananas and potato chips, and an irreparable split over the issue of avocados (Daichi thinks they taste like slimy nothingness; Suga enjoys avocado toast, stereotypes be damned).</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I just need to get my wallet and I’ll be ready. Did you need to change, or…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi looked down and blushed, realizing that he had stumbled downstairs in just his t-shirt from the night before and boxers. “Shit, yeah--I’ll shower too, if that’s okay. Sorry, is this,” he gestured vaguely at himself, “rude?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga looked amused. “This is your house, Daichi. Do whatever you’re comfortable with. And don’t worry on my account, I’m pretty hard to phase.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so. I’ve never had a roommate before, so just tell me if I do anything you don’t like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the shower, Daichi mulled those mysterious words over. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t worry on my account, because I’m “pretty hard to phase.” Meaning they’re comfortable seeing people in various states of undress. Because they’re just evolved and don’t see bodies as things to be embarrassed by? Or they often hang out with scantily clad people? Or they really enjoy hooking up with people--</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi shut that train of thought down immediately, internally screaming at his brain to get it together as if he were yelling at his volleyball kouhais in high school. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Stay focused, Sawamura!</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Once dressed and outside, Daichi was privy to the delightful feeling of being slightly damp from a shower and immediately sweating afterward. It was sticky outside, unseasonably so for early June. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yuck,” Suga said, wrinkling their nose up at the sky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, big yuck,” Daichi sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga laughed, and when they didn’t stop laughing after a few seconds Daichi frowned. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You just sounded so </span>
  <em>
    <span>funny</span>
  </em>
  <span>--it’s like, something a little kid would say, but you’re all manly and serious,” Suga giggled. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Big yuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” they repeated in a growly impersonation of Daichi, dissolving into laughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey! You’re making me sound like the Hulk here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, but you can’t deny that you’ve got a deep voice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I--well--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh look, we’re here,” Suga cut him off cheerfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi stopped pouting after just a few seconds of being inside, as he and Suga focused on finding a cart and getting through the bottleneck of people by the doors. Everything was cramped, so they decided not to divide up the list and braved the chaos together. They made a good team, Daichi pushing the cart and reading items off the list while Suga grabbed them from the shelves (roles were assigned because Daichi was too polite to elbow around other people, while Suga had no such qualms). </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they checked out, Suga jumped in to pay while Daichi was bagging their stuff (in reusable bags that Suga remembered to bring). They waved away his protests, saying that he could pay next time, and that he was paying their salary so it was basically him paying anyway. They stepped out to the sidewalk together, leaving behind fluorescent lights and blessed air conditioning for the early evening heat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Back in their kitchen, Suga groaned, sprawled on their floor. “We only walked two blocks and I feel gross.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want me to turn up the air?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” Suga lounged for a minute, feeling the cool wood on their sticky cheek, before rolling to their feet to help Daichi with the groceries.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you want to keep the...the…” Daichi struggled to find the word in English. “The tomatoes,” he said in Japanese. “Did you want them on the counter or in the fridge?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe fridge, just to make sure they keep longer,” Suga replied absently in the same language. They then looked up at him, startled. “Oh weird, I guess that’s the first time we’ve spoken Japanese to each other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you prefer?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like both. I really want to keep my fluency in Japanese so while I was in college my friends and I spoke it a lot together.” Suga continued in Japanese, “So I’d like to keep that habit up here, but English is fine too. What are you more comfortable with?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think Japanese is inherently more comfortable, but like you said, both are okay by me.” He paused. “Your Japanese voice is different from your English one!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They groaned. “Do I sound like a gross American?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no! Your accent is really good, it’s just that your voice is like...softer? Higher?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Weird, I guess it’s something I adopted when my mom spoke it to me as a kid. Is it bad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it sounds nice. I mean! Your English voice is nice too…” He trailed off, looking stricken.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga raised an eyebrow. “Okay, Daichi,” they said in English teasingly before switching back to Japanese. “Anyway. Tomatoes in the fridge.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tomatoes in the fridge,” Daichi said in agreement, trying to ignore the shiver down his spine when he replayed Suga’s teasing voice in his head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two of them ate dinner on the couch again, enjoying the basic stir-fry over rice they threw together. They sat in companionable silence, Suga texting someone and Daichi lounging on the arm of the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga looked up from their phone. “So, I know this is only your second night here and feel free to say no, but I’m getting together with some friends at a bar tonight and they’d love to meet you. It’ll only be like five of them, just a casual thing. Would you be interested?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi considered it for about half a second before realizing he felt worn out and not ready to make a good impression on anyone. “I would love to and thank you for inviting me, but I think I’m going to stay in tonight. Maybe another time though?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, no worries,” they said with a smile. “I’ll definitely be seeing them a lot, so I’ll just keep inviting you until you feel the time is right!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Suga, I really appreciate it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Course--oh, I think someone’s calling you--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi looked over for his phone, which had migrated to the couch cushion between the two of them. His stomach dropped upon seeing his mom’s name on the screen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, thank you,” he said, gingerly picking it up and putting it on his lap. He waited patiently for the ringing to end before turning the screen off and setting it down again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga looked away so as not to put him on the spot about whatever was going on. Daichi awkwardly tried to play it off. “Moms, am I right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm,” Suga replied, still not meeting Daichi’s eyes. They stood up and took his empty bowl, saying “I can clean up” as they walked away. Clearly, this was not up for discussion. Daichi felt the awkwardness that had grown between them. The strangeness of it made him realize just how comfortable and friendly their dynamic had been all day. Frustrated at himself, Daichi wanted to apologize--but he wasn’t sure for what, exactly, and Suga seemed to want space. If things were still weird later, he’d say something.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daichi had left his bedroom door open to encourage his roommate to poke their head in, but Suga had yet to make an appearance. In the meantime, he managed to mostly finish unpacking his room. His clothes were in the dresser and closet, a handful of his favorite books along with some mementos and photos were lined up on the bookshelf, and the dreaded laptop and notebook sat innocently on the desk. He flopped back onto his no-longer-naked bed and stared at the ceiling, idly wondering if he wanted a snack enough to go downstairs and get one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I’m heading out.” Suga stood in the doorway, looking effortlessly magnetic in a silky teal t-shirt that ended at their navel and a pair of dark gray denim shorts. Was that eyeliner? Were they wearing that nose ring earlier? “I’ll probably be out late but I’ll try to be quiet when I get back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good. You look nice,” Daichi said, hoping very much that he sounded platonic and not as if he was thirsting for his personal assistant whom he’d known for barely twenty-four hours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aw, thanks,” Suga replied, smiling at him genuinely. Daichi felt himself release tension he didn’t know he was holding. “Hey, we need to get you some decorations,” they said, peering into the room and noting its blank walls. “It’s kinda depressing in here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As you wish, interior designer Suga-san. I defer to your superior judgement.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up,” they retorted with a grin before turning to leave. “Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Make good choices!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe!” Daichi heard their laugh, and then the slam of the front door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Things felt normal between the two of them, as far as Daichi could tell. Regardless, he shouldn’t try to read into things with a person he barely knew. Hopefully he’d be able to read Suga better after they spent more time together. And surely the fact that they were already able to joke around and hang out easily boded well for their friendship? Even from seeing the surface of Suga, Daichi knew they were a person he wanted to be friends with. He hoped that Suga liked him as well and wasn’t just being nice because he was technically their boss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He thought back to sitting at the kitchen table that afternoon. There was something about the way Suga listened that made him feel okay with talking about his book. Looking into their warm hazel eyes and their thoughtful, open face, the anxieties he spoke aloud seemed...okay. Manageable, not shameful specters that threatened to overwhelm him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Daichi settled down to sleep, he attempted to keep his thoughts from wandering to Asahi by imagining what Suga’s friends were like--if they were loud, or moody, or aggressively cool. Undoubtedly they were metropolitan, confident Manhattenites. It was hard to imagine his Miyagi-bred self getting along with them, but if all else failed the stark culture clash would be funny to watch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t realized he had fallen asleep until he opened his eyes groggily. The clock read 4:35 AM, so he rolled over and shut his eyes again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d rather be a B-I-T-C-H, cause that’s what you’re gon call me when you’re trippin anyway…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Someone was passionately singing downstairs in an ineffective whisper, knocking around in the kitchen and getting a glass of water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know you can’t control me baby, you need a real one in your life…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi’s thoughts came in a slow procession. Intruder? Not a scary one. Oh, roommate. Suga has a nice singing voice. I wonder if they like this song. What song is this?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Satisfied that he wasn’t going to be axe murdered, he drifted back off to sleep.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>of course suga is a megan thee stallion fan</p><p>next time: more roomie bonding, and more backstory :O</p><p>if you've enjoyed so far, lmk! kudos and comments make my day :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. daichi sees some sights</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Was last night fun?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga groaned and rested their head on the table. “It’s over, Daichi. I’m getting old. Gone are my teenage days when I could drink my roommates under the table and wake up feeling refreshed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, you’re practically wizened,” Daichi snorted. It was funny because of how patently untrue it was; aside from dark circles under their eyes and their mussed silver hair, they looked annoyingly lovely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did I really come in...singing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm. An American song, all I remember is that you spelled something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What genre?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi took a sip of their coffee and smirked. “Your performance wasn’t quite nuanced enough for me to make that out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck you,” Suga replied cheerfully, “my singing is just fine. We’re going to have a karaoke battle when I’m not completely wasted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Challenge accepted,” Daichi smirked. Was he especially good at singing? No. Was he a competitive little shit? Yes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B.I.T.C.H.!” they burst out. “That’s the song. By Megan thee Stallion?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi squinted at them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The one who sings Hot Girl Summer?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi grimaced. “Sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga groaned again, then perked up. “It’s okay! I’ll make you a playlist.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them co-existed in companionable quiet, Daichi methodically eating his bowl of Raisin Bran while Suga fixed themself avocado toast. Lingering in the kitchen in the late morning sunlight felt indulgent. It was starting to set in for Daichi that this would be his life for the foreseeable future. There was a strange tension between the relief he felt from leaving Tokyo and the adrift loneliness from being in a completely foreign city. But that was why Suga was here, to help him settle in and be more comfortable. It felt dangerous to be optimistic, but he felt like he could establish a life he enjoyed here if Suga was by his side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Almost as if they had read his mind, Suga sat down across from him with their breakfast. “So, this sounds weird to say, but are there any personal assistant-type things I can help with?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm...well, I’d like to join a gym nearby, and I need to find some new haunts to write in. Also, I can do this on my own but I’d like to explore the neighborhood some. And eventually the whole city, so I’d love if you could recommend stuff to do or places you like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga looked like they were vibrating with excitement, hangover seemingly banished. “Yes! I’m more familiar with downtown, so maybe we can get to know this area better together and see if we can find some good places to write. I’m pretty sure there’s a library branch close. And there's lots of little cafes, but they can be really hit or miss in terms of the vibe and how crowded they get, and the coffee of course. But whenever you want company, I’d be happy to go see more places with you that are a bit farther away. Or I can just give you a list of recommendations, of course. Oh, and I’m part of a gym that has a few locations but,” they hesitated, “it’s...not the nicest? I mean, there’s nothing wrong with it, but you could probably afford nicer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No no,” Daichi cut them off hurriedly, “simple is good. I’m not really used to having money to spend freely, so fancy stuff makes me kind of uncomfortable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, well if you can like we can swing by there and take a look. Would you want to do that and some exploring today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have pretty much nothing going on, like, indefinitely. So yeah, if it works for you? I don’t want to disrupt any plans.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga slouched back in their chair, toast in hand. “Trust me, I have very little going on too. It’s pretty weird, actually,” they mused. “I’m so used to being busy in school all the time, and having other stuff filling up the breaks. It sort of seems like we both need to embrace relaxing.” They said it lightly, but Daichi felt fixed under their hazel-eyed gaze. It was as if Suga could see every stress and fear weighing on him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A chill ran down his back as he was strongly reminded of Kiyoko. Her intuition and ability to read him made the two of them incredibly close and had helped him through times when he himself was confused by his emotions. Unfortunately, the flip side of this superpower was that she never let him get away with anything. The fact that Kiyoko chose Suga to keep Daichi in line made him feel a host of conflicting things. Firstly: impressed by her deviousness and ability to find someone so similar. He also felt a little less far from home, knowing he had someone like Suga with him. At the same time, Suga’s ability to read him so soon after meeting him was scary. He felt vulnerable, and worried that he would be strong-armed into “talk about your feelings” sessions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he was probably getting ahead of himself. Suga hadn’t pried into anything private, and they wouldn’t need to, because Daichi was doing fine. He realized Suga was still waiting for an answer. “Hah, yeah. We’re going to be so relaxed by the end of this summer, we’ll be unrecognizable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They grinned. “Hell yeah. I need to get ready, want to go in like an hour?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even after Suga went upstairs, Daichi felt a little...strange. He remained at the kitchen table, interrogating the feeling. It had something to do with Suga, Kiyoko, feeling vulnerable. Why did Suga make him nervous? It wasn’t that he felt uncomfortable; on the contrary, Suga’s easy-going nature had put him at ease from their first meeting. Talking to them felt natural, especially because they didn’t seem to expect anything from him. So why would Suga’s searching gaze put him so on edge?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Huh. Because Suga’s nature made Daichi want to open up to them. Daichi wasn’t so emotionally stunted that he thought it was okay to shove all of his emotions deep inside him. He talked to his friends and even a therapist. But he did those things because he forced himself to. With Suga, it felt like the things he held at the back of his mind could fall out of his mouth at any moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He mulled over this realization as he brushed his teeth, making eye contact with himself in the mirror. Okay, it was weird that he felt that way. But it didn’t have to be an issue. He was capable of keeping his problems to himself, and maybe if he and Suga eventually became friends, Daichi could confide in them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he lounged on his bed, he finally got around to responding to Kiyoko’s texts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Friday, May 31, 7:38 pm</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Kiyoko: </b>
  <span>safe flight, text me when you’re there</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Monday, June 3, 4:22 am</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Kiyoko: </b>
  <span>according to find my friends, you’ve arrived at the apartment</span>
</p><p>
  <span>call when you get a chance?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Today, 7:05 am</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Kiyoko: </b>
  <span>your mom is texting me angrily because you’re not picking up your phone</span>
</p><p>
  <span>call me so I can prepare you to talk to her ha ha</span>
</p><p>
  <span>she wants you to do book promo stuff in ny</span>
</p><p>
  <span>don’t make me text Sugawara-san, daichi</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Today, 10:46 am</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>sorry sorry</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I know it’s late there but do you want to call now?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Kiyoko: </b>
  <span>yeah</span>
</p><p>
  <span>give me one sec, I’ll call you</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>True to her word, the phone lit up a minute later with her incoming call. “Hey Kiyoko, I’m sorry for the delay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh huh. How’s the apartment?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gorgeous, honestly. Thank you for finding it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad. And Sugawara-san?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi paused. How to describe them? “They’ve been...good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Friendly, thoughtful. Not too respectful of me, just treats me like a peer. Funny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiyoko paused, hearing hesitation in his voice. “And…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi groaned. “Dammit, Kiyoko. Why didn’t you tell me they were going to be hot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed. “Is it relevant?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When they’re walking around all cute and disheveled in the morning or all gorgeous when they’re going out for the night, it’s a little too relevant.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keep it in your pants, Dai. Channel this sexual frustration into going out on dates or finding hookups. Make Sugawara-san help you set up dating apps.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi groaned again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway. I’m glad things have been going okay. So, your mom has been, unsurprisingly, pushy about you doing some events. I thought she might give you a little time to settle in before bombarbing you, but looks like that was wishful thinking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” Daichi grumbled. “Do you know what any of them are?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s mentioned a few--she really wants you to do a book signing at the Strand, and I’m sure some other places too. It looks like there are also some universities in the area that would be interested in having you speak to some of their summer students. And the embassy of Japan in New York wants to hold an event with you--something about celebrating great Japanese artists.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...Daichi? You still there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kiyo,” Daichi managed to get out, “I can’t do this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “I’m really sorry, Dai. I tried implying to her that the point of this sabbatical was to take a break from these obligations, but she just waved me off. Says it’s crucial for you to stay relevant, keep sales up, promote your new book, etc.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The book I haven’t even started yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a pause as both of them felt the heaviness of the situation. Kiyoko spoke hesitantly,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think the best thing is to talk to her soon, before she gets even more rabid. And compromise--maybe do a couple small things? I don’t think you should tell her about the no-book situation, but you can say it’s not far enough along to start talking about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, you’re right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another morose pause. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll feel better when it’s over with.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’ll call her tonight. Hopefully she doesn’t sprinkle her tirade about how irresponsible and useless I am with some casual homophobia.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could almost hear Kiyoko wince through the phone. “I don’t know how comfortable you feel with them yet, but maybe you could let Suga know what’s going on? Not the full situation, but enough that they can be there for you when the call’s over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe. I feel bad putting that on them, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s in their job description.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But that’s...</span>
  <em>
    <span>weird</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Like they’re only being nice because I’m paying them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re being nice because they’re a nice person who likes you, and you’re showing your gratitude by financially supporting them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know that they like me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed. “Don’t be a baby, Dai. You’re annoyingly likeable. And if you’ve gotten to know them well enough to like them, I’m sure the reverse is true.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stupid Kiyoko and her stupid, smart logic. “Fine, fine. I’ll talk to them. Enough about me. What about a certain tiny blonde cutie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiyoko squawked and Daichi snickered, pleased that his comment had the desired effect. She was cool, brilliant, and unflappable 99% of the time, so provoking her into the rare, Useless Lesbian 1% was too good to pass up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stammered through a retelling of how she and their high school kouhai had seen a movie together and their hands kept touching in the bag of popcorn, and how she had kissed Yachi on the cheek as they said goodbye and promptly speed-walked in the opposite direction of her bus stop because she was so flustered. Daichi laughed, only teasing her a little and reassuring her that Yachi was just as nervous and was obviously crazy about her. They talked aimlessly for a while about other things going on in their lives, interrupted only by Suga’s knock asking Daichi if he was ready to go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, one sec! Sorry, Suga and I are going to walk around the neighborhood and explore some. Shit, it’s really late for you there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“12:30 am isn’t too bad. Plus, I’m really glad we got to talk. I miss you a lot, you know that right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi felt his eyes stinging unexpectedly; Kiyoko wasn’t normally very emotive and it suddenly hit him just how far away she was. “I miss you too, Kiyo. Stay out of trouble, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed and made him promise to send pictures of his and Suga’s exploits before she hung up. Daichi lingered for a moment on his bed. As he stared at the ceiling, a couple tears slipped down his cheeks. Kiyoko was one of his best friends, had been since they were fifteen, and they had never been apart like this. He let himself feel the ache in his chest and told himself he was lucky to have people he loved enough to miss them so much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thankfully, he hadn’t cried enough to have the evidence be visible. Check face in mirror, run fingers through hair, wallet keys phone, extra layer of deodorant for good measure, and then he was bounding down the stairs to meet his roommate in the living room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They decided to go to the gym first, Suga showing him beforehand on Google Maps how it was east and a little south so he could orient himself. Their short walk took them across a bustling street lined with stores and restaurants, then through a more residential area with leafy green trees on the sidewalks. Although the sun was intense, being outside and seeing the bright blue sky felt refreshing. Daichi optimistically tried to ignore the odor of the black trash bags that lined the curb. Instead, he focused on the variety of people passing by. A group of preteen boys yelling and posturing, an elderly Latina woman with excessive rouge and fake eyelashes walking a tiny, fluffy dog, a very pregnant Black woman wearing tight, stylish workout clothes and talking into her cellphone with a frustrated expression on her face. Already, he had sensed a different energy than he was used to in Tokyo. New Yorkers were irreverent, chaotic, unexpected. The lack of expectations was liberating; he could act and dress strangely and people would pay him no mind. People-watching in the summer sun was heady; it made him feel light and dizzy with possibility.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was yanked out of his daydreams by Suga opening the door to the gym for him. It was pleasantly cool inside and a little difficult to see as his eyes adjusted from the brightness of the outdoors. From a brief glance, the space was cramped and dingy. Looking further, though, it appeared to have a good variety of machines and weights. Suga was asking the bored woman at the front desk if this location had mat space for stretches and core work. She replied affirmatively, looking at them as if that was an annoyingly stupid question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi mentioned that he was interested in joining and received a pamphlet and memorized spiel about the different membership types, perks, and services. He decided to take advantage of their three free visits before committing. The woman held out a punchcard that would show how many visits he had remaining, bright pink acrylic nails shining under the fluorescent lights. “Thanks for coming to Fitness Zone, we hope to see you again,” she droned, looking down at her phone before she finished speaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That went well,” Suga said dryly once they were back outside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think you’ll be working out here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it’s pretty convenient, so it’ll help me be more consistent. I want to stay in decent shape so I can keep dancing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh wow, what kind of dance?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I majored in it, so I had to do a bit of everything, but for fun I like doing jazz and hip-hop/contemporary stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga!! That’s so impressive!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga rolled their eyes at the compliment and smiled. “You can’t say it’s impressive if you haven’t even seen me dance. I could be embarrassingly bad and you wouldn’t even know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi bumped their shoulder with his own. “Somehow, I highly doubt that. Can they even give you a degree in dance if you suck at it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They made a noncommittal sound. “Nah. But there’s good, and there’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed. “Not really. Honestly, I’d probably be easy to impress.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga smiled. “Maybe when I read the thing we do not speak of, you can watch some of my old stuff.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aww, but I wanna see now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re such a whiny baby.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmph. Hey, where are we going? I’ve just been following you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good thing I’m such a benevolent caretaker. The library’s on 115th, so we’re a block away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The entrance to the library was marked by a red and orange flag with a lion on it. Inside, it was surprisingly average, with pleasant natural light and different sections of books. The pair strolled around, noticing a cluster of desks where people were working on laptops, and comfortable armchairs in a line by the windows. In the fiction section, they browsed for books to check out, talking to each other in low tones to laugh at a lurid cover or point out a book they’d enjoyed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before they moved on with their selections, Daichi felt an irresistible pull toward the “S” section. He scanned the spines. There were two copies of the dark green book, with a space in between them that indicated someone had checked out a third. He pulled one off the shelf, flipping through the pages. There were small tears on the cover and patches of white on the spine, and the edges of the pages were soft, weathered from fingers touching them, being thrown to the bottom of backpacks, getting dropped in the bathtub. He skimmed, catching words or phrases that were so familiar to him. The front cover had his name in the English style: Daichi Sawamura. That was him; he was that. How impossible, that concepts from his bedroom in Miyagi were sitting here, halfway around the world. He felt a rush of vertigo but couldn’t bring himself to put the book back on the shelf. He eyed it with a mix of horror and wonder, and a little pride.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga stood off to the side, gazing at him out of the corner of their eye but pretending to look at the shelf in front of them. Giving him space, not making him talk about it. Were they worried about him? That thought helped him snap himself out of it, and they strolled back to the circulation desk together as if nothing had happened. Suga used their library card to check their books out and shoved them all in their tote bag, for which Daichi promised to buy them an iced coffee. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They ducked into the first small cafe they spotted on the way back to the apartment. Daichi ordered and brought the drinks to the table Suga had snagged. They talked a little, relaxed by the fatigue of having been out in the heat. Daichi learned that Suga had gone to NYU, and that they had majored in sociology in addition to dance. That they had started dancing at a young age, but took a break from ages twelve to fifteen because it made them feel dysphoric. Daichi geeked when Suga said they had played volleyball during that time and still played for fun occasionally.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were immersed in conversation about the positions they played when a white teenage girl walked tentatively up to their table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me, I’m so sorry, but are you Daichi Sawamura?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi froze, locking eyes with Suga, who looked similarly taken aback.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhh, yeah. Yes, I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow!” Her eyes widened. “Your novel, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Apartment 43</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Changed my life. I’m so honored to meet you. God, I wish I had it on me so you could sign it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m happy to sign something else, if you’d like,” Daichi said, smiling stiffly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, thank you--wait, I have my notebook here--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She fumbled through the tiny leather backpack she carried and unearthed a notebook and a pen. “Could you make it out to Cass? Thank you so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi scrawled in English, “Dear Cass, keep reading and growing. All the best, Daichi Sawamura,” signing his name in the cursive he’d learned specifically for that purpose. “Here you go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you so much!” Her eyes sparkled. “Will there be a sequel? Are you writing a new novel now? Will you be relocating to the States? What’s it like being a gay author in Japan?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga stood, speaking with a smile that barely concealed their frustration. “Unfortunately, Mr. Sawamura, you have another engagement shortly and we’ve got to run.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice to meet you, thank you,” Daichi said over his shoulder as Suga whisked the two of them out of the cafe before the girl even realized what was going on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They speed walked together for a block or so, burning through their shared tension. Suga looked over their shoulder and realized they weren’t being followed; eventually, they slowed to a normal pace. It seemed as though neither of them wanted to be the first one to speak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for pulling me out of there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. I’m sorry that happened, it was really messed up, and rude, and intrusive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Back in their apartment and settled on the couch with ice water, Daichi felt a tightness in his chest. He didn’t want to talk about it, but he wanted Suga’s company and the ease between them they had before the fan showed up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wanna watch TV?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Suga smiled softly. Daichi could tell it wasn’t just a smile, though. It was “I’m happy you said that,” “that sounds good to me,” “I’m glad to be here with you,” “I want you to be okay,” “I care about you.” They set up Netflix on the big screen and decided on Avatar: The Last Airbender. Daichi curled up in the fetal position on the couch, clutching a pillow to his chest. Suga sprawled out, propped up on the arm of the couch with their legs resting on the coffee table. When Aang emerged from the iceberg, Daichi glanced up to see how Suga reacted. He found them looking down at him with a fond smile, sparking something inside him that was warm and nervous at the same time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the end of the fourth episode (during which they both fangirled over the Kyoshi warriors, because hell yeah), Suga paused the show.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So Daichi, I’ve been thinking. It sucks to get recognized when you’re in public, so what if...we gave you a makeover?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi looked up at them quizzically. “How so?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like new haircut, new clothes. Jewelry. Maybe a little makeup. I feel like your image is sort of this young, intellectual, pure artist. You’re the wholesome guy next door. Which is good, don’t get me wrong, but what if we made you into, like...a bad boy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi laughed out loud. “I don’t know if I’m physically capable of being a bad boy. When I was team captain in high school, everyone called me dad. I’m completely whipped by my two little siblings. I feel really guilty when I’m not polite.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga rolled their eyes. “Okay, yes, but you can still be all those things and still look like a dangerous punk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s no way you could make me over to that extent.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that a challenge?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh fuck. Stop smiling like that, you little demon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think this is a really, really good idea, Daichi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, you’re not going to let this go, are you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope!” they grinned. “But also, none of it would be completely permanent, you know? So if you hate it, you’re not stuck with it. I think you’re going to look really good, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm. Well. What did you have in mind?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you feel about body piercings? I know a guy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...Fuck.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>let me know what you think of these two and their budding relationship! and toss a kudo my way if you'd like to see more of this story :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. suga is comforting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello! there is some verbal homophobia from a parent in this chapter. if you'd like to skip it, STOP reading when you get to "Don't interrupt me. You run off to Tokyo..." and start reading again at "I'm going to take a look and choose."</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>They went through Google Images on Daichi’s laptop, looking at pictures of pierced guys and eating instant ramen with egg on top.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But like...you have to admit that’s hot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...Yeah, it is hot. Suga, what the fuck. Pierced guys are hot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what I’m saying! As Gandhi once said, be the hot you wish to see in the world.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...You’re going to hell.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck yeah I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I’m convinced. My mom might beat my ass if she finds out though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you’re an adult and you’re not dependent on her, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not exactly...but she is my agent.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga looked at him with wide eyes. “Your mom is your literary agent?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds like hell.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It kind of is. I’m supposed to call her later, actually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck. Well, it’s your life, and she can’t beat your ass from across the ocean. And if she tries, I’ll protect you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You better, you’re the bad influence.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you mean excellent influence,” they smirked. “So, want to go now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, like go get pierced now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it’s open until 10.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is happening very quickly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No pressure! I’m kind of impulsive,” they shrugged. “But we should wait as long as you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about we see after I call her? I might need some adrenaline to take the edge off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga agreed and wished him luck. He got comfy on his bed, took a couple of deep breaths, and pressed CALL.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Mom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She berated him for a while about not picking up his phone, and asked him about how New York was so far.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s pretty good, I like it here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She made a noise of assent, not bothering to ask for more details.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So how is the new book going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hesitated, unsure how much to bend the truth. “I’m making some progress, but it’s still coming along pretty slowly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about a summary of it? And a title? We can start working on promotional materials if we have those.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think we should start any promotional materials.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi, it’s essential that we keep the public’s interest. You’re new, you’re interesting, but it’s been a year since </span>
  <em>
    <span>Apartment 43</span>
  </em>
  <span> came out. We have momentum now. People have expectations for you. A second novel could make the difference between you being a prolific author or a one-hit wonder.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I agree, but maybe I could keep interest by doing some events? And tease at a new book, but not talk about it explicitly? I’m taking this sabbatical to work on my second novel, and I would rather take a little more time with it to make it great. Like you said, this novel is important to my career, so I don’t want to rush.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you wrote your first book in three months.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was...different. I didn’t know anything, there weren’t any expectations. It was a story that had been in my head for years.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to hear these excuses, Daichi. I work hard every day to help you and you aren’t working hard at all. I’ve supported you so much through all of this--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mom--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t interrupt me. You run off to Tokyo to get away from us, then you run off to America. You’re so ungrateful. And you can’t even do your one job, which is to write.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mom--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know what it’s like having a--” her voice dropped to a disgusted whisper, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>gay</span>
  </em>
  <span> son? The neighbors don’t look at me the same way. It’s so shameful. You wanted to write a book with those kinds of people in it. And what’s worse, you wanted to publicly put your personal life in people’s faces by telling everyone that you’re gay. I could have done what your father did and never spoken to you again. That’s what he wanted me to do. But I accepted you. I was the one who gave you this career. And now you’re going to throw it all away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not throwing anything away. It’s just taking me a little longer to write than it did before.” Daichi struggled to keep his voice even.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All this running around with men is what has made you lose your ability to work hard and be respectful. A woman would help calm you, settle you. Men need the influence of a good woman. You’re being stubborn now, Daichi, but you were in love with that Yui girl--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was sixteen, Mom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“--and then you got all confused by the Azumane boy--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t bring Asahi into this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“--all that volleyball and being with young men, it’s unnatural, your emotions are running high and you think you feel something that you don’t. You confused love of a best friend with romantic love, and you had sexual desires you projected onto him. If it hadn’t been for volleyball, you would understand that there is nothing more fulfilling for a man than the love of a woman.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, my book about gay and trans people became a best-seller.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Write about whatever you want, I’m not in charge of that. But when your lifestyle interferes with your health and your career, a mother has the responsibility to step in. I don’t want to see you throw your life away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, Mom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will do the events I’ve set up for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to take a look and choose the ones I want to do. Will you send the details to my personal assistant?” He read off Suga’s email from a post-it note on his nightstand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi, I hope you understand that there is a direct correlation between the events you do and your success.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Mom. I’ll take a look.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get back to me as soon as possible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Mom. Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hung up. The absence of her voice left the room feeling like a vacuum. Daichi reasoned with himself the way he always did. She was from another time. She didn’t understand what he felt inside.  His queerness made it possible for him to write a novel that resonated with people around the world. His love for Asahi had, at one point, been a good and pure thing, even if it made him sick to think about him now. He was his own person. He would fall in love again someday. There was nothing wrong with him. It didn’t matter what she thought, because she was wrong. She still loved him, under her issues with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi repeated these things, trying to regulate his breathing and drown out her lingering words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Today, 7:30 pm</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>hey</span>
</p><p>
  <span>if you’re free, could you come over?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>yeah ofc</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Suga eased open the door to find Daichi laying on his side. They came over and perched on the edge of his bed, angling their body toward him. “Hey,” Daichi whispered. His eyes were unfocused and wouldn’t meet theirs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” Suga replied softly. They gazed at the gray bedspread, at the wall, at their hands, trying not to stare at him or put him on the spot. It was obvious that he had been crying. He let out a shaky breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to talk about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head, and the silence stretched between them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you feel about physical contact?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi met their eyes. “What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really like it when people play with my hair or touch my back. It calms me down. Would you like that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hesitated before nodding, turning his gaze away from their face. They scooched up on the bed so they could reach him better, and Daichi felt gentle fingers at the base of his scalp. They traced through his short hair up to the top of his scalp, then combed through his hair with their fingers. Their movements were lazy, stopping occasionally to scratch gently with their fingertips or stroke his head with their palm. Daichi lost himself in the sensations, reveling in how good it felt to be taken care of. It was hard to tell how much time had passed when they moved their warm palm down to his neck, stroking and lightly massaging the tense sides of his neck by pressing their fingertips in small circles. They repeated the same ministrations on the muscles connecting his neck and shoulder before stroking up and down his back slowly. They alternated to rubbing in large circles, to running their fingers down his back like a rake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you so good at this?” Daichi murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga laughed quietly. “It’s not so hard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked up at them, and their soft expression made his insides seize up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned away. “It’s just...weird that you’re doing this because I’m paying you.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>And not because you want to.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The motion of their hand stopped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m doing this because I care about you. Maybe it sounds weird because we’ve only known each other for a couple days, but...I like you. I want to be your friend. I’m grateful that you’re paying me because it means I don’t have to worry about money. But I’m not...acting some role, or being some person I think you want me to be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their hazel eyes darted to the side, and for the first time since he met Suga, they looked vulnerable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to be your friend, too.” Daichi looked up at them, half-smiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then let’s be friends,” Suga said, vulnerability replaced with a grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...Cool.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They looked at each other, then burst into laughter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s settled, then,” Suga chuckled. “Friends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm.” Daichi sat up and shifted his legs over the side of the bed so he was sitting next to them. “I have two requests, now that we’re friends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“First…” he hesitated, “can I have a hug?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Course, dummy.” Suga folded their arms around his waist and rested their head on his shoulder. Daichi wrapped his arms around them and squeezed, trying to enjoy the moment without getting distracted by thoughts of </span>
  <em>
    <span>holy shit this feels so good.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Sure, he was a little touch starved. But surely that couldn’t fully explain why Suga’s warm body felt so right against his. Was that fragrance their shampoo? It was fresh, subtle, a little minty. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Snap out of it, Sawamura.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“The second thing,” he said as they pulled apart, “...can we go get pierced?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga searched his brown eyes with the now-familiar x-raying, emotion-deciphering look. Apparently he looked sincere and stable enough, because they nodded and pronounced, “Let the makeover commence.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi descended into a subway station for the first time under a dusky purple sky. The white tiles on the walls seemed to glow in comparison to the dingy floor and industrial supports that flanked the tracks. He felt aware of his body in an unfamiliar way, and was reminded that he was a very long way from Tokyo. He wasn’t scared, but all the same it was nice to have Suga’s familiar presence by his side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>True to the updating electronic sign above their heads, it wasn’t long before a train slowed to a stop in front of them. The car was about half full, and they snagged two open seats next to each other. They sat in harmonious silence accompanied by the repetitive </span>
  <em>
    <span>clackclack </span>
  </em>
  <span>of the train. Daichi gazed out the window at the rippling blackness of the tunnel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rhythm was predictable--an automated voice announcing the stop, deceleration, and people shuffling on and off before the train accelerated again. It came as a surprise when a man stumbled through a sliding door at the end of the car. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can anyone please sparealittle </span>
  <em>
    <span>change </span>
  </em>
  <span>tonight? I just need some generosity, this world got me fucked up, please let me get something to </span>
  <em>
    <span>eat</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I know that there are some real kind people here and I’m asking you sincerely, please spare a dollar or two, anything helps--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His voice filled the car. As he spoke, he wobbled slowly, pacing down the length of the car, not making direct eye contact. His gray t-shirt and dark blue sweatpants were stained and grimy. The passengers trained their eyes on the floor. Surely Daichi wasn’t the only one feeling this tension. The man seemed unstable; what if he got aggressive?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Next to him, Suga was fumbling with their bag. They pulled a five dollar bill from their wallet, holding it on their lap until the man approached them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here you go, sir.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man took the bill from their extended hand. Up close, he smelled like stale urine; his darting eyes were bloodshot and stood out against his dark brown skin. It was impossible to tell how old he was. “Thank you, young man, god bless you,” he muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stay safe,” Suga said as the man made his way to the door at the other end of the car. Once the door slid shut behind him, the tension in the car eased; by the time the next stop had passed, it was like he’d never been there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga leaned against Daichi’s shoulder briefly, connecting the two of them. Daichi didn’t know what to say. He had no frame of reference for what had just happened. He had heard that there were homeless people on the streets in New York, but this was so...bizarre, and uncomfortable, and messed up. He had felt scared for himself, but also worried for the man. He wanted Suga to explain to him, but not here with the white noise of the train in the background.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is our stop,” Suga said, jerking Daichi out of his thoughts. They stood, gripping a metal pole until the train swayed to a halt. Exiting the station, Daichi noted how the sky was tinged darker than when they entered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi broke the silence first. “I feel naive for saying this but--what happened back there with the man, I’ve never seen anything like that before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga nodded. “I’m still not used to it. I was a suburbs kid--did I tell you that? I’ve only been in the city since the beginning of college. Maybe it wouldn’t be so hard to watch if I’d grown up here. But I think it’s good to still be uncomfortable, in a way. I mean, we shouldn’t be okay with the fact that there are people who are in such desperate situations.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was wondering...why did you give him money? It looked like he might have been on something. You don’t know that he actually plans on using it for food.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I mean, I feel like it’s none of my business really. I drink and do drugs sometimes. I’m not going to dictate what someone else should do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how much you know about U.S. history, but Black people have been oppressed by the government for centuries. And it’s not over, and the effects of it still linger. I have more privilege than a Black person because I look the way I do, so I feel like one basic thing I can do is give money when people ask for it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They smiled, punching Daichi’s shoulder. “Welcome to social justice rants with Suga.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi laughed, but was clearly deep in thought. “This country is kinda fucked up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it really is. I have some good books if you want to learn more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d like that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga stopped and turned toward him. “Something I struggle with is how to live life when there’s so much injustice. Maybe this is self-centered, but I think it’s important to be happy and enjoy life while simultaneously trying to help out with issues in our communities. Like, we have to hold both the joy and the sadness at the same time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what I’m asking is: Daichi, do you still want to go get pierced? I know this was heavy and we can just go straight back to the apartment if you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stared at them for a second. “You’re pretty smart, Suga.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh. I have my moments.” Their eyes locked. Daichi was hyper-aware of the tiny height difference between them; he could see the top of their head reflecting the light from the streetlamp. He noticed for the first time that their eyebrows were slightly darker than their hair, and that their eyelashes were some color in between.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cleared his throat. “I’m ready to be perforated.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ew, Daichi!” They laughed and pulled him over to a storefront with neon signs that read JIM’S TATTOO &amp; PIERCING. In the window, there were books of tattoo designs. The door bore a pirate flag and a sign proclaiming “NO ENTRY IF UNDER 18.” Daichi had no reason to mistrust Suga’s judgement up until this point, but he couldn’t help but feel a little uncertain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A bell tingled as they walked in. A South Asian woman who looked a little older than them looked up from her place behind the counter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Maryanne,” Suga replied cheerfully. “I was hoping you’d be in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you finally going to let me tattoo you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They winced. “I’m sorry, we have other business to take care of tonight. This is my friend Daichi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maryanne’s eyes flicked over to Daichi. Her buzzed head, black t-shirt, and tattooed neck only served to intensify the power of her searching gaze. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice to meet you, Daichi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you,” he replied, trying to give off kind and don’t-fuck-with-me energy at the same time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll grab Yuuji for you, then.” She disappeared back behind a purple beaded curtain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>From the back he could hear a loud “Suga?!” Suga laughed. “Sorry, he can be a bit intense,” they whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A man bounded through the curtain and stood in front of them grinning, hands on his hips. “Suga!!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Terushima,” Suga said, returning his smile. Terushima sported blond hair with a shaved black undercut. His ears were lined with piercings, and he sported a piercing on the bridge of his nose. His eyes were intense as he stared at Suga. “This is my friend Daichi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice to meet you,” Daichi said; the two of them exchanged a firm handshake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t tell me someone as sweet as you wants a piercing!” he said, examining Daichi’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m looking to...change things up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see...well, come come! Step into my office.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They followed him through the beads and into a cubical enclosed on all sides. Once they were all seated on stools that were crammed beside an examination table, Suga explained that they were wondering if Terushima could give his opinion on what piercings might look best on Daichi’s face. Terushima hummed thoughtfully, looking Daichi over. He produced a small silver barbell and held it up in different spots on his face. Then Terushima asked Daichi to turn so he could see his ears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay...well, in terms of your face structure, I’d recommend doing your eyebrow, your nose, or your labret, which is right here.” He pointed to the skin below his lower lip. “In terms of aesthetics, I’d recommend the labret for you; it’s subtle, masculine, and unique. If you’d rather do something in your cartilage, there’s a lot of flexibility on where it could go.” Terushima passed him a mirror. “If you want to look at yourself and imagine what it would look like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm...what do you think?” he asked Suga.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga looked at him appraisingly. “I agree with Terushima, actually. I think it would look really good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had a hard time superimposing the piercing onto his reflection, but fuck it. There was only one way to find out if he’d like it. “Okay, let’s do it. As long as it won’t be really painful or inconvenient.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope, it’ll be a little swollen for a few days, and you’ll have to clean it and practice good oral hygiene, but they’re normally not too troublesome.” Terushima turned and pulled out a tray of jewelry. “Here’s our starter jewelry. The flat side is going to be on the inside of your mouth. We have the silver steel, black steel, gold, and steel post with a diamond on the outside.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um...let’s do the silver.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good choice, it’s simple and it looks good on everyone. This size is going to be slightly bigger than normal jewelry to allow for some swelling. Once it’s healed, you can swap it for something smaller.” He looked Daichi in the eye with a grin. “Ready to do this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A wave of nervousness hit him as he realized he was actually going to get a needle shoved through his lip. “Let’s do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Terushima prepared his supplies on the counter, Daichi turned to Suga. “Is there anything you’ve been wanting to get pierced?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well...I’ve been thinking about getting my eyebrow pierced for a while, but it’s money and I wasn’t one hundred percent sure it’d look good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Terushima turned and glared. “I’ve been trying to convince you to do it for a year! I swear you’d look even more hot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you think, Daichi?” Suga asked, wiggling their eyebrows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi looked at their big hazel eyes, their cheekbones, their pale skin. “I can definitely see it. If I pay for it, will you do it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga shook their head. “Daichi, that’s too generous; you’re already paying for your own.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I really want to. As a thank you for everything so far. And it’s more fun if we both get one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They frowned at him pensively. “Well...if you’re sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see how it is,” Terushima said dramatically, “when I tell you it looks good, you’re not sure, but when </span>
  <em>
    <span>Daichi</span>
  </em>
  <span> does you trust </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you’re a ruthless flirt and your default mode is flattery.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only for cute people.” He winked and Daichi felt gratified that Suga rolled their eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite his personality, Terushima was very professional when it came to the actual piercing. He cleaned Daichi’s lip and made him rinse with mouthwash before putting a black dot on the inside and outside of his lip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay Daichi, I want you to close your eyes and take five deep, slow breaths as you count backwards from ten in your head.” Just as he got to five, he felt a sharp, sudden pain that was less intense by the time it finally registered. He felt the needle slide out and a metal post replaced it. After a moment, Terushima told him to look in the mirror.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, wow.” It somehow looked like exactly what he expected and yet completely different. He turned his head to see the little silver ball from different angles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned to Suga, who was just staring at his chin. “Thoughts?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhh. It’s good! Really good.” Were they blushing?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After some aftercare instructions from Terushima, he swapped places with Suga so they could pick their jewelry. The whole process only took a moment, and then Suga was turning to him, their eyebrow sporting a small silver barbell that shined under the fluorescent lights.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It looks perfect, like it’s always been there,” he said honestly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Phew,” they grinned, looking back in the mirror, “I like it too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you so!” Terushima crowed. “Hey Daichi, since you’ve given me so much business, want me to do your earlobes for free? You just have to pay for the jewelry you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walked out of the shop fifteen minutes later with four new piercings between the two of them. Suga was laughing and Daichi felt giddy with adrenaline, heightened by the tender burn on his earlobes and lower lip. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where to?” he asked them. It was warm and the sky was dark. The two of them were bathed in light from streetlights and stores.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga’s eyes gleamed. “Well, it would only be responsible for us to disinfect your piercing with some alcohol. There’s a place I like that’s not too far.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He agreed enthusiastically. And although he genuinely wanted to go, he couldn’t help but think that he would have agreed to follow them just about anywhere.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>wah!! thanks for reading! I'm having fun writing these cuties so I hope you're having fun reading them. leave a kudo if you liked this work and lmk your thots in the comments :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. daichi is sexually frustrated</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi! the rating on this fic has been bumped to M because the characters talk about sex. it's not super explicit, but the themes are more mature than teen I think.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Today, 10:12 am</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>hey! my prof is letting me use the studio at nyu while it’s free today, so I’ll be there 11-1</span>
</p><p>
  <span>want me to pick anything up while I’m out?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>hope youre feeling ok this morning D:</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daichi squinted at his phone. He knew all of those words individually. But between his pulsing head and swimming vision, he had no idea what Suga’s texts said. If the time on his phone was to be believed, it was 11:34 am. How was that possible? How did he get here?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took the painkillers that were laid out on his nightstand next to a glass of water. It had to be some sort of magic water, because it was the best thing he’d ever tasted. Sated after chugging the whole thing, he laid back and closed his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What had happened last night? He poked his tongue in front of his bottom teeth and felt a piece of metal in his lip. Ah, so that wasn’t a dream. At least it was only a little sore. He couldn’t feel the ones in his earlobes at all--wait, did he imagine those? His arm was heavy as he lifted it to check, finding small studs on both ears. So, he got some piercings last night. And he must have been with Suga, because no way in hell would he have done that alone and he didn’t have any other friends here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yes, Suga had been there. He remembered staring at their gleaming eyebrow piercing in the shop, on the street, in a dark, crowded room with red lighting. The bodies surrounding them made him a little claustrophobic, but he didn’t mind. Because the two of them had sat at the bar pressed together like a unit. They both ordered beers and toasted saying </span>
  <em>
    <span>kanpai</span>
  </em>
  <span> to a summer of freedom. Suga made a face at the flavor, but both of them agreed it would only be wasteful to not drink it. They washed it down with some shots that there was a special on, making them expensive instead of stupid expensive. Daichi remembered thinking that the burn was sort of pleasant. Suga told stories about the last time they and their friends were at this bar, and how two of them got kicked out because they started taking their clothes off while dancing on top of one of the tables. Something about it had made Daichi laugh so hard tears streamed down his face, and they ordered cocktails to toast to the bravery and sluttiness of the two guys whose names Daichi couldn’t remember.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then...something bad had happened, something that gave him an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. He remembered green eyes rimmed with black eyeliner and flowy blonde hair. A woman their age who was gorgeous without trying, who had tattoos gracing her biceps. She had introduced herself to the two of them and sat on Suga’s other side. She addressed questions to them both--charisma dripping from her tone--but kept her eyes on Suga the whole time. When Suga turned their face toward her, Daichi couldn’t see them well enough to determine if it was polite friendliness or reciprocated interest. He ordered another round for them all just so Suga would look at him again. It seemed like the woman was there for hours. Couldn’t she see she wasn’t welcome? The darkness of the room felt suffocating. He was mostly tuned out of the conversation that wasn’t for him anyway, but then he caught a phrase that sounded like </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’d love to get to know you better </span>
  </em>
  <span>and </span>
  <em>
    <span>my place isn’t too far from here</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He bent close, much closer than he would have normally, and whispered in Suga’s ear in Japanese, asking if they could please go home because he didn’t feel well. From there, things happened quickly, like a series of snapshots. Suga’s arm around his waist as they pushed toward the door. Gripping the railing as they descended into the bright white light of the subway. Suga laughing at things Daichi was saying as he leaned into their shoulder on the train. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck. Daichi had made an ass of himself and made Suga babysit him. Hopefully he hadn’t come off as a jealous dick or said anything embarrassing. And hopefully Suga had gotten the woman’s number if they were interested. He could make it up to Suga--take them out to dinner, or promise a do-over night for drinks in which he wouldn’t act like a college freshman at his first party. Or buy them something? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was feeling a little more lucid after remembering what had happened last night, although his head still felt fuzzy and his limbs were too heavy to move. Picking up his phone, he saw another text from Suga.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Today, 12:05 pm</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>a friend of a friend is coaching a volleyball camp for kids and his assistant coach dropped at the last minute. the pay is either low or nonexistent lol but I thought maybe you’d be interested anyway? it sounds laidback, you wouldn’t need to plan the activities, just help out. there’s 4th and 5th grade session and a middle school session</span>
</p><p>
  <span>no pressure but if you’re interested his name is Hajime Iwaizumi and you can text him at xxx-xxx-xxxx</span>
</p><p>
  <span>he’s cool, i think you two would get along :)</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>thank you for telling me! I’ll text him </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I’m so sorry about last night--feeling slightly better now</span>
</p><p>
  <span>thank you for putting up with me, I promise I’ll make it up to you</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Today, 12:17 pm</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>Hi Hajime, my name is Daichi Sawamura and I’m a friend of Suga’s. I’m interested in helping out with camp, I played volleyball though high school and I’m pretty good with kids because I have younger siblings. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hajime: </b>
  <span>Hey Daichi, thanks for reaching out. Could I call you later around 8pm so we can talk more?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>Sure, talk to you then.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, you’re up! Wow, something smells good.” Suga appeared in the kitchen doorway, looking a little sweaty. Their purple workout tank top showed off lean, muscular arms and shoulders and their black capri leggings clung to their thighs. Suga’s cute, floppy gray hair was longer than his, which explained the black headband that kept it pulled back from their face and put their new piercing on full display. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re just in time to eat, if you haven’t already,” Daichi replied, keeping his eyes firmly focused on their face. “Can I interest you in eggs, fried ham, and homefries?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daiiiichiiiiiiiiiii!” they wailed, “what did I do to deserve you? Yes, I’m starving, and I brought bagels too, if you want any. Let me go make myself less gross and I’ll be right back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>True to their word, five minutes later Suga was sitting across from him with wet hair and an excited smile. “This looks so good,” they praised, heaping scrambled eggs onto a toasted bagel. “I’m always hungry after dance. Oh wait a second, this needs hot sauce…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was it a good practice?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah! I was sort of hoping that other dancers might stop by so we could help critique each other, but it was also nice having the whole room to myself. While I was in school I was dancing six days a week, so I’ve lost a little endurance, but other than that I felt good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That must have been hell on your body.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They grimaced. “Yeah, everyone is constantly injured, worried that they might be injured, or recovering from an injury. I’m trying to take a break of sorts, give my body a chance to get out of shape and rest. I have a friend who runs marathons and he believes that any endurance athlete needs a bit of an off-season, so this is mine. But who knows if I’ll go back to dancing as much as I was.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to?” Daichi asked, spearing home fries on his fork. They tasted damn good, in his opinion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga looked a little surprised by the question. “I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know what I want to do in the future as a job, so I don’t know whether or not dancing would fit into whatever new schedule I’d have. I guess in a perfect world I’d be able to dance consistently, but maybe less intensely. It’s weird, I’m only twenty-three but I feel how much my body has aged. Like, when I was nineteen I was so...springy. Boundless energy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm...you know, you’re pretty energetic now. I’m a little scared of what you were like four years ago.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They laughed. “You should be. I was a terror. Work hard, play harder, or something. Speaking of,” they took a sip of coffee, “your piercing looks really good, but how’s your hangover?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, thanks, it’s definitely growing on me,” he said with a grin. “Yours looks great. I’m...feeling a lot better than it was when I woke up. Coffee, food, and water have been good to me. But I seriously want to apologize for last night. I was rude for interrupting you and the woman at the bar, and I caused you trouble by getting too drunk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga looked thoughtful. “I think if anything, she was interrupting us. I didn’t mind talking to her, but I was there to hang out with you, not to try to pick someone up. I was about to tell her I wasn’t interested when you said you wanted to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Daichi felt a little ashamed. “I think I was upset because I wanted to hang out with you, which is why I told you I wanted to leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I could kind of tell.” Their smile was a little teasing but mostly kind. “It worked out though, because you gave me a convenient excuse to turn her down. And don’t feel bad, I’ve needed help to get home on multiple occasions. And I’ve helped my dumbass friends get home too many times. You were very easy to manage, in comparison.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god,” Daichi winced, swallowing a mouthful of bagel. “Did I do or say anything really stupid?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“From my long and illustrious experience,” Suga said sagely, “I have a sense that you would have gotten to the doing-dumb-stuff stage if you had a couple more drinks. But all you did was talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About...what?” he said nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Weeeell,” they said teasingly, “first of all, this all took place in Japanese, so most of the general public couldn’t understand you. And you weren’t loud enough to be a true public disturbance. You talked a lot and repeated yourself...but the general theme was ‘I hate Asahi but I miss his giant cock. Fuck that guy and his stupid good dick.’ And then you expressed that you badly needed to be dicked down...I believe you said ‘any random stranger could bend me over a subway turnstile and I’d thank them.’ And then you were polite enough to say ‘I’m sorry you have to see this side of me Suga, but this is my unfortunate reality in this fucked up world,’ or something like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi calmly stared off into the distance. He was so mortified that he felt like he had transcended his human vessel. Nothing was real and surely he was dead, because life could not move on after this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga still looked pretty alive, though, and worse, they were watching him. So he did the only thing he could, which was resting his forehead on the table and hiding his head in his arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aw, Daichi,” Suga said reassuringly, patting his head. “We’ve all been there, and by there I mean sexually frustrated. And being a bottom is a beautiful thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m a switch,” bemoaned a muffled voice from Daichi’s arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” they agreed peaceably. “But seriously. I’m honestly glad you said all that last night. It makes you more human. I’m sort of a degenerate, and you come off as so wholesome.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi’s red face emerged from his arms. “Degenerate who? You’re so kind and smart and like…” he shrugged, “glowy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Glowy?” they said, amused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like--” he gestured aimlessly, “I don’t know. You have this energy, this brightness inside of you. It’s kind of like charisma? You’re magnetic because people want to bask in your self-assuredness, in your goodness. Not good like goody-two-shoes, but good like sunshine and happiness.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga looked at him thoughtfully. “I’m very flattered. But it seems like I’ve been doing a bit of false advertising, because there’s a lot about me that is not at all self-assured or happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think projecting good things and showing the better, stronger parts of yourself is disingenuous. Maybe I’m not explaining myself well...I guess I just mean to say that you’re likeable and kind, so it’s hard to see you as a degenerate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.” They smiled a half-smile. “I guess I don’t feel wholesome because of stuff I’ve done in the past. But the point is, you and I are both slutty queer dumbasses. Which is good because those are kind of the qualifications for being friends with me, come to think of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi blushed deeper. “I’m only a part-time slut.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga laughed. “I respect that. But now, more seriously, do I need to go beat up this Asahi guy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Daichi frowned. He guessed it was bound to come up eventually. “Well, it would logistically be difficult because he’s in Japan, but no. I want to beat him up for like, personal satisfaction, but it’s not like he actually did anything I need to get vengeance for.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It kind of seems like whatever he did, you’re not over it,” Suga said mildly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess I’m not. I mean, I’ve mostly accepted it, but I’m still upset. The short story is we were high school sweethearts and we broke up six months ago. But even though technically it was four and a half years...the relationship was basically over for the last year we were together. And we had a lot of issues even before that. About basic life philosophies, sex, internalized homophobia, him treating me like a friend in public and refusing to tell people about me...and he hated my book.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga’s jaw dropped. “The book that pretty much everyone on the planet seems to love?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s the one,” Daichi said, enjoying Suga’s indignation on his behalf.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But,” Suga sputtered, “why? I mean, who knows, there’s a chance I might not like it, although I doubt that. But hating it seems extreme.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to give too much away about the book itself. But you already know that it has queer and trans characters in it, and the majority of them are women. He supported that I wanted to have gay themes, but he thought some of the characters were ‘too out there’ and ‘clouded the message.’ And he disagreed with the overall theme. He also thought I was glorifying illegal behavior.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m even more excited to read it now. But wow, that’s...kind of heartbreaking. To put so much into a project like this and not have your partner support you. Especially a project that’s so personal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I think his thoughts on it--and his thoughts on me--introduced a lot of uncertainties I’m still working through.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga’s hazel eyes were murderous. “I hope his giant dick shrivels and falls off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too,” Daichi agreed, trying to scowl but smiling at how scary Suga looked. “So...now that that’s out there...Kiyoko thinks you should help me make profiles on dating apps.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes!! Let’s do it...on one condition.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi squinted at them in confusion. Suga continued somewhat abashedly. “...We sit down today and decide which promotional events you’re going to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck?” Daichi looked like a kicked puppy. “I thought we were friends!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” they groaned. “I hate that you have to do this. Look, I work for you. If we talk through them and you decide you don’t want to do any of them, then I’ll tell her that. But we should at least look.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glared at them suspiciously. “Fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Suga said cheerfully, rising to start clearing the table. “And thank you for brunch, it was really good.”</span>
</p><p><span>Daichi grumbled a little more, but it was mostly for show. They cleaned up the kitchen together to a playlist of Suga’s blasting through their portable speaker. It was hard to stay anxious when Suga was humming lyrics under their breath and bopping back and forth, as if they were physically incapable of staying still. Everything about this moment was charming. Their silver hair fluffing up as it dried from the shower, the upbeat woman’s voice singing, the lingering smell of fried ham. The way Suga’s arms looked as they scrubbed the skillet, and the comfortable way it didn’t feel quiet even when no one was talking.</span> <em><span>I want this again</span></em><span>, Daichi thought, feeling a vulnerable mix of fear and hope.</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two of them reclined in the living room watching more Avatar as they digested. By the time Aang met Avatar Roku and learned about Sozin’s Comet, Daichi was feeling restless and decided to use one of his free gym visits. He returned an hour and a half later with a clearer head and a satisfying burn in his muscles. Maybe he could try to increase some of his weight maxes this summer, he mused in the shower. Iit wasn’t like he had much else going on. And if he and Suga went at the same time, he wouldn’t have to ask a stranger to spot him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once changed into his go-to home outfit of basketball shorts and old t-shirt, he fought off the late afternoon drowsiness and curled up in bed with one of his library books. It was a work of science fiction that Ennoshita had recommended to him. He really should call his old kouhai. The two of them were good friends, for people who hadn’t been in close proximity to each other for four years. Ennoshita’s level-headedness was incredibly stabilizing when Daichi had opened up to him about his problems with Asahi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was only a handful of pages in, reading about a Catholic priest who was the sole survivor of a mission to space, when there was a knock on the door. “Hey, can I come in?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Course.” Daichi stuck a bookmark in between the pages.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just wondering if you wanted to do your profile now,” Suga said, stepping into the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, come sit. I’m too tired to go downstairs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did our resident jock overdo it at the gym today?” they teased, sitting cross-legged at the foot of his bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ha ha. I’m going to make you come spot me next time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But how will you pick up cute guys if I’m there scaring them off?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll trust you to make loud comments about how single and desperate I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm good point, that does sound like me, doesn’t it? Okay, so our first question is how overt is this profile going to be? Like just hot pics and a bio that says hookups only?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi winced. “That doesn’t exactly feel like my style. It’s not like I’m looking for love or anything, but…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can find some middle ground. Do you have pictures you like of yourself?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them got a little distracted going through his camera roll. Suga immediately fell in love with his two younger siblings, who had stolen Daichi’s phone and taken dozens of selfies. They also came across pictures from a Karasuno reunion, leading him to introducing all of his former teammates and explaining the relationships between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Those two look like they’re about to punch each other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed. “Yeah, that’s Hinata and Kageyama. I almost didn’t let them onto the team when they were first years because all they wanted to do was compete against each other. But then they had this crazy chemistry as teammates and got incredibly good because of the way they pushed each other. And incredibly...close.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga raised their eyebrows. “Ah...I see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I personally wouldn’t be able to stand bicking with someone so much, but they actually seem very happy together. It’s pretty sweet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cute. Aw, this is a great picture of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a candid shot of him, Ennoshita, and Yamaguchi with their arms around each other. The three of them looked good--young, healthy, happy. “Yeah, they were captains in the two years after me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you should use this as one of your pictures! It shows you’re a cool guy with friends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi snorted. “That’s me, super cool. But okay, you’re the boss.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They also decided on a picture of Daichi at a restaurant, looking carefree and raising his glass (Kiyoko had taken it, the night he signed the contract with his publisher), and an action shot of him receiving a volleyball during a neighborhood association game (“you have to use it, Daichi, look at the muscles in your thighs!”). After much cajoling, Suga managed to take a current picture of him that showed his piercing and how his hair had grown out a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s a not-entirely-trashy way to say ‘I’m mostly looking for hookups’?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm…‘looking for a good time with someone cute’?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, that’s good. Do I need a personality sentence or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could do emojis, like Japanese flag, airplane, U.S. flag?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Genius.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Profile complete, they began swiping through Daichi’s options. At some point, the two of them had migrated to sit next to each other on his bed with their backs against the wall. Suga’s legs were stretched out in front of them; Daichi found himself idly appreciating their bony shins sprinkled with light gray hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hot or not?” Suga said pensively, looking at the phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...benefit of the doubt, swipe right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They did so. “Oh, not this guy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He looks like a gross frat bro and he works in consulting. Bad vibes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga also attributed bad vibes to: people without bios, people with extraordinarily long and detailed bios, people who talked about “the grind,” people whose whole personality was being a “traveler,” and people with snapchat filters on their selfies. Even with these restrictions, there were a number of cute guys whom they both approved of.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ooh, look, Damien matched with you already.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which was that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rock climbing guy...should I message him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi yawned. “Go for it. I think I might start dinner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll help!” Suga stared at the screen for a second, dashed off a message, and tossed Daichi his phone. “We should eat some vegetables tonight,” they mused, stretching their arms above their head and revealing a strip of pale stomach.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi made a noise of assent as he followed them downstairs. He commandeered the speaker this time, putting on one of Yamaguchi’s public playlists named “upbeat chill take 3.” The younger man had a talent for curating reliable selections of music that included Japanese and Western, popular and more underground artists. The two moved around each other seamlessly in the kitchen, Suga singing along to the music and making up their own lyrics to make Daichi laugh. An hour later, they were back on the couch eating pesto pasta with chicken and roasted vegetables. Daichi was reading the book he had started earlier and Suga was doing something on their phone. Even though it was quiet, Daichi felt connected to Suga, as if the two of them were merely taking a break from talking rather than sitting separately. The food and companionship left him feeling relaxed and at home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He poked Suga’s calf with his toe. “Hey, I just realized.” They looked up with eyebrows raised. “We talked about my ex and spent an hour making me a dating profile. What’s up with you? Are you seeing anyone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah...short answer is no. There’s not much to tell, I go on dates sometimes. And hook up with people. But I’m sort of an anti-romantic,” they said with a wry smile. “Relationships aren’t my thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you’re just not interested? Or because you’re jaded and against them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.” They looked at the ceiling thoughtfully. “I’m pretty independent and it doesn’t seem worth it to make compromises and sacrifices for another person when I could just...be alone and do what I want.” They flashed a smile. “And also because I’m jaded.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi nodded thoughtfully. “It’s good that you know what you want. Whatever makes you happy, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah...Thanks for not being horrified by my cold, cold heart.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed. “You wish. You pet my head while I was sad. No coming back from that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They shook their head and smiled. “Damn, there goes my reputation. Hey, are you calling Hajime tonight?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was 7:59 already, so Suga volunteered to clean up while Daichi took the call in his bedroom. He laid on his bed while they did the usual introductions. Then Hajime got into explaining the logistics: four weeks of co-ed camps, the first and third weeks for fourth and fifth grade and the other two weeks for middle school. The camp activities ran from nine to three, but the counselors would stay until five to keep an eye on kids whose parents couldn’t pick them up earlier. Hajime had coached the camps last summer and had developed a schedule of light conditioning games, volleyball drills, lunch, watching pro volleyball videos to give the kids a rest, and scrimmaging. He sounded capable and thoughtful, and Daichi remembered what Suga said about the two of them getting along.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime asked him some questions about his experience with volleyball, experience working with kids, and philosophy about coaching. It seemed like his answers were sufficient, because Hajime sounded pleased and asked him to come into the YMCA to get trained the next day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks so much for doing this on such short notice, Daichi. I really appreciate it. Looking forward to meeting you in person tomorrow morning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, you too.” They hung up, leaving Daichi with a feeling of excitement. He was looking forward to spending his days in a gym, wearing athletic clothes and hearing the familiar soundtrack of volleyballs hitting hands and bouncing on the ground. Even in an unfamiliar place, volleyball was still volleyball. And it would be nice to do something that he was confident in instead of feeling constantly stuck and down on himself about his writing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ah, writing. Daichi remembered with dread that he still owed Suga a conversation about events. He stalled, going through the men he had matched with without messaging any of them back, then switching to Instagram. There were the expected pictures of people on scenic vacations, aesthetically pleasing food, and groups of friends. Hinata, as usual, was abusing his platform by posting five times in a row--all blurry selfies of him and a bemused Kageyama, then a blurry picture of a volleyball for no apparent reason. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Does he know you can put multiple pictures in one post? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Daichi mused, then chuckled when he saw Tsukishima had posted that exact comment under the picture of the volleyball. He liked all of the pictures anyway, glad that in some ways, Hinata hadn’t changed in the slightest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiyoko had posted a picture of Yachi beaming, her face washed in blue light from the aquarium tanks surrounding her. Dachi’s heart squeezed with affection; Kiyoko deserved all the love in the world, especially from someone as sweet and kind as Yachi. He liked the picture and commented blue hearts.</span>
</p><p><span>Daichi’s stomach lurched at the next picture. Two men standing next to each other with arms around each other’s waists: Noya, smiling at the camera, and one Azumane Asahi leaning down to kiss him on the cheek. </span><em><span>Fuck that shit entirely</span></em><span>. Was it objectively good that Asahi was underlearning his internalized homophobia and confident enough to have his boyfriend posting on social media about them? Yes. Did it suck that Asahi didn’t work his shit out in time to be a good boyfriend to Daichi? Fuck yes. </span><em><span>Must be nice, Noya. Being the one who was worth getting better for. </span></em><span>It stung even more because Asahi and Noya got very close in the last year of Daichi and Asahi’s relationship. He was sure Asahi was emotionally unfaithful</span> <span>to him, and even though Asahi swore he and Noya didn’t sleep together until he broke up with Daichi, he had his doubts.</span></p><p>
  <span>Daichi shook his head, trying to snap out of it. He deserved better than Asahi. Trying to distract himself, he searched for Suga’s account. The first Koushi Sugawara result had one hundred thousand followers. No way that was Suga. The grid of photos was mostly unfamiliar people, videos, artsy pictures. Dachi scrolled a little further and clicked on a group shot. The people were all limber and graceful as they posed in their workout clothes. And yes--among the racially diverse group, there in the back row was a person with floppy gray hair, wide hazel eyes, and a very familiar grin. The caption: “rehearsals for @blonded ‘s newest music video. what a thrill to work with such an amazing group of qtpoc! we can’t wait for you to see what we’ve been working on &lt;3” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He clicked on the tagged account and his jaw dropped. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Frank Ocean?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Suga danced for fucking Frank Ocean?! Daichi’s fingers itched to click on some of the videos on their page to find it but remembered that he’d promised not to watch their dancing. Instead, he kept scrolling through their pictures. Their face occurred every so often, mostly in group pictures. But oh--he stopped scrolling and clicked on a solo picture of a shirtless Suga dancing. They were airborne, one leg tucked under them and the other extended out to their side, arms arching gracefully. The caption read “happy tdov~”. A quick google told him it stood for trans day of visibility. Their top surgery scars were on display in the picture, Daichi realized, looking healed but still pink. He closed the app, feeling irrationally like he had broken their trust by invading their privacy. Which was stupid; it was a public account. But even so...it felt strange to match the Suga downstairs on their couch with the Instagram-famous dancer Suga. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Suga is shirtless under their shirt</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Daichi’s idiot brain provided. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Those abs are there, downstairs, under Suga’s shirt.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He knew he was being hypocritical; he also had a public persona. </span>
  <em>
    <span>But my public persona isn’t hot.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Dammit! He and Suga were friends. They were getting closer, and he genuinely liked Suga as a person. He wanted to keep spending lots of time with them, and he couldn’t allow their attractiveness to distract him from that. Unfairly, the more time he spent around them, the more tiny attractive things he noticed. Why did their stupid face have to be so beautiful? Daichi was only human.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He got a text notification from Suga at that moment and dismissed it, opening up the dating app instead. Before he could think too much about it, he sent a first message to the matches who hadn’t messaged him, and responded to the ones who had. From the latter group, he picked the guy who looked most trustworthy and followed up with “got plans tonight?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi was going to get sexually satisfied if it killed him. Which, he realized, it literally might if any of these guys turned out to be creeps. Either way, he wouldn’t be tempted to think of Suga in any way that wasn’t platonic. Feeling more under control, he opened their text.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Today, 8:56 pm</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga:</b>
  <span> don’t think i forgot :)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>want to come to my room?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>want is a strong word</span>
</p><p>
  <span>i’ll be there in a sec</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm so sorry to do asahi dirty like that. I promise it's not personal</p><p>&lt;3 leave a kudo if you'd like to read more of this! I have a lot of interesting stuff planned :) and lmk what you thought in the comments~</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. suga prescribes ghibli</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this chapter is soft. very very soft. a small amount of angst but mostly just tender. there's some spicy content in coming chapters though dw</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>They looked at each other after Suga finished listing off all the proposed events. “Well?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s...so many.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga grimaced, looking at the spreadsheet on their laptop. “Yeah. But we’re only going to do ones that make sense for you. Were there any that you were even a little interested in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi laid back on Suga’s bed, pressing his palms into his eye sockets. “I’d like to do ones that benefit independent bookstores. I don’t want to do anything that’s super corporate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>From Suga’s seat at their desk, they highlighted rows on their spreadsheet in red and green accordingly. “I’m guessing that means you don’t want to do the Hilton hotel pride month rainbow artists showcase?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds like a nightmare.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I couldn’t agree more.” They made some decisive clicks on their trackpad. “Okay, what else...how do you feel about talking to students?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cringed. “I don’t know, I just feel like I don’t have much to say. I don’t have advice on the literary world and publishing, or the craft of writing. I’m such a beginner. I am where I am because of dumb luck, mostly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga looked bored. “Come on, Daichi. Maybe you got a lucky break by getting the book picked up, but your self-worth isn’t so low that you think the book is nothing special.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, but I don’t have, like, writing tips or anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh. I think you’re overthinking this. No one’s expecting anything super profound, they’re just nerds who want to know how you came up with this thing and get insight into your choices. To you it seems unremarkable because it’s your own thoughts, but to other people it’s new and interesting. I mean, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m</span>
  </em>
  <span> interested. Not trying to be weird or influence you or anything; you never have to talk more about it if you don’t want to. I’m just saying--what you have to say is valuable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi mulled over their words, staring at the ceiling. “What are the groups that want me to talk?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is sort of cool, actually--I’m assuming Shimizu-san helped reach out to some of these places. There’s a student group for queer and trans students of Asian descent at City University of New York that would like to host you for a talk. They proposed asking attendees to pay what they can and doing it as a fundraiser for some local community group. And they’d open it up to the public.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm...maybe. What else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The New School wants to add you to a panel that’s speaking on the value of the humanities.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Vague. Does it say who the other panelists are?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It looks like they’ve got a dancer, a hotshot anthropologist, and a lawyer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds kind of boring.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, Columbia would like you to--” Suga broke off with a laugh as they read the description. “I can’t even say this with a straight face--address an elite undergraduate summer program as part of their ‘Groundbreaker’ speaker series.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my </span>
  <em>
    <span>god</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Daichi said with a laugh, rolling over on his side to face them. “How could I decline such a tantalizing offer?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe I’m in the presence of a </span>
  <em>
    <span>groundbreaker</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” they teased, wiggling their eyebrows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What an honor,” he said with a smirk. “Is that it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope, there’s one from my beloved alma mater...oh, you should actually do this one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“NYU has a creative writing summer program for first generation and low-income students. They want you to talk with them--it’ll be a small group, like thirty people? They’re big on exposing the students to writers of different backgrounds. And it sounds like one of their goals is to build their confidence by having them interact with people like you who are there to be supportive and inspirational.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, let’s do it. You’re going to have to help me some up with inspirational talking points, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool!” Suga grinned. “Okay, I’m crossing off a few more corporate ones...how about the event with the Japanese consulate?” Daichi made a face. “Alright, moving on...oh, this looks cool.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a shelter for homeless LGBTQ+ youth that’s having a benefit gala type thing? And they’re having a silent auction to raise money. They’re wondering if for an auction item, you could go out to lunch with whoever bids the highest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like...a date?” Daichi said, bemused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Haha...I don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>think</span>
  </em>
  <span> so?? It’s unclear. But you’re an intellectual, so it’s probably for smart people to have smart conversation with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If they make it a pairs thing--like, you and I go out to lunch with the highest bidder and their friend--would you do it with me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga looked surprised. “I mean, I don’t think I’d have much to contribute, but sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’d be contributing invaluable moral support. And you’re good at talking to people.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then sure, we’ll ask them if that’d be okay.” Suga did some more typing and reformatting while Daichi looked on. “So that’s three book signings at bookstores, the fundraiser talk at CUNY, the writing students at NYU, and the lunch for the auction.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi glowered. “That’s a lot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but you’re here for three months. Most of these don’t have pre-set dates, so we can space ‘em out.” They looked up from their laptop and smiled genuinely. “And I’ll be there supporting you. And keeping you safe from random fans.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm.” He grunted in acquiescence. “Will you send this to my mom and Kiyoko?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep. You don’t have to worry about a thing. And I’ll tell them you’re only free on weekends and evenings for the next four weeks because of volleyball.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi scrunched his face into Suga’s pillow and extended his limbs in a stretch, yawning. “What would I do without you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Be heartbroken and desolate, of course,” Suga said dryly, looking at their screen as they typed an email.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually though,” he said, propping himself up on an elbow, “I really appreciate you holding my hand through this. You’re the perfect combination of effective and nice to me and it’s making me a lot less anxious about it all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad to hear that.” They looked at him thoughtfully. “How are you feeling about </span>
  <em>
    <span>Apartment 43</span>
  </em>
  <span>? And writing in general?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi hesitated, thinking. “I think being here and having a break--and a change of scenery--has helped with some of the pressure I feel about the book. And I’m still scared about talking to people about it. But knowing that maybe I can use it to raise money or encourage other people feels good, even though I’d rather the focus not be on me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess I’m still trying to reconcile that this book isn’t entirely mine any more. I mean, I love </span>
  <em>
    <span>Apartment 43</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It’s raw and honest. It has characters I love and a message I believe in. It’s just that the book I wrote and the book people read are so different. Everyone has their own understanding of it, and that’s good, that’s the point. But it’s a weirdly isolating feeling, putting your heart out there on display like that. It sometimes feels like people like it but don’t understand what I was saying, which makes it feel even lonelier.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga considered Daichi, his eyes cast down to the floor. Stretched out, he looked like a full-grown man, but something about how his shoulders tensed and curled forward evoked the image of a scared child.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Move your legs for a sec,” they said, crawling onto the middle of the bed. Suga settled with their back against the wall and then moved Daichi’s legs back where they had been, resting on top of their lap. Daichi turned on his back and sat up slightly to look at them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could be off-base here,” they said slowly, resting a hand on his shin, “but do you think the reception of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Apartment 43 </span>
  </em>
  <span>affected you so much because you were already lonely? So when this very personal work was released and it was no longer yours, entirely, and you didn’t feel like anyone understood it...it added another layer of isolation?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi stared at the ceiling, Suga’s words resonating in his head. Could they see that his eyes were tearing up? His nose was tingling the way it did before he cried. He didn’t want Suga to be right. It was one thing to get through a writer’s block, but solving the loneliness he had felt since--</span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>, since graduating high school--seemed impossible. And a little pathetic. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Daichi’s sad and can’t write because he doesn’t have any friends! </span>
  </em>
  <span>What the hell?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Twin tears slid down his cheeks soundlessly. “I...I think you’re right.” His voice sounded rough to his own ears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them were quiet for a moment, taking in the weight of the conversation that filled the room. “It won’t be like this forever,” Suga said quietly. Their smile was genuine but sad. The warmth in their hazel eyes almost hurt to look at. “Sometimes it’s not because you lack friends, but because you feel you can’t share important things with them. Not to overstep, but it seems you have people in your life who really love you. They might surprise you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga squeezed his shin gently. “And there are good friends out there you’ll love that haven’t even met yet. And your busybody roommate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi laughed and then sniffed wetly, wiping his cheeks. “Promise it’ll get better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sat together in the soft light of Suga’s room, not talking. Feeling the weight of their hearts, thinking slow thoughts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi broke the quiet. “I feel so terrified whenever I even think about writing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga hummed, looking at him and waiting. He continued reluctantly, as if he were forcing the words past his lips. “It’s...my mind goes blank. I feel so much...pressure to make something as good as </span>
  <em>
    <span>Apartment 43</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And I’m so hyper-aware of what my mom, my editor, reviews, fans, the public will think. And there’s still this urge to say something honest, something important.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s...terrifying.” Daichi laughed. “Seriously, that’s a lot to worry about!” Suga said, eyes widening and smiling. “Fuck, dude.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And the worst part is, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> I can’t do my best work if I’m overthinking it or trying to please other people. But I can’t just stop being anxious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga’s brow wrinkled. “So the goal is to write another literary novel.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm...want more unsolicited advice?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lay it on me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” their hazel eyes sparkled, “I think you need to write anything </span>
  <em>
    <span>except</span>
  </em>
  <span> what might become a future book. Like, write a fluffy YA romance. Or go people-watching and write little biographies for everyone you see. Or write porn. Or poetry. Or your memoirs. Or a list of all your pet peeves. Or a description of your ideal house. Literally anything, the less serious the better. It’ll make writing less scary and get you back in the habit. And it’ll get your creative juices flowing. Just put the novel out of your head completely until you feel better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi looked skeptical. “But what if I never feel better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you never get to a place where you feel ready to write a novel, then you shouldn’t write a novel. I really don’t think that’ll happen, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just feel like I should be able to force my way through this, you know? Like maybe I just need to be more disciplined.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you could try writing other stuff for a week, and see how you feel? And reassess from there. I’ll support whatever your creative process is, but I think sometimes you just need to give yourself a break, and some time. Like in </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kiki’s Delivery Service</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga stared at him. “You’ve seen it, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I remember the yummy loaves of bread the tall guy makes, and how she lives in an attic, and there’s like...a blimp?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my </span>
  <em>
    <span>god</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” they said with fond exasperation, “I’m making you rewatch with me. We both need some life lessons from it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi narrowed his eyes. “Uh oh. What’s going on with you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga shook their head, forcing a laugh. “Nothing quite so interesting.” Their thumb absentmindedly traced little circles on Daichi’s leg. “Just the whole what-the-fuck-do-I-do-with-my-life thing. And the who-do-I-want-to-be thing.” They turned their gaze from the ceiling to his brown eyes. “Just feeling a little lost.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi made a sound of understanding. After a beat, Suga continued. “You know, this whole gig,” they gestured vaguely at the apartment, “really saved my ass. Leading up to graduation, I had no plan, no place to move. Not enough money. So it feels good to take a break from worrying. But…” they grimaced, “the future’s still looming.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if you ever want to escape to another continent to figure your shit out...I know a guy in Tokyo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi felt rewarded when Suga let out a laugh. “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another comfortable silence fell over them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...Hey Daichi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I have a hug?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” He sat up and they both scooted to the edge of the bed before Suga reconsidered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want this,” they said, standing up and opening their arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ah, Suga. Do you know how overwhelmingly cute you are? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Daichi obliged, wrapping his arms around them. Suga let out a little pleased exhale, and he felt their body relax. Their silky hair brushed against his temple as he buried his head in their shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Emotions make me tired,” they muttered in a muffled voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm,” he replied lazily. They pulled away from each other reluctantly. “Too tired for </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kiki’s Delivery Service</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll watch with me?!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Course! I trust your discerning taste.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ha ha.” Suga grinned, and Daichi felt the urge to kiss their cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was about to follow them out of the room when his eye caught something on their desk. He hadn’t been sure what it was from over on the bed, but up close….</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah.” Suga had turned around. “Daichi, meet my mother, Sugawara Kanako.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the corner of their desk stood a large framed photo of a silver-haired woman. It was surrounded by four regular-sized photos, some small candles, a stick of incense in an incense holder, and dried purple flowers with the stems still attached. In the large photo she looked to be in her early thirties. The shot was taken from the shoulders up; her hair fell to her shoulders and she wore a fleece pullover. She smiled warmly at the camera. The other photos were what looked like her high school graduation photo; her in a hospital bed, flushed and gazing at a little pink bundle; her and a grinning five-year-old Suga in pigtails wearing matching yukata; and her and a teenage Suga with their arms around each other, Suga holding up a small rectangle of plastic that looked like a provisional driver's license. Daichi noted that there wasn’t a father figure present in any of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi bowed. “It’s an honor to meet you, Sugawara-san. My name is Sawamura Daichi. I am a big fan of your child and I’m very glad to be their friend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga smiled. “Daichi is the nice Japanese boy I’m supposed to be taking care of, okaa-san. I know you would like him.” They turned to him. “She was killed in a car crash shortly after the last picture was taken. I was fifteen. I...don’t want to talk more about it now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Daichi agreed, squeezing their shoulder. He wondered if he should offer some kind of condolences, but Suga was already walking away and he wanted to respect their wish not to talk about it further.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi supervised the microwave popcorn while Suga threw some frozen cookie dough lumps onto a baking sheet. The two of them snuggled into the couch, the bowl of popcorn between them, and Suga pressed play. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It could have been because Suga spoke so highly of it, or because he was feeling emotionally vulnerable, but Daichi found himself completely invested in the movie. The colors and scenery were soothing and engaging, impossible to look away from. He was swept up in the lively, nostalgic music as Kiki said goodbye to her family, was taken in by the baker and her husband, and had awkward encounters with the bespectacled boy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to be a witch,” he told Suga as they sat back down with a plate of freshly baked cookies and two glasses of milk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga laughed. “Me too, that’s the only bad thing about this movie. I just want to fly around on my broom and live in an idyllic seaside town.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A simple, wholesome life,” Daichi sighed, taking a still-warm cookie.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Later on in the movie, Suga let out a little “oh,” as Kiki woke up from her illness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just watch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiki grew increasingly frantic as she realized she couldn’t use her magic anymore. His heart ached for her, blocked off from her livelihood, her passion, her identity...ah, clever Suga. The relevance grew even clearer as Kiki set off with the young artist woman to take refuge in the woods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me there aren’t queer themes to this,” Suga said. “A lost young girl finding guidance and refuge with an independent woman who lives on the outskirts of society, eschewing gender norms and making art.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn, you’re kinda right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Onscreen, the woman tells Kiki that she needs to take a break, that she’s sure her magic will come back. Daichi found himself yearning for someone to take care of him in the same way, to tell him that he didn’t need to do anything, to just be. But that was sort of what Suga had been doing for him, wasn’t it?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked over at them and was surprised to see them tearing up as they watched the scene. Suga caught his eye and smiled apologetically. “It just kinda hits.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Daichi agreed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a harrowing sequence, the intrepid protagonist was ultimately able to tap into her power to fly and save her friend. The ending sequence rolled. “So?” Suga asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was great,” he answered honestly. “This can be our cabin in the woods.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like that,” they said with a smile, leaning back into the couch. “Two weirdos living by their own rules, doing what they want and not answering to anyone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Except Kiyoko.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, except Shimizu-san,” they laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both lingered on the comfortable couch. “I guess it’s bedtime,” Suga said reluctantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi yawned and pushed himself up, taking the dishes to the sink. Then he extended a hand to Suga and pulled them to their feet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight,” they said sleepily at the top of the stairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G’night. Thanks for helping me so much today, I really appreciate you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My pleasure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before he fell asleep, teeth minty and face clean, Daichi scrolled through his phone, clearing his notifications. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Whoops</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He had asked a guy (Matt, apparently) if he had plans tonight and then never opened his response. Thankfully, Matt had replied saying he was busy tonight but free tomorrow. Throwing caution to the wind, Daichi asked him out for a drink and then closed the app. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tomorrow will be a good day</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he promised himself. He fell asleep thinking of quaint seaside towns and a silver-haired mother and child.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>one kudos = one hug for these characters</p><p>comment your thots :')</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. daichi gets out there</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>iwa-chan :')</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>After several days of settling in without an agenda, it felt grounding to have an appointment of his own to go to. He left early, allowing himself plenty of time to figure out the subway (it took him a minute of staring at the map to check and double check which direction he needed to go). Sitting on the train in the company of commuters, parents with their children, elderly people, and teenagers, he had a strange feeling of being outside himself, seeing himself as part of the scenery. To everyone else, he was just another person in the background. There was a sense of belonging, solidarity even among strangers, all there in order to get somewhere. Daichi felt held there, belonging just by virtue of existing. This was his new life; he couldn’t turn around and go back to Tokyo. He was here, mostly alone and free to do as he pleased. If he wanted, he could ride the subway until the end of the line, or lie down in a green, grassy park. He was free. Breathing felt easy, like victory.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tracked their progress, matching the garbled announcements to the list of stops above the door until he was standing, rocking with the motion of the train and striding onto the platform in a press of people. A surreptitious check of Google Maps affirmed that he was walking the right direction and was only a block away. It was all easy, and in an instant his sweaty hand was pulling the metal door handle open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The young, blonde receptionist called Hajime for him and told Daichi that he was on his way there. Sure enough, thirty seconds later he was shaking hands and introducing himself to a tanned, muscled Japanese man that looked to be about his age. Hajime’s dark green eyes were serious, and Daichi found himself admiring his dark brown hair that stuck up in spikes. “Hey Daichi, thanks for coming down. We can sit and talk in my office.” Daichi followed him down the hallway past several other offices; he could hear the faraway sound of kids shrieking and running.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry it’s cramped,” Hajime said, moving a stack of papers off of a chair and pulling it over to his desk, gesturing for Daichi to sit. The other desk in the small room was unoccupied but similarly covered in papers and other objects. Hajime pulled out a yellow legal pad and a pen, settling into his swivel chair. “So you’re a friend of Suga’s.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep, we’re living together this summer. I’m new to the city.” Daichi didn’t know how much to get into the nature of their relationship.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. And before we get into the details—there’s money for a small stipend to pay you, but it only comes to $200 per week, which is way below minimum wage. I feel bad asking you to basically volunteer with very little pay, but unfortunately that’s the situation. Is that workable for you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I’m a writer, so I already work a regular job, just with flexible hours. So I’m not taking this job to make ends meet, I just miss volleyball and mentoring, and I have too much free time on my hands. Also, I’m pretty sure my visa doesn’t let me become an employee anyway?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.” Hajime looked at Daichi like he was trying to figure him out. “If you’re okay with it, I’d still like to give you the $200 a week and we can call it an appreciation gift from the YMCA. I really appreciate your willingness to do this. If you’re a friend of Suga’s, I’m sure you’re a great guy, but I just want to ask a couple questions…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi told him about his experience with volleyball, how he started as a kid and led his high school team to nationals. How he played for the neighborhood association and missed it. He talked about why he loved being a captain—being able to help build players’ confidence and foster a sense of camaraderie and trust within a team. And having the eye to spot and improve weaknesses, on both an individual and group level. Of course, he hurriedly followed up, the most important thing for young kids was to make sure they were having fun and felt good about themselves and their abilities, not aiming for perfection.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime nodded thoughtfully. “You mentioned having siblings. You like kids?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Definitely. I’m pretty easygoing, which is good because I think you have to be flexible to enjoy being with kids. I like how honest and genuine they are, and I believe in treating kids like people—listening to what they think and need, respecting them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I agree. And last question—have people ever told you you have a big ego?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi laughed. “No. I think my ego is normal. I like myself, but I’ve also been told I’m a humble person.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime’s mouth twitched in a smile. “Good. I can’t stand people who are full of themselves, but also, I need us to be a united front with the kids, which means you need to be okay with following instructions from me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Definitely. I’m happy to not be the one in charge, you seem very experienced.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime shrugged. “Experienced enough.” He went on to talk Daichi through some trainings required by the state of New York about ensuring children’s safety and preventing sexual abuse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Hajime sighed, setting aside the training papers. “Now that we’re done with the heavy stuff, I’ll show you the gym where we’ll be and double check that you can actually hit a volleyball.” He said it with a smirk that made it impossible to take offense. “Then I’ll have you sign some papers and we can go over what to expect for the first day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The gym and the volleyball equipment they pulled out from the closet were functional but looked like they had seen better days, which meant they were on par with most of Daichi’s volleyball experience. They set up the net and did some perfunctory tosses back and forth, then got a little distracted. Daichi set the ball so Hajime could spike, then they agreed it was only fair to switch. Then Daichi mentioned offhandedly that he was good at receives, so Hajime served to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The dynamic between them loosened up as they played. They exchanged appreciative “nice one”s and felt a mutual satisfaction when Hajime let loose a particularly powerful spike and Daichi received it securely. Even though they were essentially strangers, they were also two guys who loved volleyball, meaning they approved of anyone who showed the sport the proper appreciation. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make us sweat,” Hajime said as the two of them started rounding up the balls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it was fun,” Daichi assured him, wiping sweat off of his upper lip. They chatted as they cleaned up, discussing what skills the rising fourth and fifth graders would be working on. Hajime mused about how to manage the social dynamic of the co-ed group. He worried that the boys would be overly aggressive, and he told Daichi that he wanted to make a point of building the girls’ confidence. Daichi learned that Hajime had been working with the YMCA for the last two years as a mentor for young boys in the neighborhood, helping them with homework and spending time with them. As part of their after-school program, he also informally coached some of the kids in a variety of sports. Some of his mentees came from families that couldn’t care for them well, and seeing how the system failed so many kids inspired Hajime to go to grad school in the fall for a degree in social work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi expressed admiration and Hajime frowned as the two of them stowed the nets into the storage closet. “You wouldn’t think it, but there are a lot of shitty social workers out there who don’t respect the people they’re supposed to be helping. It’s what you do with the degree that matters.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh. I guess I’ll check back in with you in a few years before saying anything complimentary.” Hajime gave him an amused grin as they walked back to his office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Feeling grateful once again that he had learned how to sign his name in English, Daichi scrawled signatures on various pieces of paper saying that he had undergone appropriate training, that he would act in the best interest of the children and follow all YMCA guidelines and instructions from his supervisor, and that he wouldn’t sue the YMCA if he got injured or died. Hajime showed him the list of children they were expecting tomorrow and their agenda for the day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Camp starts at 9. I’ll be here at 8, so if you could get here sometime between 8 and 8:30 that would be great. Just wear whatever you normally play volleyball in and,” he reached for the corner of his desk, picking up a stack of fabric, “a staff t-shirt. Here’s five.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks. Is there anything else I need to know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime considered. “Don’t think so. You shouldn’t have much to worry about—just be friendly to the kids and follow my lead. By the end of the second day, they’ll probably be all over you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good. I’ll see you Monday morning, then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, thank you Daichi. Good to meet you,” Hajime said sincerely. Daichi lifted a hand in farewell and walked himself back out through the front door. He felt invigorated by practicing with Hajime, and he was hopeful that the two of them could become friends. The other man came off as pretty serious, but it seemed that a lot of it was because he cared about what he was doing. Maybe Daichi could ask him out for a drink to celebrate the first week of camp ending—as friends, of course. Although he did have a lingering feeling that Hajime wasn’t entirely straight. He supposed only time would tell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nearest sporting goods store was only a couple stops in the opposite direction of home. Riding the high of having figured out the subway once by himself, he decided to make the trip. And although he did end up on the wrong platform, he realized his mistake before hopping on the train.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi emerged from the store after only five minutes with an air pump and two volleyballs. Playing for fun with Hajime made him remember how much he missed having a volleyball in his hands. In college, he’d lie on his bed mindlessly tossing the ball or trying to twirl it on his finger until ideas for his creative writing classes fell into place. He wondered if Suga would indulge him in a little volleyball practice in the park together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Back at their empty apartment, he decided to take a walk. He set out with his laptop in his backpack, refusing to think about why he was doing so. Daichi managed to keep his head thought-free all the way over to the library and while he settled into an armchair by the window. He pulled up a blank word document and stared at it. Compelling himself not to think of the significance of what he was doing, he began to type.</span>
</p><p> </p><p> <em><span>Once upon a time, there was an asshole. The human person kind. This asshole was the worst kind of asshole because he was great at pretending to be a good person. So great at pretending that Yui fell in love with him.</span></em></p><p> <em><span>After her failed relationship, she was dealing with the pain he inflicted on her, but also with the shame and anger she felt with herself. What kind of idiot kept flinging herself enthusiastically into a toxic situation? The same kind of idiot who thought his reticence was the same thing as gentleness, and that his judgements came from protectiveness instead of a need to control her. She burned thinking about the love she poured into him. And, to be less romantic, all of the pleasure she gave him. Yui loved women like she loved men, and so she had a nuanced appreciation of how good women smelled, how soft they felt, inside and out. How good they looked when you hit it from the back. He didn’t deserve a single orgasm she gave him. She wanted to scrub herself down, sloughing off any skin cell he had touched. Any skin cell his possessive gaze even looked at.</span></em></p><p> <em><span>But that wasn’t realistic right now. She’d have to settle for torching his house.</span></em></p><p> <em><span>The inside of the motorcycle helmet smelled slightly sweaty. Her arms clutched the waist of the woman in front of her, and her face was pressed against one of the woman’s two long, dark braids. Faintly, she thought that she would feel really guilty if they crashed and the woman died because Yui was wearing the helmet.</span></em></p><p> <em><span>Her name was Nana. Yui had offered her a light while the two of them stood under the awning of the combini together. The rain splattered down as they smoked. Yui was steeling herself to walk back to her apartment around the corner. But as she was finishing the cigarette, Nana threw the butt of hers on the ground and ground it out with her heel.</span></em></p><p> <em><span>“Can I offer you a ride?”</span></em></p><p> <em><span>The rain was clearing up. Yui looked at her face properly for the first time and wished she hadn’t. Nana’s piercing eyes were graced with aqua eyeliner. She was probably younger than Yui, but maybe it was the twin braids hanging down her back. Her black leather jacket was too big on her in a way that would have been comical were she not so striking.</span></em></p><p> <em><span>“Thank you, but I’m just around the corner.”</span></em></p><p> <em><span>A pause. Yui had the feeling she was being sized up. “It’s a shame when someone as beautiful as you looks so sad.”</span></em></p><p> <em><span>Nana wore a flirty smirk, but her eyes belied concern. Yui exhaled shakily at the impossibility of this moment. Things like this did not happen to her. She stepped on her cigarette butt to put it out.</span></em></p><p> <em><span>“My ex is a piece of shit.”</span></em></p><p> <em><span>“Hmm.” Nana paused. “I have propane and a lighter.”</span></em></p><p> <em><span>What was one more impossible thing? “He’s only ten minutes from here.”</span></em></p><p> <em><span>Now they were parking the motorcycle two houses away. Yui grabbed Nana’s arm before they started to walk over. “If we get out of this without getting arrested…” she said, mouth dry, “want to have victory sex?”</span></em></p><p> <em><span>Nana smiled approvingly. “Please.”</span></em></p><p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi wrote more very short stories, all less than one thousand words. About a man who died in the middle of having sex with a woman he picked up at a bar. A child who ran away from home to live in a tree. A notorious shoplifter who never got caught. They were easy, fun. Every so often Daichi would catch himself wondering if one of these characters could go in his next novel, or if he should extend one of the short stories. But he pushed on, opting to write more instead of putting pressure on the writing to be useful or productive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The grumbling of his stomach made him realize that two hours had gone by. His heart thrilled; he had missed the feeling of being so immersed in writing that he didn’t notice time passing. Daichi pushed down the guilt about not having made any “progress” and decided to text Suga.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Today, 1:21 pm</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>guess who just wrote for two hours straight</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>!!!!!!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>i’m so proud</span>
</p><p>
  <span>want to celebrate?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>lol</span>
</p><p>
  <span>wym?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>i’m downtown rn</span>
</p><p>
  <span>come meet me? we need to go shopping</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>for your makeover ofc!!!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>….lol</span>
</p><p>
  <span>okay :)</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>YAY</span>
</p><p>
  <span>take the 1 and get off at 14th</span>
</p><p>
  <span>i’ll meet you</span>
</p><p>
  <span>have you eaten?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>no, hungry tho</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>perfect, me too</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>i'll be leaving the apt in ~20, walking back from library now</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>okay! text when youre at 59th :)</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi emerged from 14th street station and was greeted by the sight of a beaming Suga. Even though they had spent a lot of time together the day before, seeing them again felt exciting. Their loose turquoise t-shirt was half-tucked into blue shorts that ended mid-thigh, and the outfit was pulled together with a pair of red converse. He couldn’t have stopped himself from smiling back even if he’d wanted to. For a moment he imagined himself walking over and kissing their soft lips. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Absolutely not, Daichi.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey. There’s a place nearby called Chelsea Market and it has a bunch of different food vendors, so I thought we could go there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds perfect,” he replied. They set off, walking side by side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How was Hajime?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi paused, trying to find the words to describe him. “He was good. He wasn’t the most effusive, but he seems really sincere. We accidentally ended up playing volleyball for half an hour together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga laughed. “Yeah, all of that sounds about right. He can be a little hard to get to know, but he’s a great guy and really fun when he’s actually relaxed and having a good time. I know him because a friend of mine from high school named Takahiro, his boyfriend Issei, and Hajime are all college friends. They went to Fordham, which is in the Bronx.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool that you and Takahiro are still close.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, he’s basically the only person from high school I’m in contact with. He’s kind of a dweeb, but a well-meaning one. He stayed friends with me even though it made him a bit of a social pariah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi frowned. “I’m sorry kids were assholes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. But we’re here in New York living our best lives now, so,” Suga smiled, “it’s all good. Anyway. What happened today with your writing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time they had arrived at the indoor market, he had explained how he’d taken Suga’s suggestion and written whatever popped into his head. Suga seemed so excited, causing Daichi to spontaneously offer to let them read it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, only if you want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you kidding? Of course I do! Ooh, look, they have empanadas here…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They strolled around what felt like an indoor shopping mall in an industrial setting. Suga spotted some stores that they wanted to go back to after lunch, and the two of them decided on eating at a noodle place after perusing all the options. As they ate, Suga told him about the friend they had gone to see that morning, Keiji.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s a year younger than us, so he has one more year at NYU left. We met during his first year because of a funny misunderstanding between us and a guy we were both trying to buy weed from. He’s smart and thoughtful--I don’t know how to describe him well. He’s really good company for anything, whether you’re studying or going out or talking about your feelings. A very grounding presence. Anyway.” They paused to slurp up some noodles. “I came down to visit him because our mutual friend is living with him for the summer and Keiji is sort of a wreck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’s that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Suga said, wincing, “the two of them are kind of fuck buddies? But it’s destroying their friendship, because they obviously have feelings for each other. And Keiji didn’t want Koutarou--the fuck buddy--to live with him, because he knew it would be too much, but it somehow ended up happening anyway. And I keep getting these texts from Keiji that are like, ‘I bought Bokuto-san’--oh yeah, and he calls him Bokuto-san because he’s really formal, he still calls me Suga-san sometimes--’I bought Bokuto-san’s favorite protein shakes when I was at the store and left them in the fridge for him, and now he’s being really weird about it.’ Or ‘Bokuto-san threw my laundry in with his and then folded all of my clothes, boxers included. I feel so embarrassed.’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi laughed. “I’m sorry, I feel bad for him, but that sounds really funny to witness.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga groaned and put their head in their hands. “I know. I want to laugh, but both of them are suffering so much and I’m stuck in the middle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But speaking of witnessing their dynamic. Would you be interested in a small get-together with the two of them and two of my other friends? They were thinking tomorrow or Saturday. It’s not even a party, just friends hanging out at someone’s apartment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi felt uncertain. “Would it be weird if I was there? If you all are so close.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their hazel eyes widened. “No, not at all. They want to meet you. And it’ll be more fun if you come. No pressure though, if you’d rather not this week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga looked so hopeful that there was really only one possible answer. “Sure, tomorrow or Saturday both work for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great! I’ll text and let them know,” they said, fingers already typing out the message.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them milled about the market once they were done eating. They stopped in a bookstore they had passed earlier, and then moved onto the adjacent outdoor flea market. Suga bought some candles (after recruiting Daichi to help smell them all and pick the best ones). The pair made another vendor very happy by buying not one, but three baseball caps for Daichi. “The perfect disguise,” Suga grinned as Daichi pulled the tag off the black one and put it on. On their way out, they stopped at the stall of a young Black woman selling various pieces of artwork. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All proceeds go to funding after-school arts programming for high schoolers,” she explained as she saw the two of them looking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For your room?” Suga suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After browsing through different designs, Daichi picked out an abstract, poster-sized print and a smaller collage. Suga said they weren’t going to get anything but ended up buying a postcard-sized print of people sitting in a subway car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like it,” Daichi said. “We’ve found some good stuff so far.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s also a couple of second-hand stores a short train ride away that I was thinking about going to, would you be interested?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was hot outside, as evidenced by Suga’s flushed cheeks and the sweat pooling at Daichi’s lower back. But spending time with Suga superseded any desire to lie down on a cold floor somewhere. They sat on the L train heading east, Daichi asking why this godforsaken city named some of its trains after letters and some after numbers and Suga laughing. The first store smelled a little musty. Suga seemed at home there, flitting around the racks and pulling out different hangers to ask for his opinions. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about this? For me.” A red tank top that looked too small for any person dangled from the hanger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhh. Sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They rolled their eyes. “Okay, you have to try these t-shirts on. And...” their eyes widened and they snatched a pair of ripped black jeans off the rack, “these.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi gaped. “No way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What! You said this was your size.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re never going to fit!” Daichi’s resistance crumpled under Suga’s gaze. “Well, if I try those, you have to wear…this.” He dangled a white silk shirt with sea-green paisley patterns in front of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Daichi</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I didn’t know you had such immaculate taste,” Suga drawled. Smirking, they added it to the other clothes draped over their arm and strolled down the aisle. The two of them found some short-sleeved button downs and shorts that Daichi actually liked. Then Suga tossed him a red crop top, so he launched a pair of purple leather shorts back at them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, good eye,” Suga said approvingly. “How about…” they brandished a black mesh shirt while raising their eyebrows and grinning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” They dumped it in his arms and speed-walked over to the dressing room before Daichi could find a more offensive article of clothing. He almost ran after them before noticing the judgemental cashier eying him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hung up his hangers in the changing stall next to Suga’s and drew the flimsy curtain. “You have to show me everything you try,” their voice said sternly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah.” Daichi wiped his sweaty torso down with his own shirt before pulling on the dark red crop top. It fit his shoulders well and was loose around his torso. Seeing the flirty strip of skin exposed under his navel felt a little disconcerting. He switched his own shorts for a pair of cuffed medium wash denim shorts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he called back, making sure his fly was up before pulling the patterned curtain back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga was wearing their original shorts and the tiny red Adidas tank top. Daichi felt guilty for letting his eyes linger a second too long, but when he looked back up Suga was still looking at his body. “Those look like they fit. Do you like them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi turned to look at his reflection in the larger hallway mirror. “The shorts are good. I’ve never worn a crop top before, so I guess I don’t really know if it looks how it’s supposed to look?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga met his eyes in the mirror. “No, it looks good,” they said casually. “You should get it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned to see himself from the side. “Huh. Okay, why not? Are you getting the tank top?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They ran their hands down their sides, looking critically at themself in the mirror. “Eh. I don’t know. What do you think?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um...I like it. For you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga raised an eyebrow. “Okay, I’ll think about it.” They dipped back into their dressing room and drew the curtain shut. “Try the jeans next!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi did as he was told, feeling increasingly ridiculous and out of his depth. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The jeans were tight around his thighs and ass. They zipped up, but there was no way he could wear them comfortably. He considered taking them off, but figured Suga would let him off easier if they saw the problem themself. At least the green short-sleeved button up he put on fit well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stepped out in the hallway and laughed when he got a better look at his legs. They looked like sausages stuffed into black denim. “What is it?” Suga asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just the jeans--you have to see them to understand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stepped out in a more modest ensemble of the paisley shirt and soft blue khaki shorts. Annoyingly, the gaudy shirt actually looked good on them. “Oh my god, Daichi...your </span>
  <em>
    <span>ass</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He groaned. “I know, they’re too tight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, if you want to get laid, wearing those is one way to do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He made an embarrassed noise and shut himself back in his dressing room. “No need to be ashamed! If you’ve got it, flaunt it,” they teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, I have a shred of self-respect left. Nice shirt, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unsurprisingly, Suga had a good eye; pretty much everything Daichi tried on fit and he liked most of it, even though it wasn’t his usual subdued style. He glared at the final shirt still hanging up in the stall. </span>
  <em>
    <span>There’s no way Suga’s getting the better of me. They want mesh? I’ll show them mesh. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“One more!” he called over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah. Oh god, you’re going to laugh at these.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stepped out at the same time. Daichi didn’t see Suga’s reaction to him. It was impossible to look away from the long, pale expanse of their lithe, muscular legs. The shorts were obscene, shorter than they looked on the hanger. Maybe because of the way they stretched over the curve of Suga’s hips. The leather looked practically painted onto their body, making Daichi both thankful and heartbroken that he couldn’t see their ass from this angle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could feel his face flushing and realized that neither of them had spoken yet. Suga seemed lost for words, a rare occurrence. They were biting their lip and not meeting his eyes. Could it be that he was having a similar effect on them? The shirt he had on was supposed to be a joke, supposed to make him look foolish. But it was tight, and the low mesh-to-exposed skin ratio meant that his whole torso was pretty much on display. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga broke the awkward silence. “Stop being hot, Daichi.” They said it jokingly, but their smile was clearly forced. They only met his eyes for a moment. Then Suga turned their gaze to the hall mirror, appraising themself. They twisted to look at themself from behind in the mirror, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh god </span>
  </em>
  <span>it was better than he had imagined. Suga’s ass was pert and round. The type of ass that made his hands burn to cup a cheek in each hand and squeeze. The type of ass he wanted to sink his c--</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could say the same to you,” Daichi replied lightly. He stepped back into the dressing room and drew the curtain. Not his most subtle exit, but now at least he could breathe. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck, fuck, fuck. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He threw off the shirt and put his normal clothes back on in an attempt to feel less exposed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Calm down, Daichi. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The only bad thing about this situation was the sexual tension. Because it was okay for Suga to be hot. It was okay for Daichi to react to them being hot. All of that was totally fine and normal. It was just the weird tension that fucked with his brain. But it didn’t have to be tense. They were just two bros. It was okay for bros to be attracted to each other. No weirdness necessary.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Suga is hot, and that’s okay. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Daichi repeated this to himself as he sorted the clothes into “yes” and “no” piles. After waffling, he threw the mesh shirt on the “yes” pile in addition to a couple patterned t shirts, the red crop top, the denim shorts, a pair of short olive green shorts, and a black patterned button up shirt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready?” he called, stepping out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They drew the curtain back, cheeks pink. “Yep!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thankfully, everything Daichi bought was under $15 each. As he waited for Suga, bag of new clothes in hand, he tried not to notice the red tank top and purple shorts going into their bag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good prices, thanks for taking me there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem.” A layer of awkwardness persisted until they stopped by another thrift store with a smaller selection. Neither of them saw anything they liked, but both were drawn in by a large wall of sunglasses. After much back-and-forth, Suga ended up with one pair and Daichi bought two (“another essential part of your bad-boy disguise, Daichi!”). The two of them agreed to call it quits after that. Being sleepy made the subway ride go by quickly, and soon Suga was nudging his shoulder to tell him they had arrived at their stop. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank god,” Daichi groaned, finally in a horizontal position on their couch. Suga handed him a lime popsicle and sank down on the opposite end. They watched more Avatar in the blissful air-conditioning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit,” Daichi mumbled after a couple of episodes had gone by.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I forgot I’m supposed to meet up with someone,” he said, reading the message from Matt that suggested a bar to meet at and asked if nine would be okay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you miss it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, he wants to meet at nine. I’m just lazy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm,” they said with a cheeky grin, “sounds like it could be kind of fun, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’d better be, if I have to leave the house.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga laughed. “You’re such a grump.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time dinner was over, Daichi was feeling less tired and more excited. He showered, shaved, and otherwise made sure he would be ready if things with Matt went well. Suga enthusiastically approved of the outfit he chose and made him promise to fill them in the next morning. In general, Daichi was the sort of person who liked to keep his expectations low in order to not be disappointed, but he found himself genuinely hopeful for what the night would bring. And maybe a little desperate for things to end in sex. He was tired of pushing inappropriate images of Suga out of his head and would much rather replace them with new memories.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Today, 8:40 pm</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>omw, be there in ~25!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Matt: </b>
  <span>sounds good, see you soon :)</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i hope you enjoyed :) &lt;3 comments and kudos make my day</p><p>[also I'm trying to figure out what to do about some upcoming sex scenes...not sure if I should leave them in (and tailor them to be more mature rather than explicit), or just bump the reading to E to be safe, or make a second work in this series that's just the sex scenes so people can choose to read them or not...? i want my irl friends to be able to read this without judging me lmao. BUT! I am very open to suggestions/advice so please tell me if you have any! this is my first fic and it shows~~]</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. suga is publicly scolded</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>extra long chapter this time! I'm kind of proud of it :) </p><p>also it will earn its M rating toward the end...you have been warned.....</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Suga’s spoon froze in the air on the way to their mouth. “You mean there wasn’t furniture or anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just the bed. And a pile of books and clothes that he kept in a red milk crate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe...he had just moved in, or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, but then he would have mentioned it, don’t you think? It was a one-room situation with a normal looking kitchenette and bathroom, and then a mattress on the ground with a single sheet on it, and the crate. No chairs or TV or lamps. Blank walls.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They munched their cereal, looking intrigued and horrified. “And he wasn’t like ‘oh yeah I’m a minimalist, haha!’’’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope,” Daichi said grimly. “It was more serial killer vibes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But then did you…” Daichi refused to make eye contact, and they gasped. “You did!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, I was already there, and from being at the bar with him he seemed harmless. Just sort of stiff. But hot, and interested. And you know how sometimes the reserved ones are actually kind of intense?” Suga raised their eyebrows in disbelief and he blushed. “...Yeah. It was good. There’s no way I’m ever going to see him again, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They scooped up more Honey Nut Cheerios and furrowed their brow. “I don’t even know what to say. I’m happy for you, but wow that’s scary. I’m not sure if I’m impressed by your bravery or mad at your lack of self-preservation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi stared at the bottom of his coffee mug. “I don’t know how to feel either, but I think I need to not think about it for a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise they’re not all like that here,” they said apologetically, to which Daichi laughed. “I’m serious, we’ll find you someone normal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They ate together at the table with an easy quiet between them. Daichi realized it was beginning to feel routine: the two of them together in t-shirts and boxers or baggy shorts, hair mussed and eyes tired. He found Suga infinitely interesting to look at, and so it felt special to have them sitting across from him so casually. They had moles on their collarbones and arms that matched the one under their left eye. Their hair was always shifting, silver strands sliding out of place from where they had swept back. Sometimes they would rub their lips together absentmindedly, as if they were putting on chapstick. He liked the slope of their nose. Daichi limited these observations so as not to stare, but sitting across from them was an innocent excuse to steal glances.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So it looks like we’ll do tomorrow, not tonight, for the get-together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. Should we bring anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, but they might like you a little extra if you bring alcohol.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed. “I can do that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A little while later Daichi broke the quiet. “Would you humor me and toss with me in the park today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga looked at him pleadingly. “It’s supposed to be really hot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can find a place in the shade and bring water. And it doesn’t have to be for long.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.” They furrowed their brow. “I’ll go with you if you write a little first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?! You had your breakthrough yesterday. Just do a little more today. Doesn’t have to be good or long.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re kind of cruel.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Someone has to keep you in line.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pfft.” Daichi rolled his eyes. “...Fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good! Can I read it afterwards?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, as long as you’re not weird about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Weird? Me? I could never.” Suga grinned, the picture of innocence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi didn’t want to leave the house to write, but the kitchen and the living room felt like spaces for conversation and relaxing, and he was too nap-prone to focus in his bedroom. He put on fresh clothes and grabbed his laptop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to try the coffee shop around the corner, want me to bring you back anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would be very grateful for an iced vanilla latte with soy milk, if you just so happened to run into one in the wild,” they said, looking up from their book. Suga looked utterly relaxed and happy, sprawled on the couch in their big, forest green t-shirt and black running shorts. Daichi felt a current of electricity race through his body, feeling incredibly lucky that he got to see that smile every day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll keep my eye out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks. Have fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See ya.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Easy, so easy. To coexist with Suga, to leave knowing that they would be there when he came back. Easy to be around them. Easy to like them. </span>
  <em>
    <span>How terrifying to enjoy something as impermanent as this</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Daichi pushed these thoughts to the side, refusing to think about the magnitude of his feelings and the very finite time they would continue to exist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Suga, as always, was right. It was hot, too hot to be outside at all, let alone try to do physical activity. The two of them were sitting in the shade, chugging icy water bottles that were beaded with condensation. The grass felt itchy beneath Daichi’s sticky legs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we managed to toss for,” Suga checked their watch, “fifteen minutes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can get back to it after a quick break,” Daichi said, wiping sweat off his forehead. “We just need to acclimate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remember thirty minutes ago when I was inside, drinking iced coffee?” Suga said wistfully. “I remember.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi, of course, had brought their latte as ordered. Suga had sipped it distractedly as they read his recent writing. He found himself hovering in the kitchen after relinquishing his laptop. Searching their neutral face for reactions was making him anxious, so he retreated to the living room to fidget with his phone and wait. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After an uncomfortable twenty minutes stretched by, Suga plopped down next to him on the couch. “So.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So,” he parroted nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga fixed their hazel eyes on him thoughtfully. “I enjoyed reading them. I read them all through, then went back and read them again because I was trying to put my finger on what I liked so much. Obviously they’re well-written. There’s probably a more literary way to say this but they’re...easy to read? There’s like, a flow from one sentence to the next, and the writing is straightforward, even if the concepts aren’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In terms of the content and the characters...it’s almost like you’re sharing something subversive with the reader. Like you’re exposing some underworld. Even if it’s not a story about anything bad or objectionable! You’re sort of rooting for the characters...they’re all so imperfect, and you’re egging them on because you want to see what they’ll do. Partially because you like them, but almost because it’s like watching a car crash...you want to see them do the things or think the things we’re not supposed to. Every turn feels fresh. I want to live in one of those stories because the characters all have this innate capability to break the expectations put on them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I’m explaining myself well,” Suga said, smiling ruefully. “The stories feel addictive and fun, and easy to read, even though they’re not light and fluffy. They’re interesting and reading them feels indulgent. I’m sorry, I wish I could describe them better to give your work the praise it deserves.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi absorbed their words thoughtfully for a moment. “Wow. Do you...did you really feel all that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga met his questioning brown eyes. “Yes, definitely. I wouldn’t lie to you. If it seemed like the writing was lackluster, I’d say so. I mean, I’m not blind; I don’t think they’re as polished as anything you would have properly revised and edited. But yeah, I meant everything I said.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s...a little difficult to believe you. I mean, I know you wouldn’t lie to me, it’s just hard to believe that my work is good. I have so many doubts when I write, and things often feel clunky, or like I’m not getting across what I want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you like the stuff you let me read?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hesitated. “I like the ideas behind the stories. I like my writing style generally, when I reread stuff I’ve written. But it’s hard to feel like I’m ever fully conveying or doing justice to what I want to write.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.” Suga looked away and smiled. “This is ironic because it’s something I have trouble hearing, but my old dance coach had this saying, ‘be okay with seventy-five percent.’ Her theory was one hundred percent represented performing to the absolute maximum of your ability. But of course, you’re going to burn yourself out if you try to treat every single practice like it’s a recital. What’s more, you aren’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>ready </span>
  </em>
  <span>to perform a routine to one hundred percent of your ability when you start practicing it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I would get frustrated at myself for not doing something perfectly, she would tell me to be proud of seventy-five percent. That I had the ability to do amazing work, and that even seventy-five percent of my ability was remarkable. That the imperfect performances I needed to do over and over were part of the process, that it was a good thing to not be perfect. Because using one hundred percent of my capacities to reach perfection was the absolute pinnacle, a finish line that should be barely achievable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how being a writer works. I just wonder, could you trust yourself to eventually do justice to your stories and start by being pleased with just getting seventy-five percent of the way there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You make it sound so simple,” Dachi said ruefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Simple, but not easy.” Suga shrugged. “Well! If all else fails, you can take refuge in the fact that your roommate, an erudite artist with impeccable taste, enjoys what you write.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re too good to me,” he said with a dramatic eye-roll.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” Suga kicked his shin with a grin. “Actually though, I know it’s not easy to share your work, so thank you for letting me read it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for being honest and thoughtful.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My pleasure.” That warm, contented feeling crept back in, filling the quiet between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does this mean we can go play volleyball now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh,” Suga said, resting their head back on the couch, “I was hoping you’d forgotten.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be fun!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it was fun, even though they were both covered in sweat and not getting much volleyball done. They had been sitting in the shade and talking about nothing for longer than they’d practiced. The park around them was busy despite the heat of the day. A group of militant middle-aged women power-walked by, weights pumping in their hands. Three pre-teen girls wearing oversized sunglasses chatted together on a bench, slurping popsicles. A nanny who looked like she wasn’t getting paid enough shouted at two five-year-olds trying to launch themselves off the playground monkey bars.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So tell me more about your friends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga, lying on their stomach, looked up from the blade of grass they were shredding. “The ones we’re seeing tomorrow?” Daichi nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They hummed. “Well, I mentioned Koutarou and Keiji to you. Kou was the first person I really clicked with at NYU. I had other friends, but none who I felt like I could open up to. We met at the end of our first year at a party where we had friends in common. Actually--god this sounds so corny,” Suga said with a chuckle. “We were playing seven minutes in heaven in a big group and we got sent to the closet together. There was a light in the closet though, so we turned it on and somehow we just started...talking? Both of us can really talk when you get us going and we were both a little tipsy. We forgot about the game entirely and became really good friends after that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know! It was pretty ridiculous...but anyway, Kou’s a great guy. Very transparent, enthusiastic, loving. He can be a little intense, but in a good way. Definitely a jock and </span>
  <em>
    <span>loves </span>
  </em>
  <span>volleyball, he’ll probably want to talk to you about it. He majored in childhood education because he wants to work with kids who are on the autism spectrum like him. And he minored in music because he happens to be a genius at piano too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He sounds cool,” Daichi said genuinely, causing Suga to beam. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He is! And then I told you a little about Keiji already, but he and Koutarou are very much ‘opposites attract.’ Keiji’s really good at keeping Koutarou grounded, and Koutarou brings Keiji out of his shell. They both get insecure in different ways, and they care for each other and build each other up because they just like each other so damn much...god, it’s ridiculous. You’ll see tomorrow. Keiji’s reserved and hard to read, so it might feel like he’s judging you or doesn’t like you. But really he’s just not super effusive. He’s a dork on the inside. And I think he’ll like you, because you’re a lot more laid back than me and the other three. Oh, and he does East Asian studies with a minor in gender and sexuality studies. He wants to be a journalist.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh, I’m intrigued. Keiji sounds cool too. Can’t wait to see their couple interactions.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga shook their head. “It’s pretty incredible. So, my other two close friends are from Columbia. And I actually met them through Takahiro’s boyfriend Issei. Issei and my friend Tooru went to high school together, and Tooru roomed with our other friend, Tetsurou.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They hesitated, not meeting Daichi’s eyes. “So the reason Takahiro asked Issei to introduce me to Tooru is that Tooru was working in a field I wanted to get into. And it’s not something I talk about a lot, or something that’s even important for anyone to know. But Tooru might mention it, so I didn’t want you to be surprised.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi quirked an eyebrow, wondering what had Suga acting so cagey. “Ah...I was a stripper for about a year and a half. From the middle of my freshman year to the end of my sophomore year. Tooru helped me get started; he’d been doing it for a couple months when the two of us met. So he and I got really close, and as a result I became good friends with Tetsurou as well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga caught their eye again and grimaced. “It’s stupid. I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t judge me for this, and I decided a long time ago that people who were weird about it weren’t worth my time anyway. But it’s still weird, telling someone something that you know will change how they see you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi hesitated, not wanting to say the wrong thing. “That’s an uncomfortable feeling. I’m sorry to put you in a vulnerable position like that. I’m definitely not judging you. It changes how I see you a little bit, in the same way I’d feel if you told me you used to be a firefighter or something. Because stripping strikes me as crazy brave, and you have to be skilled at a lot of things to do it. So I have even more respect for you. And...if I’m being honest, it makes me worry about you. I know you can handle yourself, it just...people can be assholes, yknow? I hope that you didn’t get hurt. Same way I’d feel if you were a firefighter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>An uncertain quiet formed between them. Even though Suga wasn’t looking at Daichi, he could tell they were thinking. Suga rolled from their stomach onto their side, looking up at Daichi, who was sitting with his legs bent in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi tried to read them. Suga looked pensive, like they were searching for something in Daichi’s eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s hard because I don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>to need anyone’s approval. I know who I am and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. But hearing you say that--about not judging me, but thinking I’m brave, and worrying about me in a way that’s not condescending...I’m relieved. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m glad my new friend is cool about this stuff, or if I want your validation because you’re a person I like and respect. I don’t know.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But regardless, I feel relieved that you feel that way. So...thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi nodded, taking his anxiety out by digging his index finger into the dirt. “I...want your approval too. On my writing, but also in general. I care about you and I admire you. I don’t think it makes either of us weak.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.” Suga smiled at him. “You’re funny, you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’s that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They tipped their head back, gazing up at the verdant leaves ruffling above them. “You’re such a…” they gestured at him, “such a </span>
  <em>
    <span>jock</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You’re all kind and wholesome and muscley and you’re going to go teach kids volleyball for fun. And you have all these worries. But then,” Suga breathed out a tiny laugh, “you come out of nowhere with beautiful prose and saying stuff about emotions that’s so thoughtful and perceptive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…” Daichi stammered, “I just try to tell the truth. I don’t know. I’m better with other people’s emotions than my own. But...I don’t know. It’s also easy to talk to you. You’re honest and straightforward.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Again, that thoughtful expression on their face. “You’re just different than I expected. More than I expected.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga grinned. “You’re more buff than I expected. I heard ‘best-selling Japanese author’ and I thought ‘pale lanky guy in a rumpled button down and glasses.’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed out loud. “That’s what you get for stereotyping.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what did you think </span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>would look like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t think about it until I was stepping into the apartment for the first time. And then I imagined you with dark hair, and being short. And then I started wondering if you’d be all alternative and pierced and tattooed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were a little bit right with the piercings,” they said with a smile. “And I’ve thought about dying my hair black.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga raised their eyebrows, amused. “No?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi blushed. “I mean, your hair’s just...nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga chuckled. “Thanks. Yeah, I won’t any time soon. I like looking like my mom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was such a sudden, honest statement. “You really do. That was the first thing I thought when I saw her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I used to hate it.” They looked nostalgic; it was difficult to tell if they were grimacing or smiling. “People would always talk about how I was a miniature version of her. How we were the sweetest mother and daughter. How I was growing into a beautiful young woman like my mom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi winced. Before now, Suga only hinted at their dysphoria and what life was like before they transitioned. He didn’t know quite what they needed to hear. “That must have really grated on you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. But now that I’m in a better place with myself, I’m really, really grateful for it. And,” they said, smirking at him, “I don’t mind being beautiful anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi wiped a fake tear from his eye. “You bear the burden gracefully. And humbly. Truly an inspiration to all of us average-looking mortals.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They aggressively threw a handful of grass at him; the blades floated through the air anti-climatically. “Stupid Daichi. Stop fishing for compliments.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s the simple truth, Suga. People like me exist to make your presence even more striking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, enough of this,” they said, jumping to their feet and extending a hand to him. “You came here to play volleyball, didn’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hoisted himself up with their help. “Ah, so if I just annoy you enough, you’ll indulge me with volleyball to shut me up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I deserve a raise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They managed another fifteen minutes of practice before calling it quits. While they sent the ball back and forth, Suga described Tooru and Tetsurou. Tooru was “...an experience,” Suga had said thoughtfully. Apparently, the business major was dramatic, self-centered, and loved to tease others. Privately, Daichi thought that he didn’t sound like much fun to be around. “It’s a bit of a public persona he has, he can be very observant and thoughtful when he wants to be. Just don’t take him too seriously. He might try to pry into your business, but I’ve already told them all that we’re not going to be talking about your work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do any of them know who I am?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga hesitated. “Well...yes. A couple of them have read your book and one of them is a big fan. But they’ve all promised not to bring it up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm. Okay. And Tetsurou?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Outwardly, he comes off as a little more laid-back and cool than Tooru and Koutarou. He tries to make people think he’s a suave, bad-boy type. But he’s a big dork. He’s also annoyingly smart; he studied biochemistry and he’s probably going to work for some big industrial company. He and Kou have the most powerful bromance I’ve ever seen and are perpetually enabling each other. He also likes to tease and fuck around, but he can be a pouty baby when he doesn’t get his way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So we’ve got bad-boy dork, diva, reserved dork, and enthusiastic jock. And...whatever you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga laughed. “I don’t know if I’ve done them justice at all, but sure, close enough. And I’m...charming jokester. And you’re tender jock.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how I feel about either of those.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wholesome jock?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That makes me sound like Troy Bolton.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh...you kind of</span>
  <em>
    <span> are</span>
  </em>
  <span> Troy Bolton.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi lobbed the volleyball directly at their head, and their passes to each other immediately devolved into roughhousing. Suga tackled a blindsided Daichi and shoved the volleyball under his shirt, then ran away in the direction of their apartment, cackling. “First one back gets the first shower!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This motivated a very hot and sweaty Daichi to sprint after them, not enjoying the idea of sitting around in disgusting clothes while Suga took their sweet time in the shower. He grinned, closing the gap between them as a peeved Suga bounced back and forth in place, unable to cross the street in front of them due to traffic. They dashed across as soon as the light changed, Daichi now only ten meters behind them. Even so, Suga was much lighter on their feet, and Daichi thought he had lost until Suga came to a screeching halt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me, ma’am! I’m very sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should be!” the old woman in front of them reprimanded venomously, eyes glaring at Suga and then at Daichi, who appeared at Suga’s shoulder. The power of her chiding far superseded her tiny, hunched frame. “Young men like you are old enough to know better. Running over people on the sidewalk. What a disgrace.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very sorry,” Daichi echoed, steering Suga around her and power walking away until they turned a corner and were out of her sight. The moment they were, Daichi immediately stooped and hoisted Suga over his shoulders in a fireman’s carry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell, Daichi!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gotta make sure you don’t run over any more old women. Also, there’s no way I’m letting you shower first.” He shifted Suga’s weight a little to balance them better. “Damn, what have you been eating?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe you, you meathead. You’re such a sore loser.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t recall losing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You would have, cause you’re way slower than me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I didn’t, cause you almost trampled poor Barbara back there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll have you know she practically launched herself into my path. I swear she came out of nowhere.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A likely story,” he scoffed. Suga swatted Daichi’s back with their free hand, the only place they could reach. “Careful there, passenger.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hurry up, pack mule.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not my fault you’re heavy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not my fault you’re not making adequate use of your new gym membership.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi laughed. “Just for that, you’re coming to spot me tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not if your weak self drops me on the pavement before then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s a good thing we’re here,” Daichi smirked, even though Suga couldn’t see his face. He lowered them to the ground before they walked into the lobby together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, I concede. Enjoy your first shower privileges.” Suga sighed dramatically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, I will.” They traded amused smiles, Suga looking like they were trying to hold back a laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once blessedly free of his sweaty clothes, cool water pouring over every inch of him, Daichi’s brain finally started to catch up to the events of the day. Suga in the morning, writing, Suga reading his writing, volleyball with Suga, Suga talking about their friends, racing after Suga and carrying them around his shoulders. Yeah, that hadn’t been his brightest idea. The salty, fresh smell of their sweat mixed with their masculine deodorant was overpowering and heady with them so close. Not to mention the weight of them on top of him. He just wanted to lick the sweat off Suga’s abs. Was that too much to ask? Well yes, obviously, but still.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he massaged his scalp, working the shampoo into a lather, his thoughts drifted back to the night before with Serial Killer/Minimalist Matt. Strange lack of decor aside, it had been a good experience. Not mind blowing, but good, the way average pizza is still good because it’s pizza. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now was the uncomfortable moment when Daichi had to be very honest with himself, which he’d really rather not do. Daichi was attracted to Suga. Daichi also wanted to have sex, which he had done successfully last night. The question was: did he feel satisfied?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could split hairs, say he wasn’t because maybe things last night could have been better. But the unfortunate reality was that he wasn’t just horny in general. No, he specifically wanted to have sex with his roommate, and being with other people wouldn’t make that urge go away. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What now? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Daichi mused. He was good at logic. He would put his guilt to the side for a moment while he figured this out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>First of all, he wasn’t going to tell Suga, and he wasn’t going to hope that his feelings were reciprocated. Suga probably knew Daichi thought they were attractive, which was fine. But under no circumstances would he let slip the whole “I want to see you naked” thing. Not only because he was scared of getting rejected, but also because he wanted to cultivate the burgeoning thing that was their friendship. The last thing he wanted to do was make them uncomfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, how was he supposed to deal with this? Acceptance, not shame, probably. Feeling ashamed and trying to pretend to himself that he didn’t want Suga would just make his feelings more intense. Yes, acceptance. This sucked, but it was the reality. And he could deal with it. Just try not to agonize or fixate and keep seeing other people. It was simple.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And now, the final moment of brutal honesty, he thought as he soaped up his body with body wash. Was it better to not let himself think about Suga while he got off, so as not to encourage his feelings? Or better not to repress anything and just get it out of his system, because repressed desires would become more potent?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi didn’t have an answer by the time he stepped out of the shower, giving it a cursory check for any clumps of his hair or shampoo smears. “All yours,” he called out, walking to his room with a towel around his waist, intentionally not looking behind him at the risk of seeing Suga shirtless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shut and locked the door, finished toweling himself off. Being in between his clean sheets while he was clean and soft and naked felt so good, and he laid there for a moment, luxuriating. His fingers drifted aimlessly, skimming over his chest. Feeling hard muscle under soft skin. Gently appreciating the feel of himself as he told his body to calm down. He touched himself below his navel and moved to his inner thighs, keeping the touch light even as he felt himself getting aroused. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No rush, no hurry</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He wanted to keep teasing himself, to build the desire he felt. His hands moved down, tracing across the crease where his thighs ended, brushing by his balls and letting out a tiny gasp. The touch felt so good as he trailed his fingers everywhere except his cock. Then he gave himself more contact, touching with his palms instead of just fingertips and pressing harder. In one hand he cupped his balls, playing with them while his other hand made its way to the short wiry hair above his cock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fully hard and more than a little needy, he gripped himself at the base. He let out a quiet moan at the needed pressure before running his fingers through the precum beading at his tip. The head of his cock was sensitive as his fingers slid over it. With a little added lube from the bedside table, he kept rubbing, moving his thumb over his slit and feeling hot desire build inside him. He settled into the familiar rhythm of pumping his warm, wet hand over his shaft. His senses started to go a little fuzzy with pleasure, tuning everything else out as he moved from feeling good to feeling turned on and needing to cum.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck. He thought about last night, how well Matt fingered him. Daichi broke his rhythm with annoyance as he lubed up his non-dominant hand, then kept stroking himself as he circled his entrance. It had felt so good and full even when the other man was only using two fingers, hitting Daichi’s prostate and sending sparks of pleasure up his spine. He loved the feeling of being shoved into. No matter how lubed up and open he was, there was still that hot pressure and friction as fingers or a cock fucked into him. Being shoved into, and then the heartstopping fullness, over and over….</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had a finger inside himself now. He was thinking about being taken from behind while on his hands and knees. And the person behind him would lean down, push his shoulders down to the bed. They could drape themself over his back, head near enough to his that he could hear them whisper. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their hips would speed up, their pale hands would lace with his. And he’d grip them, needing to hold onto something, and he would feel so, so full, almost too much but not quite. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he’d be moaning little broken moans, so close to being sent over the edge, and they would place a gentle kiss at the base of his neck and whisper in his ear, in Suga’s voice, ‘oh Daichi...you take me so well...you’re so good for me.’ And they would groan, overwhelmed by how it felt to be inside him. And then Suga’s voice would whisper, ‘you’ve been so good, Daichi. Can you cum for me? Ah, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Daichi</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Daichi, Daichi…!’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi opened his eyes after his orgasm finished shaking through his body, breathing hard. Sweat covered every part of him that was in contact with the sheets. He couldn’t even move to clean up, feeling disoriented and physically drained. After his heartbeat had slowed to an acceptable pace, he wiped his hands, stomach, and thighs off; thankfully, only a drop or two of cum made it onto the sheets. He drank thirstily from the glass on his bedside table, which helped clear his head. An unfortunate side effect: thinking about what he had just done. It had felt so good, so real; he hadn’t even known he wanted Suga to fuck him but now he knew he needed it. They would push him to his limits and then take care of him. They would praise him. They would be soft with him and they definitely would tackle him into the ground. And Daichi had cum thinking about them fucking him from behind! Imagine what it would be like to see their lovely face above him as he climaxed. The way their lips would part, the intensity in their eyes. The way locks of silver hair would fall forward, dangling toward him. And then they would kiss him after he finished, hands cupping his face, devouring him, so soft, so sweet, so tender….</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Motherfucking shitfuck piece of motherfucking shit! Fuck! </span>
  </em>
  <span>How could he face them after this? And what was all this romantic stuff? The only thing worse than wanting to fuck his roommate was wanting to fuck his roommate </span>
  <em>
    <span>who he had a crush on</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Fuck, this was miserable. Why did getting off to them have to feel so good? Why was he a writer with a too-powerful imagination?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A knock at the door. “Hey, can I come in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You most certainly cannot. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“I’m...indecent. One sec. What’s up?” He strove to make his voice smooth, admitting no emotion, despite the fact that he had basically just told Suga that he was naked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was just wondering if you would be around for dinner.” He swept all the tissues into the trash and pulled on a clean pair of boxers and a shirt out of the clean laundry he hadn’t folded. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It better not smell like sweat and cum in here. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep, no plans.” He threw the covers back onto the bed, gave himself a quick once-over in the mirror, and opened the door trying to make his face look normal. Did he smile, normally? A neutral expression felt so cold, but a smile seemed over the top.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well--hey,” they said, eyes friendly, as the door opened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” What the fuck was wrong with him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was going to roast some broccoli and I couldn’t remember how you felt about broccoli.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel very good about it.” Daichi couldn’t help the grin on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga laughed a small laugh. “Okay. I’ll make a lot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can help!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. I was also going to make a cold noodle thing, so I’ll put you to work on something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi kept his face impressively placid. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Put you to work.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Was this his horny brain speaking, or was that hot? “That sounds good, I’ll be down in a sec.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Kay.” They gave him another searching Suga look (™) and a little grin before heading downstairs. Was he overly paranoid? Because it felt like Suga knew what he had been doing. Oh god, did he have cum somewhere visible on his body? (After looking carefully, the answer was no.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no way around this. There was no avoiding them. There was only Daichi, faking normalcy in front of Suga, and being their </span>
  <em>
    <span>friend</span>
  </em>
  <span>, because being their friend was already such a blessing and gift. He finished cleaning himself up and went down to join them. Because they were friends.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>get wrecked daichi!!!!!!!!!!</p><p>next chapter is going to be a lot of fun. currently working hard to do justice to all the new characters and their relationships!</p><p>if you're enjoying this work, please let me know via kudos/comments! I'm sort of self-conscious because I've put a lot of time, thought, and heart into it so it means a lot to hear from you &lt;3 as always, thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. daichi holds his own</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I forgot to mention this last chapter but Bokuto as an autistic piano player is a nod to the fic "Rules" by ConesofDunshire...if you haven't read it, you should!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“So it’s this coming Thursday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, 8 pm. We’ll probably get there at 7 to check out the space, make sure everything is set up the way you want it, and meet the hosts. They suggested you kick things off by either doing a quick Q&amp;A or reading a passage. Then you’ll sign books. After 9:30, they won’t let anyone else get in line to see you and you’ll finish with whoever is left.” Suga listed all the details from memory, cupping their mug of coffee in their hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Meaning we probably won’t leave the bookstore until 10:30,” Daichi concluded. “So we’ll leave here at 6:30, get back at 11. That’s not so bad.” He looked at Suga for confirmation. Their elbows rested on the table. When the light glanced off their face at the right angle, he could see light stubble along their jaw.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, not at all. How are you feeling about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to jinx it, but I’m feeling okay. It’ll be interesting to see what kind of people come. If anyone comes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If no one comes, we get to come home early,” they grinned. “Somehow I doubt that’s going to happen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi sipped his own coffee, relishing the aromatic, dark flavor. “And you’re sure you want to come?” He felt a knot of guilt in this stomach from making Suga go out of their way for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, definitely. I want to make sure they treat you right and that you’re comfortable. And I hope this isn’t weird, but I’m excited to see you do your thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well...if you’re sure. I’m really glad you’ll be there,” he admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Course! Hey, let’s have a toast.” Suga raised their ceramic mug. “To bravery in new situations.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And to supportive friends,” he added, raising their eyebrows at them with a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Kanpai!”</span>
  </em>
  <span>  Their mugs clinked together and they both knocked back another mouthful of coffee. “Mm,” Daichi sighed appreciatively. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They continued with their late brunch, lingering at the table. Daichi amused himself with a sudoku puzzle from a newspaper Suga bought the other day. Suga’s nose was buried in a book as they crunched through their second bowl of Lucky Charms. A notification on both of their phones interrupted them simultaneously.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Today, 12:24 pm</b>
</p><p>
  <b>xxx-xxx-xxxx: </b>
  <span>hello hello my dear friends~</span>
</p><p>
  <span>and welcome dai-chan ;)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>reminder to be here at 7! tetsu and i have a little epicurean delight for you</span>
</p><p>
  <span>but we’re not providing a full dinner...do not come starving. especially if your name is bokuto koutarou</span>
</p><p>
  <span>and!! to add a little excitement ;) the theme for tonight is “creepy”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>you MUST come dressed in something that reflects this theme</span>
</p><p>
  <span>or you will be denied entrance &lt;/3 &lt;/3 &lt;/3</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god...Tooru and his themes,” Suga rolled their eyes, but their lips twitched into a smile. “At least this one isn’t too hard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I own anything creepy,” Daichi said, frowning as he made a new contact for Tooru.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can dress as an abstract concept that’s creepy. Like, I was thinking about doing animal prints or something with leather because killing animals for their skin is pretty icky.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.” Another text rolled in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Today, 12:27 pm</b>
</p><p>
  <b>xxx-xxx-xxxx:</b>
  <span> hey :(((( its not my fault im a growing boy</span>
</p><p>
  <span>but ANYWAY</span>
</p><p>
  <span>keiji and i CANT WAIT!!! :DD</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m assuming that was from Koutarou?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You assume correctly. Here, give me your phone so I can put all their contact names in.” By the time they passed it back, there was another message, and more kept rolling in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Today, 12:31 pm</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Keiji: </b>
  <span>thank you for hosting, tooru</span>
</p><p>
  <span>as bokuto-san said, I’m looking forward to it</span>
</p><p>
  <span>daichi-san, I apologize in advance for the notifications</span>
</p><p>
  <span>my friends are chatty</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Koutarou: </b>
  <span>heyhey agdsljkaashi! some people LIKE getting notifications yknow</span>
</p><p>
  <span>it means you have friends!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>HEY speaking of</span>
</p><p>
  <span>everybody take a selfie rn and send to the chat!!! so daichi can see us!!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Koutarou: </b>
  <span>[img attached]</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tetsurou: </b>
  <span>[img attached]</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>[img attached]</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Koutarou: </b>
  <span>tetsu…..bro</span>
</p><p>
  <span>you look so hot when youve just woken up &lt;3</span>
</p><p>
  <span>the bedhead is rly working for you</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tetsurou: </b>
  <span>that means a lot coming from my most handsome bro ;)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>youre absolutely glowing this morning kou</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Keiji: </b>
  <span>bokuto-san I specifically told you not to send that</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>dont mind keiji </span>
</p><p>
  <span>your shoulders…...mm</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Keiji: </b>
  <span>daichi-san did not consent to shirtless pics of me</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>i promise you he does not care</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tetsurou: </b>
  <span>uhh speaking of….hi daichi</span>
</p><p>
  <span>very cute pic of you two</span>
</p><p>
  <span>suga said you were hot but damn</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>...tetsu….</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>uhhh hi everyone</span>
</p><p>
  <span>keiji dont mind</span>
</p><p>
  <span>thanks tetsurou, im glad im up to the standards of sugas hot friends</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tooru: </b>
  <span>[img attached]</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>he wants to impress you daichi</span>
</p><p>
  <span>please compliment that selfie it took him fifty tries</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>hi tooru</span>
</p><p>
  <span>you have really pretty eyes</span>
</p><p>
  <span>does your hair do that naturally?? whatever it is its hot</span>
</p><p>
  <span>and how is your skin that perfect wtf</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tooru: </b>
  <span>i like this one suga. keep him. but also fuck you it did not take fifty tries</span>
</p><p>
  <span>dai-chan youre too sweet :*</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tetsurou: </b>
  <span>shameless flatterer daichi has entered the chat</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>i’m a simple man…..i know beauty when i see it</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tooru: </b>
  <span>!!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Keiji: </b>
  <span>please be careful daichi-san. tooru may not be able to fit his inflated head through his front door if you keep this up</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>daichi where has this side of you been</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Koutarou: </b>
  <span>i gotta agree w daichi you loook rly nice this morning tooru :)</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tooru: </b>
  <span>aww suga-chan</span>
</p><p>
  <span>feeling left out?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>and thank you kou &lt;3 keiji give those big biceps of his a kiss from me</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Koutarou: </b>
  <span>jfskghaojg; ttooru!!!!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Keiji: </b>
  <span>youre gonna have to wait until tonight and do that yourself tooru</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tetsurou: </b>
  <span>i wanna kiss kou’s biceps tonight too</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>dw hes got enough surface area for everyone to have a piece</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Koutarou: </b>
  <span>guys im blushing</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Keiji: </b>
  <span>verified</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>keiji is the equivalent of the little blue check on twitter</span>
</p><p>
  <span>telling us whether kou content is true or not</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tooru: </b>
  <span>why is that so true</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Keiji: </b>
  <span>anyway. daichi-san, i promise this friend group talks about other things besides how attractive we find each other</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>well yes</span>
</p><p>
  <span>but i have to be honest….this dynamic^^ is pretty common </span>
</p><p>
  <span>still time to back out daichi</span>
</p><p>
  <span>no shame </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tooru: </b>
  <span>boo no backing out</span>
</p><p>
  <span>i wanna meet dai-chan</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>[img attached]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>hes laughing</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Koutarou: </b>
  <span>DAICIHI SOOO CUTE</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>no backing out dw</span>
</p><p>
  <span>besides i want the epicurious delight or whatever</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tetsurou: </b>
  <span>epipen delight :)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>WAIT shit do you have any allergies daichi</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>pollen~</span>
</p><p>
  <span>thats it</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>i wouldve told you if he had food allergies</span>
</p><p>
  <span>have a little faith</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tetsurou: </b>
  <span>forgive me for wanting to treat our new friend with care</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Koutarou: </b>
  <span>aw :’)</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Keiji: </b>
  <span>thats very sweet tetsurou</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tooru: </b>
  <span>heheheh what a softie</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tetsurou: </b>
  <span>dont start w me mister</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jesus. You weren’t kidding when you described them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga dragged their palms down their cheeks, pulling their lower eyelids down. “I don’t even have words.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And what are you two supposed to be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru stood at the door, grinning down at them. Daichi hadn’t expected the dramatic man to be so...tall. He wasn’t welcoming them in yet, so it seemed like he was actually enforcing the dress code.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello to you too, Tooru,” Suga said, smirking. “I wore this because I believe that unnecessarily killing animals for their skins is creepy.” They looked put together and cute in a leopard print t-shirt and a black faux-leather miniskirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I think it’s creepy that the massive amounts of plastic we consume every day will outlive our human society,” Daichi followed up. Suga had lent him a black sequined t-shirt that was just a little oversized on them, meaning it fit snugly across Daichi’s shoulders. He wore a crinkly plastic raincoat over it to further fit the theme despite the muggy heat outside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru raised his eyebrows appreciatively. “Very nice. Well, come in, come in!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for having me,” Daichi said as he stepped inside. “I brought some rosѐ.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ahh, thank you Dai-chan!” Tooru said, looking pleasantly surprised. “I see Suga told you what I liked. Let me put these in the fridge and we’ll drink them after we eat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They followed him into the small kitchen. The island was crowded with bottles, jars, and bowls, with a large space left clear except for a dusting of flour. The man standing behind it could only be Tetsurou.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Tooru was taller than Daichi had expected, Tetsurou was more attractive than he appeared in the selfie from earlier. Daichi had the feeling that the man with the lazy grin in front of him was one of the few people who could make fluffy black bedhead look good. The confident way he leaned on the counter accentuated his lanky figure. Maybe Tetsurou’s gaze was always intense, but when he made eye contact with Daichi it felt like his hazel eyes were beckoning him closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Tetsurou,” Suga smiled, seemingly unaware of the two dark haired men checking each other out. “What’s all this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Suga, Daichi,” Tetsurou said, nodding at both of them with that grin still on his face. “Tonight the culinary surprise is making our own mini pizzas.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tetsu got here early to set everything up, too. You little hard worker, you,” Tooru chirped, affectionately ruffling his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘S not a big deal,” he returned, shoving Tooru away. “This one’s hosting, so it’s the least I can do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we start now?” Suga asked, excited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru snorted. “We better, before Kou arrives and all hell breaks loose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, alright,” Tetsurou said, pulling a handful of sticky dough off of the large mass sitting in a bowl. He showed them how to roll it out to the right thickness, using flour to make sure it didn’t stick. “Then you can add whatever you want; we’ve got sauce, pesto, cheeses, peppers, onions, basil, mushrooms...have at it. Then you can put them on the tray with parchment paper and I’ll pop them in the oven.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is so cute, thank you Tetsu,” Suga chimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, this is great,” Daichi echoed. “Does being good at cooking come with the whole chemistry thing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did Suga talk about me, or are you saying that because of this?” he replied, glancing down at his t-shirt of the periodic table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They mentioned biochem. But the shirt’s cool too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Tetsurou grinned. “Chemistry is as creepy as you can get, you know. But nah, I have lab mates who I wouldn’t trust anywhere close to a kitchen. You ever know geniuses whose intelligence elbows out room for like, basic life skills? I had a classmate once who--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“TETSU!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, hold that thought.” He sprinkled the last of the mozzarella in his hand onto his pizza and turned around, holding his arms out just in time. A blur of a person ran to him and jumped, wrapping his legs around Tetsurou’s waist and arms around his shoulders in an embrace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oof, bro.” Tetsurou laughed, one arm under Koutarou’s ass and the other supporting his back. Koutarou’s gray and white head nuzzled into his friend’s shoulder affectionately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s been too long, bro!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s been two weeks.” The matter-of-fact statement came from Keiji, who was standing with Tooru watching the greeting unfold. “Hello Suga-san, Daichi-san. I’m Keiji Akaashi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice to meet you, Keiji, and just Daichi is fine.” Keiji nodded, and Daichi was glad that Suga had briefed him on what to expect beforehand. Keiji was difficult to read, and if Daichi didn’t know better he would worry that he had done something wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Suga, and good to meet you Daichi!” A grinning Koutarou greeted him, both feet now on the floor. Of course this guy was also Tooru’s height, Daichi realized amusedly. He understood now what Suga meant when they described Koutarou as intense. At the same time, Daichi immediately trusted him. Well, maybe not trusted him around, like, fragile objects. But trusted that he was a good guy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Koutarou. Uh...what’s your shirt?” Daichi asked, squinting at the text.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh!” The other man pulled the shirt away from his chest, stretching it out so everyone could see better. It read:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>SORRY</span>
</p><p>
  <span>MY HEART ONLY BEATS FOR</span>
</p><p>
  <span>MY FREAKING AWESOME</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wife</span>
</p><p>
  <span>SHE IS A BIT CRAZY</span>
</p><p>
  <span>SHE HAS ANGER ISSUES</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But She Is A Perfect Mixture</span>
</p><p>
  <span>OF SWEETHEART AND WARRIOR</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I LOVE HER SO MUCH AND</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She Is My Life</span>
</p><p>
  <span>FLIRT WITH ME</span>
</p><p>
  <span>THEY'LL NEVER FIND YOUR BODY</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(YES, SHE BOUGHT ME THIS SHIRT)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh...my god,” Tooru said, looking horrified but also like he was stifling a smile. Suga howled with laughter. “What the hell, Kou! Where’d you get that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A gag gift from a friend!” he said proudly. “I thought it was appropriate because what’s more creepy than heterosexual culture?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tetsurou wheezed. “Damn straight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi snorted. “That’s pretty good.” He glanced over at Keiji. “What about you, Keiji?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, well...I find fraternity brothers creepy.” Sure enough, he was wearing a dark blue polo, short salmon shorts, and...were those boat shoes?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keiji!” Suga exclaimed. “Oh my </span>
  <em>
    <span>god</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tetsurou snorted, leaning closer to Daichi to explain. “Keiji is about the furthest thing from preppy you can get. I’ve never seen him wearing anything close to any of those articles of clothing. You’ll understand the next time you see him.” He raised his voice to address the whole room. “That’s true commitment to the theme, Keiji.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think Keiji wins the best outfit of the night!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru huffed. “You </span>
  <em>
    <span>would </span>
  </em>
  <span>say that, Koutarou.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga leaned in and kissed his cheek. “Aww, don’t be jealous. You look beautiful, Tooru.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru stuck out his tongue and pulled his lower eyelid down in return, but the two of them were laughing so it was clear he wasn’t too upset. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>beautiful, though, with sparkly green eyeshadow on his upper lids and shimmery silver on his lower lids, extending down in two vertical streaks on his cheeks. His shirt had an alien doing a peace sign on it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Introductions more or less made, Tetsurou explained the pizza making to Keiji and Koutarou. “Uwaah!! Tetsu, it looks so good!” Koutarou said, his round, golden eyes wide. “And yours is so cute, Suga.” They had distributed little chunks of mozzarella, peppers, and cherry tomato to make a flower on top of the red sauce. Daichi’s was less attractive, but his mouth was already watering at the combination of pesto, mushrooms, and cheese he’d put together. Tetsurou put their pizzas in the oven along with his own, and the three of them gathered around the island while the others assembled theirs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So Daichi, what do you think of New York so far?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He considered Tetsurou’s question. “Well, I’ve been enjoying myself. It’s been fun hanging out with this one,” he said, inclining his head to point at his silver-haired roommate. “There’s still so much of the city I haven’t seen but...it definitely feels less clean and orderly than Tokyo.” Tetsurou laughed, and Daichi grinned abashedly. “I know that sounds stuck-up. It’s just a different feeling. It’s not bad, for the most part. Oh, and everything is so expensive here. And I have no idea how long a mile is, or how Farenheite works. But it’s a nice change of pace, being here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, I thought the subway was so grimy and disgusting when I first moved here,” Tetsurou agreed. “I’m from a small town in South Carolina, so the city was a shock.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“South Carolina…” Daichi repeated, brow furrowed. “I’m assuming that’s...in the south?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone laughed, but not unkindly. “You’d be correct, Dai-chan. It’s in the part of the country where it’s conservative, hot, and people say y’all,” Tooru explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It also happens to have natural beauty and incredible food, you Yankee,” Tetsurou shot back with a grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Tooru’s the only one of us who’s truly a born and bred New Yorker,” Suga said. Daichi realized in that moment that he didn’t actually know where Suga was from, just that it was a suburb. “And he’s just as snobby about it as you’d expect.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In your defense, you’ve gotten much more bearable since our freshman year,” Tetsurou added. “Koutarou, on the other hand, is still a Cali boy through and through.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep!” the man in question agreed. “Much less uptight, and better weather. Unlike poor Keiji...in </span>
  <em>
    <span>Canada</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Koutarou said, a pained, pitying expression on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Michigan is hardly Canada, Bokuto-san.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They share a border! Cold! Snow!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Snow is good for the soul,” Keiji pronounced, eyebrows furrowed as he placed basil leaves on top of his pizza.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d have to agree,” Suga said, leaning their elbows on the counter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ANYWAY, Daichi,” Koutarou interjected. “What’s it like living with Suga?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t spare any sordid details,” Tooru added, a scheming smile on his face. Suga rolled their eyes but still turned to Daichi, interested in what he’d say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He met Suga’s eyes, gazing at their face. “I don’t know...you’re disappointingly normal, unfortunately,” Daichi said, cracking a smile. “I’m trying to think. You’ve been very boring so far. I think the strangest thing that happened was you coming back to the apartment very early in the morning singing. But it wasn’t even bad, or particularly loud. I’m just a light sleeper.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh. That’s pretty tame considering the possibilities,” Tetsurou mused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Suga’s fun,” Koutarou added, the word heavy with implications coming from him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, I’d like Daichi to know me a little longer before all of my most fun moments come to light,” Suga interjected sternly, their authority undercut slightly by the grin on their face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, intriguing,” Daichi teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just stick with us, Daichi, we’ve got Suga stories for days,” Tooru said with a smirk, looping his arm around Suga’s waist. Suga scoffed, but Daichi didn’t miss the way they leaned into Tooru in return.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bokuto-san, are you finished with your pizza?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep! Tetsu, can we stick them on the tray?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go ahead, then you can put it in the oven,” Tetsurou replied, checking his watch. “The other ones should be ready soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji cleared his throat. “Tooru, if it would be okay with you, I had an idea for a game we could play while we eat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou nodded in endorsement, gazing at Keiji adoringly. “It’s fun! You all will like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru raised his eyebrows. “Sure Keiji. Want to explain it in the living room?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The six of them settled into places on the furniture. Daichi and Tetsurou sat in armchairs opposite the couch. Suga and Tooru occupied one half of the couch and Keiji and Koutarou the other, their body language looking like that of two couples, Daichi thought, a strange ache behind his sternum. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji was producing pens and paper from his bag, tearing the paper into tiny white strips. “It’s very easy. One person asks a question, everyone else writes down their answer anonymously, and the person who asked has to guess which answers correspond to which people.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ooh, I’ve played this!” Suga said, smiling at Keiji.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds fun,” Tetsurou said with a nod. “Let me get the first round of pizzas.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He came back momentarily, holding out Daichi’s plate with a flourish. “Your pizza, good sir.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Much obliged, dear sir,” Daichi said with a smirk, matching his formal tone. Tetsurou winked at him and </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh </span>
  </em>
  <span>that was interesting. At least, his dick seemed to think so.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” Keiji said once they were all settled, “I’ll ask the first question. If you were a mythical creature, what type of habitat would you live in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi glanced around to see how everyone reacted to a question that was sort of...well, off the wall. They all seemed engaged, though; Koutarou let out a pensive “hmm” and even the judgemental Tooru looked thoughtful. Daichi felt charmed; these people were kind of nerds, and he was into it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” Keiji said after collecting their slips in Koutarou’s baseball cap. “We’ve got: ‘a tropical ocean,’ ‘trees/the sky,’ ‘the forest,’ ‘a city,’ ‘a lake/pool in the forest.’” He gazed around the circle thoughtfully, then turned to Koutarou. “You’re not allowed to tell me if I’m right until I finish assigning them. But you’re the tropical ocean.” Koutarou’s emotions were laughably transparent--surprised, then sad Keiji guessed so easily, then happy because Keiji knew him </span>
  <em>
    <span>so well!</span>
  </em>
  <span>, then guilty because he wasn’t supposed to react, then struggling to look impassive. Daichi grinned and noticed Suga was also looking at Koutarou affectionately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tooru is trees/sky, and I think Tetsurou is the city. And then...Suga is a forest pool, and Daichi is the forest?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep,” Tetsurou said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keiji, did you rig this game?” Tooru joked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga turned to Daichi. “That means ours are swapped, because I put the forest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s still close, ours were similar,” Daichi said, impressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga can live in the forest and come visit you at your magic forest pool,” Keiji said, a small grin on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like a plan to me,” Suga said, smiling at him, and Daichi felt more pleased about their similar tastes in habitat than he had any right to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they were all writing down what food they would eat if they had to eat it every day for the rest of their lives (upon Koutarou’s request), Daichi blew on his pizza to cool it off and tentatively took a bite. The homemade crust tasted like wheat and yeast in a wholesome way. On top, the pesto and cheese melded together harmoniously, leaving him wanting another bite of their rich flavors. He looked up and made eye contact with Tetsurou.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi nodded and gave an enthusiastic thumbs up, mouth still full.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad.” He smiled and looked at Daichi a second longer before turning his attention back to Koutarou.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All right, we’ve got rice twice--kind of stereotypical here, guys--then bread, </span>
  <em>
    <span>milk </span>
  </em>
  <span>bread,” he said to various knowing chuckles, “and dark chocolate. Well, we all know which was Tooru’s.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think he basically already does eat milk bread everyday,” Suga teased, prompting Tooru to pinch their cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’m pretty sure Keiji put dark chocolate,” Koutarou mused, looking at Keiji’s impassive face for a clue. “And Tetsu eats a lot of rice. Then between Daichi and Suga...Daichi would pick rice and Suga would pick bread?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were nods all around the circle. “Nicely done, Bokuto-san,” Keiji said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Keiji!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, I’d like to know...what everyone’s most embarrassing moment is,” Tetsurou said with an evil glimmer in his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, god,” Daichi muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn Suga, how will you manage to choose just one?” Tooru taunted, then let out a yelp after Suga flicked them on the forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all passed their slips in with some trepidation. “Okay…” Tetsurou raised his eyebrows and grinned. “Oh my. Someone accidentally sent nudes to their manager.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a collective groan of embarrassment. “We also have ‘drunk dialed my ex’s new boyfriend,’ ‘got an email notification on my screen from a sex toy company while presenting to a full lecture hall,’ ‘threw up on a client,’ and ‘went out in public without pants on.’ Jesus! You all are messy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pfft, you’re one to talk, what about the time that you were in the lab at night--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, thank you Kou! Let’s see...I think Tooru sent nudes to his manager.” The man in question let out an embarrassed squawk. “I’m pretty sure Kou went out without pants. I’m going to say Daichi threw up on a client, that seems like the most innocuous one. Keiji, you can be kind of scary, so maybe you drunk dialed your ex’s new boyfriend? Then that leaves Suga getting the email notification...sure, let’s go with that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” Tooru burst out. “...I was the email one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oof, I remember that,” Suga laughed. “Yeah, I threw up on a client I was giving a lap dance to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh shit!” Daichi said, eyes wide. Suga winced. “Yeah, it was pretty traumatizing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well…” Daichi said, “...I may have done the drunk phone call.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No way,” Tetsurou said, raising his eyebrows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unfortunately, yes. The new boyfriend is also an old friend of mine, not just some random person, so it was doubly cringy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yikes, man,” Tetsurou said sympathetically. “Wait, does that mean…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keiji sent the nudes!” Koutarou exclaimed, staring at him with wide eyes. “You never told me about that!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was years ago, Bokuto-san,” Keiji said impassively. His pink cheeks were the only indication he felt any discomfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel like I learned a lot from this,” Suga mused, catching Daichi’s eye and smiling. He groaned but couldn’t help smiling back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The lesson here,” Tooru said grandly, “is that even people as classy as me have embarrassing moments.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This prompted a collective eye roll and a noogie courtesy of Suga, and next it was Daichi’s turn to ask a question. They played a couple more rounds, learning that Keiji’s dream job would be taking care of turtles on the Galapagos Islands, Tetsurou was deathly afraid of heights (the irony of him being the tallest one in the room wasn’t lost on anyone), and that if Koutarou could change one thing about himself, it would be his allergy to cats. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We might have to stop playing because Suga and Tooru always know all of each other’s answers,” Daichi observed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji hummed. “I think Tetsurou and Bokuto-san give them a run for their money. Sometimes I swear they’re mentally connected.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bro...I kind of love that for us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tetsu-bro!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh!” Tooru interjected. “We should do the...the wedding...what is it called?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, the newlywed game?” Suga said. “Yeah! We can compete.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does everyone want rosѐ? I’ll get glasses.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that the one where you’re back to back…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you answer the questions, yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou spotted Daichi’s confusion. “You and someone you know well sit back to back, then someone else asks questions like ‘who’s a better cook?’ And the person who’s a better cook drinks. But if both people drink or neither person drinks, they’re not in agreement, so they don’t get a point.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Traditionally, if neither person drinks, they then both have to drink, because drinking game,” Suga said. “But I think we’re mostly in it for the competition.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru distributed glasses and began pouring the rosѐ. “Alright,” Tetsurou said, leaning back in his chair, “Suga and Tooru go first and we’ll ask them ten questions.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ten </span>
  <em>
    <span>hard </span>
  </em>
  <span>questions,” Koutarou said, grinning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga-chan and I can take anything you throw at us,” Tooru said smugly, planting a kiss on Suga’s cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them settled back to back on the floor. “Okay,” Koutarou said thoughtfully, “who’s more likely to win a physical fight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga drinks; Tooru doesn’t. “Too easy, bro,” Tetsurou said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s more likely to break someone’s heart,” Keiji asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neither of them drank. “Nice, Keiji.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait a minute,” Suga said, turning to look at Tooru, “you’re such a dick. You’re way more likely to break someone’s heart.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, my dear Suga. Your kindness is exactly why you break more hearts. You lure in unsuspecting people and then shatter their dreams.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For the record, Daichi,” Suga said, looking to him, “that’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> true.” Keiji made a little noise that sounded like “well…” provoking a glare from Suga. “Traitor. Fine, ask another.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who cries more?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a beat, Suga drank in response to Tetsurou’s question. “But Tooru is a bigger crybaby.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s more outgoing?” Daichi tried. Tooru drank.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need to trip them up. Who’s slept with the oldest person?” Koutarou suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both drank, then turned to look at each other incredulously. “No way, dude,” Suga said. “I told you about that old guy that one time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru waggled his eyebrows. “Was he older than eighty?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A collective “eewwww” went up from the spectators and Tooru laughed. “He was a potential sugar daddy, but he was just too wrinkly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi shuddered. “I hope you got paid a lot for that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I did,” he said with a grin. “First and foremost, I am a businessman.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite Tetsurou and Koutarou’s best efforts, Suga and Tooru were frustratingly in agreement for the next handful of questions. Tooru was a bigger dork; Suga got hit on more often (“only because I’ve been told I’m intimidating,” Tooru insisted). Suga was more likely to get arrested (Daichi raised his eyebrows at that one), and Tooru was a sloppier drunk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Final question,” Koutarou frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s the better kisser?” Keiji called out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both drank without hesitation. “Oooh,” Tetsurou said teasingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tooru,” Suga sighed, “I know you’re prideful. But we’ve kissed before. You know I’m a good kisser.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The brunette gasped, wounded. “And you think I’m not? I’ve consistently been told I’m a great kisser.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them turned to their friends. “Well?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not getting in the middle of this,” Tetsurou said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I value my life,” Koutarou agreed. “Whatever. Now Tetsu and I are going to go ten for ten.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga scoffed. “I’ll believe it when I see it.” They and Tooru sat back on the couch together while the other two took their spot. Daichi poured himself another glass of wine and passed the bottle to Tetsurou.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s start with who’s a bigger dork,” Keiji said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both men drank enthusiastically and everyone laughed. “Ahh, no fair, we’re dorky in different ways,” Koutarou pouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s gotten laid more recently?” Tooru asked. Koutarou drank, and Daichi noted matching blushes on him and Keiji. Suga leaned over and whispered something in Tooru’s ear that sounded like “you’re so mean.” The two of them snickered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi asked who would be a better secret agent, prompting the two bros to have a passionate argument. “Hey, come join us, Daichi,” Suga said, patting the space on the couch between them and Keiji. He did so, making himself comfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “I like the new piercings, Daichi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, thank you--” he broke off, staring at Keiji. “Wait, could you tell they’re new?” From the outside, there weren’t any signs of redness or irritation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” the younger man flushed, “I apologize. I’ve seen pictures of you before you had them. I didn’t mean to bring it up; Suga mentioned you prefer not to talk about your career.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s alright,” he said, shaking his head, “don’t worry about it. Actually, I got them because a fan recognized me in public. Suga thought I should change my image a bit, throw people off. I was thinking about maybe getting a haircut, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see.” Keiji looked at him thoughtfully. “I think taking a little bit off on the sides to give it some shape would suit you. The top is nice with some length like it has now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I trust your opinion; your hair really suits you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you. My mother is a hairdresser, so I learned how to cut hair from her. I do my own, and Bokuto-san has trusted me with his as well,” he said, glancing fondly at his exuberant roommate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was probably the warm, fuzzy, relaxed feeling of the rosѐ speaking, but Daichi found himself asking, “Keiji, do you think I could pay you to cut my hair sometime?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji stared at him, baffled. “Oh, I--I’m not a professional, there are many good salons in the city--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I trust you and your artistic vision, and I’d rather not go somewhere snobby. I don’t mean to impose, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, not at all. I mean, if you’re sure.” Keiji glanced around the room. Suga was snuggled in Tooru’s lap, shouting at Koutarou and Tetsurou who were gesticulating and arguing back while Tooru laughed. “Sometimes, I find them tiresome,” he admitted. “What do you say we take a break from the action and I can cut your hair in the bathroom?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right now?” Daichi said, taken aback.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I appreciate spontaneity, and I think it’d be funny to see the looks on their faces when they realize what we’ve done. What do you think?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he thought about it, sitting in a quiet bathroom while the most laid-back person at the get-together played with his hair sounded like a great idea. “Let’s do it.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hey hey hey :)</p><p>god this slowburn is so slow. I'm just an impatient little baby who wants romance. damn you, character development</p><p>as always, thank you for reading :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. suga has a sleepover</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Five minutes later, Daichi was sitting on the edge of the bathtub with a fluffy teal towel around his neck. Keiji sized him up, finger combing through his hair to see how long it was. He had produced a pair of clippers from somewhere.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have thick hair.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’ve always been told that. I normally keep it a little shorter but I guess it’s been a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji hummed and attached a guard to the clippers. “Well, I’ll take some off the sides so it’s a little less shaggy and clean up around the edges. Nothing drastic.” He switched the clippers on. With the low sound of the buzz in the background, he smiled at Daichi and asked if it was okay to start, to which Daichi nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The gentle scraping across his scalp felt relaxing. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see dark fluffy clumps landing on his shoulders. After Keiji seemed to have found a rhythm, Daichi ventured an attempt at conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s your summer going so far?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji took a moment before answering. “I’m glad to be here instead of back home. It’s nice to have a bit of a break from classes. I have the hours of a normal workday, so I’m still busy, but I’m less stressed. Tilt your head a little this way?” He directed Daichi with a gentle push of his fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you enjoy the work you’re doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm...I’m the assistant to an editor at a literary magazine. She’s fairly insufferable, and I get the feeling that I was a bit of a diversity hire. But the work is interesting, and there are other people there I like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s frustrating. I’m glad you’re still getting something out of it, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji nodded. “I feel lucky to be there.” He moved to stand on the other side of Daichi. “Suga seems happy to be living with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a relief,” Daichi said with a small smile. “I’m happy to be with them. I think we live well together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you’re good for them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi tried to catch the other man’s eye to better read his expression, but he was standing too far to the side. “How so?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga can get sort of in their own head. Having someone around helps pull them out. Especially when that person is honest and open. It’s harder for them to fake it around you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can tell that from meeting me today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A small grin from Keiji. “Well, Suga and I talk too. But it’s nice to see you in action.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi laughed. “I was sort of nervous to meet everyone. There’s a lot of big personalities.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji’s fingers directed him to turn again. “Sometimes I’m genuinely confused as to how I ended up with all of them. But at heart, Tooru, Tetsurou, and Koutarou are just goofy babies. And don’t tell them I said this, but sometimes it’s nice to be dragged into their shenanigans. That does </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>leave this bathroom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes sir,” Daichi grinned at their stern tone. “I’m morbidly curious about some of the questionable behavior I’ve heard about because my college years were so tame. I lived at home and then I dropped out after two or so years and did the author thing. So I don’t have many wild stories.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that can be easily remedied. I think Tetsurou, in particular, would be interested in showing you a good time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi raised his eyebrows, trying to read the meaning behind his words. Keiji switched the guard and kept buzzing. “Was he flirting with me earlier?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji laughed. “Flirting is kind of his personality. But he’s definitely interested in you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.” Daichi pondered that, thinking back to the taller man’s confident smirk. “Interesting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a bang at the door. “HEY! Did you fall in?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keiji, what are you doing to Daichi??”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m ravishing him,” Keiji deadpanned. Daichi snorted, his head tipping forward. “Daichi, stop moving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We miiiiiiss you,” Tooru crooned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I miss you, Tooru,” Daichi called back, provoking a delighted gasp. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Daichi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He has to see you enough as it is, Suga.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mean, Keiji!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah. We’ll be out in a minute,” Keiji replied in a bored tone. He pulled back and finger combed through Daichi’s hair, getting any loose hairs out of the way. A smile grew on his face. “I’m not trying to boast, but I’m willing to bet you’re going to get even more attention from Tetsurou when you walk out of here. I’m just going to clean up your sideburns and around your neck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The suspense built while Keiji did the finishing touches and had Daichi ruffle his hair so the clipped ends floated onto the towel. “Alright, go look in the mirror,” Keiji said, dumping the hair clippings from the towel into the toilet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh...wow.” He hadn’t been expecting to look different because Keiji hadn’t taken much off. But his hair definitely had a shape now instead of just being sort of fluffy all around. It wasn’t a dramatic fade or anything--just a cleaned up version of what he already had. Somehow, he felt like it brought more attention to his eyes and made his face look a little more...intense?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really good,” Daichi said, looking at himself and experimentally running his fingers through it. “Thank you so much. How much do I owe you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji made a face and waved a hand dismissively. “Friends and family discount. Don’t worry about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I couldn’t--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously, don’t worry about it. The look on their faces will be payment enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’re sure…” Daichi trailed off. “I really appreciate it, thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem.” They smiled at each other. Daichi had come to admire Keiji in the couple of hours of knowing him. He was the type of quiet, interesting person you wanted to get to know better and make smile. Being on the receiving end of Keiji’s understated kindness made Daichi feel like he’d won something special. He hoped that this would be the beginning of their friendship.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then the liminal spell of their bathroom retreat was broken and they were walking back into the living room. “We’re back,” Daichi said. Immersed in conversation, Koutarou, Tetsurou, and Tooru glanced over briefly, but Suga was staring directly at Daichi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keiji...did you do this?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep.” The other three looked up. Koutarou looked excited, Tooru’s eyebrows were raised, and Tetsurou seemed...taken aback.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keiiiiiiji! You did such a good job!” Koutarou launched himself off the couch to go play with Daichi’s hair. “So soft.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I can’t take credit for that part.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still!” Daichi laughed, enjoying Koutarou’s casual affection.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi, don’t freak out, but you look hot,” Suga said with a grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I wasn’t hot before?” Daichi teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dumbass, you know what I mean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga’s right, Dai-chan,” Tooru winked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you think, Tetsurou?” Daichi said, tilting his head. Confidence from the others spurred him to throw caution to the wind and flirt a little.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh. It’s okay, I guess,” he joked, a coy smile and burning gaze displaying his true feelings on the subject. Daichi wanted to go sit next to him, but then Koutarou drew Daichi’s attention by asking if he still played volleyball. Magnetic golden eyes captured his attention as the two of them discussed positions, strategy, team dynamics, and pro players. He learned that Koutarou was considering going pro when he was in high school, and he gasped with jealousy and excitement when Daichi talked about former teammates that were playing in pro leagues. Daichi wasn’t in poor shape, but he hadn’t played serious volleyball in a while. Nevertheless, Koutarou made him promise that he’d come play pickup games with him and some of his friends. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Keiji came over to join the conversation, Tooru took advantage of Koutarou’s distraction and pulled Daichi over to the couch. He folded his lanky body between the arm of the couch and Suga, gesturing for Daichi to sit on Suga’s other side. “So, Daichi. Are you free two weeks from now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhh...I should be. I don’t have any events going on, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga shook their head and looked questioningly at Tooru. “What’s happening two weeks from now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru beamed, his bright smile accentuated by his sparkly eyeshadow. “Suga and I are performing at a talent show!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was clearly news to Suga, who squinted suspiciously at Tooru. “No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes! They’re using the cover fee for a good cause and Tetsurou’s bar is hosting it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the cause?” Daichi asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Our friend--well, more Tetsurou’s friend, really, but he’s raising money to pay for top surgery.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What friend?” Suga frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yaku Morisuke! You love Yaku-san!” Suga grimaced reluctantly, then sighed. “Yeah, I do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does that mean you’ll do it?” Tooru said hopefully. “Please? I don’t want to do it alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga laughed. “That’s a lie, you love attention.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru huffed. “Well, maybe, but it’ll be more fun if you’re there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So would you be...dancing?” Daichi asked curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They rolled their hazel eyes. “Pole dancing, unfortunately. Much more of a crowd pleaser.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have they showed you videos, Daichi?” Tooru asked innocently. “Suga’s really talented.” He draped his arm around their shoulders and squeezed, seeming to revel in their discomfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhh...I haven’t seen any of Suga’s dancing,” he admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then you definitely have to come the Saturday after next!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you want to see real dancing, I have actual stuff on my Instagram. I suppose it’s only fair, since you let me read some of your writing.” They grinned at him, giving him the feeling they weren’t just offering out of obligation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s your username?” Daichi asked innocently, angling his screen away from them so they couldn’t see their account suggested in “Recently Searched.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just Koushi Sugawara.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Kay, I’m following you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Much appreciated,” they said, pulling out their phone to follow him back. “Wait, is this you? Captain_thighs?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unfortunately. I let my teammates set it up for me years ago. Then they bullied me into not changing it and it kind of...stuck?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, I’m following you too,” Tooru said, whipping out his phone. “Tell you post thigh pics.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It isn’t your official author account, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed. “Hell no. My agent mostly manages that one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru peered at Daichi’s phone. “Oh wait, scroll down--you have to watch this one dance they did, it’s got purple lighting--that one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi tapped on it and turned the volume up. “Ah, it’s weird being right next to you as you watch,” Suga said, shifting in their seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be self-conscious, Suga-chan.” Daichi was barely aware of Tooru leaning into Suga teasingly. His eyes were fixed on the screen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t know the first thing about dancing. He had no idea what anything happening on the screen was called, or how it happened. But watching Suga made him want to dance. They made dancing look like walking, or breathing. As if it were something that would be second nature to anyone. Their movements were graceful but precise, dramatic but also deeply quiet and personal. In this video that had been recorded months ago, that thousands of people had seen, that he was watching in a small window on his phone--it felt like Suga was dancing for him. He felt the need to slow the video down, appreciate the ever-changing art of their body frame by frame so no detail escaped him. Daichi had worried about watching Suga dance, afraid he wouldn’t be able to hide his attraction to them. Thankfully (pathetically?), he was too captivated to be aroused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sixty seconds later, the clip was over. Daichi felt as if he were waking from a dream as he dragged his eyes to Suga and Tooru’s faces. “Uh...you’re really...good at dancing?” he tried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru laughed and Suga smiled ruefully. “Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean...sorry. Better than good. I just don’t have the vocabulary. I’ve never seen anything like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad you liked it. Please don’t expect anything like that if you end up coming to the talent show.” Tooru snorted in response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi had no clue what to say to that; luckily, Tetsurou saved him by plopping down next to him on the couch. “Hey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” Daichi said, glad to shift his attention. “I was hearing about a talent show happening at the bar you work at?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, for my buddy Morisuke. You’re coming, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wouldn’t miss it,” Daichi said with a smile. “How long have you worked there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm, I guess about a year now? I really lucked out, I was applying to all sorts of places after I finished up taking a bartending course and the place that hired me happened to have great management. And my coworkers are all really cool.” He took a sip of his wine and smiled. “The idea is that I start working at an industry job soon, but part of me would love to become a manager at the bar and work there as a full-time job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds more fun,” Daichi replied honestly. “I’m excited to check it out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, I was going to ask if anyone wanted to grab a drink there tonight before we all head home--would you like to come?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhh,” he said intelligently, “yeah. Yeah, I’d be down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tetsurou grinned, giving him flirty sex-eyes. Or were those just his eyes? Either way, it was hot, and Daichi felt out of his depth. “Cool. Let me ask Kou and Keiji.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi decided to duck into the bathroom to get a grip while Tetsurou was occupied. Suga and Tooru had gotten up, and they didn’t seem to be in the kitchen either. He didn’t think anything of it until he rounded the corner of the hallway--</span>
</p><p>
  <span>--and an obnoxiously tall brunette with great cheekbones was casually leaning over someone pressed against the wall. Someone shorter, with gray hair, wearing a leopard print t-shirt that Daichi remembered from earlier that evening, when Suga had come out of their room wearing it and asked if it looked okay on them. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Suga</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Suga and Tooru. Kissing. Tooru’s long fingers curled around Suga’s hips. Suga’s arms wrapped around Tooru’s neck, insistently pulling him closer.  He felt his stomach bottom out as he watched their lips press together. Had Suga’s bottom lip always been so full and pink? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them pulled apart with a wet sound. Suga’s mouth was glossy and open as Tooru apologized, and Daichi apologized, words overlapping until Daichi made it past them and shut himself in the bathroom. White noise filled his brain. He used the bathroom, splashing water on his face after washing his hands. He braced himself on the counter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt hot all over. It wasn’t jealousy, not exactly. Daichi wasn’t angry at Tooru, didn’t feel possessive. But the image of the two of them was burned behind his eyelids. Seeing what Suga’s body, face, lips looked like while they were kissing someone was enough to knock him over. But more than that, it was seeing Suga’s unguarded desire that sent shivers through him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Back in the living room, Suga and Tooru didn’t act any differently, except for a slight blush on Suga’s cheeks when he met their eyes. Keiji and Koutarou were closer than they had been all night, Koutarou sitting on the arm of Keiji’s chair. Their shoulders were pressed together but they refused to look each other in the eye, as if doing so would mean acknowledging the unspoken connection between them. They looked good together, Daichi thought, smiling at how Keiji fiddled with his hands and tried to act aloof. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon after, the duo were making excuses (“you don’t have to leave too, Bokuto-san,” “but you’re tired! Let’s go back together”) and saying their goodbyes. After several “it was great to meet you”s and “let’s do this again soon”s, only Daichi, Suga, Tooru, and Tetsurou remained. Daichi wondered what Suga was thinking, if they felt embarrassed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Were you going to stop by the bar with us?” Daichi asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga and Tooru exchanged glances. “I think I’ll probably stay in tonight,” Tooru apologized. “But let’s all go out some other time soon!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You two should go ahead,” Suga said with a yawn. “I’m going to lie here and sober up a little, then I’ll probably just head straight home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds like an offer to help me tidy up,” Tooru said, ruffling his hand through Suga’s hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But of course,” they returned with a grin. The four of them did another round of goodbyes. Daichi thanked Tooru for hosting and said a dramatic farewell to Suga.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll meet again someday!” Suga called.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss you already,” Daichi replied, closing the door behind him and a snorting Tetsurou.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once outside and on the subway, Daichi felt more relaxed and anticipatory at the same time. It was a little intimidating having all of Tetsurou’s attention focused on him. But at the same time, he was relieved that the stakes were lower. It was much more acceptable to accidentally flirt too much with someone he wasn’t living with. And so he leaned into the other man’s space as Tetsurou recounted some of the most memorable patrons he’d met while bartending. It was good, easy, and they were laughing together by the time they walked into Nine Lives. It looked reliably dingy from the outside, and was bigger on the inside than Daichi would have guessed.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They perched at the bar and Tetsurou introduced him to the man serving them drinks. Daichi forgot the name almost immediately, distracted by the guy’s shaved head and bleached blond mohawk. He realized later that he couldn’t have been at the bar all that long, but his memories smeared into a mix of dim lighting and Tetsurou’s sharp jawline. There was Tetsurou’s hand on his arm, and then his hand on Tetsurou’s thigh. And in contrast, a bright, white-walled employee bathroom. Cold tiles under his knees and his nose pressed into the warm crease of Tetsurou’s upper thigh. A hand gripping Daichi’s hair as he choked, then a hand unzipping his pants and reaching into them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then Daichi on the subway alone, looking in the window to see his reflection still wearing Suga’s sequined shirt. He could taste Tetsurou on his lips as he shuffled into an empty apartment, Suga’s shoes nowhere to be seen by the door.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sometimes, foreplay is you and your crush in the same room both flirting with different people~~</p><p>Daichi's Instagram username is a nod to an iconic daisuga fic by notsoblake called "i'll be your biggest fan and you'll be mine"!</p><p>much to come next time, including the meeting of an iconic duo and Daichi's first ever book event in the U.S. :O thanks for reading :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. daichi arm wrestles children</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>For the record, Daichi hardly thought about Suga at all during the first day of camp. He arrived promptly at eight and helped Hajime set up the equipment, as well as tables and chairs. As kids and parents trickled in, Hajime welcomed them and chatted with the parents. Daichi sat at the tables with the kids while they decorated nametags and doodled. It was funny how you could get a read on a kid’s personality within thirty seconds of knowing them, Daichi mused as two boys chased each other around the tables cackling. The little Nishinoyas-in-the-making juxtaposed a girl and boy who were studiously working on making their nametags perfect, the girl across from them who seemed perfectly content to watch them and babble, and a handful of kids who had already decided Coach Daichi was the most interesting person they had ever met.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were fourteen kids gathered by 9:10 when they began, and the fifteenth and final one was hustled in shortly thereafter by an apologetic father. Nine boys and six girls (well, according to their parents, at least). Hajime was a natural coach. His kindness and self-assuredness made him immediately seem like a trustworthy adult. Daichi found himself reflecting back to when he was nine and the teenage boys and young men in his life were impossibly cool. He remembered fixating on a few in particular: an older brother of a friend, an assistant coach, the cashier at the grocery store. Looking at their tan biceps and broad shoulders gave him a warm, fluttery feeling. Only years later did he realize the intense desire to be around them and get their attention was what people called a crush. As he glanced around the circle of fourth and fifth graders and their sincere focus on the adult leading them, he felt his heart squeeze. Knowing that some of them kids would grow up to be queer made him want to protect and encourage them all even more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime’s main priority for the morning was helping everyone feel comfortable and get to know each other. They played name games passing the volleyball back and forth, adding more balls into the mix until it devolved into giggly chaos. Then Hajime produced balloons that a few lucky volunteers blew up, and they split into groups to play the ever-iconic “don’t let the balloon touch the ground.” After more games and running around, it was lunchtime, and even the most stone-faced campers had cracked a smile at least once. While most of the kids scurried over to grab their lunchboxes, Sarai, a girl with dark eyes and hair in two perfect braids, lingered back with Daichi. Looking at the ground, she told him that her mom didn’t know she needed to pack a lunch. Thankfully, Hajime had mentioned this possibility to him earlier, and he reassured her, telling her she could come with him to pick up a lunch from the fridge behind the front desk. Daichi overheard her voice after sitting down at the table, telling the kids next to her that her mom had dropped it off earlier. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He mentioned it in passing to Hajime, as they took a breather from mingling with the kids to scarf down some snacks of their own. They traded a couple more initial thoughts from the morning before they were called over to participate in an impromptu arm-wrestling tournament. (Brandon, a tall fifth grader wearing an Underarmor tank top, was second only to Daichi. Hajime said he would </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe </span>
  </em>
  <span>agree to arm-wrestle Coach Daichi on the last day of camp, provoking several excited gasps and bets about who would win.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first hour after lunch felt like three as they practiced passing with beach balls, then large kid-sized volleyballs in small groups. After that, though, the afternoon flew by with more games and drills. Daichi tried to commit all the names to memory as he walked around and helped out; by the time three p.m. rolled around, he felt confident in about half of them. When camp activities ended, Hajime pulled out basketballs in addition to the volleyballs, beach balls, and balloons for the late pickup campers to use at their leisure. Daichi ended up stationed at what was repurposed as the arts and crafts tables, overseeing drawing, bracelet making, and Legos. He only kept half an eye on the campers departing one by one; Hajime was in charge of checking the clipboard to make sure everyone went home with an approved guardian. Bryan was trying to explain his Lego architecture concept to Daichi and Luis when he heard a voice by the door that sounded...familiar?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Takeru, you ready to head out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A boy with short dark hair glanced over from where he was shooting hoops and said his goodbyes to the kids around him. Takeru’s guardian was a tall, brunette, handsome...</span>
  <em>
    <span>oh.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry Bryan, I’ll be back, okay?” Daichi jogged over to the door. “Tooru!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime and Tooru both glanced up at him, surprised. “Daichi! What are you doing here?” His brown eyes flicked down to the nametag on Daichi’s chest. “I didn’t know you were coaching.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, um--Hajime, this is my friend, Tooru.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tooru Oikawa,” he grinned, extending his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hajime Iwaizumi.” They shook hands and Takeru sidled up to hover a couple of feet behind Tooru. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Takeru is my nephew,” Tooru explained. Hajime flipped through his paperwork with a frown to verify that Tooru was indeed telling the truth. “‘Course, I don’t know why he needs to come to camp when his uncle could teach him everything he needs to know about volleyball.” He ruffled Takeru’s hair, prompting the boy to form a grimace that looked eerily similar to Hajime’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that so,” Hajime said drily, unimpressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep,” Tooru replied with a smirk. “It’s okay, I’m sure you and Daichi must be decent too, Iwa-chan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so embarrassing,” Takeru groaned. “I’m leaving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you tomorrow! Say hi to Suga for me, Daichi,” Tooru said, waving and following his nephew out the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime stared after him, looking equal parts baffled and murderous. “...Did I just hallucinate, or did he call me Iwa-chan?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhh. I don’t think you hallucinated unless I hallucinated the same thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime raised an eyebrow. “And you’re friends?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Friends is probably stretching it. I know him through Suga, but somehow I thought he’d be offended if I introduced him as my acquaintance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh. Is he actually good at volleyball?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m honestly not sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He better not be,” Hajime grumbled before putting on a friendly face to talk to Aaron’s babysitter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two kids remaining at 4:45 helped them put everything away, and the gym was blessedly clear of equipment and children by five.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you have fun?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi sighed. “How do they have so much...energy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The eternal question,” Hajime said with a grin. “I have to do a couple things in the office, but maybe we can debrief more tomorrow morning?” Daichi agreed, happy to get back to his couch sooner rather than later. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So really, it was only when he was on the subway home when he let his thoughts drift back to Suga. He had woken up yesterday with a gross-tasting mouth and badly needing a shower. The door to Suga’s room was slightly cracked at the same angle it had been the night before. They didn’t appear until later that morning, looking refreshed and maybe a little embarrassed. Daichi was sitting in the living room with his laptop when they came in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” he replied, looking up from what he’d been writing. “How was your night?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could ask you the same thing,” Suga said, considering him with a grin. They were wearing a Columbia t-shirt and shorts that looked too big on them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was...fine. Good. Tetsurou is cool.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop smirking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t! You’re just cute together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what about </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh. It’s just Tooru. It’s just a thing that...happens.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh. Cute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga rolled their eyes. “Absolutely not. That dweeb is the most platonic sex partner you can imagine.” They disappeared into the kitchen and came back with a bowl of Cheez-Its. Daichi made grabby hands and they held it out so he could take a couple.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I interrupting your writing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really, I was just checking email and got distracted by jotting some stuff down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Interesting stuff?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hesitated. “A bit of poetry, actually, which I never write. I don’t really know what came over me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! Well, don’t let me distract you. Want me to sit somewhere else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi reassured them they didn’t need to leave, and they laid on the couch while he tried to find his groove again. Unfortunately, he was irreversibly distracted, but he had a feeling the same would be true even if Suga were sitting elsewhere. His mind had taken the appearance of his roommate as a cue to replay the events of the previous night. Suga’s arms around Tooru’s neck. They had said the sex was platonic, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t good. Probably better than good, the way they were kissing each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi replayed that conversation from Sunday all the way home from camp, trying to convince himself not to picture Suga having sex with Tooru. One saving grace about these awkward feelings for Suga, though, was that they were less distracting when they hung out. As the two of them ate dinner together that night and Daichi recounted his day with the campers, being with them felt as comfortable as always. And he was able to brush away any lingering thoughts that arose while they watched Avatar together, Daichi’s legs in Suga’s lap. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Day two went similarly to the first day, except for the hurdle of some emerging cliques. As a result, some of the shy kids were left on the outside, and many of the girls seemed more hesitant about being competitive with the boys. A quick chat with Hajime over lunch led them to split everyone into pre-assigned pairs (and one group of three) for drills, so the kids got to mingle with new people. Both coaches made a point of keeping an eye on the girls, encouraging them to get their egos on par with the more boisterous boys. It seemed to make a difference when they formed teams of three and had two three-on-three games going at once, with each coach supervising a game. It was rewarding to see the excitement that came from groups making successful passes and spikes. Once again, the afternoon flew by. After three, a cluster of kids asked Daichi to show them how far he could serve the ball, and he helped them with their forms as they attempted to also send the ball flying to the other end of the gym.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he heard Tooru’s voice calling Takeru over, Daichi glanced up to see if Hajime needed rescuing--only to see another familiar face. Suga waved to him with a little grin and Daichi was suddenly very aware of the sweaty patches on his t-shirt. He went over to say hi, wiping his forehead and hoping he didn’t smell awful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m surprised you and Tooru haven’t met before, Hajime,” Suga was saying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do remember Issei mentioning a friend from high school, but that guy was named Crappykawa.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru looked offended. “That asshole. Absolutely no one calls me that, Iwa-chan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Funny you should say that, because no one calls me Iwa-chan either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I apologize for him,” Suga smiled at Hajime while Tooru squawked. An embarrassed Takeru nudged Suga. “Can we go please, niisan?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So did you learn anything in camp today, Takeru?” Tooru said, blithely ignoring his request.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, we worked on passing and spiking,” the boy answered, looking at his coaches for approval.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And have they taught you how to serve yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re starting on serves tomorrow,” Hajime cut in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm. Interesting. Does the Y make their coaches pass any type of sports competency test before they let them mold impressionable children?” Tooru questioned innocently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I assure you Daichi and I are more than qualified,” Hajime said, a tight smile on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How nice. Then perhaps the four of us could give the kids a little demonstration?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The four of who now?” Suga said, frowning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little two-on-two. Me and Suga versus the coaches, maybe on the last day of camp? It’s okay if you don’t want to, though!  I </span>
  <em>
    <span>completely </span>
  </em>
  <span>understand if Iwa-chan is worried about getting shown up in front of his campers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi could see a vein twitching in Hajime’s forehead. “Sounds like fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great!” Tooru cheered. “I look forward to it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A red-faced Takeru took Suga by the hand and began pulling them by force out of the gym. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry again about him,” Suga called. “Good to see you, Hajime, see you later, Daichi!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru followed behind with a wave. “See you tomorrow Daichi, Iwa-chan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi.” Hajime said, grinding his teeth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going to pulverize them on Friday.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t wear a t-shirt to this thing, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well…” Suga hesitated. “I mean, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>can </span>
  </em>
  <span>wear whatever you want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds like a no.” Daichi looked into his closet, frowning. He didn’t have that many clothes, and he wasn’t even sure what he was supposed to look like.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe if it’s a nice t-shirt? I don’t know how these things normally go, but it’s probably most important that you look and feel good regardless of how formal you dress.” They walked over from where they were standing in the doorway. “What about the new black button down? The short-sleeved one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi pulled it out and held it up to his chest. The shirt had subtle teal and emerald vines and leaves on it. “Do you think it looks too...gay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga laughed. “I don’t think I’m qualified to answer that. Are patterns inherently gay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at himself in the mirror thoughtfully. “Eh. Maybe a little.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But a little gay is okay. It’s like, your thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, my brand: gay, but not enough to make hets uncomfortable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They snorted. “Precisely. Do you have pants to go with it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got dark blue and khaki.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Try the dark blue first, maybe. Want me to step out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t care.” Suga angled themself slightly away from him so they weren’t staring. “What are you wearing?” Daichi asked as he took his shorts off, trying to stop any weird tension before it started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No idea. I have to calibrate my outfit based on yours. It wouldn’t look good if your assistant looked better than you, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I sort of feel that that might happen regardless.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga snorted. “Have a little faith in yourself, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My self-esteem is fine, it’s just that you’re unfairly attractive.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Daichi settled for rolling his eyes even though Suga couldn’t see him. As he buttoned up the shirt, he turned to look at his reflection in the mirror. “I think the dark blue was the right call.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga looked over, eyes landing on his bare chest before meeting his gaze in the mirror. “I agree. Do you feel confident?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pants fit him well from all angles, and the shirt looked good on him, playing off his dark hair and eyes. “Hmm. Yes, actually. And I think my red Vans will look good with it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice.” They smiled at him. “Alright, let me go figure something out.” Daichi changed the black studs in his ears to silver ones and wandered down to the kitchen while Suga changed. He nibbled on some blueberries, not wanting to eat a proper dinner due to nerves. The two of them had decided to go out to eat to celebrate after the event. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They came downstairs wearing a dark purple short-sleeved shirt tucked into nice black jeans. The purple made their skin and hair look even more luminous, and their hair was doing something casually styled and swoopy. Suga checked and double-checked that Daichi had everything he needed--which, really, was just a water bottle, a couple of pens, his copy of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Apartment 47</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and wallet-keys-phone. The two of them fidgeted, killing time before they had to go. As Daichi tried to catch blueberries in his mouth, Suga wandered around, stockpiling anything they came across that could be helpful. Daichi saw at least a chapstick, an extra water bottle, cough drops, a light sweater, hand sanitizer, a new change of clothes for Daichi, a highlighter, a bottle of green tea, fruit snacks, a phone charger, bandaids, oil absorbing wipes, baby wipes, deodorant, and extra earbuds disappear into their bag. He had to put his foot down when he saw them trying to stuff in a volleyball. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, the two decided to head out a little earlier than planned rather than linger. They chatted on the train downtown, Daichi overexaggerating stories about camp drama to make Suga laugh. Suga predicted that Tooru and Hajime would be together within a month, while Daichi scoffed, saying Hajime had too much self-respect for that. After a while, that sat in silence, sharing a pair of earbuds that played one of Suga’s “pump-up” playlists.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bookstore, like most everything in New York, was just a couple of blocks away from the subway station. The storefront was a little shabby but well-loved, with eclectic posters and stickers lining the windows and whimsically arranged book displays. A blackboard out front read in colorful chalk:</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> TONIGHT!!!! @ 8 pm</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi Sawamura</span>
</p><p>
  <span>NYT bestselling author of </span>
  <span>Apartment 43</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reading and book signing</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Several patrons were milling around the stacks when Daichi and Suga walked up to the register. The young man behind the counter looked up, eyes widening. “Hi, I’m--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr. Sawamura! Yes--let me grab my manager.” He scurried away, and Suga caught Daichi’s eye with an amused look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The manager, Ms. Kovalakis, was thankfully more calm. She was older, with graying hair pulled back into a ponytail and sea-glass earrings. They shook hands and made introductions, and she showed them to the podium, book-signing table, and chairs that were set up. Her accent and her grounded air made Daichi feel more at ease. He and Suga joked around, Daichi hamming it up at the podium while Suga sat in the sea of chairs taking pictures. Suga received their very own practice signature in Daichi’s copy of the book: “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Suga, let’s grab dinner after this?? ;) xx Daichi Sawamura.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He almost forgot that people were actually coming until Ms. Kovalakis came over to give them a fifteen minute warning and told them to go into the “greenroom,” also known as the curtain behind the podium. Suga poked their head out to report on what was happening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah, looks like they were lining up outside and now they’re letting the people at the front of the line get seated first…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are there a lot of people?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh...I think the sixty chairs are definitely going to fill up. And there will probably be people who have to stand in the back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They looked back at his tense face. “Hey, you’re alright. Want cough drops or tea or anything?” He shook his head. “You’re a little shiny, is it okay if I blot you a little?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” He closed his eyes while Suga gently patted his face with the oil-absorbing sheets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me back here? I could also stand off to the side or at the back of the room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe to the side? Where I can see you and you can get to me easily if you think I’m going to pass out.” They stopped blotting and Daichi opened his eyes to see their reassuring smile. “You’re not going to pass out. But yes, of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you’ll be nearby during the signing part.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep. Ms. Kovalakis will be in charge of hustling people along if they try to stay and chat with you, but just catch my eye if you need more water or a quick break or anything.” The murmuring of people taking their seats was growing louder on the other side of the curtain. “Hey, no matter what happens, in a few hours we’ll be watching Avatar on the couch. Everything will be just fine.” Suga smiled at him with utmost confidence, and Daichi couldn’t help but smile back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon enough they heard Ms. Kovalakis doing a mic check and the crowd settling down. Daichi’s stomach swooped with anticipation at the sudden quiet, but all of a sudden Suga’s hand was squeezing his sweaty one. “Thank you, for all of this,” he murmured, eyes fixed on the ground. Their presence made him feel steady. At that moment, there was no person in the world he’d rather have by his side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank me later, over dinner,” Suga whispered back with a grin. “Go get ‘em.” They met his eyes and gave his hand another firm squeeze before slipping around the curtain to take their place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi bounced on the balls on his feet, listening to the manager’s explanation of the night’s event and her brief introduction of him. It was something Suga had approved on his behalf, and he didn’t pay much attention to it: something about where he was born, where he went to college and his early writing career. A basic description of the novel’s themes and the various praises attached to it. Statistics of its success. Some quote of his own about what he hoped to achieve through his writing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...He is currently visiting New York while working on his next novel. We are very pleased to host this renowned author at Alleyway Books for his first public event in the States. Please join me in giving a warm welcome to Mr. Daichi Sawamura.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then his feet were moving of their own accord, walking out from behind the curtain to the sound of applause. He gripped his book in his left hand and shook Ms. Kovalakis’s with his right, then turned to the podium to adjust the microphone. Suga had been right; all the seats were filled and there was a large crowd of people at the back of the room. Daichi’s eyes darted around the room and finally found that familiar head of silver hair. He smiled at the thumbs-up they gave him, took a breath, and began to speak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Ms. Kovalakis, for your kind welcome. It’s a pleasure to be in New York and especially to be here at Alleyway Books. This little novel of mine has received love and support outside of my home country that I never would have dared to dream of. So I’m very grateful to you and very glad to be here with you tonight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought I’d read a section from chapter eight. For me, community has always been at the heart of this novel, and much of that community is shaped by the characters Sunako and Azumi. I wanted their relationship to develop outside heteronormative conventions of love and be shaped by expectations of womens’ work and caretaking. So this passage explores the deepening connection between them.” He flipped to the page he had marked beforehand, met Suga’s eyes one more time, and began to read. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Azumi had always fallen asleep easily. She was good at compartmentalizing. Even when the day’s tensions and tomorrow’s anxieties weighed on her, she was able to clear her mind and relax into her body’s exhaustion. But when Sunako was curled up by her side on their shared futon, Azumi found herself staring alert at the ceiling. At first, she attributed it to the too-full feeling in her heart. But weeks passed and that ache dulled to a constant warmth in her chest, and still she couldn’t drift off as she had when sleeping alone…</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi continued to read, keeping a measured pace and an expressive tone. He remembered to glance up occasionally to make eye contact with the audience. Once he got started, it felt easy to let the words flow. Not thinking, just reading sentence after sentence until he reached the end of the passage he had marked with a green sticky note. Daichi paused, letting the final words settle, then broke the silence with a “thank you.” The room stayed silent for a long moment before applause began to break out. He exhaled a breath he didn’t know he was holding and looked up to see Suga clapping too, a wide smile on their face. Ms. Kovalakis came back to the mic, thanking him and asking for the audience to form a single file line. As he took a seat at the table, he heard her say something like “I assure you that Mr. Sawamura isn’t going anywhere and everyone will have a turn, please refrain from fighting to the front.” Amidst the commotion, he felt a familiar hand on his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, that was excellent.” Suga was smiling at him proudly. “You were great.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. It made me want to read the book.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I would love for you to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? You’re sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I want to know what you think of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll get on it, then.” The moment between them was interrupted by the first person in line hovering nervously a safe distance away from the table. Suga squeezed his shoulder and slipped away, and Daichi greeted the mousy, middle-aged man waiting for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi always had to fight the impulse to dissuade his fans from thinking too highly of him. It had taken him a while to learn to graciously accept praise he didn’t feel he deserved. Now, once he got in the pattern of doing so, it was easy to repeat his little act with each person he greeted. He told himself it didn’t count as being ingenuine if it was for the sake of being polite and kind. And it felt good to see people’s eyes light up as he listened to them. He heard about the reasons the book resonated with people and what their favorite parts were. And he consistently disappointed people when they asked (each time brimming with hopefulness bordering on desperation) if there would be a sequel. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was tiring but not tedious. Daichi enjoyed seeing the diverse microcosm of New Yorkers who liked his book. There were lots of young people--some as young as what looked to be middle school age, which made Daichi cringe. No one under sixteen should be reading sex scenes he wrote. The ones closer to his own age tended to be a little bashful, trying to seem cool and relate to him as a fellow young adult. In particular, his ego enjoyed the attention from cute guys whose cheeks pinked as they spoke to him. And if he leaned forward in his seat, tilted his head to the side, and locked eyes with them as he gave them a cute half-smile, well. He was only human. He’d gotten equally proficient at turning clipped and professional when weirdos complimented him with a little too much interest. Ms. Kovalakis heroically saved him several times from men and women who wanted to get to know him better or show him around the city (because the novel “really resonated with them” and “they’d have a lot in common”). Mostly, though, people were kind and easygoing. He’d gotten into such a rhythm that he was taken aback when he glanced to meet the next person and there was no one left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve been at it for almost two hours,” Suga said, coming to lean on the table next to Daichi. “How do you feel?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled out the phone to check the time. “I can’t believe it’s already ten.” He propped his head up with his hand. “I feel--like this.” His eyes closed and his mouth stretched open in a yawn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They chuckled. “Alright, sleepyhead. Let’s say goodbye.” The two of them found Ms. Kovalakis, who thanked them effusively. He scrawled his signature one more time on a promotional poster for her. She pressed a new book onto each of them over their protests (“Have you read these yet? Good, good--I think you’ll like them--no, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>must</span>
  </em>
  <span> take them!”).</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think she liked us,” Suga said with a grin after they said a final goodbye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Course she did. We’re charming as hell.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lady killers, the pair of us.” They dissolved into laughter, releasing the seriousness of the night’s whole affair. The mugginess and the dark gray sky hugged them as they walked down the sidewalk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So should we pick something up to go? Order in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, let’s sit for a bit. I’m more awake now, walking. And I want to enjoy being free.” They ended up sitting at a counter in the window of a no-frills pizza place, sharing a Coke and scarfing down the floppy, greasy slices.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why is it </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga just closed their eyes and shook their head, smiling reverently. “God is gracious and merciful.” They both sated their hunger in content silence for a while.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, I know you’re going to be skeptical,” Suga said, sipping out of the side of the plastic fountain drink cup. “But that was really impressive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi raised his eyebrows, waiting for their rationale before he protested. “I never would have known you were nervous. You were a natural. I would say smooth, but that sounds kind of douche-y. It was...easy, listening to you read. You drew everyone in so effortlessly. Like you were telling a story while we all sat around a campfire or something.” Suga paused. “You’ve got kind of a charismatic presence you’ve been keeping under wraps,” they said teasingly, bumping their ankle against his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, well. I know how to put on a show.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! And let’s not forget about your flirting with those poor guys who were clearly besotted with you. Don’t think I didn’t see that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, I gotta deliver the full Sawamura Daichi experience, you know?” Suga snorted. “Don’t hate the player, hate the game, or something like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The game of book signings as a famous author?” they said, amused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” Daichi folded his arms on the counter and rested his head on them, facing his friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you just </span>
  <em>
    <span>leaving </span>
  </em>
  <span>your crust?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your disgust stings. Yes. You have it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They plucked it off his paper plate and looked out onto the street as they chewed. The two of them were the only customers, save for a woman in a denim jacket talking quietly on her phone. The rush of being done with the event had left him, and Daichi felt tired in his bones. He started calculating how much sleep he’d get that night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, by the way. For saying nice stuff about how I did a good job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga shrugged. “It’s the truth. You’re impressive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So are you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, no Uno reverse cards here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He huffed out a laugh. They slid the plastic cup over to him and he drained the last sip of soda, half melty ice sloshing to meet his mouth. “Shall we?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the subway back, Suga started reading his book (after asking if it would be weird to do so with him right there). They leaned their head on his shoulder, and a few stops Daichi rested his head on top of theirs. His eyes were closed most of the way back, save for the times he cracked his eyes open to see what page they were on. It was sort of weird, like past Daichi was talking to Suga through the book while present Daichi sat by and watched. But not weird enough to be bad. Very few things with Suga would be weird enough to be bad, he thought drowsily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them hugged that night before going to their separate rooms. It almost felt like he should give Suga a kiss goodnight. He shook his head once he was alone to clear the notion from his head. Obviously he’d thought about and wanted to kiss them before, but this was different. This impulse had felt like second nature, like fingers trailing their way down well-worn grooves.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No pining, only gratitude</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he reminded himself. The evening had actually...not been insufferable. And it was all thanks to Suga, buoying him up and helping him not take things so seriously. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You’re one lucky guy, Sawamura Daichi</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he thought to himself, and drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>whew!! we are all proud of daichi &lt;3</p><p>and oh the intrigue.....tune in next chapter for iwadai bro bonding, touristy activities, and daichi going on a date???</p><p>I would love to hear if anything in this chapter made you smile, laugh, wince, or think :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. suga is a tour guide</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>god this chapter was the death of me. idk how volleyball works</p><p>the rating has been upped to E because there's explicit sex at the end of the chapter jsyk!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Daichi couldn’t tell if their week at camp felt long or short. He knew the names and idiosyncrasies of all fifteen kids. He’d watched them all learn, make mistakes, make friends, and have fun. They had packed a lot into five days, so it felt long, but the quick pace also made it fly by. He got the sense that most of them were sad camp was coming to a close, but there was a celebratory energy in the air. They’d used the last hour for kids to play three-on-three practice matches that parents, guardians, and friends came to watch and see how much the campers had learned. Now it was two fifty-five. Daichi was distributing frozen flavor-ice sticks--always a reliable way to send things off on a high note--and Hajime was raising the net for the long-awaited coaches exhibition match.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shit talking had gone down during pickup all week. Daichi tried to defuse the tension between Tooru and Hajime, but it only seemed to make Tooru more provocative and Hajime even more defensive. Suga wasn't there to mediate; they had only shown up on Tuesday because Tooru had wanted them to come ogle Hajime. As a result of the growing competitiveness, Daichi had gotten roped into extra practice after camp on Tuesday and Wednesday. They practiced receiving because there would only be two of them defending the whole court. Neither of them were setters, so they also worked on tossing the ball to each other from different places on the court. Daichi wondered if maybe Hajime cared so much about beating Tooru because he was interested in the guy. But he figured that was a conversation that could wait until he and Hajime went out for their planned happy hour drinks after camp.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re both pretty into this, huh,” Suga said, standing by Daichi on the sidelines. “Do you trust your guy not to instigate any violence?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If we were literally anywhere but here I wouldn’t put it past him. What about yours?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Emotional violence, maybe,” Suga grinned, doing some dynamic stretches in place. They looked so limber without even doing anything. He admired their lean from side to side while they stretched their groin muscles. Why was it that despite covering more leg, kneepads were kind of hot? Or maybe it was just because Suga looked so effortlessly athletic in short black shorts and an old white t-shirt. Daichi did some half-hearted calf stretches as the pair of them waited for Tooru and Hajime to be ready.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright everyone, for our last camp activity Coach Daichi and I are going to play some friendly volleyball with Takeru’s cousin Tooru and his friend Suga.” The aforementioned pair smiled and waved to the kids on the bleachers. “It’s going to look a little faster than what we’ve been practicing, but we’re still going to be doing serves, receives, passes, and spikes. So keep a close watch! We’re going to play until it’s 3:30 or until one team gets to 25 points, and Ana’s older sister was nice enough to volunteer to keep score for us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And we’ve been giving you advice all week, so if you have any ideas or tips for us, you can shout them out! Sometimes it’s easier to see things from the sidelines,” Daichi followed up. Many of the kids looked distinctly pleased at the prospect of getting to yell at their coaches.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s do it,” Suga said with a smile. “You two serve first, you’re the home team.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime started it off with a solid serve, not a jump one or anything fancy. He and Daichi figured it’d be best to start at a more relaxed pace, maybe throw in some more aggressive moves at the end or play more seriously if the opposition started getting competitive. Suga received it, directing it back to Tooru fairly accurately. The next instant, the ball was hitting the floor on the coaches’ side of the court.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” Daichi said intelligently as Suga landed on their feet and gave Oikawa a pleased high five. “He set that exactly into the perfect spot for Suga,” Hajime said, stone-faced. “That was fast.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My bad, I’ll be more alert next time,” Daichi said, reaching out to slap the other’s hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“His smirk is so gross,” Hajime muttered as Tooru lined up to serve. This one, too, wasn’t too powerful, but it was aimed at the back corner of the court directly behind Hajime. “Out,” he called, before the ball landed squarely on the line.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Coach Hajime, you said if it’s on the line it counts as in, right?” a gleeful Sarai called out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled back at her. “Yes that’s right. I guessed that it would be out, but because it hit the line, the other team gets the point. Good eye.” The genuine expression slid off his face the instant he turned and lobbed the ball over to the other side. Suga served next, managing to send it just over the net so Daichi had to lunge to receive it. From there, they volleyed back and forth without getting too intense before Daichi spiked it with enough force to rebound off of Suga and go out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That point was the impetus for both sides to start escalating the pace. Daichi would guess he and Hajime were putting about sixty percent of their maximum power into their spikes and serves, which was a dramatic increase from using less than half of their power before. Tooru and Suga were definitely the more coordinated pair, but Daichi was able to save many of their attacks with his reliable receives. Their challengers had kept a two point lead from the beginning, but after some creative spiking the coaches closed the gap, making the score twelve to twelve. “Nicely done,” Tooru called out. “What do you think, Suga? Am I allowed to do it yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga rolled their eyes. “You’re such a showoff.” When the setters won the next point and it was their turn to serve, Tooru tossed the ball in the air and leapt after it. His palm came crashing down on the ball, sending it directly between his opponents. The ball rebounded off of the court and sailed through the air, causing some of the kids to gasp.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi caught a glimpse of admiration on Hajime’s face before he reverted back to his unimpressed scowl. “Oh. Was that supposed to be the thing you weren’t allowed to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you could try receiving it, Iwa-chan,” Tooru said sincerely. Suga and Daichi made eye contact across the court, both trying not to laugh. Tooru wasn’t entirely a narcissist; he let Suga do the next serve instead of trying to go for a chain of service aces. Things moved faster after that. Daichi and Hajime weren’t holding back on their spikes anymore, especially now that their muscles were loosened up. Suga and Oikawa had an infuriating habit of reading where they were going to attack, though, and managed to control the pace with strategic blocks and follow up receives. At 3:30, they were tied twenty-three to twenty-three, which they all declared was a good place to end, Tooru a little less willingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good game,” Suga said, smiling and wiping their forehead with the back of their hand. “That was fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, likewise. I think the kids enjoyed it,” Daichi said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were actually able to receive a couple of my serves! Pleasure playing with you Daichi, Iwa-chan.” Tooru clapped Hajime on the shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime cocked his head, mirroring Tooru’s smirk. “Next time we’ll gather up some more people and have a tiebreaker rematch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a date.” Tooru’s eyes gleamed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m in,” Suga said, pleasantly cutting through the sexual tension. “We know enough people between us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Definitely. Well, we’ve got to wrap up with the kids,” Daichi said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you around, then.” Tooru and Suga went to collect Takeru, Suga chopping Tooru in the ribs as they walked away. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m glad there’s someone to keep him humble</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Daichi thought wryly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That pisses me off.” Hajime said once the setters were out of earshot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, the whole...him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head with a slight grin. “No, you can just tell this guy is a good player. He was messing with us. They could have beaten us easily.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You had a little fun, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Weeellll. It’s always better with a good teammate.” Hajime slapped him on the back. “Let’s say goodbye to these little monsters.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The kids left with their guardians as they did every other day, walking out with matching t-shirts clutched in their hands. Daichi got to hang out with his favorite after-campers, who decided their entertainment for the afternoon would be spiking balls at their coach to see if he could receive them. At last, they had all said their goodbyes and Hajime was locking up the storage cabinet. They showered in the locker rooms upstairs and then walked to a place Hajime knew a couple blocks away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Any stiffness from hanging out with Hajime outside of their normal routine was gone with the first drink. It was a relief to not have to censor themselves around impressionable young minds. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously, that kid was such a little shit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi snorted. “Oh, thank god. I was afraid you were going to be the type of person who’s too wholesome to say stuff like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hell no.” Hajime scrunched his eyebrows and took a sip of his beer. “I would argue that being a good coach is acknowledging the...the...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The fucking reality.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah</span>
  </em>
  <span>, the fucking reality of some kids being shitheads. So you can properly diagnose it and be a good mentor to them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shepherd them away from the path of the shithead.” Daichi said wisely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly.” A pause. “You’re good with them, though. A good balance between supporting directly and observing from afar. They really liked you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm. Well, the feeling was mutual. Do I get any other comments from my supervisor?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s see...you’re very indulgent. It’s hard for you to say no to things like sitting and receiving a lecture on Legos for thirty minutes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just feel bad!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah. Well, the middle schoolers will have less of that going on. But more drama. Alright, get this. When do you think kids first start going on dates with someone? Like wholesome stuff, ice cream or movies or whatever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhh, I don’t know. Fourteen?” Daichi guessed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Eleven</span>
  </em>
  <span>, apparently. It’s not like I’m scandalized, it’s just earlier than you’d think. And I feel bad for them, you know? So much of their brain is taken up by social dynamics.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, that’s rough. That was a confusing time, pretending to understand having crushes on girls and why I wasn’t supposed to be friends with them anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime’s eyes widened knowingly. “Right? And feeling super uncomfortable in the boys’ locker room and not knowing why.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pfft, yeah. You get me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Phew.” They grinned at each other in a ‘thank god we’re both queer’ kind of way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So…” Daichi followed up. “It kind of seems like Tooru’s interested in you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime raised an eyebrow and laughed. “I think he’s interested in provoking me and making me look stupid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“From my limited exposure to him, it kind of seems like teasing people is how he flirts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What a shitty personality,” Hajime grumbled. “I guess that’s what happens when you look like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like…?” Daichi prodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know! Like,” Hajime gestured, “I don’t know. Beautiful? Shut up. You know what I mean, you have eyes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re blushing,” Daichi noted with amusement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s not fair that there are people who look like that,” Hajime snapped, blushing more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe it’s not, but for what it’s worth I think he probably feels the same about you. Don’t give me that face. He was really staring at your arms today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh. Well. We’ll see. What about you? Anything interesting going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm.” There was something non-judgemental about Hajime’s eyes, as if there wasn’t much that could phase him (aside from tall, pretty men). It made him feel like it was okay to talk about the persistent nagging he’d kept banished to a corner of his mind. “Suga has been great to live with,” he began, toying with the neck of the bottle in front of him. “But it’s sort of hard not to like them too much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s hard. The two of you seem like you click really well. ‘S easier to ignore feelings if you don’t have that connection.” Hajime paused. “Do you think they feel the same way?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Sometimes there are moments they look at me a certain way and I think, maybe. But they’ve explicitly said they’re not a relationship person. And just being their friend is enough for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm. I wish I knew Suga well enough to give you some insight. I really like them, but I can’t say we’re that close. It always seemed there was more going on beneath the surface with them, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Well, I’m only here until the end of August anyway, and then I’m back to Tokyo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime asked him more about what it was like to grow up and live in Japan. Daichi talked about the mundane things--the walk down a dusty road to get to school, the rice fields near his house, going to the ocean on breaks. Buying his teammates meat buns after practice at the convenience store. How different it had been to move to Tokyo, and how he liked the busyness of city life even though he still felt like a country boy on the inside. “I’m jealous,” Hajime said, ruefully. “My family went once when I was twelve to visit family, but it’s so expensive. I’d love to go back and stay for a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope you can. At least once you get there the cost of living is less ridiculous than here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They bemoaned how expensive New York was and Hajime mentioned some of his favorite cheap places to eat. He promised to take Daichi to eat his first pupusa at a Salvadoran restaurant he liked. The rest of their conversation ranged from bro talk about volleyball and weight lifting to random topics that had them both cracking up. It was hard to believe two hours had passed when Hajime reluctantly said he needed to get home to babysit his cousins. He made Daichi promise to text him next time he wanted a lifting buddy, and the two said they’d see each other bright and early on Monday to wrangle their new middle school charges.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Back at home eating leftovers, Daichi replied to Kiyoko’s earlier text about how the book signing went the night before. He was surprised to see her immediately text back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Today, 8:06 pm</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Kiyoko:</b>
  <span> I’m so glad it went okay!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>although you may be hearing from your mom soon</span>
</p><p>
  <span>the bookstore posted a picture of you on social media and she’s not pleased about your “image”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>oh shit</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t think about that</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Kiyoko:</b>
  <span> the piercings look great though</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I’m loving Sugawara-san’s influence</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Me:</b>
  <span> I was going to call home soon anyway because I really wanted to talk to the kiddos</span>
</p><p>
  <span>do you think it’s better to give her a few days?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Kiyoko:</b>
  <span> ...maybe?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>hard to say with her</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daichi sighed and decided he didn’t want to deal with it that night. He and Kiyoko texted back and forth a little more before he finished his dinner and cleaned up. Suga wasn’t downstairs, but their door was open and he could see them reading in the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Knock knock.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” They smiled and put their book down on their chest. “How was Hajime?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, I think we’re actually becoming friends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s great. Tooru won’t shut up about him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god. He kinda scares me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga rolled their eyes. “He’s a force of nature. Hey, are we still on for tomorrow?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep, we have to be there at eleven. I can’t believe you haven’t gone before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you I’m scared of heights! You have to be really nice to me when we’re there, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi grinned. “When am I not nice?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just don’t get any ideas. And don’t say stupid shit like ‘wow, I hope this elevator doesn’t break.’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I pinky promise. And I’m sure they take very good care of their elevators.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We are </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>talking about it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Suga had been known to occasionally exaggerate for dramatic effect, but that wasn’t the case this time around. They had Daichi’s forearm in a death grip from the moment they entered the building. Daichi had already asked once if they wanted to back out, but they were adamant that they were going to face their fears, and also that it was a mandatory part of the tourist experience. The two of them had agreed that they’d celebrate Daichi’s book signing by spending a day shamelessly doing some classic tourist activities. Which brought them here, to the high-ceilinged lobby of the Empire State Building. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was all shiny granite and marble, with an old-fashioned art-deco feeling. Guards in red blazers and old-fashioned hats with flat tops directed them up the escalator and to a maze of red velvet ropes. They smugly walked past a long line of people waiting, Daichi having bought upgraded tickets that let them skip to the front. The dim lighting, the sounds of people’s footsteps clicking on the polished floors, and the brusqueness of the security guards all lent a feeling of seriousness to the endeavor. The mood was offset, though, by clamouring student tour groups in matching neon t-shirts and cranky families wearing tourist apparel. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, they were shuffling inside the elevator alongside a resigned-looking family with preteen kids. “Oh god, it’s really happening,” Suga muttered as the doors slid shut. “Yep, everything is just fine,” Daichi said, cut off by an automated voice proudly welcoming them to the Empire State Building. Suddenly, the ceiling above their heads lit up to show blue sky and the open metal skeleton of the building. The schtick was that it looked as if the elevator had no roof and was flying up past cheerful white men from long ago as they worked to construct the building. Narration rambled and Suga laughed shakily. “What the hell is this?” “Weird,” Daichi agreed, opting instead to watch the floor numbers quickly ticking upward. “You okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m great,” they said with a sarcastic smile. Thankfully, the elevator was soon gliding to a smooth stop and the two of them followed the family down a hallway and out to the observation deck on the eighty-sixth floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oohhhh my god.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow,” Daichi agreed. They were very, very high. The deck was full of people gazing out through the metal bars to the skyline and the city below. “It doesn’t look real,” Suga said, and Daichi knew what they meant. It was as if they were looking down at a toy set. Still attached together, they made their way around other spectators to look off the edge. Daichi marveled at the tiny yellow taxis and specks that represented people. Fluffy white clouds hovered in the bright blue sky overhead, looming huge in comparison. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They paced around the perimeter, Suga pointing out the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, and the Chrysler Building. Although they were still gripping onto Daichi, their fear seemed to be offset by the strange novelty of the experience. “It’s kind of beautiful and kind of not,” Daichi observed, taking in the strange crowdedness of the gray buildings against the dark rivers and bright sky. Suga nodded like they understood. “I wouldn’t want to stare at it forever, but there’s something about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had probably only been five minutes, but Daichi sort of felt ready to go already. “I want to document this, and then I’m ready to leave when you are?” Suga nodded gratefully. They took pictures of each other posing with the skyline behind them, then a smiling selfie together, then a dramatic, panicked-face one. The way back down seemed to go much more quickly, and then they were spit back out onto the sidewalk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If it weren’t so disgusting, I’d kiss the ground,” Suga said, finally letting go of Daichi’s arm with a sigh of relief. Daichi craned his neck to look up at the building. “Can you believe we went up there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to relive it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were so brave! Can I text these pictures to the group chat with your friends?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your friends too. Yes, do it. They’re going to laugh.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <b>Today, 11:31 am</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Daichi: </b>
  <span>[img attached]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>someone was very brave today in order to fulfill all of my tourist fantasies</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tooru: </b>
  <span>SUGA YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT AHAHHA</span>
</p><p>
  <span>i didn’t know you could get that pale</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Koutarou: </b>
  <span>i wanna go!!!!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tetsurou: </b>
  <span>i like the little kid in the background glaring at you two</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Keiji: </b>
  <span>cute</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fifteen minutes later, they’d walked to Times Square and Suga was significantly less shaken. “So this is it?” Daichi said skeptically. There were a lot of huge electronic billboards with models and brands splashed across them. Suga laughed. “Yep! It’s about the ambiance.” They stuck close together and blended into the crowded sidewalks. Suga pointed at a building up ahead. “That’s our first stop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...Wow. They’re so much creepier when they’re big like that.” He was referring to the giant personified M&amp;M characters flicking across a billboard. “So it’s a candy store?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh no, my friend. This is M&amp;M World.” And it was...exactly what it sounded like. Inside, there were shelves of touristy M&amp;M products, special types of M&amp;Ms, and a wall of canisters filled with M&amp;Ms in non-traditional colors and mixes. “I feel like this might be a secret portal to hell,” Daichi muttered, eyeing a large statue of the green M&amp;M dressed as the Statue of Liberty (complete with long eyelashes and one leg seductively poking out of her toga). Suga snorted and pulled him over to the colorful wall. They filled up a bag together with their favorites, including turquoise, dark purple, and black. “I want them to taste different,” Suga mused, crunching on some black ones after they’d weighed and paid for them. Daichi laughed and tried a handful. “They’re disappointingly normal. But somehow, my brain is still confused and wants more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Next up was the Forever 21 superstore. “I have very fond memories of being in middle school and visiting here,” Suga explained as they strolled through the glass doors. The gleaming floors and endless colorful racks made the clothes look enticing, even though up close everything was consistently tacky. They joked around, holding up different hangers to each other. “Now this, this is what you need,” Suga said with a straight face, showing him what looked like a normal denim jacket before they turned it around to reveal the word “TACOS” written in pink sequins. Daichi lost it and was forced to apologize to a scandalized mother and daughter in the vicinity. The two of them ended up with a cheap variety pack of earrings and a handful of colorful tiny jaw clips for Suga’s hair. “Definitely a good experience,” Daichi agreed as they left. “Middle school Suga had good taste.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They strolled around more, past endless stores and restaurants and hapless, sweaty tourists. Daichi dragged Suga into a souvenir store, where the two of them deliberated between t-shirt designs. Suga texted the group for arbitration help while Daichi picked out snowglobes for his siblings.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Today, 12:17 pm</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>daichi and i are getting matching tshirts pls help</span>
</p><p>
  <span>this</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[img attached]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>or this</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[img attached]</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Keiji: </b>
  <span>both are visually offensive, but I assume that’s what you’re going for</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tetsurou: </b>
  <span>agreed</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Koutarou: </b>
  <span>ahhahahha im personally a fan of the block letter and splatter paint look</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tooru: </b>
  <span>cant believe you made me look at something so tacky. burn both</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>thank you kou for actually offering an opinion</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They ended up with the one Koutarou liked, along with two snowglobes and a handful of postcards for Daichi to mail to friends and family. Next up was a small place with colorful yellow lettering on the outside that read “GRAY’S PAPAYA,” which, counter-intuitively, was a hot dog place that happened to sell tropical drinks. The standard order came loaded with ketchup, mustard, sauerkraut, and onions, which Daichi wasn’t going to argue with. “This is...everything you need,” he reflected after finishing half of his in two bites, and Suga agreed. The savory perfection of the hot dog was augmented by the sweet, spicy, and tangy toppings, and the soft bun held it all together perfectly. They traded cups of mango and papaya juice between them as they ate at the store’s cramped counter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was satisfying to sit and eat after walking around in the busyness. Daichi had already realized that Suga was good company regardless of the situation. And as they sated their hunger together while watching the endless stream of people walking by outside, he was reminded of it all over again. Seeing the familiarity of their cheekbones and the angle of their jaw out of the corner of his eye made him feel warm. It didn’t hurt that they were wearing a deep fuschia t-shirt with a cute cartoon on the front. Daichi had a feeling there were very few people capable of pulling that color off, but it just drew attention to Suga’s pale upper arms and a glimpse of their collarbone. The bright radiance of it suited them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A short bus ride later, the two of them were walking up to the huge silver paneling of the Museum of Modern Art. Looking at the artwork was deliciously addictive. The range of subjects and colors kept pulling Daichi forward, wanting to see the next novelty. He and Suga walked around the rooms at their own paces, veering off to linger by works that attracted them. Eventually they’d circle back to hover near each other, looking at the same pieces and murmuring about what they liked or thought was interesting. Sometimes, Suga would tug on his sleeve to show him something particularly baffling or egregious. Irreverently critiquing together and stifling their laughter in the dignified atmosphere created a sense of intimacy between them. Daichi’s hand kept twitching with the impulse to go rogue and interlace with Suga’s or touch the small of their back. But it was enough to watch their hazel eyes crinkle up with laughter and know that he was the cause.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, they grew tired of the endless white walls and well-lit rooms. Memories of colors danced around Daichi’s head as they rode the subway back to the apartment. He was half-musing about writing something about it when Suga offered him some M&amp;Ms. “I’m partial to the turquoise ones, I think,” he said as he stuck out his hand for some. “I can trick myself into thinking they taste different.” Suga proposed having the psychic superpower of being able to taste color, “like reverse synesthesia! Instead of seeing colors when you taste things, you’d be able to taste what color your food was.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Trippy, I like it. But is that kind of like having eyes on your tastebuds?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ew, Daichi!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arriving back at their apartment after a productive afternoon was satisfying. Suga went to take a nap, and Daichi found himself nodding off while he tried to read on the couch. When he woke to the sound of banging in the kitchen, the squares of light in the living room had shifted and the room was darker. Thankfully, he still had enough time to get ready for his date.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A couple hours later, he made it out of the door with minimal ribbing from his roommate. They’d even told him he looked good, which was nice to hear. He hoped Tetsurou thought so too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Judging by the way the other man’s eyes lingered on him as they ate together at a cute Meditteranean place, Daichi had no reason to worry. Dinner was a laid-back affair; a little flirty, yes, but mostly Tetsurou was just a fun person to talk to. They swapped stories about the Y and Nine Lives and talked a little about where they’d lived before coming to the city. Interestingly, Tetsurou had lived in a suburb of Tokyo until he was ten and his family moved to South Carolina.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it was a rough transition. I made friends eventually, and volleyball helped. But I wasn’t exactly popular due to the triple-threat of being gay, Asian, and a nerd.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi groaned sympathetically. “Sounds...character-building.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tetsurou laughed. “Yeah, I’m overflowing with character at this point.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The waitress bringing the check found them cracking up as the fluffy-haired man drew molecules on the table with condensation, passionately trying to explain something to the other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just saying--shut up!--it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>cool</span>
  </em>
  <span>, because you smelling food is only possible due to molecules unsticking and diffusing to hit your nose--oops, sorry, I’ll take the check,” he said, grinning winningly at the startled woman standing over them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you deserved to be bullied, just a little,” Daichi said, trying to control his laughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Owch!” he grinned. “C’mon, you don’t like learning new things?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Some scientific things are secrets from me for a reason. But…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But?” Tetsurou looked at him, eyes filled with amusement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You explaining things is maybe a little cute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a lot cute,” the taller man said, ducking down to kiss Daichi’s cheek as they walked out of the restaurant. “Are you up for a stroll?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They ended up walking the High Line, an elevated walkway with greenery and benches. The sun was setting and Tetsurou’s hand was warm in Daichi’s. It was wholesome at first, but as the sky darkened and the crowds thinned out, the pair traded kisses and their hands wandered. And then Daichi had Tetsurou pressed against the railing, one hand cupped around the taller man’s neck. Tetsurou moaned into Daichi’s mouth as they kissed, and Daichi returned it with a self-satisfied huff of laughter. After an evening of teasing, complete with smirks and those searching, half-lidded eyes, it felt good to put Tetsurou in his place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not that this isn’t great,” Tetsurou said with a gasp, “but maybe we could continue this somewhere else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi pulled back, their mouth separating with a wet sound. “Suga’s probably at my place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My roommate and his girlfriend are at mine--wait a second--” Tetsurou extracted his phone from his tight jeans and opened Snapchat. “Aha.” He turned the phone around to show a video of Suga laughing and shoving the person behind the camera. “Tooru and Suga getting ready to go out. They’ll be at it for another couple hours, and odds are they’ll end up back at Tooru’s.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good enough for me,” Daichi breathed, leaning in for another kiss. “Let’s go.” He pulled back and started to walk away, leaving Tetsurou behind with a dazed look on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arms slipped around his waist and a chin rested on his shoulder. “I didn’t know you were such a tease, Daichi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you have me a little worked up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ohoho?” Tetsurou leaned in and kissed his cheek, then grabbed his hand and began speed-walking ahead. “Let’s hurry then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the subway, they sat pressed thigh to thigh. Their easy banter throughout the evening had intensified into something more weighted, magnetic. It was fun to see the cocky guy wound up to this extent. Daichi had a feeling that however it happened, having sex with Tetsurou would be a good combination of intense without being serious. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The minute they stepped into the apartment, the tension broke all at once. Daichi barely registered his back slamming against the door. All of a sudden, his lips were captured in a filthy kiss. They stumbled upstairs, clumsily shedding clothing along the way. Normally Daichi was as big a fan of foreplay as anyone, but given that they’d been on edge all evening things happened quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tried to catch his breath as Tetsurou’s talented fingers pulled out of him. Daichi’s knees were spread wide and his chest was pressed against the mattress. He arched his lower back in a sinful curve, sticking his ass up for grabs. As Tetsurou hurried to put the condom on, Daichi reached back and dragged a fingertip across his own wet hole. “Nice job stretching me out,” he murmured, lazily dipping his finger in and out. Tetsurou groaned at the lewd display and knocked Daichi’s hand away to line himself up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All of a sudden Daichi was </span>
  <em>
    <span>full</span>
  </em>
  <span>, last-minute check-ins and countdowns be damned. A strangled moan rang out and he dimly realized he was the one making it. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Haaah</span>
  </em>
  <span>--oh fuck, that’s good,” he gasped. Tetsurou’s cock was fucking him open with slow slides in and out. Even his prostate wasn’t directly stimulated, it felt overwhelmingly good being filled up. Something about his body making room for someone else was so deliciously submissive. All Daichi had to do was open up and take that hot, hard pressure in deep. The rhythm of it was almost soothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s that?” Tetsurou leaned over to whisper in Daichi’s ear, close enough that he could feel the man’s warm breath. Daichi responded by rolling his hips back to meet Tetsurou’s thrust and they both groaned at the deeper penetration. “It’s good, you feel really good, here, bite me--” He leaned his head to the side and Tetsurou took full advantage. The teasing licks, the teeth grazing his ear, and the sucking on his neck made Daichi whimper and thrust backward needily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sound pretty like that,” Tetsurou murmured, provoking a more desperate whimper. “Aw, do you want to be my pretty boy, Daichi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm, maybe. Don’t worry though. Next round, you’re--</span>
  <em>
    <span>ah!--</span>
  </em>
  <span>gonna suck my cock while I call you a little bitch boy, and you’re gonna like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed an abridged version of the ugly hyena laugh. “Damn right I will.” His hips snapped forward, picking up the pace and forcing more unholy moans out of Daichi’s mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck, I need to see you,” Tetsurou gasped after a few minutes, pulling out and scrambling to lie down so Daichi could ride him. Daichi relished the cute way the man’s eyes fluttered shut as he felt Daichi grind down into his lap. They interlocked their hands to give Daichi more leverage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See something you--</span>
  <em>
    <span>uh!</span>
  </em>
  <span>--like?” Daichi panted amusedly. Tetsurou dragged his eyes up to meet his gaze. “It’s just, your thighs look so good like this, I kinda want them to crush me,” he admitted with a grin. Daichi laughed. “Thanks. I’m not sure if that can be arranged, but I appreciate the sentiment.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They fucked like that for a while, taking turns between Daichi bouncing himself up and down and Tetsurou taking over to deliver quick thrusts upward. Eventually, Daichi leaned down to brace his hands on either side of Tetsurou’s head so they could kiss. “I’m close, I think,” the man below him panted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D’you want to cum like this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...Is it bad if I ask you to turn around so I can watch your ass?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Opposite of bad,” Daichi smiled, pressing a kiss to his cheek before readjusting to face the other way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you have no idea how good you look,” he heard from behind him as hands gripped his hips. “Shit, Daichi--</span>
  <em>
    <span>ohhh--</span>
  </em>
  <span>I can just see myself sliding in and out of you…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My ass looks good taking your cock?” Daichi teased, punctuating the statement by rising off Tetsurou’s lap and slamming down again.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah--</span>
  <em>
    <span>Daichi!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Tetsurou’s thrusts turned frantic and jerky as he came and Daichi tipped his head back, enjoying the ride. They collapsed together, sweaty and pleased. After a moment to catch his breath Tetsurou was kneeling between Daichi’s parted legs, sucking him down. The hottest part about it was how much Tetsurou was clearly turned on by it, letting out little moans and looking up through his lashes with an intense gaze that made Daichi shiver. Just as he brought him to the edge, Daichi snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” Tetsurou pulled off to listen, a strand of spit connecting his lips to the head of Daichi’s cock. “Can I fuck you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The answer was an enthusiastic yes and Daichi had the pleasure of opening Tetsurou up while watching him dissolve into a needy mess. Something about the way his eyes rolled back in his head and the cute part of his lips made Daichi want to mess him up. The more Tetsurou unraveled beneath him, the harder Daichi drove into him. He was close, gasping at how good it felt to plunge into the wet heat. And on the delirious edge of his orgasm, his brilliant, idiotic, treacherous brain proposed an idea out of nowhere: what if Suga were here? What if they were sitting there across the room, watching Daichi fuck Tetsurou? Egging him on, praising him, saying that he looked good, making Tetsurou take his cock like that. Their voice would be soft, dangerous, and maybe they’d have a hand in their shorts, getting off to Daichi putting on a show for them--</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He thrust deep inside as he came, filling the condom. He rode out his orgasm, rocking into Tetsurou slowly before collapsing on top of him. Whatever the fuck that was, it was definitely not okay, but Daichi was way too brain dead to try to process it now. He shoved it out of his mind in order to enjoy the afterglow guilt free.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn,” Tetsurou muttered, and Daichi pulled out gently. He tied off and threw the condom away before lying next to Tetsurou and stroking messy black hair away from the man’s sweaty forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicely done,” Tetsurou said, shifting to kiss him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You too,” Daichi said, content. “I feel great. How are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very good. Should we clean up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi squeezing his eyes shut and made an angry grumbling noise. “Mmmrgh. In a minute. Can’t move.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tetsurou laughed softly and they laid there together in the quiet. Daichi felt himself getting sleepy and told himself he really would get up soon...any moment now…. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>me writing this, wistfully remembering a time when we were allowed to go to busy public places and go on in-person dates and hook up with people: &gt;:')</p><p>if there's anyone who keeps an eye out for this fic to update, I'm sorry for the delay! I'm changing my goal to be updating once a week, hopefully it'll be more frequently but I don't want to promise too much and under deliver</p><p>and if there are any sharp-eyed suga stans out there, you will notice that in this fic it's now mid june and there hasn't been anything said about suga's bday. I...didn't want to write it bc birthdays are weird? pretend they were born a month earlier in this au or something lol</p><p>as always, thank you for reading! if you're still with me, I would love to hear your thoughts, it genuinely means so much &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. daichi plays devil's advocate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Daichi woke up to an achy body, dried crust on his stomach and between his thighs, and the smell of someone else’s cologne in his bed. It was bright outside his window. Memories of the night before came back to him, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>wow</span>
  </em>
  <span>, that had been good. Feeling satisfied, he got up and stretched, then pulled on last night’s boxers so he could hobble to the bathroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the hallway, he heard low voices coming from the kitchen and paused out of curiosity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...shit, we thought you were out with Tooru. Did we bother you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh, I’ve had quieter nights.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry dude, that’s my bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about it. I’m glad it was good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have no idea.” Daichi could hear the smug smile in Tetsurou’s voice. “You know...it’d be fun if you joined us next time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ha, there’s no way he’d want that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What makes you say that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just know, okay? We’re not like that,” Suga answered defensively.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it. You’re normally down for anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well. Want any coffee?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should probably get going, I don’t want to intrude. We fell asleep but he didn’t exactly ask me to stay so. I figured I’d just text him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Kay, suit yourself. I’ll see you soon, probably?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah! Good to see you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The front door slammed shut. Daichi heard shuffling from the kitchen and ducked into the bathroom so Suga didn’t catch him hovering in the hallway. Standing under the hot shower helped him wake up and he replayed the conversation he’d overheard as he watched the water swirl down the drain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Firstly: Suga had overheard him and Tetsurou having sex which was...not ideal, and he felt awkward for putting them in that position. Then again, it’s not like he had anything to hide. Then...had Tetsurou really suggested that Suga have a threeway with them? Oh god, Daichi hadn’t yelled Suga’s name or done anything to make Tetsurou think he’d be into that? He flushed with embarrassment remembering how he came to the thought of Suga watching them fuck. Shamefully, he still found the idea arousing in the light of day. He didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>think </span>
  </em>
  <span>he’d accidentally let anything like that slip, and it seemed like the sort of idea Tetsurou could have easily come up with himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Suga had seemed so grossed out by it. Not that Daichi was disappointed or anything. It just seemed out of character. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Daichi wouldn’t want it, we’re not like that</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It felt like an indirect rebuke, as if the universe was shaking its head at him for his impure thoughts. He committed himself to try doubly hard to keep Suga out of any weird fantasies of his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which brought him back to last night. His traitorous brain aside, everything with Tetsurou had been great. They were compatible and it’d definitely be nice to do it again sometime. After his shower, he checked his phone and smiled to see a text expressing a similar sentiment from his date.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clean and dressed in comfy clothes, he went downstairs to find Suga finishing up their toast in the kitchen. “Good morning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” they replied, glancing up. “How was the date?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, good. We ended up back here. I’m sorry, I didn’t text with you before that to ask if that was okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘S okay. I’m glad you two had fun. Seems like you needed that.” Suga said, raising their eyebrows and smirking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I--” Daichi flushed, realizing he had nothing to say in his defense. “Whatever. Maybe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga chuckled and went back to reading something on their phone while Daichi poured himself some cereal. Everything seemed normal and fine, save for Daichi’s slight embarrassment. And maybe just a touch of disappointment that Suga found the idea of sleeping with him so repulsive. Was it because their friendship was still new and Suga didn’t want to complicate it? Or maybe they just weren’t attracted to Daichi. Which was fine! Tetsurou seemed surprised that Suga was so disinterested, though...no, he couldn’t keep thinking about this. There was no reason he and Suga should be anything other than platonic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a full week of camp and social obligations on Friday and Saturday, Daichi had been looking forward to a full day of absolutely nothing. He started off by soothing his mind with some mindless scrolling on social media, then began the novel the bookstore manager had gifted him. He and Suga sat in the living room together, Dachi reclining on the couch with a mug of black tea and Suga curled in an armchair with their laptop, headphones in. Suga went out to see a friend in the early afternoon, and Daichi took a break from reading to shut his eyes for a while. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He woke an hour later and decided to walk to the grocery store to satisfy a craving for shrimp chips. Despite the sticky heat, strolling around without an agenda felt good, and he decided to enjoy his chips and a bottle of aloe drink in the park. He took in the trees overhead and the calm river beyond; they made the constant flow of people seem tranquil rather than busy. The scene was perfect, but after he finished his snack he found himself slightly unsettled, as if he were craving something else. As he walked back to the apartment, he realized he was feeling an itch to write. He’d given himself permission not to work on anything, but feeling motivated was still rare enough that he wanted to take full advantage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi spent the next couple of hours making notes on ideas he wanted to explore or incorporate and writing some more excerpts. Sometimes he wrote pieces as short as a few lines of dialogue, or simply a description of what a character looked like. Dinner was some hastily scrambled eggs and rice that grew cold as he ate slowly, distracted by an impatient queue of ideas to get down. He happened to glance at his phone when he got up to load the dishwasher and was surprised to see that Suga had texted.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <b>Today, 7:20 pm</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>hey, are you free by any chance</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Today, 7:37 pm</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>writing rn but can stop if you need something?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>could you meet me at that bar on 118th? whenever you get a chance, no imminent danger lol</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>yeah ofc</span>
</p><p>
  <span>let me wrap this up and i’ll be right there</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The strangeness of their request made it difficult to wrench his focus back to the document in front of him. Suga was always happy to see him writing and went out of their way not to distract them. So whatever was going on had to be important. With a tight feeling in his chest, he dashed off some final bullet points and was out of the door a minute later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The evening was warm, but pleasantly so, and there were fading streaks of orangey-pink in the sky to his left. He could see Suga slouching against the wall outside the bar from half a block away. They looked reassuringly intact and in one piece. Their fingers rose to their mouth, pinching something small, and Daichi realized that he was seeing them smoke for the first time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They looked up and took one last drag before crushing the butt under their foot. “Thanks for coming. Wanna go in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi bought them beers and Suga made a beeline for a secluded booth in the corner. The place was laidback on a Sunday night and catered to an older crowd, making it perfect for having a conversation. He sat down across from Suga and passed them a beer, and they muttered a subdued thanks while continuing to stare off into space. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga pulled out their phone. Daichi felt a little offended by being blatantly ignored, but after a couple of taps on the screen they turned the phone around and set it in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was an instagram post from the account “taka_makki” that had been posted two hours ago. The picture was of two men, both dressed nice-casual in jeans or khakis and button-down short-sleeved shirts. They looked to be about the same age as him and Suga. The pink-haired man on the right was standing, bending down toward the man with dark hair who was down on one knee, proposing. They were gazing at each other and laughing, joy etched on every line of their faces. It looked as though they were on a rooftop; the sky was dark around them and their faces were illuminated by fairy lights.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi swiped to the next picture, showing the two men more baby-faced and significantly less cleaned up. It looked as though they were at a party. The pink-haired one was holding a red solo cup between his teeth and flashing a peace sign, while the one with dark hair had a matching cup in his hand and was giving the camera a middle finger with a smirk. The caption read:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I never imagined getting engaged at 22, but I also never imagined meeting my best friend and favorite person right across the hall from me as a clueless college freshman. Issei, we’ve come a long way since our first documented picture together, and I’m so excited to see what more is in store for us. Sappy stuff aside, everyone get ready for the rager of your lives (aka our wedding) ;)’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi looked at the username again and made the connection. “Oh, is this your friend? The one from high school?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They nodded, taking their phone back. “Takahiro. I went over to his place earlier because he said he had big news. And...this was it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga’s face looked drawn. There was tension in their jaw and furrowed brow, and their eyes looked hollow. It seemed out of character for them to be anything less than supportive of their friends. Even weirder was how hesitant and quiet they were. Daichi could understand, maybe, being angry if a friend was getting married to someone who wasn’t right for them. Or being sad if someone close to him was moving on to the next phase of life. Was Suga feeling left behind? Or maybe there was history between the two, even though Suga hadn’t hinted at anything like that before. In any case, it was strange not to see them express their emotions openly. This reserved, almost haunted-looking Suga didn’t sit well with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You...don’t look pleased.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga smiled without it reaching their eyes. They fixed their gaze over Daichi’s shoulder. “Yeah. I was shocked, honestly. I shouldn’t be. They’re a great couple and they’ve helped each other through some rough times. I think Issei has helped Takahiro grow up, in a way. He’s more open and confident now. Settled, too. Grounded. They’re very happy together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They paused. Daichi waited, letting the silence linger. The wood tabletop between them was slightly tacky to the touch where his hand rested on it, curled around his beer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga glanced back at Daichi. “He told me in person, before he posted about it.” A twisted smile flashed over their face. “I hope I didn’t react too badly. I think I did an okay job passing it off as just shock.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>An expectant silence hovered between them as Suga took a sip of their beer and fixed their gaze on their hands. “I wish I could explain it easily.” Their voice was small. “I know I’m an asshole. It just makes me so...upset.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever been in love, Daichi?” He looked back at them, confused by the question. Their expression was hard, almost pained. “I’m halfway through your book. You write the two women as having this connection that seems inevitable. Like no matter what happens, nothing could tear them apart because they care about each other too much. Do you really believe it could be like that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi felt concerned for them, but decided to try to answer their question before parsing through why they were asking. “I think I thought I was in love. I don’t want to discredit my past self, because my feelings were intense and real. But what I had with Asahi wasn’t true love. I actually wrote the relationship between Sunako and Azumi as sort of an aspirational thing. Like, ‘imagine if it could be that way, instead of what I have now.’ I feel like love theoretically could be like that, but there’s a lot of people who claim to be in love and don’t act like it, so. I don’t know. What do you think?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga shook their head. “I don’t know. I mean, loving someone is different than coexisting with them in a healthy way. Like, can you live up to the love you have for someone by following through and caring for each other? It just seems like marriage is a death sentence. Promising to keep something alive, and more often than not failing. Either you end up hating each other, or you settle resigned to something that’s fine, but not as happy as you were. So what’s the point? Are Takahiro and Issei going to wake up in their bed together in twenty years and realize they’re tired of each other? I believe they love each other, but it just seems laughable to trust that they’ll stay as happy as they are now. That they’ll always be right for each other.” They took a sip from their beer and laughed drily. “Of course, I didn’t say any of that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That would have been awkward.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga let out a little laugh. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I don’t know why this is getting to me so much. It’s not my place to judge them or their choices.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi shrugged. “Takahiro’s your friend. He’s doing something that you think could lead to future unhappiness, so it makes sense that you’re worried.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s the thing though, I get taking risks and going for what makes you happy even if it’s not a sure thing. Of course they know there’s a chance it won’t work out, but they’re hoping for the best. I think I’m more thrown off by...the wanting to take the risk in the first place. Like, Tooru is always joking about being a trophy husband and finding a nice man to take care of him. And we all laugh about Keiji being married to Koutarou in fifty years and still calling him ‘Bokuto-san.’ But I can’t wrap my mind around actually loving and trusting someone that much. I don’t know. I mean, what do you think? Am I making any sense? Would </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> ever get married?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you’re making sense. You’re saying all the realistic stuff people would rather gloss over when they talk about love. It’s bullshit. Especially because falling in love and getting married is made out to be one of the most important things a person can do. But so many people in relationships are unhappy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right! Especially growing up as a little girl reading about princes and princesses falling in love and getting their happy ending, and being socialized to think about your dream wedding and all that shit. And then, after herding women to the altar for the happiest, most important day of their lives, they’re left with shitty heterosexual relationships with sexist assholes who don’t respect them! And gay people fall pray to the same stupid dynamics too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. God, cheers to not being a straight woman, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll drink to that,” Suga said with a smirk, clinking their bottle to Daichi’s. “But you didn’t answer my question.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would I ever get married, you mean?” They nodded and Daichi thought for a second. “I mean, I’ve thought about it. I’m a sucker for romance and the idea of being that in love with someone. And having that partnership. I don’t know. I mean, the perk of being in a serious relationship is you get all the good sides of that person. So maybe my future partner loves cleaning bathrooms and is great at back rubs and always knows what to buy my mom for her birthday. And maybe I don’t mind doing the taxes and I remember the names of all the neighbors and I’m great at cooking their favorite food. So both of our lives are happier, and hopefully the bad sides aren’t that bad or we like each other so much it doesn’t matter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi glanced at Suga, who was watching him thoughtfully. He smiled at a memory that came to mind. “As a little gay kid, I didn’t really get what was so great about having to stay with a girl forever. But then I heard marriage described as a sleepover with your best friend every night, and it all clicked.” Suga snorted, making Daichi grin. “Really! Like, the excitement of hanging out with your friend, and going to bed knowing you get to do more fun stuff tomorrow, and everything just feeling more special because they’re there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I know what you mean. Well, when you put it like that, it makes sense. I guess I have a hard time imagining being so compatible and happy with someone. Like, finding someone who fits with me so well that I trust them enough to take the risk of committing. It just seems very easy for things to go wrong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. No, it’s fucking terrifying. Especially with so many bad examples.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The real question we’re trying to figure out here is: Am I a jaded fool for believing marriage is a sham and all long-term couples are destined for unhappiness? Or is Takahiro over-optimistic and out of touch with reality for wanting to commit himself to his boyfriend forever?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh. Probably...both?” Daichi was rewarded with the first genuine smile to cross Suga’s face all night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, wrong. You’re supposed to tell me I’m right and everyone else is an idiot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga.” He looked deeply into their eyes with great seriousness. “You’re right, you’ve never been wrong, and anyone who says otherwise is pathetically misguided.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what I like to hear.” They gave a little half-smile and looked thoughtful. “Thanks for talking me off the edge there, though. I’m not sure why I freaked out so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s big news, especially because it’s something that’s not really on your radar. I’m guessing Takahiro was super happy, though?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah.” Suga rolled their eyes. “Disgustingly so. Maybe that’s partially what set me off. But I’m--well, I was going to say I’m happy for him. I guess I’m happy he’s happy, even if I don’t entirely agree with it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s so funny, you sound like a homophobic parent.” Daichi raised his voice a little as if he were shouting to the bar. “Hey everyone! This asshole doesn’t want gay people to get married!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, shut up,” Suga said, grinning and whacking his arm. “I don’t want anyone finding out I’m a homophobe. Even though gay people are fucking stupid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi laughed out loud. “Takes one to know one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re one to talk, homo,” they retorted, trying to keep a straight face. “Oh fuck, I made eye contact with someone who definitely did not realize I was joking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Absolute dumbass,” Daichi said fondly. “Wanna leave before you get accused of hate speech?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, let’s, sitting here is making me more depressed anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Although you’d probably be safe, once they saw that twink poster child outfit,” he mused as they stood up to leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga flipped him the finger. “I look great in these booty shorts, thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No one said you didn’t.” He grinned and held the door for them, receiving a childish </span>
  <em>
    <span>(cute)</span>
  </em>
  <span> stuck-out tongue in return.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They strolled west to walk the long way back through the park. The darkening sky and the company of joggers and other evening walkers made for a peaceful atmosphere.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still feel kinda keyed up from feeling too many emotions today,” Suga said with a frown as the two entered their apartment. They shook their hands out to their sides for emphasis.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wanna go to the gym?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They made a nasty face and Daichi snorted. “A movie? Something else to focus on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, yeah. I want something that’s gonna make me engaged.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Engaged, huh?” he quipped, resulting in an “</span>
  <em>
    <span>oh my god</span>
  </em>
  <span>” and a well-aimed pillow to his face. They decided on a movie about a desk agent played by Melissa McCarthy who goes undercover on a spy mission. (“I can’t stand action movies if there aren’t any cool women,” Suga had said, rolling their eyes.) It was a good pick. Suga’s body language grew more relaxed and their smiles and laughter seemed genuine. Daichi tried to play it cool when Suga asked if they could cuddle, and stayed very still as his roommate moved his arm out of the way and curled into his side. They rested one of their calves on his almost as an afterthought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your pecs are so nice to lean on,” Suga commented. They inquisitively poked the one their head was resting on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm. That’s the main reason I lift, to be a pillow of ideal firmness.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga snorted with laughter in a way that shouldn’t have been cute. Eventually, the nervousness Daichi felt about having them so close was replaced by a quiet, lingering excitement. He was able to relax, and found himself appreciating their solidness pressed against him. The herbal smell of their shampoo lingered in his nose, and it was so comforting…. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their head shifted from its place on his chest. “Hey. Are you falling asleep?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” Daichi said blearily, opening his eyes. “No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on in the movie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s, uh...trying to see if the guy is gonna…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga let out a soft chuckle. “We don’t have to finish this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, I wanna watch...just need to rest a little,” Daichi said, already feeling his eyes closing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ookay,” they said, amused. The sounds of yelling and car chases washed over him. He couldn’t keep track of what was happening and eventually stopped trying as he began to doze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, sleepyhead.” Daichi realized the room had gone quiet. “Time for bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm. Did the good guys win?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was a little touch-and-go there at the end, but yes, they did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Phew. You can get up, I might--” he yawned, “might just stay here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, let’s get you to bed, you’ll be more comfortable there.” His side suddenly felt cold without their warm body against him. He grumbled a little as they dragged him to his feet, but was conscious enough by the time they got up the stairs to say goodnight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for being kind to me today,” Suga said, pulling him into a quick hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Course.” They pulled apart. “See you tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After getting ready to sleep, he laid in bed mulling over the day’s events. The more he thought, the more uncertain he felt. What did it all mean? The conversation between Suga and Tetsurou, Suga’s freak out about love and marriage, and their cozy movie night on the couch. He was probably making something out of nothing, but maybe it would be nice to talk to someone about it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Today, 11:33 pm</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>want to lift after work?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hajime: </b>
  <span>I’m down</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>thanks</span>
</p><p>
  <span>had a bit of a weird night w suga lol</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hajime: </b>
  <span>everything okay?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>yeah nothing bad</span>
</p><p>
  <span>definitely making it bigger than it is</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hajime: </b>
  <span>hm okay</span>
</p><p>
  <span>we’ll talk tomorrow</span>
</p><p>
  <span>get some sleep</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>you too!</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks for reading :) what is going through suga's mind???</p><p>next time: suga and tooru cause a lot of nosebleeds (for a good cause ;) )</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. suga has an alter ego</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Whew, this chapter was long, and a little intense. I'm proud of it, though! </p><p>CW for brief mentions of a character's past dysphoria/dysphoric circumstances. If you want to skip it, stop reading at "Have you seen them do this kind of dancing before?" and start again at "And it looks like we're ready to go!"</p><p>Also, there are two songs linked in the text but if you'd rather look them up on their own, they are "Best to You" by Blood Orange and "In The Party" by Flo Milli :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Alright, we’ve got one pitcher of tonight’s house special,” Tetsurou said cheerfully, plunking three glasses and a pitcher filled with red liquid on the table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you say this was?” Hajime said, giving it a suspicious look as Daichi poured him a glass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s called Saturday Blush, but it’s basically Long Island iced tea with cranberry juice and grenadine instead of cola. It’s good!” Tetsurou reassured them, taking a gulp from the glass Daichi passed him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for grabbing it,” Daichi said, glancing over at the crowded bar. “I can’t believe how packed it is.” There was still an hour left before the performances were slated to start.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m glad we got here when we did.” Hajime inconspicuously sniffed his drink before taking a tentative sip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m thrilled,” Tetsurou admitted. “I don’t want to jinx it, but I have a good feeling we’ll hit our goal tonight.” Daichi and Hajime had both done their part by paying the suggested $10 cover at the door. Thankfully, Tetsurou had put them both down as guests of a performer, so they gave their names to the bouncer at the door and bypassed the long line that was already waiting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How much does Morisuke need?” Daichi asked, trying his own drink. It was sweet and went down easily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tetsurou frowned. “Eight thousand.” Dachi and Hajime’s eyes widened. “But our goal tonight is 5k.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is for top surgery?” Hajime asked, and the other two nodded. “Fuck, that’s messed up how expensive it is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Tetsurou agreed. “But tonight is looking good, so far. So how was camp this week? Middle schoolers, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The coaches let out a simultaneous groan. “Well, we had to have several chats about hygiene and the importance of deodorant,” Hajime said drily. Tetsurou snorted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Middle school boys can be little shits,” Daichi reflected. “But middle school girls? Absolutely brutal. We had this one little white girl--” Hajime shuddered in recollection, “--who made it her personal responsibility to comment on the ‘gross’ dark leg hair that the South Asian, Latina, and Black girls had. She kept asking them why they didn’t shave it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, what the fuck?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Daichi said grimly. “We had a lot of educational chats. And did a lot of affirming teary girls.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The actual volleyball went okay, though,” Hajime sighed. “Anyway. You had an author thing this morning, didn’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Daichi said, frowning slightly. “It was a charity lunch. So Suga and I went out to a nice restaurant with a rich professor couple who won an auction.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They bid money just to hang out with you?” Tetsurou said, grinning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was an embarrassing amount, too. Like a thousand dollars? I felt like I had to give them their money’s worth somehow but I didn’t know how.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn.” Hajime’s eyes were wide. “So wait, why was Suga there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi shrugged. “I didn’t want to go alone, so I said I’d only be part of the charity auction if I could bring a friend to lunch. The couple thought we were together, though, which was funny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you can’t really blame them. You two are pretty close,” Tetsurou pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Close friends,” Daichi said, rolling his eyes. “Suga seemed kind of offended by it, actually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” Hajime frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like, they were clearly thrown off when the woman asked us how long we’d been together, and they seemed kind of upset.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t seem like them,” Tetsurou said, his brow furrowed. “Were they weird after that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, they were super charismatic and everything during the rest of the lunch. They seemed sort of withdrawn when we went home but I figured they were just tired.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh, I hope they’re alright to perform.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At least they have Tooru with them,” Hajime said, and the other two nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After chatting for a while longer, Tetsurou went to help out behind the bar. “Sorry, I’m supposed to be off right now, but they look overwhelmed and Kai is making meaningful eye contact with me. I’ll try to be back soon,” he apologized as he excused himself. Daichi and Hajime assured him it was fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as he left, Hajime turned to Daichi with a suspicious look. “Are you two fucking?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi choked on the drink he had in his mouth. “Um. Kind of? I mean, it happened, like, one and a half times. And it probably will again, I guess. How did you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime snorted. “He looks at you like he wants to eat you alive. And the two of you have, like, banter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel so exposed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was it good, then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi nodded, trying to keep a smile off of his face as he thought about how it felt to pound Tetsurou’s ass. “Uh, yeah. Yeah it was.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime laughed and shook his head. “You’re funny. You realize how often we’ve talked about you and Suga? In comparison to the guy you’re actually involved with?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi huffed and refilled his glass. “Alright, I admit I may have a bit of a problem.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good thing your problem is about to strip on stage in front of you. Just keeping things nice and casual.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, I hate my life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime was merciful enough to change the subject after that. The dimly-lit bar was growing steadily more packed. They were sitting at one of a dozen tables, and the rest of the empty floor space was crowded with people standing. Daichi could already tell that it was going to be uncomfortably stuffy once the performances started. The crowd was overwhelmingly young, queer, and vaguely alternative looking. It was also fairly racially diverse, which was reassuring. Daichi was glad to be supporting a queer space that was inclusive as opposed to centering white people.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, can we sit with you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi looked up, prepared to be polite to a stranger, then grinned. “Hi Keiji. Yes, please do. This is my friend, Iwaizumi Hajime. Hajime, this is Akaashi Keiji.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice to meet you,” Keiji said, shaking Hajime’s hand. “Bokuto’s just saying hi to Tetsurou, and hopefully getting us something to drink.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look great,” Daichi said honestly. “Last time I saw you, you were dressed up as a frat bro.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji laughed. “Oh, that’s right. Yes, this is a bit more typical for me.” He wore a soft gray t-shirt tucked into distressed black denim shorts that came up to his mid-thigh. The simple outfit was elevated by a silver septum ring and a trace of black eyeliner on his upper lids. Keiji was explaining to Hajime how he’d met Suga in his first year at NYU when Koutarou descended on the table with a cheerfully loud greeting. They made introductions again and Koutarou immediately pounced on a willing Hajime as a new victim to discuss volleyball with. As the four of them chatted, people on stage at the front of the room walked around the musical equipment there, moving wires and microphone stands. The start time of ten pm came and went, and it wasn’t until twenty after that the house lights dimmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, everyone!” a loud voice boomed. Daichi glanced up to see a man with a bleached mohawk who looked vaguely familiar--a bartender from the last time he’d come to Nine Lives, maybe? “It’s so wonderful to see all of you here tonight! We’ve got a great line-up for you to enjoy. Before we get started, I’m here to remind you of exits in case of emergency--we’ve got the one you came in from, and then an emergency exit here to my left and back by the bathrooms. We want everyone to have fun, but our security here won’t hesitate to remove anyone who’s harassing others or who vapes indoors, so please don’t be an idiot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now that that’s over with, my name is Taketora Yamamoto and I’ll be your M.C. tonight. Please give a warm welcome to our first group, Tautochrone!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The crowd whooped and hollered, and the band members shuffled to their places behind their instruments. The singer gripped the mic and said “alright,” then the drummer tapped their sticks together four times. The music burst to life on their cue, and at the same time yellow lights illuminated the cramped stage. Daichi found himself nodding his head with the beat; their indie rock sound was catchy, and it was hard not to get caught up in their raw energy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, the vocals, bass, and guitar all cut out, and the drummer launched into an impressive solo. The man looked almost rabid, his scowl intensified by the dark eyeliner he wore. His body was tense with energy, and he was so forceful that Daichi worried about the integrity of the drums. “Alright, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mad Dog</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” someone from the audience shouted, and people cheered as the solo reached its impressive finish. The other band members jumped back for the final chorus, and the guitar player ended the song with a powerful riff.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” the vocalist said over the cheers and applause, “Thanks so much. I’m Gabriel, we’ve got Aya on base, Daniela on guitar, and that’s Mad Dog on the drums. We’re Tautochrone, and we’re happy to be here tonight for such a great cause. We’ve got two more songs for you all, so we hope you enjoy.” They took a swig of water, nodded to the other members, and started to sing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of their short set was similarly energetic and fun to watch. Daichi felt pumped up, with a tension behind his chest that made him want to get up and dance. The pace slowed somewhat with the next act. The woman who took to the stage next had a dry, understated way of speaking. Soon, though, she had the whole room in peals of laughter with her stand-up routine. Her reflections on college, lesbian hookup culture, and being a hijabi born to immigrant parents in New York were biting and relatable at the same time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was hilarious,” Hajime said, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye as the comedian left the stage, and Daichi agreed. The next act was funny too; the duo introduced themselves as two Black dudes who loved two things: improv and acoustic guitar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, we’re going to ask for some random words from you all, and Sam and I will build a song from them,” Malik explained, while Sam strummed his guitar and nodded his head. “Any suggestions?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thirty seconds later, Sam was crooning about economics, french fries, and butterflies, playing some simple chords while Malik improvised a wandering melody with his guitar. They went back and forth, composing several clever, nonsensical songs off the cuff that had the audience laughing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn, we should actually record that one,” Sam mused as they finished their last song. “It sounded pretty good.” People cheered in response, and the duo bowed before heading off-stage. Tetsurou slid back into his seat at their table while the next act set up, bearing another pitcher of Saturday Blush.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, the bar is crazy,” he complained, wiping his sweaty forehead with his arm. “Good show so far, though, right?” Everyone nodded in agreement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do we know when Tooru and Suga are performing?” Koutarou asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Last, dude. Of course,” Tetsurou grinned. “They’re going to bring the house down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hang on, Bokuto-san,” Keiji muttered, looking at the red-headed man on stage. “Did that guy go to NYU?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ooh, I think you’re right! His name’s Satori, I think,” Koutarou said, squinting to get a better look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He always kind of creeped me out,” Keiji frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think he’s funny! What do you think he’s performing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou’s question was quickly answered when the guy started pulling scarves from his mouth. Even Keiji had to admit the act was pretty impressive after Satori performed some card tricks and produced a rabbit from thin air. The five of them sitting together were hotly debating how he’d done it when he finished, and only stopped when Taketora announced the next singer. She had a gorgeous voice, singing covers of a couple pop songs that sounded better than the originals. After her, an unassuming freckled boy juggled knives (causing Daichi a not-insignificant amount of anxiety), and a person with a dyed-pink afro shredded on their electric violin, their bow moving impossibly fast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Amazing! Thank you, Abena!” Taketora cheered along with the rest of the audience. “This has been an incredible show so far--how about one more round of applause for the talented people we’ve seen tonight?” The crowd whooped and applauded again, and Taketora grinned. “We have two more performers tonight,” Daichi’s stomach clenched, “and I know you’re going to love them. So while we get set up for them, I’d like to encourage you to add an extra tip to the boxes at the bar if you enjoyed the performances. If you don’t have cash, you can Venmo @Yaku-Morisuke-2 directly! His username is posted around the room so you can spell it. But if you want to have a little extra fun, our last two performers would also be more than happy to receive your money directly on stage.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Taketora spoke, a couple of buff people behind him were setting up what was undoubtedly a stripper pole. They held it upright while someone else fiddled with the piece in the floor where the pole docked in. Then someone else produced a ladder, presumably to secure the pole to the ceiling. Once it was up, people took turns tugging on it with all of their weight in different directions to make sure it was stable. It looked reassuringly stable to Daichi, and apparently to the people installing it as well, but he still found himself worrying. What if Suga fell? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you seen them do this kind of dancing before?” Daichi leaned over to ask Tetsurou.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm, maybe once?” Tetsurou said, furrowing his brow. “I mean, they were mostly doing it to raise money for top surgery, so obviously they didn’t want support at any of their shows, and then they stopped directly after. I don’t think they really did it much for fun after because they had so much other dance stuff going on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Suga had never explicitly said that they stripped to raise money for top surgery, but Daichi supposed he should have inferred it. “Wait, what do you mean, they obviously didn’t want support?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tetsurou’s face was twisted into a strange expression--awkwardness? Pity? Disgust? “What kind of clubs do you think they were stripping in, Daichi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi didn’t understand what he meant, and clearly it showed, because Tetsurou sighed. “They were working at a club for straight men, where the strippers were women. So it was sort of...dysphoric? Tooru only mentioned it, I never actually talked to Suga about it. But pretending to be a woman wasn’t something they wanted their friends to see, understandably.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Daichi said again, feeling a sick feeling in his stomach. “Oh. Shit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tetsurou nodded, frowning. “That’s why I was pretty surprised Tooru had the balls to ask them to do this. But they wouldn’t have agreed if they weren’t okay with it. I guess it’s different, now that they can do it on their own terms.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh.” Daichi’s mind was still churning, thinking about how hard and traumatic it must have been to be nineteen, making money off of men misgendering you and ogling the parts of you that you were most dysphoric about. Fuck, was Suga okay? He hated the idea of them having to practically self-harm in order to get the surgery they needed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Tetsurou shrugged. “Tooru, on the other hand, I’ve gone to see strip plenty of times. I’ve seen way more of that man than I’ve ever wanted to.” Daichi smiled weakly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And it looks like we’re ready to go!” Taketora called out. “From all of us at Nine Lives, thank you for being a great audience. Next up, get ready to see some gorgeous dancing. Please welcome Silver to the stage!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wooooo!!!!” Tetsurou, Koutarou, and (surprisingly) Keiji hollered, the three of them louder by far than anyone else cheering. Daichi clapped enthusiastically, mouth feeling dry. This was just Suga, he reminded himself. Normal Suga, who ate Poptarts at their kitchen table and watched Avatar the Last Airbender with Daichi. Funny, dorky, sarcastic, thoughtful Suga. Who just happened to be really good at sexy dancing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACinCwmWalY">Music</a> started playing; at the same time, a figure glided onto stage. The lights weren’t fully up, but the audience could see their high-heeled silhouette crossing to stand next to the pole. They faced away from the crowd, hip casually cocked to the side, one hand on the pole.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Call it all for nothing </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But I'd rather be nothing to you </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Than be a part of something </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Of something that I didn't do</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Do you really want to?)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Almost lazily, they leaned back, gripping the pole and swinging around so they faced the audience. In the dim light, it was impossible to read their expression, but Daichi could make out their simple outfit. The loose, white button-down shirt covered their tiny black shorts, creating the illusion that they weren’t wearing any pants. That, combined with their very high heels (</span>
  <em>
    <span>how were they even upright in those?!</span>
  </em>
  <span>), made their toned legs look impossibly long. In time with the slow music, they rolled their hips in a circle as if they were dancing on someone behind them.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can't be the only one </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Did he even notice?)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Who can be the best to you, be the best to you</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, the dancer had left the ground. They’d wrapped a leg around the pole, and were spinning around it slowly, gracefully. Like a figurine in a music box. The audience was enraptured. Their feet touched down briefly, launching their lithe body around the pole while they held on with a single hand. Still spinning, they clung on with both hands and climbed higher. It looked effortless, but Daichi could only imagine the burn in their arms and core. Then they sat in place with their legs wrapped around the pole.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Do you really want to?) </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can't be the only one </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Did he even notice?) </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Who can be the best to you, be the best to you</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Several things happened all at once: the stage was illuminated, the music’s beat picked up, and Suga…was upside down. With their legs spread wide open. The crowd screamed as they used the pole like it was a jungle gym, gripping it with their hands as they flipped their legs up and around. Daichi’s table was no less affected. “Oh my god?!” Hajime shouted over the noise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck?! What the fuck!!” Koutarou said, cackling in delight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>believe </span>
  </em>
  <span>them,” Tetsurou said, grinning. Keiji cheered himself hoarse, refusing to take his eyes off of Suga for a second. The audience began to pass bills up to the front, and people in the front row tossed them onto the stage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then the instrumental interlude was over and the crowd quieted as Suga descended, then sashayed, unhurried, to the edge of the stage. Their hips flowed like water, swiveling in tantalizingly slow circles. They toyed with the hem of their shirt, smiling teasingly at the people in the front row. Slowly, they undid the buttons, letting a silver of their skin show. They knelt with their legs spread apart and played with the opening of their shirt a little more before letting it slide off of their shoulders. Daichi found himself wishing he was the floor as Suga worked their hips, grinding filthily. People in the crowd screamed and hollered; and Suga continued to provoke them by grinning and sliding their fingertips over their slender, strong chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Part of me is faking </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Faking it all just for fun </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Part of me is breaking </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Breaking apart when you come</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Do you really want to?) </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can't be the only one </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Did he even notice?) </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Who can be the best to you, be the best to you</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After tossing the shirt to the side entirely, they lowered themself to the floor face-down and swept one of their legs straight up and over their head. As it moved, their body rotated too, resulting in Suga’s weight resting on their shoulder blades, their lower back and ass lifted off the ground, and their legs spread wide open. </span>
  <em>
    <span>They really are wearing almost nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Daichi thought dumbly, looking at their pale inner thighs. The next few moves went by too fast to understand individually. The combinations of poses and stretches were essentially sex positions, complete with hip rolls and thrusts.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Do you really want to?) </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can't be the only one </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Did he even notice?) </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Who can be the best to you, be the best to you </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I feel my bones, I feel my bones, I feel my bones crack in your arms </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And I can tell you what you want but I tell you all the things I like</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Suga was on their feet again. Daichi watched as they stood next to the pole, stroking it suggestively. They put the pole between their spread legs and danced, then turned around and bounced their pert ass on it to wild cheers. Their little black shorts had ridden up until they almost looked like underwear; he could see the soft jiggle of their ass cheeks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The longer he watched, the more Daichi had the feeling that his vision was a little blurry. It felt like he wasn’t seeing them properly, because the person on stage’s eyes didn’t look like Suga’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew it was them. He knew those thighs, knew the shape of those calves. Knew the reach of their pale arms and the curve of their neck. And yet, the person on stage was a stranger. Some terrifying angel. His whole body felt tight. Their little half-smile was too devastating to look at. He wondered if he was losing consciousness, because Suga’s movements on stage seemed too smooth, dream-like. Their eyes were different. Blank, haughty, even as they smiled, flirted, beckoned. It was cold and unnerving to see that expression on someone he cared for. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And I can tell you what you want but I tell you all the things I like </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And if I keep myself away, would you chase in the dead of night? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And I can't be the girl you want but I can be the thing you </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Throw away, throw away, throw away </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Throw away, throw away, you throw away </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Throw away, throw away, throw away </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Throw away, throw away, you throw away</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They took to the pole once more as the instrumental interlude played. And as their body curved around the pole as if it were a lover instead of cold metal, he was forced to admit that their aloof power drew him in rather than repulsed him. Despite the many strange facets of the situation, he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t hot. He was hard in his jeans watching them. He wondered with disgust and interest how many people in the club were in the same position. He wondered if Suga got off on teasing people, turning them on with something they couldn’t have.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bills fluttered in the air once more as they showed their acrobatic skills, and Daichi clapped and cheered along with everyone else. The time Suga had spent on stage felt like the longest minutes of his life. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Do you really want to?) </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can be the only one </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Did he even notice?) </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can be the best to you, be the best to you </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Do you really want to?) </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can be the only one </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Did he even notice?) </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can be the best to you, be the best to you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And yet, he was taken aback when they stilled in their final pose: legs in the splits on the ground, facing away from the audience, head looking over their shoulder. Their ass looked like two perfect handfuls, and they flashed a sultry smile at the crowd before standing and bowing. They blew a kiss and walked off to sounds of applause, leaving volunteers to come collect the bills. One of them picked up Suga’s shirt from the side of the stage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You still alive, man?” Hajime teased, clapping Daichi on the shoulder and snapping him back to reality.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, not sure,” Daichi said, too mindblown to try to play it cool in front of Suga’s friends. He took a swig from his drink in an attempt to calm down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was incredible,” Keiji said plainly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew Suga was good at dancing, but I never would have expected that!” Koutarou yelled. “Can you believe it, Tetsu?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was surprised too, but I guess we all know they never do anything by halves,” Tetsurou said with a smile. Koutarou and Keiji agreed. Daichi felt a little awkward, not knowing quite what Tetsurou meant, but Hajime came to the rescue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s that?” he asked curiously. Daichi felt a wave of affection for him, certain that the alcohol was responsible for some of Hajime’s willingness to ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tetsurou shrugged. “They’re pretty all or nothing. If they do something, they work really hard at it. If they like something, they’re very passionate about it. But they don’t really tolerate things that bother or bore them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which makes it really funny to go out with them,” Keiji piped up, “because they don’t humor people they don’t like. No dancing with someone out of pity. It’s fun watching them reject people.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re such a sadist, Keiiiii-jiiiiiiii,” Koutarou teased, and everyone laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow! What an incredible performance from Silver, am I right?” Taketora shouted, to more whoops and shouts. “If you loved them, you’ll love our last act of the night. Put your hands together for the one, the only, Adonis!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi and Hajime made eye contact and Daichi burst out laughing. “You’re not serious,” Hajime said, looking to the others at the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unfortunately, yes,” Keiji said, grinning and shaking his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“LET’S GO ADONIS!” Koutarou hollered while Tetsurou stuck his fingers in mouth and wolf-whistled. A vaguely familiar <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqM0PAJaAxA">song</a> started blaring from the speakers, and Tooru walked on stage, hips swaying to the beat. Already he looked different from Suga, grinning smugly and making confident bedroom eyes at the audience. Less sultry mystery, more hit-you-in-the-face with horniness. He was also wearing more: a sleeveless hoodie and jeans.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(La, la, la, la, la, la) Flo Milli shit</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(La, la, la, la, la, la) Bitch, I'm from Alabama </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(La, la, la, la, la, la) Yeah, bitch, I got your man </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(La, la, la, la, la, la) Since you bad, ho, come catch him if you can</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Flo Milli shit, ho </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Flo Milli shit</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tooru looked like he was having fun, swaying to the music and running his hands over his body. He rolled his hips seductively, then turned and twerked to the beat, provoking screams from the crowd. As much as Daichi knew that Tooru was a high-maintenance dork, and that his dancing was objectively kind of cheesy, he had to admit that the guy still looked hot right now. He oozed charisma, and the crowd was loving it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the rap verse continued, Tooru ripped away his hoodie, revealing an impressively muscled torso. He winked at the cheers, licking a finger and sliding it down his chest. Daichi glanced to the side to see a bright red Hajime looking very tense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude, you look like you haven’t taken a breath since Tooru started,” he said, nudging the man with his elbow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhh,” Hajime responded intelligently, eyes fixed on the stage. Daichi snorted and gave up on trying to talk to him. Tooru had moved to the pole, rolling his body and gyrating while he kept eye contact with the audience. The way he stood emphasised the flex of his biceps, and Daichi admired his back muscles when he turned around. Then, with a grind of his hips, he tore away his jeans and the crowd went wild. Hajime made a little choked noise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru wore electric blue boxer briefs that looked designer. The waistband accentuated the V of his hips--</span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he was annoyingly attractive. Daichi felt a discombobulating flush of desire when he remembered that Tooru and Suga had had sex. Multiple times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His pole dancing looked different from Suga’s--athletic, vertical breakdancing rather than graceful acrobatics. Bills and appreciative yells flooded the air. For the end of his routine, he moved to the edge of the stage, striking provocative poses on the ground. He egged the front row on, shaking his ass coyly so people could tuck dollars under his waistband. Those brown eyes were piercing, even from where Daichi was sitting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi cheered along with the rest of the crowd when it was over, joining Koutarou and Tetsurou’s chant of “AH! DON! IS! AH! DON! IS!” Taketora was yelling something about thanking everyone for coming and to please consider leaving a tip on the way out. “Damn,” Hajime said, when it was possible to hear each other again, “your friends are hot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji, Koutarou, and Tetsurou laughed. “Trust me, we know,” Tetsurou grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Think we can go tell them congrats?” Koutarou asked, looking to Keiji for approval.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They probably need a minute to get changed,” Keiji said. “And they’ll probably be mobbed once they come out. But let’s head in that direction.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi thanked the universe that his boner had mostly gone down and followed Koutarou’s broad back through the crush of people. The overhead music was back on, and some clusters of people were dancing. The air felt heavy and sweaty; Daichi wondered how much longer it would be until he could step outside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their group settled at the bar so they had a good view of where Tooru and Suga would emerge from. Tetsurou started making drinks for their friends. He was leaning over the bar, flirting with Daichi as he explained the custom drink he’d made for him, when they heard a loud “TOORU!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yes, there was the man himself. He wore a pair of short linen shorts and a t-shirt, looking more low-key than Daichi would have expected. He grinned and accepted a big bear hug from Koutarou, revealing Suga standing behind him. They met Daichi’s eyes and gave a little wave, causing his heart to skip a beat. Suga looked so...normal, wearing a red short-sleeved shirt and loose jeans that were cuffed above the ankle (</span>
  <em>
    <span>cute</span>
  </em>
  <span>). They’d left the eyeliner on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Iwa-chan!” Tooru’s eyes were wide with surprise--and maybe terror? “I--I didn’t know you were coming.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s my fault,” Daichi jumped in. “I invited him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were good,” Hajime said bluntly, cutting Tooru off before he could babble more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well--ah, thank you, I’m glad you thought so,” Tooru said, face red. “I mean--I’m glad you’re capable of paying me a genuine compliment, Iwa-chan! You had a hard time with that when I showed you up in volleyball, after all!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone who wasn’t Tooru or Hajime glanced at each other knowingly, smirking at Tooru’s obvious attempt to regain control over the situation by acting like a brat. Thankfully, Hajime saw through him and refused to take the bait.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you show me some dance moves, then?” Hajime asked, his red cheeks belying his casual tone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” Tooru looked at him, baffled and a little bit hopeful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s dance, Shittykawa. Unless you’re only capable of doing it on stage?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru made a little offended noise, then glanced at the rest of his friends as if to reassure himself this was real. “Of course not, Iwa-chan,” he said, blushing even redder before grabbing Hajime’s hand and pulling him into the crowd. Hajime glanced back for a second and smiled when Daichi gave him a huge thumbs-up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...Wow,” Keiji said. “Go, Hajime.” Everyone nodded, impressed by his ability to wrangle Tooru.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tetsurou laughed from his position behind the bar. “For someone who’s completely confident shaking his ass in front of strangers, he sure is a dork. Anyway. Congrats, Suga.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Suga said, half-smiling as Keiji gave them a hug from the side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, you were amazing!” Koutarou said supportively. “I had no idea you could do that!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga shrugged. “Well, I’m a little out of practice. But I’m glad you liked it.” They glanced at Daichi, as if waiting for his opinion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, you were great,” he said, putting a smile on his face that felt fake. “It was very artistic. You’re really talented.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Suga said, as if the word weighed strangely in their mouth. Their eyes flashed with something Daichi couldn’t read.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I think Keiji and I are going to dance too! You guys want to come?” Koutarou asked. His gold eyes were bright with excitement and he had an arm around Keiji’s waist. Daichi noticed that Keiji looked a little disgruntled, but pleased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You go ahead, I think Tetsurou’s going to make me a drink first,” Suga said, flashing a smile at their friend behind the bar. After the couple left, Suga turned to Daichi and rolled their eyes. “The two of them will be all over each other in five minutes, tops. It’s kinder just to let them do their thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gotcha,” Daichi said, taking a sip from his glass. The two of them leaned against the bar with an awkward silence between them while they watched Tetsurou mix Suga’s drink. He passed it to them--it was yellow, lemon-something; Daichi had missed the full description. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a sound of shattering glass and someone cursing, causing everyone in the immediate vicinity to quiet for a moment. “Shit, I think they dropped something in the back,” Tetsurou said, looking worried. “Sorry, I just need to check to make sure they’re okay--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi and Suga waved him off understandingly and he darted away. Now it really was just the two of them, and the awkwardness was so thick Daichi felt it choking him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, what made you choose the song?” he blurted out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The song?” Suga repeated, confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“From your dance?” Daichi offered weakly, already regretting asking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Um, I thought the tempo was good. Flowy, but still with upbeat parts. I kind of just shuffled through my music until I found something I liked.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool.” Seized with the desire to make things better, he tried to address the awkwardness head-on. “Sorry, does this--does this feel weird? Between us, right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” Suga said, frowning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi winced. “It feels awkward between us. Did I do something to upset you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga examined their hand resting on the top of the bar. “I don’t know, did I do something to upset you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No? Of course not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They locked eyes with him. “It feels like you’re being weird about this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My dancing,” they said, frustrated. “Like you’re uncomfortable with it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Daichi blurted. He was uncomfortable with how turned on he’d felt, but that wasn’t their fault. “No, there’s nothing wrong with it. I’m happy you did it, as long as you are.” He hesitated. “Are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why wouldn’t I be? I chose to, and it was to help a friend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You just seem...off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga’s hazel eyes flashed with anger. “Maybe I’m off because you’re being weird.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I’m sorry, you’re right,” Daichi backed down. “I was just worried because of your experiences with...it before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just say stripping, Daichi,” Suga said flatly. “And I’ve never talked to you about my experiences before.” Their eyes narrowed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right,” he said hastily. “I was just guessing, I don’t actually know. I was just worried.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s not your place to worry or guess about whatever trauma I might have going on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right,” Daichi repeated. “I’m sorry. Truly, I am, Suga. It’s none of my business.” He struggled to find the right words. “I’m glad I got to watch you do something you’re really good at. That’s my only opinion on the subject.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He watched them watch him, their eyes wary, then softening. “It’s okay. Sorry I’m being so difficult about this. It’s really not that big of a deal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t apologize, you’re allowed to be mad at me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I don’t want to be.” Suga smiled softly at him and Daichi felt his heart melt a little. “Are we okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Daichi answered quickly. “Definitely.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That soft smile again. “Good. Okay, now what did you think of the other performances?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I really liked--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me.” A man had come up to the two of them. He was tall and handsome, wearing trendy circular glasses. His eyes were fixed on Suga. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to congratulate you on a great performance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Suga said, their smile a little fake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was wondering if you’d like to dance with me?” Daichi wanted to hate the guy, but he seemed alright--a little nervous, meaning he wasn’t full of himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually,” Suga said, glancing over at Daichi, “he and I were in the middle of a conversation--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should go,” Daichi interrupted. “Really, I was going to head out soon anyways. You should dance, have fun.” He smiled, hoping it looked genuine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga glanced between Daichi and the stranger, looking as if they were doing some complicated mental calculus. They looked back at Daichi. “You sure? We can keep talking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, that’s okay.” Another complicated expression passed over Suga’s face, and Daichi felt like he’d failed a test he didn’t know he was taking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” They turned to the stranger and linked their arm in his, smiling and letting their natural charm take over. “My name’s not actually Silver,” they said playfully, “it’s Suga. What’s yours?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi didn’t hear the man’s answer as the two of them were swallowed up by the crowd. He craned his neck and saw Keiji grinding against Koutarou, who was leaning down and kissing his neck. The other two had given up any pretense of dancing. Hajime had Tooru pinned against the wall, an arrangement that they both seemed to be enjoying. Daichi felt the sudden need to leave </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and he glanced behind the bar to make sure Tetsurou was occupied and wouldn’t see him go. Thankfully, his back was turned, allowing Daichi to slip out unnoticed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The night was humid, but the air felt fresh after spending so long in the sticky indoors. Daichi speed-walked to the station, patting his pockets to make sure he had his phone and wallet, still driven by the need to get </span>
  <em>
    <span>away</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Why did he feel like he was about to cry? Maybe there was something weird about the mixed drink from earlier; he had had about four glasses of it. His mind was full from everything that had happened in the last few hours. With a pang in his chest, he realized what he wanted more than anything was to get home and have Suga be there.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck! </span>
  </em>
  <span>Daichi wanted to see them so badly that he almost gave in to the urge to turn around and go back for them. The apartment felt too empty with just him. Suga didn’t have to do anything, just lie on the couch, nap even. Their presence was a comfort, making Daichi feel safe, secure. At home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A tear slid down one cheek and then the other. He brushed them off of his cheeks roughly as he descended the stairs of the subway station. It would be okay. He’d get back, and it would suck to be alone, but he’d just go to sleep instead of thinking about it or feeling it too deeply. And everything would feel less desperate in the daylight. And at some point, he’d see Suga tomorrow and ask for a hug. It wasn’t everything he wanted, but it was enough. It would be enough.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I thought writing volleyball was hard...turns out choreographing and writing pole dancing is harder lmao. Initially Suga and Tooru were going to dance an encore together but it was simply too much to write. Also, it probably would have broken Daichi and Hajime. (God I love writing Hajime!)</p><p>We're getting a little angsty here!!! What's going through Suga's head???? we shall see................</p><p>Thank you so much to everyone who's read this, commented, left kudos, bookmarked, etc, it makes me so happy :')</p><p>next time: the beach!~~</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. daichi has lifeguard energy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Daichi pretended he wasn’t waiting for them to come back. Suga had confirmed via text that they’d be back from Tooru’s at eight to eat dinner with Daichi. At seven forty-five, Daichi left his room, deciding to scroll through his phone in the living room instead. The minutes ticked by until it was finally eight. Once it was, he felt a bit silly for treating it like a countdown. “Dinner at eight” meant showing up a couple minutes after eight. Eight fifteen still counted as eight, even. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pretended not to notice as eight fifteen came and went. At eight twenty-five, he broke down and texted them asking if they were on their way. At eight forty-five he heated up leftovers for one, still glancing at his phone every couple seconds to see if he’d received any texts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was trying to be chill and laid-back about the situation. People did this all the time--lost track of time and had their phones die. But the time spent waiting meant Daichi’s mind had ample time to construct worst-case scenarios. Fears about something bad happening to Suga, but also doubts--was Suga mad at him? Did they not like him anymore? A week ago the thought wouldn’t have occurred to him, but they’d been unlike themself since Saturday.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At nine he felt justified in calling Tooru. “Suga was supposed to be back an hour ago” sounded much less needy than “Suga was supposed to be back forty-five minutes ago.” Daichi felt a swell of relief when Tooru picked up after a few rings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Tooru, it’s Daichi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Daichi, what’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was just wondering if Suga was still with you? They said they’d be back an hour ago, so I just wanted to make sure they were okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, they’re here. Wait one second.” Daichi breathed a quiet sigh of gratitude. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga.” Tooru’s faint voice said. “Do you know what time it is?” A vague murmur in reply. “It’s nine.” No response. “Suga, you were supposed to be back at eight.” “Hmn? Oh...shit.…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru sighed and spoke into the phone again. “Sorry Daichi. They didn’t mention having plans, so I’ve been keeping an eye on them here while they sober up. It’s not like we were getting wasted at six p.m.,” he explained drily, “just having some hard lemonades and a little wine. I guess I wasn’t keeping track of how much they had, and maybe they hadn’t eaten. I’m sorry. I think they’ve been going through something lately.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, okay. Yeah, they’ve seemed a bit off. Thanks for letting me know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Course,” Tooru said. “I’ll tell them to text you once they wake up. It might not be until tomorrow, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, sounds good. Thanks again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. Goodnight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk to you later, bye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The feeling of relief upon finding out Suga was okay persisted. He was glad, too, that they were in capable hands. Even though Tooru didn’t immediately come off as the caretaking type, he was clearly doing a good job. But a heaviness crept into Daichi’s chest knowing that he wouldn’t be seeing them that night. He hadn’t realized how much they were a part of his daily routine until they started disappearing. Trying to convince himself he wasn’t being dramatic, he counted all of the times he’d seen them since Saturday. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d slunk back to the apartment Sunday afternoon and disappeared straight into their room, rings under their eyes and wearing clothes from the night before. At nine, they reappeared, asking Daichi about his day during the time it took them to eat a cup of microwavable mac and cheese. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>On Monday, Suga went out on a dinner date and wasn’t back when Daichi went to bed. At three in the morning, he groggily woke up to the soft sounds of Suga creeping back in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d eaten dinner together in front of the tv on Tuesday, not talking about much besides the group chat’s plans for a beach visit that Saturday. Suga had gone to bed early, citing exhaustion. That night Daichi woke up once again, this time to the sound of Suga leaving. Their shoes were still gone Wednesday morning. Then they ghosted him that night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, two brief interactions since Saturday night. That wasn’t infrequent enough to get upset about. Daichi realized he probably wouldn’t care so much if Suga had acted normally, but they were reserved and avoidant when Daichi tried to make conversation. His nerves couldn’t take the uncertainty and second-guessing, trying to interpret his roommate’s actions and decipher if he was responsible for them. He needed to confront Suga tomorrow and get answers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On Thursday, Daichi released tension he didn’t know he was holding when he heard keys in the door just two minutes past the dinner time they’d agreed to. “Hey,” Suga called out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Dachi replied, hovering in the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walked in and stared at the table. “Daichi...what’s all this?” The table was set already, and containers of takeout sat in the middle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh...mapo tofu from the place you mentioned once? I got extra spicy for yours. I wanted to incentivize you to hang out with me, and I’ve been worried about you, so. I wanted to get something you liked.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga stared at the table for a moment longer, then looked at Daichi. Their brow was furrowed, and their eyes were sad. Their mouth twitched in a small, self-deprecating smile. “I’ve been an ass. I’m sorry. Can I have a hug?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi didn’t even say yes, just walked over and wrapped his arms around them. Suga made a little contented noise. Despite how strong they were, they seemed a little frail. As if their bones were sticking out more than usual. He felt like a clumsy giant, holding them, even though he was only a little taller. God, it felt good to smell their shampoo again. He’d been craving this peaceful feeling since he left the bar Saturday night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He left pulling away up to them, since they were the one who’d asked for a hug. After a couple seconds, they tightened their grip on him and nudged their head against his shoulder, like they were trying to get even closer. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Careful, Suga, or I might get used to this</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It felt too good to have them so close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Suga finally leaned back, they looked like they’d just woken up. Warm, soft, tired. “Wanna eat?” Daichi asked. They gave a “mhmm” in reply and sat, beginning to shovel rice onto both of their plates.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them talked about nothing for a couple minutes. Suga waxed poetic about how good the food was. Daichi tried a bite of theirs (“oh god, it’s like a burning coal is sliding down my throat”) while Suga cackled. Then they quieted, looking pensive. They set their chopsticks down, looking like they were searching for the right words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um...I don’t really have an excuse for how I’ve been acting. I’ve just had some stuff on my mind and haven’t been feeling good. So I’ve been trying to avoid it and distract myself. But as a result, I’ve been distant with you, and that’s not fair. And I was a mess last night. I’m really sorry for missing our plans, it was selfish of me to get drunk like that. I’m going to pull my head out of my ass and sort my shit out so I can be a decent friend. I’m sorry, I promise this is the end of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay,” Daichi said. “Thank you for telling me. Can I do anything to help with what’s been on your mind? I’m kind of worried about you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga did the sad smile again. “Thanks for offering. No, I don’t need to talk about it or anything, and you don’t need to worry about me. I promise. Just keep being your perfect self.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi snorted. “Ha. But...you’d tell me if I did something wrong, right? If I did anything to upset you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Course I would. But you haven’t, so. Don’t worry about it.” They smiled at him, a real, fond one this time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. So...are we good?” he asked tentatively.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m good if you’re good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m </span>
  </em>
  <span>good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I’m good too,” Suga said firmly. “Thank you for being so understanding. I’m really lucky to have you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi’s chest felt warm. “Thanks for being you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, Daichi! You can’t just say stuff like that, it’s too sweet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They finished dinner; Daichi was glad to see that Suga ate a lot. “Wanna hang out after this?” Suga asked as the two of them cleaned up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Daichi agreed casually, thrilled that they’d suggested it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We could go grocery shopping for beach snacks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ooh, good idea. We have to overbuy though, because we’ll probably get excited and want to eat some of them tonight and tomorrow. And also everyone else is going to want some of our stash.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So true,” they said, shaking their head. “I’ll tell everyone they all have to bring food too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, I’m rolling in YMCA money. We can buy snacks for days.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this what it feels like to have a sugar daddy?” Suga joked. “I’ve made it big.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Grocery store trips were always the most fun at night and when the goal was exciting food instead of weekly shopping. The two of them goofed around, ending up with an assortment of berries, chips, dips, cookies, fruit snacks, and fizzy juices.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh shit,” Daichi said as they were checking out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to cancel on Tetsurou.” In all the excitement, he’d forgotten he was supposed to go watch a movie at the other man’s apartment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, did you have plans? You can go! I’ll put the groceries away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I was kind of wondering if you wanted to watch tv and we could eat some of these snacks?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, but are you sure you don’t want to go see him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’d rather stay in. Maybe I’ll see if he wants to hang out tomorrow.” Daichi wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to spend more time with Suga.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Citing tiredness, Suga suggested doing the tv-and-snacking routine in their room rather than the living room. Which was how Daichi ended up sitting in bed next to them, leaning back against their pillows and watching Zuko offer to teach Aang firebending on Suga’s laptop screen. (“That haircut was a cultural reset,” Suga said firmly, and Daichi had to agree.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their bed was so comfortable, and it was nice having a warm body next to him. Suga spotted Daichi’s eyes fluttering shut a couple of times and asked if he wanted to stop, but he insisted he wasn’t tired. He was comfortable, and he wanted to stay there as long as possible….</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The insistent chiming of his phone shook him awake. Someone groaned and Daichi agreed with the sentiment. But as he pried his eyes open, he realized it wasn’t him who’d made the sound.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a lump next to him in the bed, and silver hair pooling on the pillow. Daichi fumbled to turn off the alarm and looked around. Yes, he was still in Suga’s room. He’d be more alarmed about it if he weren’t half-asleep. They let out an annoyed grunt as he stumbled over their prone body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t until he was on the train to the YMCA that their little impromptu sleepover hit him. The strangest part about it was how not-weird it had felt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next morning was even more brutal. Jesus, his alarm had to be wrong;  there was no way it was seven already. He fumbled for it and turned the chiming off. The screen obstinately said seven. Daichi always got up at this time for work, but he was used to an earlier bedtime. He’d gotten back from Tetsurou’s last night at two. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With an immense amount of willpower, he sat up and turned on his light, then played a game on his phone to help himself wake up. Judging by the lack of noise from Suga’s room, he needed to go get them up too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After they didn’t reply to a knock, he opened the door to find them curled up asleep in bed. He shook their shoulder gently. “Suga. Suga.” His voice was rough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmrgh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga, we’re supposed to go to the beach.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you want to shower?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm-mm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Kay, so we just have to get dressed and leave.” Thank god Suga had insisted on making them pack last night. “I’ll make you a bagel to take with you, and we can stop for coffee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not going, ‘s too early.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga.” He sat on the edge of the bed, feeling much too groggy to be the one in charge. “Can you sit up for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They opened their eyes a crack. “Daichi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t help but smile. They looked so cute, all puffy and discontent. “Yeah, it’s me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” They yawned, then opened their eyes fully. “Why is it so early?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So we can stake out spots by the courts before all the families and kids show up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm.” They closed their eyes again, apparently unconvinced by his argument.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, Suga? For me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jerk…” They opened their eyes again. “Now if I don’t get up...makes it look like I don’t care about you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, that’s the point. Please, Suga? Just sit up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They glared. “You’re so mean.” But they pushed themself up to a sitting position. “Happy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very. Want to go brush your teeth and stuff?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I want to lie down and bring you with me so you can cuddle me back to sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wow, that sounded...amazing. Why were they going to the beach, again? “How about we brush our teeth together, and then we can sleep on the beach?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds worse in every possible way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe so.” He stood up and held his hands out. “C’mere.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another death glare, but they sulkily allowed Daichi to pull them out of bed. Suga wordlessly stumbled to the bathroom, and the two brushed their teeth together, Daichi making funny faces in the mirror to make Suga laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thirty minutes later, they were riding the 1 train, laden with bags and clutching iced coffees. Suga looked close to falling asleep, and Daichi nudged them to ask where they were switching trains.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm? 59th.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I think that might be this one--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They scrambled off, barely making it in time, and switched to the B. “We’re going to be getting off on the last stop, so we won’t miss it,” Suga explained, before resting their head on his shoulder. “It’s gonna take almost an hour.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi was still drowsy, but was past falling asleep at that point. He scrolled through his phone, half listening to a podcast, until the distorted voice through the speakers was calling “last stop, Brighton Beach.” He nudged Suga awake. They seemed much more cheery once they were off the train and could see the ocean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are the volleyball nets...oh, I think that’s Keiji and Kou!” Suga said, squinting their eyes to look across the sand. Koutarou had seen them too, as evidenced by his excited jump in the air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey hey hey!” he shouted as they drew closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning,” Suga said cheerfully. “You two made it here early.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Between him being a morning person and me being anxious, we’re great at making it to morning engagements,” Keiji said drily. “Here, come set up your stuff with ours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> Suga and Daichi spread out the big blanket they’d brought to sit on, weighing the corners down with their various bags of snacks, drinks, towels, and books. It was almost nine, and a surprising number of people were on the beach already. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we do a little two-on-two warmup while we wait for everyone else?” Koutarou asked, tossing a beach volleyball from hand to hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Daichi agreed, toeing his sneakers off and stripping off his socks. “I’m just going to check the water temperature.” He glanced at Suga. “Wanna come?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They made a face. “I’m good, I’m not planning on going in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah? Oceans are gross, and I don’t really like swimming.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me neither,” Koutarou piped up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm.” Daichi jogged down to the shore, visions of tackling Suga in the waves dashed. The water was cold, crisp. He enjoyed the spray of the waves crashing around his shins. A few kids were playing, shrieking joyously despite the temperature. After taking another deep breath of fresh air and gazing at the horizon, he walked back to the court, sand sticking to his wet legs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The four of them were sending gentle spikes back and forth over the net, keeping the ball in the air, when Tetsurou’s fluffy head came into view. “Hey,” Daichi called; Tetsurou grinned and gave a big, exaggerated wave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The water looks great,” he said when he’d made it over to their little group.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s cold, but nice,” Daichi reported. “Apparently, no one else is interested in it, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be going in,” Keiji said, sounding almost bored. “It’ll probably be warmer than Lake Michigan.” Koutarou shuddered bodily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They kept passing the ball around lazily, killing time until their last two members showed up. Just as Suga was asking Keiji for the time and whining about how long Tooru was taking, the brunette and Hajime were walking over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re late,” Suga shouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, sorry,” Tooru grinned, looking anything but. “We brought donuts!” Hajime brandished a pastry box, looking gruff but pleased to be there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone crowded around, snacking gratefully. Around a mouthful of donut, Tooru informed everyone about his and Hajime’s impending swimming race in the ocean, which he planned on winning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it like to be so baselessly confident about everything you do?” Hajime muttered, causing Keiji and Tetsurou to snort and Suga to grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not baseless!” Tooru said. “I’m an</span>
  <em>
    <span> athlete</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm,” Hajime said, eyebrows raised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you still trying to kick each other’s asses in volleyball too?” Daichi asked him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime rolled his eyes.”Maybe? But he also wants to show me how good he is at setting by having me spike his tosses, so it’s hard to tell.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, he’s got competition. Maybe you’ll like Suga or Keiji’s tosses better,” Tetsurou teased, and Tooru pretended he wasn’t miffed. The other setters waved him off, demuring.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They started off with Koutarou, Keiji, and Tetsurou versus Tooru, Hajime, and Daichi, with Suga keeping score. Daichi didn’t think that it was possible to see Koutarou even more amped up about volleyball, but he was luminous with Keiji by his side. “Woooo!” he cheered, pumping his fists after spiking to win the first point. “Your tosses are the best, Keiji!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji tried to keep a neutral expression, but his mouth twitched upwards. “That was an impressive spike, Bokuto-san.” Tetsurou made a gagging face, which everyone but the happy not-couple snorted at. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite the many strong personalities present, it was difficult for them to maintain a true competitive spirit. The sand was deceptively difficult to play on. Just when Daichi thought he had the hang of it, he found himself slipping. They took turns laughing at one another’s unfortunate falls and misses. And, too, being outside by the ocean felt celebratory; it was hard to get worked up about what the score was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi discovered that Tetsurou was an extremely obnoxious blocker to play against, and that his handsome smirk made him all the more infuriating. To his own credit, Daichi gained a reputation as an awful opponent because of his receives; Koutarou dubbed him their honorary libero. Suga may have been the least experienced player, but they also had great game sense. Their ability to tweak their team’s strategy to best exploit the opponent was uncanny. After playing on the same side, both Hajime and Tooru stopped sniping at each other and focused their attention on leveraging each other’s abilities in the most effective way. Tooru got creepily sincere while playing volleyball, asking Daichi if his tosses felt alright and how to improve them. To his credit, all of his tosses felt easy to hit--a sure sign of a great setter. Despite Daichi’s allegiance to Suga (and secondarily, to Keiji), he secretly preferred Tooru’s tosses the most.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was fun to play with everyone, though. Hajime and Koutarou, though so different in personality, were the type of players that were exciting to watch and made him want to be stronger. Suga and Tetsurou were always conniving, making the game more interesting and difficult. Keiji was a rock, perhaps the most consistent out of all of them, and incredibly perceptive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So it made sense that they tired each other out. Even with one person always being off, three-on-threes by nature were intense. The sun was rising higher in the sky, and heat began radiating off of the sand. Hastily-applied sunscreen (Hajime had made them all put some on before playing) sweated off of their faces and stung their eyes. One by one, they discarded their shirts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No way, Suga-chan,” Tooru said, glaring at them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” Suga replied, ruffling their hair back into place after yanking their shirt over their head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so pale, look at you! We have to time out so you can put on more sunscreen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They groaned. “Come on, Mom. Let’s finish this set, then I will, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru looked miffed but didn’t say anything else. They were close to the end anyway, and then they all stumbled back to the shade of the two umbrellas Tooru had rented for them. After everyone applied sunscreen and gorged themselves on watermelon that Keiji and Koutarou had brought, even the most fanatical among them were ready to take a break from volleyball. Besides, another group had moved in to use their net.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After an appropriate amount of time catching his breath and letting his sunscreen set in, Daichi got up. Keiji was napping, and everyone else was sitting together, chatting and listening to music from Suga’s speaker.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyone else wanna jump in the water?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe in a bit,” Hajime said, and Tooru nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go now,” Tetsurou offered, standing up. “‘S too damn hot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walked into the waves together. Daichi tried to go quickly, unflinchingly. Tetsurou had no such qualms, letting out little yelps and </span>
  <em>
    <span>“oh fuck that’s cold”’</span>
  </em>
  <span>s with every new body part that got submerged. Soon, though, they were acclimated and splashing about happily. Daichi laughed at how the other man’s hair was completely matted down with water, earning him a dunk, which he repaid with a tackle. Their roughhousing was brought to an abrupt halt when Daichi’s hand accidentally pressed into Tetsurou’s hard abs. And could Daichi be blamed for enjoying how they felt, and then continuing to feel up his chest and circle his nipples? Absolutely not, especially given the cute, shocked face he was rewarded with. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t get enough last night, Sawamura?” Tetsurou teased, his wide eyes at odds with his attempted nonchalance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Apparently not,” Daichi smirked. He glanced around, making sure there weren’t any kids floating nearby, and that the lifeguard wouldn’t blow the whistle on them for public indecency. Satisfied, he was about to lean in to kiss him when he heard frantic sounds of splashing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god,” Tetsurou laughed, “look.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Two bodies churned through the water, swimming past them and moving farther out to sea. “Don’t tell me that’s--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tooru and Hajime,” Tetsurou finished, snorting. “Those idiots. Do they even have an end marker? Or is it ‘whoever drowns first loses’?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi laughed and they bobbed in the swells of the waves together, watching their friends swim farther away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I interrupting, Daichi-san?” a voice called. Keiji was bobbing over to them, water droplets sparkling on the wavy ends of his hair. He looked like an ethereal mermaid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Course not, get over here,” Daichi said. Yeah, maybe he would have flirted with Tetsurou more if it were just the two of them, but he wanted to spend time with Keiji too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not going to ask me, Keiji?” Tetsurou said, pretending to be wounded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re on my shit list, Tetsurou,” Keiji said coldly. “I’m sick of you teasing me and Bokuto-san when we’re together. He gets all shy and awkward.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you don’t?” Tetsurou grinned. Keiji’s eyes narrowed, and then he disappeared underwater. Daichi and Tetsurou exchanged a puzzled glance before Tetsurou yelped and tipped over, falling beneath the surface. Keiji popped up, blinking away water and wearing an evil smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tetsurou sputtered as he came up for air. “You little shit! Straight for the ankles, really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Maybe it was a stray shark or--” he was cut off by Tetsurou tackling him. “Daichi, help!” Keiji called, laughing as he got dunked again, words turning into garbled bubbles. Daichi jumped onto Tetsurou’s strong back. When yanking him away didn’t work, he switched tactics, reaching around to tickle the man’s stomach and armpits. Tetsurou shrieked and fell backward, plunging Daichi under. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a while, Tetsurou called for a ceasefire, admitting defeat against the combined forces of Daichi and Keiji. The three of them bobbed in the water peacefully instead, chatting about nothing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” a voice called; Daichi turned around to see Hajime and Tooru swimming over toward them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who won?” Keiji said, raising his eyebrows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ahh,” Tooru said, catching his breath, “Iwa-chan and I agreed to call it a tie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime rolled his eyes. “That means that I won and he doesn’t want to admit it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I refuse to discuss the matter further,” Tooru said loftily. “Anyone wanna head in for a bit?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” Daichi agreed, wanting to drink more water and see how Suga was doing. The others said they wanted to stay out for a bit longer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Perfect, the three of us can gossip about Tooru behind his back,” Tetsurou said, which Tooru refused to dignify with a response besides raising his middle finger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga and Koutarou had accumulated a small audience of young children in their absence. Suga looked like they were attempting to teach him an acrobatic move. It was going better than Daichi might have predicted; for such a buff guy, Koutarou was very...springy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kou!” Tooru shouted. “Whatcha doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutatou’s eyes lit up. “I’m learning how to do an aerial!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that?” Daichi asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Basically a cartwheel without hands,” Suga supplied. “Kou’s a fast learner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like gymnastics-y stuff,” Koutarou smiled. “Suga’s really good at everything, though! You should show them what it’s supposed to look like.” Some of the little kids standing by perked up upon hearing that, nudging each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll do an aerial if you do a handspring,” Suga agreed. “Alright, here I go…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They lined up, an empty runway of sand in front of them, and took a couple quick steps between launching forward, flipping their legs over without touching the ground. “Gwah!” Koutarou exclaimed, “so good. I can’t do it like that, but I can do this.” He ran forward, springing off of his hands and landing upright on his feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m very impressed,” Daichi said, grabbing his water bottle. “I can’t even do a cartwheel.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga, can I talk to you for a bit?” Tooru asked, pulling them aside and back under the umbrella. Koutarou and Daichi sat a respectable distance away to give them some privacy, although it was impossible not to hear the occasional mention of Hajime’s name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They look like they’re having fun, huh?” Koutarou said, looking wistfully at Keiji, Tetsurou, and Hajime in the water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it’s pretty nice,” Daichi said. “Want to join them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou looked at him with sad, vulnerable eyes and sighed. “The summer before college, I had kind of a scary experience in the ocean back home. I haven’t really tried to go back in since then...I know it’s dumb, but I just feel like I can’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not dumb at all,” Daichi said, trying to be comforting. “It makes sense that you’re still scared.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeahh,” Koutarou said, leaning back on his hands. “I wish I weren’t, though. It sucks. I want to be able to have fun with all of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm.” The two of them sat quietly for a moment. “Would you...would you want to try just going in the shallow part? With me?” Daichi offered. “I’ll hold you and help you stay upright, and if you don’t like it we can come straight back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you really?” Koutarou asked hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For sure,” Daichi said, smiling. “Even if you end up wanting to come back to shore, I’m just glad to hang out with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi!” Koutarou wrapped him in a muscular, slightly sweaty hug, then jumped to his feet and offered a hand to help him up. “You’re the best. I’m so glad Suga introduced you to us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m really happy to be here,” Daichi said honestly. Koutarou’s enthusiasm was infectious. They walked down to the edge of the water, barely getting their toes wet. With Koutarou’s okay they slowly went deeper, stopping when the water was up to their hips. Daichi kept his forearm steady so the other man could cling to it, and distracted him by inquiring about Keiji, one of Koutarou’s favorite topics. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so proud of him,” he replied sincerely. “He’s been working hard at his internship, and everyone there loves him. Keiji never brags about this stuff, so sometimes I just have to do it behind his back for him!” His smile dimmed slightly. “Don’t tell him I told you, though, he gets shy, especially because it’s you--oh,” he winced, looking at Daichi’s inquisitive expression. “Shit. I wasn’t supposed to say anything about that either--but I know you won’t tell. It’s just that you’re one of Keiji’s favorite authors. He freaked out before meeting you,” Koutarou chuckled at the memory. “So I think he’s hesitant talking about work and stuff in front of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, wow,” Daichi said, thinking back to their first meeting. “I never would have guessed, he’s so...stoic?” Koutarou nodded emphatically, and Daichi continued. “Suga was very thoughtful, asking everyone not to bring up my book and everything. But I’m less insecure about the whole thing than I was at the beginning of the summer. I’ve actually been wanting to talk to Keiji about some short stories I’ve been writing. Do you think he’d be willing to take a look at them for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou’s golden eyes were huge. “You’re serious? Hell yeah! That would make his whole year, dude.”   </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Well, cool,” Daichi said, pleased. “I really admire him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou sighed dreamily, gazing over at where Keiji was still in the water with Tetsurou and Hajime. “Me too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them decided to go in up to their chests. Daichi encouraged Koutarou to try out floating on his back, keeping supportive hands under his shoulders and legs. He was doing great until a stray wave splashed his face, causing him to lurch and panic. Daichi shifted so Koutarou was cradled in his arms and could sit upright.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit, I’m sorry,” Daichi said, worried. “Do you want to go back?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no that’s okay,” Koutarou said, catching his breath and calming down. “Can we just stay like this for a bit?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Daichi held the taller man in his arms like a baby and they bobbed in the water together. Koutarou seemed to genuinely relax after a while, and was immersed in trying to explain the plot of an anime he thought Daichi would like when their friends came over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look comfy, Kou,” Tetsurou teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am!” Koutarou beamed unabashedly, one arm slung around Daichi’s shoulders. “Daichi’s very comforting. And comfortable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I almost didn’t recognize you with your hair down,” Hajime commented, and Koutarou self-consciously patted the wet silver strands stuck to his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s cute, though,” Keiji commented in a rare public display of affection. “Bokuto-san, may I stay out here with you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, uh, sure, Keiji!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In that case, maybe I’ll go dry off for a bit?” Daichi asked, depositing Koutarou into Keiji’s waiting arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay Daichi, thanks for helping me,” Koutarou said gratefully. He and Keiji looked both embarrassed and pleased to be left together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re cute,” Hajime commented once he, Daichi, and Tetsurou were out of earshot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And who knew Daichi had a lifeguard persona in addition to a coach one?” Tetsurou teased, putting the shorter man into a headlock. Daichi promptly wriggled out of it and tackled him, which, he realized belatedly, was probably Tetsurou’s goal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Back on shore, Tetsurou joined Tooru and Suga in tossing the volleyball around. Daichi and Hajime refused to be persuaded, choosing instead to spread their towels out in the sun and warm up. They exchanged a few words, but Daichi found himself getting drowsy as he listened to music playing from their speaker and their friends’ faraway voices. The sun felt great on his back, and he sunk into a warm sleep….</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi.” A musical voice close to his ear, and a gentle hand on his back. “Daichi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmmg.” He screwed his eyes more tightly shut. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The voice laughed. “Are you hungry? We’re going to get lunch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It hadn’t crossed his mind, but now that he was thinking about food, he realized he was starving. Reluctantly, he rolled onto his side and looked up at Suga’s smiling face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hiya,” they said, lovely and benevolent. “Feeling okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi yawned. “Yeah, just sleepy. We’re going now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep, there’s a takeout place a couple blocks away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After tracking down his shirt and his wallet, he was ready to go. Suga promised to text Koutarou and Keiji what the options were; the two of them were staying back to keep an eye on the stuff. Daichi couldn’t help but think that they looked like models. Keiji, with damp, tousled hair and aviators on his handsome face, was sprawled out casually on the blanket. Koutarou sat next to him, loudly patterned swim trunks riding up on his thick thighs. His defined abs and strong arms were on full display. Yep, Daichi was super gay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was nice to stroll on the boardwalk. He walked with Hajime and Suga; Tetsurou and Tooru were cackling about something up ahead, arms slung around each other. The restaurant looked like it’d seen better days, but the stream of people coming out with greasy, delicious-looking food was a good enough endorsement for him. After some back-and-forth in their group, and a quick call to Keiji, they decided to share an “XL” pizza, a couple buckets of fried chicken, and some french fries and onion rings rather than everyone getting their own order. Daichi offered to pay and ordered from the surly, sweaty guy at the register. Everyone pulled out their phones to repay him as they waited for their order outside the cramped restaurant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were kids walking around with crappy, colorful stuffed animals, the kind that were prizes at arcades. Tetsurou checked the map on his phone and discovered that the Coney Island arcade and rides were only a twenty-minute walk from where they’d made camp on the beach. Despite urging from him and Tooru, the other three were less thrilled about checking it out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You all are boring,” Tooru pouted, then brightened. “I bet Kou will come with us!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re probably right,” Suga grinned. “You’ll be responsible for making sure he doesn’t spend an obscene amount of money trying to win stuff for Keiji.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their conversation was cut off by an employee yelling their order number, and they jumped up to grab their haul. “Do you think we over-ordered?” Daichi asked, trying to juggle three buckets of chicken.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime graciously relieved him of one and sampled a piece. “No way. I’m pretty sure I could crush one of these all by myself.” Tooru swooped in and casually put an arm around Hajime’s shoulders, grabbing a piece as they walked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Onion rings, anyone?” Suga brandished their greasy bag. Hands full, Daichi opened his mouth and Suga put one between his lips, laughing as he tipped his head back so it wouldn’t fall out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite their snacking on the way back, there was still plenty to eat once they made it back to Koutarou and Keiji. They sat in a content circle on one of the blankets, knees touching and hands reaching over each other. Koutarou commented that everything tasted better outside, and Daichi was inclined to agree. He felt heavy and satisfied. On the other hand, Tooru, Tetsurou, and Koutarou seemed more hyped up than ever. Only a couple of minutes of sitting had gone by before the trouble trio were trying to recruit more people for an arcade visit. Keiji and Suga begged off, saying that they were going to walk along the shore instead. That left Hajime and Daichi, who made eye contact and were immediately on the same page about relaxing quietly under the sun. Everyone split off in separate directions and Daichi pulled out the book he was reading.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime was a nice person to just be with. His presence was grounding, and even though Daichi was very fond of all of Suga’s friends, it was somewhat of a relief to just be with Hajime. The two of them talked casually about how the day had gone so far, about Tooru, about times they’d gone to the beach growing up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi read for a bit after that, and fell into a nap at some point. When he woke up, he was tired of reading and Hajime was still sleeping. He dug idly in the sand in front of his blanket, scratching out a hollow and making it deeper until the texture went from soft to cold and damp.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“May I help?” Keiji said. Daichi glanced up to see the younger man looming above him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, uh, sure. I’m not really doing much, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji settled next to him on the edge of the blanket. “I used to love building sandcastles.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, feel free to be my architect,” Daichi grinned. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Suga settling on Hajime’s other side, their own book in their hands, and gave a little wave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two fell into a comfortable rhythm, Daichi placing handfuls of sand and Keiji patting them down and shaping them. They’d made the main building and were sculpting some towers when Tooru plopped down on Daichi’s other side. He filtered the sand through his fingers, looking for pebbles to adorn their castle, and described the games they’d played.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I kicked Koutarou’s ass at the zombie shooter, but I’ll admit that he was pretty good at those car racing games. And Tetsurou’s freakishly good at the claw machine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope you didn’t body check any kids out of the way,” Keiji said; Daichi snorted at the image. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Next to them, Koutarou was chatting with Hajime about weightlifting and Suga was ruffling Tetsurou’s hair affectionately as the taller man sprawled out on a blanket. Tooru glanced over to make sure no one was paying attention to their little sandcastle squad, then turned back to Daichi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So…” he whispered conspiratorially, “Suga seems like they’ve been happy, recently.” Keiji raised his eyebrows, but didn’t say anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh,” Daichi said quietly, “that’s...good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru gave him a Look. “Did something happen?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really? They said they were going through something, but I think it got better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It just seems like they’re really happy with you.” Daichi, perplexed, glanced at Keiji, who had mentioned something similar when they’d met for the first time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad,” Daichi said, matching Tooru’s quiet tone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a different kind of happiness than when they’re with me, or Keiji,” Tooru insisted, glancing furtively at a blissfully unaware Suga. “Don’t you think so, Keiji?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji looked uncomfortable. “I--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just in terms of what you’ve noticed,” Tooru insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga does seem...different,” he conceded with a sigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that bad?” Daichi asked, perplexed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru rolled his eyes. “God, Daichi. No. Just keep doing what you’re doing. And take care of them, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” he agreed, eyes darting over to make sure Suga wasn’t paying attention. “I mean, I feel like they’re mostly taking care of me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru and Keiji smiled. “As it should be,” Tooru said, clapping Daichi on the shoulder and standing up. “Anyone up for another couple of sets?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi mulled over Tooru’s weird little speech as they divided up teams. It almost felt like he was getting reprimanded, even though Tooru had said Suga was happy. Did Tooru think something was going on between them? But surely he knew Suga well enough to know there wasn’t. Daichi decided to put it out of his mind; it was no secret that Tooru could be overly dramatic about things. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was even warmer in the afternoon than when they’d played in the morning, and the sun was bright overhead. To keep things interesting, they switched positions around, forcing the wing spikers and middle blocker to take turns setting and having Keiji, Suga, and Tooru spike. After an hour, though, everyone was relieved when Keiji suggested going for a dip to cool off. From everyone’s red faces and sweaty bodies, it was clear that they were all exhausted, but some innate jock sensibility meant no one wanted to be the first to cave and ask to finish.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji jumped on Tooru’s back and they ran to the shore, crashing into the water and laughing. Hajime followed close behind, and Tetsurou and Koutarou waded into the shallows together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Under the umbrella, Suga chugged a bottle of water, and Daichi very pointedly refused to watch the droplet of sweat that slid down from their collarbone, across their toned chest and abs, and hit the waistband of their dark red swim trunks. “Tired?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They took another gulp and panted, grinning at him. “Oh yeah.” They looked out to where their friends bobbed in the water. “Looks refreshing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was nice,” Daichi agreed. “Do you not like swimming in general? Or is it just the ocean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ahh.” Suga made a face. “Swimming in general, honestly. I sort of decided as a little kid that I would always hate it. So I still sort of do, and I never really got comfortable in the water because of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, I’d be terrified to cross you as a child. All that tenacity and stubborness in such a tiny person?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga laughed, their face handsome in the afternoon light. “Honestly, I would be too. My poor mother.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did something happen to make you hate swimming so much? Or did you just dislike it?” It was maybe a little invasive, but Daichi was curious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They hesitated. “Nothing dramatic,” they said lightly. “Just that my dad loved swimming and wanted me to like it too. So I hated it on principle because I hated him so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Daichi was quiet, waiting to see if they would say more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga gazed out at the ocean, not meeting Daichi’s eyes. “I know it’s letting him win, refusing to do things that might make me happy. Old habits are just hard to break, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi knew. He nodded and they stood in silence for a while.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you come with me?” he asked, breaking the quiet. “Down to the water? We don’t even have to swim, just stand. Or float. Or I’ll carry you. It’ll cool you off really quickly, and if you hate it, we’ll come right back. Koutarou has endorsed me as a very reassuring presence in the water. And...it’ll be more fun if you’re there,” he finished, looking to see what their reaction would be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to babysit me, Daichi. I promise I’m fine here. You’ll have more fun with everyone else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t,” he said truthfully. “I mean, please don’t do anything you don’t want to do. But I always have the most fun when I’m with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as the words left his mouth, Daichi knew they were too much. Too honest, too needy. Too desperate. He couldn’t bring himself to regret it, though. It felt good to tell the truth, and he needed Suga to know how much he liked them, how important they were to him. Even if he was leaving out the having-a-crush-on-them part.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, Daichi,” Suga said, embarrassed and fighting a smile. “Fine, let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Five minutes later, they were in up to their chests and Daichi was holding Suga as promised. Their head was tipped back, submerged enough that their hair floated in the water, all soft and dark gray. He was painfully aware of all the places they were touching each other: their arm around his neck, their side against his chest, his arms under their back and legs. Their smooth, warm, wet skin sliding against each other, cool water all around them. Daichi knew that so much physical contact would maybe be a bit much for his horny brain to handle. But he wasn’t ready for how it made his heart feel to hold all of this strong, wise, loving, hard-working, funny, brave person in his own two arms. Having them so close was fulfilling a need Daichi didn’t know he had. He felt complete. Well, no, he knew he was a complete person all on his own, but having Suga here, their head so close to his heart...he felt overfull. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, this is good,” Suga said, looking up at him. “My dad would hate everything about this, and that makes me happy.” The small smile on their face was free from anger or bitterness. “Me here as myself, here with all my gay friends, in the arms of my hot gay roommate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi laughed, trying not to read too much into that statement. “I’m glad to be of service.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a great day, all things considered. But as they rode the subway back to Manhattan with all of their friends, sporting sunburns and sand stuck between their toes, Daichi knew without a doubt that his favorite moment was him and Suga clinging to each other in the ocean. It was greedy to wish for more after already having so much, but he hoped that it wouldn’t be the last time he felt that overflowing warmth.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>oh my goodness this chapter kicked my ass. it's so damn long as well...</p><p>if you enjoyed this, I would love to know what your favorite part was! what did you make of self-sabotaging angsty suga? did you enjoy the beach setting? how do you feel about the daisuga dynamic? how were the interactions between characters? I tried to mix and match so every character got to spend time with every other character. and I'm really trying to fight against some of the one-dimensional stereotypes that characters get shoved into during fics, so lmk how I'm doing :D (big pet peeve of mine is when keiji=reserved, boring twink...let him tackle kuroo in the ocean and build sandcastles...... and let tooru be big arcade dork and good friend in addition to being a egotistical flirt....)</p><p>also I swear we are getting close to non-platonic daisuga. thank you for sticking with me :) there's going to be lots of emotional closeness and s*xual tension in the next couple chapters and then feelings will be revealed</p><p>anyway thank you for reading and it would honestly make my day if you left a comment! and cheers to anyone going back to school, I hope it's going okay &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. suga is a cousin</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>me @ me: this chapter will be shorter than last week so it'll be easier<br/>me: writes 7.1k as opposed to 7.5k</p><p>I don't even know how this chapter got long, it's honestly mostly Daichi and Suga chatting</p><p>CW: the first bit of this chapter is explicit sex, and then there's brief mentions of emotional abuse later on after the ~~~</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Daichi was in the shower, washing his hair with his eyes closed. He heard the shower curtain move and a noise in front of him. As he tipped his head back to rinse the shampoo out, he felt gentle hands on his inner thighs. One wrapped around his cock and firmly tugged, pumping him to full hardness. He didn’t dare open his eyes, afraid that whatever was happening would stop. Then he felt a warm, wet tongue pass over his tip. Lips caressed his head, sucking gently. It was soft and teasing. Fuck, it felt good; he could feel himself leaking. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>All of a sudden his cock was plunging to the back of a tight, hot throat. His eyes flew open, shocked at the sudden sensation. Suga was on their knees in front of him, hands braced on his thighs. Their big hazel eyes were tearing up and they were making little gagging sounds. He wrapped his hands around the back of their head to pull them off, but they just rolled their eyes. They opened their mouth wide and stuck their tongue out lewdly, and Daichi knew what they wanted. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He moved their mouth back onto his cock until they started to gag, then pulled them back. Suga made a little frustrated noise and Daichi smiled, forcing their head onto his cock over and over more violently. They looked embarrassingly needy, drool pooling in their mouth and spilling over their bottom lip. Their eyes rolled back in their head from pleasure, and their muffled moans were occasionally cut off by gagging sounds. And oh, fuck--one of Suga’s hands was working between their own legs. They were masturbating, getting off on Daichi using their throat like a fleshlight--</em>
</p><p>“Hey Daichi! Are you still good to go in fifteen minutes?”</p><p>“Yep, just getting ready!” Fuck, he’d been so close, he needed to finish--okay, lay back, relax, think about something good, think about...</p><p>
  <em>Suga and Daichi had barely made it inside the door when they were throwing him against a wall. Their hands pressed down on his hips and they grinded against him, forcing groans out of his mouth while they kissed sloppily, desperately. Then they kissed under his ear, ran their tongue over its ridges, and moaned softly into it. Shivers ran down Daichi’s spine as Suga continued to tease him, sucking at his neck and grazing it with their teeth. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m gonna fuck you up, Daichi,” they whispered as they undid his fly and yanked his shorts and boxers around his ankles. Leaning their forehead against his, they gazed into his eyes, then left soft kisses on his cheeks, his chin, his nose. It was a tender distraction, and it worked, because suddenly slick fingers were tracing his hole. He gasped and they sealed his lips with their own. “Relax, baby,” Suga whispered, dipping a finger inside him. And he did, exactly as they asked, until they were three fingers deep and he was desperately trying to keep his legs open. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Get on your hands and knees,” they commanded, and he hurried to comply. “Good boy,” Suga said, kneeling down to bite his ass teasingly and grope it. “Good boys get to choose how many spanks they want.” Daichi moaned. “Use your words, baby boy. How many spanks do you want?” “Ten, please,” he begged, breathless. Suga complied, leaning over to look into his eyes and drop kisses along his hairline, his neck, and his shoulders in between their harsh, stinging slaps. “So good, Daichi, you took them so well,” they praised when it was over. “I have a reward for you, if you sit back slowly into my lap.” So he did, and they guided him directly back onto their cock. “Fuck, Suga, you fill me up so well,” he gasped. “Please fuck me, please--ah, Koushi!”</em>
</p><p>Daichi breathed a sigh of relief, but only basked in his post-orgasm glow for a moment before lurching up. Well, thank god he’d finished. He felt lighter, less tense. To keep his mind off the guilt of what he’d just done, he cleaned up and got dressed quickly. </p><p>The Daichi in the mirror didn’t look too bad: nice red t-shirt, khakis, and a navy blazer he’d throw on once he got there. Thankfully, his hair looked alright and was mostly dry already, and his silver piercings looked good, contrasting with his dark features. He tossed his water bottle, wallet, keys, and notes for his speech into his bag. After hovering for a paranoid moment, worried he’d forgotten something, he went downstairs.</p><p>“You look nice,” Suga said, glancing up from their phone. “Do you have everything?”</p><p>“I think so. Did you manage to fit a whole convenience store into your bag this time?”</p><p>“Hey, just doing my job,” they said, grinning. “Ready?”</p><p>The two of them walked down to the familiar subway station. On the way, Suga asked Daichi about his dinner the night before with Keiji.</p><p>“He was super helpful, actually. It was really nice to get some stuff off my chest to someone who has both a bit of the literary world perspective but also knows me as a person.”</p><p>“Oh good. What kind of stuff?”</p><p>“Mm, mostly just that I don’t want to write another novel right now. And also, he was really supportive of me wanting to submit short stories to some literary magazines.”</p><p>Suga’s face lit up. “That’s so exciting! You didn’t tell me about that!”</p><p>“Well, I wasn’t confident about it,” he said sheepishly. “I don’t really want to hire a translator, so I’d have to write in English. But Keiji said he’d be willing to edit it.”</p><p>“Did he, uh, let slip that he has a big writer crush on you?” Suga said, trying to suppress a smile.</p><p>Daichi rolled his eyes and blushed. “We talked about it. Koutarou accidentally told me about it the other day. But yeah, I said I’d love to look at his writing too, so it’s a reciprocal thing. I don’t want him to just do me favors because he likes my stuff.”</p><p>“Fair,” they nodded. “Well, wow! That’s great! Did you talk about anything else?”</p><p>“Oh. Well, he said you were right about writing whatever and not putting pressure on myself.” Suga smiled. “Hmm, what else...well, after he reads some of my drafts, he’s going to make a list of some publications he thinks would be a good fit, so that’ll be really helpful.” Daichi sighed, looking at Suga. “He also agrees with you and thinks I need a more understanding and supportive agent.”</p><p>Their eyes widened. “I’m not going to say I told you so. But...would you consider it?”</p><p>“Ugh...I mean, if I could flip a switch and have a new agent, I would. But it’s all complicated, y’know?”</p><p>“Yeah, we don’t have to talk about it,” Suga said quickly. “Just, I think it’s something to keep in mind. But I’m glad the two of you had such a good time.”</p><p>“Me too,” Daichi said. “Oh, and he wants the two of us to join him and Koutarou for a concert thing Saturday night? If you’re free and would want to.”</p><p>Suga grinned. “Yeah, sounds fun. I have to warn you, though, they’re probably going to get pretty high before. We don’t have to join for that if you don’t want.”</p><p>“No, I’m down.” Daichi hadn’t smoked much before, but letting loose, especially with those three, seemed like it’d be a good time.</p><p>“Ah, I’m extra excited for this weekend now!” Suga said happily. “You and I are seeing my aunts for dinner on Friday, then Kou and Keiji Saturday. And you don’t have to get up early next Monday, right?”</p><p>“Nope. I’m kind of relieved, but I think it’ll be weird to have so much free time.”</p><p>“Ugh, welcome to my world,” they groaned. Daichi could tell it was supposed to come off as a joke, but somehow it didn’t sound like one. He wondered if he should ask, but decided to save it for later.</p><p>After they got off the subway, Suga directed them to a large CUNY building. “We’re following signs for the auditorium,” they explained, peering around. “Ah, this way--and the people I’ve been in contact are Raj and Michelle, so that’s who we’re looking for.”</p><p>Michelle turned out to be a very kind, very professional college junior who greeted them as soon as they walked in. She was East Asian and tall, with bangs and impeccably applied eyeliner. After they did a round of greetings and introductions, she had Daichi get on stage and do a sound check (“and the lights are set to what they’ll be when you speak, so you can get a sense for them”). </p><p>“So this should be pretty straightforward,” she explained as she walked them back to the greenroom. “Raj will welcome everyone, then we have a professor who will speak briefly and introduce you, then you’ll speak. Then depending on time, you can answer questions. The event is advertised as going from 8 to 9, but if you’re having a great time answering questions, it’s fine if we go a little late--we’ve rented the auditorium until 9:30.” She paused to take a breath and open the door. “Do you have any questions?”</p><p>They stepped into a small room with a couple of couches and a table, where there was a pitcher of water and some glass cups, as well as a small plate of cookies. “That all sounds good to me,” Daichi said honestly, looking to Suga to ask anything that he’d missed.</p><p>“Yeah, thank you so much,” Suga said with a smile. “Is there a restroom back here?” <em>Clever, brilliant Suga</em>. </p><p>Michelle showed them where it was around the corner, then left them alone to chill, saying she’d come collect Daichi in thirty minutes at 8:55. </p><p>“Want me in the wings on the side of the stage? Or the audience?” Suga asked, sprawling onto one of the couches with a cookie in hand.</p><p>“Audience, I think,” Daichi said, “so I can see you.” He pulled out his notes to look over them again and began to pace. The speech was about the queer and trans representation in his novel, how he decided to implement it, and what it meant to him. It was basically all just his own opinions, so it couldn’t be too hard--which is what he was telling himself to stay relaxed. </p><p>He and Suga did their thing, chatting, picking a place to eat dinner afterward, and otherwise killing time. When Michelle came back, Suga gave him a tight hug and their beaming smile, instilling Daichi with warmth. He felt that familiar feeling of assurance, knowing nothing bad could happen because they’d be there for him during and after. </p><p>In the wings, he met Professor Phachenrat, a petite, middle-aged woman. They shook hands and she expressed how glad she was to meet him. “I’m so happy to be introducing you! It’s really kind of you to come speak for the students here, it means a lot. I’d love to hear more from you about--” Michelle put a gentle hand on her arm and gestured to Raj on stage. “Maybe we could speak more after?” Daichi whispered apologetically. The professor gave him a thumbs up, right before Raj, tall and brimming with energy, introduced her and she walked on stage. She spoke a little bit about decolonizing syllabi and the need to study contemporary fiction by young authors. Then, after several more complimentary remarks about <em>Apartment 43</em>, she welcomed him to the stage.</p><p>Daichi walked to her, back straight, and shook her hand before turning to the audience. It was good they’d brought him out for the sound check, or he’d have been stunned by the bright lights. As he said a couple prepared lines thanking the Queer and Trans Asian Students’ Alliance at CUNY for inviting him, he skimmed the dim first row of the audience for Suga’s familiar smile. They were sitting with one leg crossed over the other and leaning forward slightly, looking excited to hear him. A smile twitched across Daichi’s lips as he began to speak about his novel.</p><p>It was difficult to see if people looked at all engaged in what he was saying. Although he made sure to glance out at the audience like any good public speaker, he pretended no one was there. It was nice to monologue to himself about a complex subject he was passionate and knowledgeable about. Daichi almost felt as if he was explaining a piece to one of his college creative writing classes, and he got into a relaxed rhythm.</p><p>When he thanked them for listening and told them he’d take questions, he felt a sense of satisfaction that had nothing to do with the volume of applause he received. Daichi had high standards and was hard on himself, so the feeling of a job well done was even sweeter. The house lights went up, illuminating the eager faces of the audience, and a student with a microphone jogged around to amplify the voices of the question-askers.</p><p>He answered questions about his writing process, what he learned, and (of course) if he was working on a sequel. The last question, though, was the most interesting, asked by a young person with glasses and short, bleached-blond hair.</p><p>“Mr. Sawamura, your book is amazing, but it’s a little--offbeat? Do you think queer authors should be attempting to write mainstream stories, just substituting queer people for straight ones? Or do you think queer works should be genre-breaking, like your own? I know that’s not the most eloquent way of asking--but do you get what I mean?”</p><p>“I see what you’re saying,” Daichi said, nodding. “I guess my short answer is both. I think across cultures, it would be great to see queer and trans stories in mainstream popular fiction. But I don’t think queer authors should necessarily try to fit their stories into the mold of what’s popular and successful. Especially when it comes to writing relationships--platonic, romantic, or sexual--there’s endless opportunity, because heterosexuality has been <em>the </em>paradigm shaping how all relationships are written. There’s so much to be explored if we as writers free ourselves from that framework.”</p><p>He paused and smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, that got a little wordy. More concisely, and if you’ll allow me to be irreverent: straight people don’t know how to love.” Some chuckles and murmurs from the audience. “They know how to act out what they’ve been taught is love, in accordance with the gender they’ve been told they are. But what is more romantic than the type of love that persistently, organically blooms across millennia, across civilizations, despite all attempts to crush it?” He grinned and shrugged. “Just some food for thought. I’ve already kept you a little late so I think that’ll have to be the last question. Thank you all, it’s been a pleasure.” He stepped back from the microphone to enthused applause and gave a wave as he walked offstage.</p><p>As soon as Daichi was out of sight, he deflated, exhaling deeply. Thankfully, Suga was there to receive him, and they hugged him, holding him up as he went limp. “<em>Dai</em>chi, you big lug,” they giggled. “That was brilliant, really great. How do you feel?”</p><p>“Talking hard,” he grumbled, muffled by their shoulder.</p><p>“I know,” they said soothingly, running their fingers through his hair. “We can go get some dinner and you don’t have to speak the whole time. I’ll even order for you, if you want.” Daichi gave a snort of laughter. “You just have to say bye to the hosts. Maybe we should wait a bit so you don’t get mobbed, though.”</p><p>“And I need to talk to the nice professor lady,” he sighed, still wrapped up in Suga’s arms and making no effort to get out. “Can you interrupt us after a couple minutes and come up with an excuse to leave?”</p><p>“Absolutely.”</p><p>“Mr. Sawamura--oh, I’m sorry!”</p><p>The two of them pulled apart to see an embarrassed Michelle and Raj looking at them. “Oh, no worries,” Daichi said, smiling politely. “How was it? Did you raise the money you wanted to?”</p><p>“It looks like we exceeded our $500 goal,” Michelle said. “We really appreciate you coming to speak, Mr. Sawamura.”</p><p>Raj nodded furiously. “Um, it was--you were awesome! Your answer at the end? Wow. You’re really inspirational.”</p><p>Daichi chuckled awkwardly. “Thank you, that’s very kind. Do you know if Professor Phachenrat is still around? I wanted a chance to speak with her.”</p><p>Michelle looked crestfallen. “I’m sorry, she had to dash out at the end--something about a babysitter and her son getting sick.”</p><p>“That’s alright!” Daichi reassured her, feeling guilty for being relieved.</p><p>“We should probably get going anyway,” Suga said apologetically.</p><p>Two autographs and one photo later, they made their escape. When they were finally outside, Suga snickered. “Poor kid.” Daichi groaned. Raj was very obviously besotted with him, which was flattering, but so awkward. In comparison, being alone with Suga felt like retreating to a safe haven.</p><p>The restaurant they went to was known for their dumplings, so the two of them ordered an obscene amount in order to try all the special varieties. (Suga egged Daichi on to get as much as he’d like, saying it was their treat: “you did so well tonight, I was so proud! We have to celebrate!”) Stuffing their faces with good food made them both content and relaxed, lowering Daichi’s inhibitions.</p><p>“Hey, I was wondering.” Suga looked up and raised their eyebrows. “How are you doing with this whole arrangement? I mean, it feels to me at least like we live and work well together, but I know helping me out isn’t anywhere close to a full time job. Are you enjoying your break or is it getting boring?”</p><p>Suga finished slurping down their soup dumpling before answering. “Yeah, I am getting a bit restless. I think it’s worse because I don’t know what I’m doing next. It’s hard to relax and enjoy the break because there’s nothing to look forward to. And I’m starting to worry about finding something. It’s not like I don’t want to look for jobs, there’s just…nothing I want to do.”</p><p>They looked at Daichi with a half-smile. “I know you have a lot of mixed feelings about doing well for yourself as a writer. But I can’t help but envy you a little. You have something you like and that you’re really good at. Like, it just clicked for you. I know it was hard to get there. But I don’t feel a draw toward…anything. And I know a job’s just a job but I’d like to care a little about what I do, you know?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Daichi agreed. “You’re so…thoughtful, tactical, and passionate. You have so much potential, you know? It’d be a shame for that to be wasted on something boring.”</p><p>Suga blew a raspberry with their mouth. “Yeah, well, my potential is going to be even more wasted if I end up without any income to house and feed myself.”</p><p>“That’s not going to happen,” Daichi said confidently. “We’re going to figure this out! What are the things you care about, or are interested in?” His chopsticks hovered over the baskets between them, trying to decide on his next target.</p><p>“Uhh…” Suga groaned. “I don’t know.” Daichi glared at them, still intimidating even with cheeks puffed out with food. “Okay, okay. Um, dance, obviously. Sociology and studying different groups of people and cultures. Specifically subcultures that evolve in the context of oppression. Political theory, activism, social justice. Gender roles. Kids, but I could never work with them. Mental health. Stuff for queer and trans youth. Sex education. Tiny concert venues. Drugs. Green urban spaces. Oh, the catacombs in Paris, and secret passageways in general. And cults and conspiracies!”</p><p>“See, that’s so many career possibilities!”</p><p>They made a face. “Not really. I wouldn’t be a good fit for so many of those things. I could never be an academic or a researcher or a teacher. I want to be doing something dynamic, you know? Something where there’s new projects to tackle. And work that actually matters, not just to a handful of specialists who care.”</p><p>Daichi chewed pensively. “When you say work that matters, do you mean helping people?”</p><p>“As opposed to what?”</p><p>“I mean, being a civil engineer and building bridges matters. Or being a farmer. But it’s not directly helping people.”</p><p>They nodded. “I see what you mean. Yeah, I’d want to do helping-people stuff.”</p><p>“What would you think about social work? Like Hajime?”</p><p>Suga looked ambivalent. “I mean, I definitely see the appeal. I think I’d be good at it.” They paused. “This is going to sound bad.”</p><p>“Say it.”</p><p>“I think I’m too ambitious to do that. Like maybe I want to make a bigger. Or do something that’s less emotionally challenging and more intellectually challenging, if that makes sense?”</p><p>“No, I get that. It takes a really specific kind of person to do work like that.” He paused, thinking. “Hmm…oh! What about being a politician?” Suga made a face. “No, seriously! You’re charismatic enough. You can actually help influence change. It’s very intellectual but also needs social skills.”</p><p>“If politics worked how it was supposed to, maybe,” they said, frowning. “I just have very little faith in the political system. So much corruption and influence of money. But that feels closer to what might work for me than anything else we’ve mentioned.”</p><p>“And you wouldn’t want to do anything activist-y?”</p><p>“I’ve definitely thought about it. I could see myself working at a small group that does community aid and organizing. I think I would be good. I don’t know, it’s like the community involvement and caretaking aspects of being a social worker combined with more strategy and on a bigger scale, so that appeals to me.” Daichi glowed with silent pride, picturing Suga at the helm of a homeless shelter, or some similar type of group: befriending everyone who walked through the door, sweet-talking donors, being a face of flinty resolve if the police tried to interfere with their clients, strategizing and growing their organization, mentoring and caring for all of the employees. “This is actually kind of helpful.” They smiled at Daichi, snapping him out of his reverie. “Maybe I’ll use some of my free time to volunteer at the type of place I might like to work for.”</p><p>“That’s a great idea,” he said sincerely. It was exciting to look at Suga and see all of the wonderful things they could be. He had no doubt that they would end up doing something great. Although, he realized with a sick jolt like missing a step on a staircase, he wouldn’t be next to them to watch it happen.</p><p>“Thank you for this,” Suga said. Their kind smile made him feel warm, warm enough to put aside the thoughts of <em>less than two months left with them, now. </em>“But actually, there was something I wanted to talk to <em>you</em> about. I finished your book. Twice, as a matter of fact, which is why it took me so long. I needed the second read to really appreciate how beautiful it was, once I knew the plot.”</p><p>“Oh,” Daichi responded, embarrassed and unsure of what to say. “Was it what you expected?”</p><p>Suga sipped their tea thoughtfully. “It was really immersive and intense. And the characters and the relationships felt so real. I felt very seen by it.” They quirked their lips in a smile. “I can see now why so many people were upset by the ending.”</p><p>He winced. “I wish I could say I regret it.”</p><p>“I get why you did it, but I can’t say I liked it. Just between the two of us, though…what happens after the book ends?”</p><p>“You think I’ll tell you when I’ve made a point of not talking about it?” Daichi asked amusedly.</p><p>Suga propped their chin on their hands and smiled winningly. “Maybe.”</p><p>He pretended to sigh, but couldn’t bring himself to be upset. <em>It’s dangerous, you know. You could ask me for anything and I don’t know if I’d be able to deny you. </em>“Okay, because I trust you. In my mind, the river spirit of Sunako’s daughter heals Azumi’s cancer, but she has to be in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. Everywhere the river flooded, strange flowers bloom. The flowers become a symbol of the people’s resistance, which is only just beginning. The spirit never appears again, though.”</p><p>“Oh, thank <em>god</em>,” Suga groaned. “I was so worried Azumi was going to die. I just want her and Sunako to be happy together, you know?”</p><p>Daichi nodded. “I’m so glad people loved them so much. I really wanted the protagonists to be middle-aged women, you know? Like, how often is it the mom characters who get to find love and be the heroes? When in real life matriarchs are the ones constantly holding communities together.”</p><p>“Totally,” they agreed. “God, it just works on so many levels. It’s a love story, a story about self-actualization, a story about found family and community, an environmentalist, anti-capitalist story, a magical realism story. And it’s very beautiful but at the same time so natural and real. It’s inviting to read, even when it’s sad.” Suga paused. “You’re pretty amazing, Sawamura Daichi.”</p><p>He didn’t have it in him to rebuff their praise. “Thanks, Suga. I’m really glad you liked it.”</p><p>“I get why you wanted me to wait to read it. I think I’d be a little intimidated by you if I read this before I knew you. But now, in context of everything, this is just another side of you. Well, not just another side, a very intellectual and wise and skilled side. You know what I mean.” Their eyes went wide. “You know what I just remembered?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“That your ex didn’t like the book. Oh my god, what an idiot. I’m sorry you had to date someone so completely wrong for you.” They stabbed at a dumpling aggressively.</p><p>Daichi laughed out loud. “Oh, it feels validating to hear that. Thank you.”</p><p>Suga shook their head and scowled. “God. On the contrary, I get why people read this and then get kind of obsessed with you.”</p><p>“Wuh?” he asked intelligently.</p><p>“I mean, it’s obvious that the person who wrote that book is really smart, loving, and creative. And brave, you know?”</p><p>“That might be going a bit far,” Daichi said, blushing.</p><p>They rolled their eyes. “I’m right, whether or not you want to believe it. Let me just say one more thing?” He nodded. “I’m proud of you, and I’m very glad to know you.”</p><p>Daichi swallowed the bite of dumpling in his mouth, their sincerity making him nervous all of a sudden. “Uh, thank you. It means a lot, that someone I like and admire so much likes my work. Thank you for reading it.”</p><p>“Thank you for writing it,” Suga said, smiling.</p><p>It was a weight off Daichi’s chest that Suga knew this part of him now. They were so close to him in other ways, and now they understood this surreal thing that he had such mixed feelings about, that had resonated with so many people and truly changed his life. Talking to Suga about <em>Apartment 43 </em>made it easier to feel the pride that he was always told he was supposed to feel.</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>On Thursday evening, Suga made him dinner. Over a meal of cold tanuki udon, they casually asked if he’d be free afterward to take a walk. “There’s some backstory you should probably know before you meet my aunts,” they said lightly. Clearly, though, this conversation was sort of a big deal, because they also asked if Daichi minded them smoking as they walked. He didn’t; in fact, he’d always liked the smell of tobacco despite knowing how poisonous it was. But it was worrisome that what Suga was about to reveal required coping mechanisms.</p><p>They strolled down the sidewalks on the residential streets of their neighborhood. Under the streetlights, Suga was sexy enough to be an anti-tobacco campaign’s worst nightmare. Their head tipped back to exhale smoke and exposed the gorgeous lines of their pale neck. Dexterous fingers cradled the cigarette gracefully, casually. And their pensive gaze when they pursed their pink lips around it made it hard for Daichi to pull his eyes away.</p><p>“So, I guess it makes the most sense to start from the beginning.” They stared at the ground and sighed. “My mom’s family is from up north in Japan. She grew up outside of Akita. Lots of rice farms, very rural. She was ambitious and smart and wanted to get out. As you know, most kids like that end up moving to a city nearby, maybe even Tokyo.” A brief smile crossed their face. “She made it all the way to the U.S. on a competitive government scholarship program. And she studied computer science and communications at Columbia. According to my aunt, she was incredibly creative. Thinking about stuff like social media before Myspace was even a thing.”</p><p>They paused to take another drag. “Unfortunately, she never had a chance to get out there and put her ideas into action.” Their tone was flat, bitter. “She waitressed at some posh restaurant to help pay her expenses. When she was twenty, she was the server for a table of young, hotshot businessmen. The type of white guys with superiority complexes who think they’re entitled to the best of everything. One of them pressured her for her number and wouldn’t take no for an answer. They dated and got married as soon as she graduated, when she was twenty-two and he was twenty-seven. She had me when she was twenty-three.</p><p>“Her parents were thrilled, not least because he was rich. He even paid to have them visit once I was born. Her sister, though, never liked him. She came to New York as an international student too, five years after my mom. That was always the plan, for them to reunite and live near each other. My mom was so happy my aunt was coming, but my dad made it difficult for them to see each other. He and my mom had moved out to a wealthy suburb, so it was even harder. He thought my aunt was a bad influence because she wanted my mom to be happy and independent. He also hated that my aunt was gay.</p><p>“So yeah. He was verbally and emotionally abusive to my mom, and to me once I was old enough to understand it. He also would treat her like she was stupid because English wasn’t her first language and made no attempt to understand her culture.” Suga paused, looking immeasurably sad. “She missed Japan so much. That was one of her big acts of resistance, speaking to me only in Japanese and raising me as ‘Japanese’ as possible.</p><p>“And then...then she died, out of nowhere. Just a freak accident. I thought things were bad before, but from ages fifteen to eighteen...it was hell.” Suga paused, taking a shaky breath. “I missed her <em>so much</em>, and he was horrible. She wasn’t there to protect me from him anymore. And every day it got harder to ignore who I was. I think on some level I always knew I wasn’t the same as everyone else, even when I was little. It was part of why he was so hard on me. And I like to think my mom knew, and that she accepted me. And that…and that she’d accept me if she could see me now.”</p><p>Suga stopped walking, holding the lit cigarette at their side. Daichi could see tears pooling in their eyes. “God, it’s just--” they choked out. “Fuck.”</p><p>“Suga.” He wrapped his arms around them and they melted into him. “I know your mom is so, so proud of you.” They let out a little sob. “I promise, she is. You’re so wonderful, so fully yourself, and it’s beautiful to see. I know she’s happy to see you so happy. And you’re making her proud by being kind and loving and brave, just like she was and just like she taught you.”     </p><p>They sniffed. “God, I hope so.”</p><p>“I know so,” Daichi said firmly, stroking their back in little circles. “Suga, how could she not be proud of you?” He smiled, even though they couldn’t see it. “You have no idea how special you are. How easy you are to like and love.”</p><p>Suga dropped their cigarette and crushed it underfoot, then clung to Daichi even more tightly. The pair stood there under the streetlights, clutching each other as if they were bound into one person.</p><p>Daichi’s heart ached. He wanted to take all of Suga’s pain away. To keep them safe in his arms and never let go. It just felt right, having them so close.</p><p>They didn’t talk more about it until they were back at the apartment, sitting on Suga’s bed in boxers and comfy t-shirts. Suga sat against the pillows and Daichi leaned back against the wall.</p><p>“There’s an ending to that story, you know,” they said, finally. “I cut all contact with my dad. And my aunt’s wife is trans, so she really helped me with starting hormone therapy and changing my name. My mom’s maiden name is Sugawara, even though she took my dad’s last name. So now I have her last name. And it’s fitting, I think, that most people call me Suga, because it’s like a piece of her. Koushi is just a name I like, but it had the same first letter and number of syllables as the name my mom helped give me when I was born.” They paused thoughtfully. “The physical parts of transitioning have helped so much, but I think the biggest relief is leaving behind the name that represents everything I wasn’t.”</p><p>“It fits you so well,” Daichi said. “I really can’t picture you being anything else.”</p><p>Suga smiled conspiratorially. “My name growing up was Kaitlin Roberts.”</p><p>He cringed. “Eww. I hate that for you. So white woman.”</p><p>They laughed. “I know. It’s funny to tell people who are close to me now because it’s so not me at all. It feels good that it’s distant enough to laugh about. Like, it’s entirely separate from my concept of me.”</p><p>“Mm.” Daichi looked at them, taking them in. “You chose really well, for your first name. ‘Koushi.’ It’s beautiful. Suits you.”</p><p>Suga blushed a little and raised their eyebrows. “Are you calling me beautiful, Daichi?”</p><p>He rolled his eyes, but a similar blush appeared on his cheeks. “You already know you are.”</p><p>“Well, so are you,” they retorted.</p><p>“Pfft. Not like you.”</p><p>“You are, though!”</p><p>“Try telling me some other time when you’re not using it to deflect and maybe I’ll believe it.”</p><p>“Fine, I will,” Suga said sassily, unable to keep a grin off their face. “Oh, I forgot to explain the situation with my aunts.”</p><p>“Oh?”</p><p>“Yeah, so my mom’s sister’s name is Sayuri, and she met her wife Camila...god, like ten years ago? I think they got married fiveish years ago, and they basically started trying to adopt right after that, but it finally worked out three years ago. Their daughter’s name is Nara. But yeah, they’re really great people. They’re like, maybe the only couple that sort of makes me believe in love. And they’ve been really good to me. I think they’ll really love you, too.”</p><p>“I’m excited to meet them, then,” Daichi said. He trusted Suga’s taste in people, and he was eager to get insight into another part of their life. Also, hanging out with older queer adults--especially queer adults with families--wasn’t something he’d done much. He was looking forward to it, almost as a way to glimpse what his own future could look like.</p><p>“Good, I’m happy you’re coming,” Suga said, looking content resting against their pillows. “...Hey, Daichi?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Uh...thanks for being cool about this. Like, everything, but especially all the trans stuff. I know it’s a lot, especially because I’m non-binary too. I know it’s complicated and not normal. So I just--yeah. I appreciate it.”</p><p>Daichi furrowed his brow. “I mean, it is normal, though? You have your pronouns and your gender identity and how you want to be perceived, just like any other person. You deserve to have the same unflinching support for all those things that a cis person does.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know. I just know it’s easier said than done, so thank you for giving me that support.”</p><p>“Of course. But I still feel like you shouldn’t thank me. It’s just what should be the standard.”</p><p>“But it’s not, and I appreciate the effort you put in. Even if it’s what everyone should be doing, your thoughtfulness means a lot to me. I just appreciate you.”</p><p>“Well, thanks. And if I’m ever doing anything that doesn’t feel good, please tell me.” He paused. “I’m--I don’t know how to say this. I’m really honored to be friends with someone who worked so hard to become themself. I admire you a lot.”</p><p>Suga stared at him for a second, then flopped their head back on the pillow to look at the ceiling. “That means a lot to hear,” they said slowly. “I feel like most of the time I don’t want people to see me as trans, if that makes sense? Like, I just want them to see me as me. Not oh, that’s the trans one. But...it’s important that I’m trans, like for who I am as a person. Like you said, the whole working hard to become myself--I mean, that’s really shaped me. It’s important.” They looked at him again, hazel eyes serious. “Thank you for seeing me.”</p><p>“Thanks for letting me see you. I know it’s not easy to talk about this stuff.”</p><p>“Well, I trust you.” It felt like a bigger endorsement than any compliment Suga could give him.</p><p>They defused the intensity of the conversation by sprawling out on Suga’s bed, scrolling through social media and showing each other funny posts. At one point, Suga gasped.</p><p>“What,” Daichi asked, not taking his eyes off the block puzzle game he was playing.</p><p>Their tone was bemused and maybe a little worried, unlike their lighthearted one before. “Oh. Um. Oh, wow.”</p><p>“What’s up?” He tried to look at their screen but they angled it so he couldn’t see. “What!”</p><p>“It’s just unexpected. Uh, I think you went viral?”</p><p>He stared at them, confused. They were frowning at their phone. “So...it looks like it started with some student tweeting a quote from your speech yesterday. And then it really picked up steam? And people started making all of these edits of it that made their way to Tumblr and Instagram? And then this Twitter fan account of yours that had been dormant got revived and now people are talking about you? Oh--huh, wow, there’s an Instagram account that’s literally just pictures of you.”</p><p>Daichi laughed uncertainly. “You’re messing with me.”</p><p>Suga looked at him apologetically. “I’m afraid not.” He reached for the phone again and they let him take it. The Twitter fan account was still up; the most recent post was block white letters with floral patterns that read “STRAIGHT PEOPLE DON’T KNOW HOW TO LOVE” against a light blue background. The caption read: “quote from Daichi Sawamura, july 2 @ CUNY! y’all ever just think about how perfect he is :’)”</p><p>“Oh my god, the most recent post has over ten thousand retweets,” Daichi murmured, scandalized. Suga winced sympathetically. Some of the comments on the post included “SAWAMURA STANS ARE EATING WELL,” “him doing press events in english is the greatest blessing of the year,” and “if you haven’t seen the pics of him from this speech…..u need to”. The account had retweeted tweets from Queer and Trans Asian Students’ Alliance at CUNY and from Alleyway Books that showed Daichi there speaking. Those tweets had a variety of thirsty comments under them, people of all genders talking about how attractive he was. He tossed the phone back to Suga as if it’d burned him. “What do we do?”</p><p>“I’m not sure there’s much <em>to </em>do,” Suga said, frowning. “If you really hate it, you could release a statement asking people to respect your privacy and refrain from making these types of accounts. Honestly, the best thing to do might be ignore them.”</p><p>“But should I apologize for the ‘straight people don’t know how to love’ thing?”</p><p>“I—hmm. I was going to say that no way are people going to take it that seriously, but then I realized that there are lots of straight people who think they’re oppressed. I don’t know, I feel like this is something you’d normally talk to your agent about, right?”</p><p>“Fuck,” Daichi said morosely. “She’s going to hate this.”</p><p>“If you already know she’s going to want you to apologize, you could preemptively post something on your own terms. Apologize, say that it was taken out of context and that you were talking about variations in gay versus straight romance tropes.”</p><p>“You’re right,” Daichi said, going to his notes app to draft something. “I don’t wanna apologize, though.”</p><p>Suga shrugged. “It’s up to you. I mean, you were flippant, but you didn’t say anything wrong.”</p><p>“You know what, I’m not going to overthink this.” He typed something quickly and showed it to Suga, who approved, before tweeting it. “Urgh,” he grumbled, slumping to lie down on Suga’s bed.</p><p>They ruffled his hair and he let out a pleased hum, prompting them to grin and keep combing it with their fingers. “Sorry Daichi, this is the price you pay for being handsome and gifted.”</p><p>“Then why aren’t you suffering too,” Daichi muttered darkly, face buried in a pillow.</p><p>Suga laughed. “Because you’re more handsome than me, obviously.”</p><p>He lifted his head up so one brown eye was angrily squinting at them. “I don’t wanna hear any of that,” he grumbled. Despite his grumpiness, Suga seemed incapable of taking him seriously. They continued to smile at him fondly, and their fingers stayed in his hair until he began to fall asleep.</p><p>“Hey Daichi, you should go back to your own bed.”</p><p>“Hmmrg…why.”</p><p>“Because you’ll sleep better there, and you have a big day tomorrow.” And because he had enough self-preservation not to admit he’d probably sleep better next to Suga, the two said their goodnights.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've been writing this fic for 2 months! Also, it got so long my google doc started glitching and I had to start a new one lol. Thank you for coming along for the ride! Once again, I promise we're getting close to daisuga. All these dumb gays know is share emotions and talk about how much they like and admire each other...smh</p><p>As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter (h*rny Daichi? Dachi and Keiji as writing buddies? Future career paths for Suga? Suga's sad childhood? Daichi becoming a viral gay icon???)</p><p>Next time: we meet Sayuri, Camila, and Nara! And bokuaka and daisuga become well acquainted with Keiji's bong &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. daichi is beautiful</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you very much for 100 kudos and for your lovely comments; y'all make my heart go bwah!! gwah!!!!!!!</p><p>if there's anyone who's good at art and would like to draw something for this fic, I will write you a 2k haikyuu fic of your choice :D</p><p>CW: the second half of this chapter has drug usage and high characters. nothing cringe happens though, just friends being goofy</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Are you nervous?"</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe a little,” Daichi admitted. One of Suga’s aunts had buzzed them inside the apartment building, and now they were taking a tobacco-scented elevator up to the seventh floor. He was sure that anyone Suga spoke highly of was a lovely person, but he still felt worried about making a good impression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise you, they’re going to love you.” Suga beamed at him reassuringly. As they walked down the carpeted hallway, Daichi felt the significance of the moment. It was as if he was being initiated to Suga’s coveted inner circle. They’d trusted him with their backstory and thought him important enough to introduce to their closest family members. Knowing that gave Daichi a warm, hopeful feeling, the kind that made him want to wrap an arm around Suga’s shoulders and pull them close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga rapped on the dark green door with their knuckles and a voice from inside called “just a second!” After a moment the door swung open to reveal a tall woman with brown skin and long black hair braided over her shoulder. She held a toddler on her hip and beckoned Suga in for a hug with her free arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Koushi! Oh, it’s so good to see you!” She squeezed them to her tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Camila oba-san,” Suga said, returning the hug. “This is my friend, Daichi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nice to meet you, Daichi, we’ve heard so much about you.” Camila smiled at him warmly, wrinkling the laugh lines on her face. “Are you a hugger?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He said yes and was pulled into a strong, comforting, nice-smelling mom hug he didn’t know he needed. “This is my daughter Nara. Nara, you remember your cousin Koushi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nara looked up at the two visitors warily and then hid her face into her mother’s chest, prompting Camila to laugh and kiss the top of her head. “That’s alright, mi amor. It’s okay to be shy.” She smiled at the visitors. “I’m sure she’ll warm up to both of you, it might just take a little time. Please, come in, come in--Sayuri is just finishing up in the kitchen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They left their shoes by the door and followed Camila into the small apartment. “Something smells good in here,” Suga said appreciatively. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, tell your aunt that, she’s been working hard. Dear, our guests are here,” Camila said to her wife from the entryway of the cluttered kitchen. Inside, a woman with glasses and chin-length silver hair was standing over a stove. She looked up with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Koushi-kun! And this must be Daichi-kun. I’m Sayuri. I’m sorry, I’d greet you more properly but my hands are all dirty. I’ll join you in the living room in just a moment.” Sayuri looked somewhat like her older sister, Kanako, but with narrower eyes and a more angular face. Anyone could tell, though, that she and Suga were related.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It smells good, oba-san,” Suga called as Camila shepherded them out to the living room. Daichi and Suga settled on a well-loved couch while Camila sat in an armchair next to them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you like to bring out some of your animals to play with?” Camila said, addressing the quiet brunette girl on her lap. Nara nodded mutely and scampered off to another room, her little feet pounding on the wood floors.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s so much bigger than when I last saw her,” Suga marvelled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Camila said wistfully. “It feels like just yesterday she could barely walk. Now she wants to do everything. She’s very stubborn that way, just like your aunt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aww,” Suga said, grinning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi, do you have siblings?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do, they’re twins and they’re eleven. That’s honestly the hardest part about being here, away from Japan. I miss them a lot. But I did get to talk to them on the phone the other day, so that was nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And are you a good big brother?” Camila questioned teasingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi laughed. “I am. Well, I should probably call them more. But I basically helped raise them starting when I was twelve, so I think I earned a lot of sibling points from that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And Daichi just finished coaching four weeks of volleyball camps,” Suga added. “He’s great with kids.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh really!” Camila said. “What was that like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was fun! We had a middle school group and a fourth and fifth grade group. I feel like both age groups are pretty interesting, because the kids are really beginning to come into themselves. But in many ways they’re still dependent on the opinions of the adults around them. It was rewarding to get them past their awkwardness and help build their confidence.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi’s really good at volleyball, also,” Suga supplied. “He took his high school team to his national championships.” Daichi made an embarrassed face at them and they grinned back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did used to be pretty serious about volleyball,” he admitted to an amused Camila. “Suga--ah, Koushi--is still impressively good at setting, even though they haven’t played in a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, oba-san! Daichi and I and a bunch of friends went to Brighton Beach the other week and used the beach volleyball courts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds fun. Anyone I’d know?” she asked as Nara came galloping back into the room, studiously avoiding eye contact with Daichi and Suga and settling on the carpet next to her mother’s armchair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, the usual suspects. Do you remember Koutarou and Keiji?” Camila frowned and Suga elaborated. “The one like an excitable owl and the pretty one who babysits him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, of course!” she said. Nara was carefully lining up a row of realistic plastic animals on the arm of the chair--Daichi spotted a tiger, a turtle, a moose, and a polar bear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And Tooru, the tall one who looks like a model. And his roommate Tetsurou, with the bedhead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, no one could forget Tooru,” Camila laughed. “I better not ask you too many questions because Sayuri will want to hear all the answers too. But on our side, not too much is new. I’m a school librarian,” she explained to Daichi, “so during the summer I take on more tutoring clients than I normally have during the school year. And I’ve had a bit of time to work on some art. Not as much as I’d like, due to the little princesa--” Nara lifted her eyes upon hearing her mother’s term of endearment-- “but more than usual.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, what sort of art do you do?” Daichi asked curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do a little of everything. I love screen printing, but from home I mostly paint and do some collaging.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Camila did the painting of people dancing in a circle that’s in my room,” Suga added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I love that one,” Daichi said, remembering how its warm orange and gold tones contrasted with rivulets of dark, saturated blues.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s also a lot of my work here at home,” Camila said, gesturing around the room, “because Sayuri has a hard time parting with any of it. That’s why all the walls are so crowded.” She smiled fondly. It was true, the walls were a little full--with Camila’s art, but also with other paintings, posters, and photographs. Combined with the colorful furniture, plants, stray toys, and knicknacks, the Sugawara-Moreno home was bursting with life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Sayuri entered into the room and held her arms out, smiling as Suga met her in an embrace. They greeted each other in Japanese, and broke apart when Nara latched on to Sayuri’s leg. The silver-haired woman laughed, swooping her daughter up into her arms and kissing her forehead. “Hello, Daichi-kun. We’re so glad to have you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Sugawara-san. You have a lovely home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, call me Sayuri. Or Sayuri oba-san, if you prefer. Now,” she said, shifting her daughter’s weight on her hip, “if I were a proper hostess, I’d bring out some tea for us all to sip here. But I know this little one is hungry, and the food is ready. Would anyone object if we ate now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi and Suga glanced at each other. “I think now is good,” Suga said, reading Daichi’s mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wonderful. Nara-chan, my love, would you help me and get out five sets of chopsticks and five napkins?” The little girl nodded sincerely and scampered away once she was set down, to the amusement of all the adults. “Why don’t we all wash up in the kitchen and you all can give me a hand with the food?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Moments later, they were all sitting around the table and Daichi was practically drooling. Sayuri had made steaming miso soup and white rice, along with grilled eel and tempura. Camila said a quick grace (“thank you for food, family, and friends, amen”) and he tried not to serve himself too eagerly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi-kun, Koushi told us you’re from Miyagi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi swallowed hurriedly. “Yes, I lived there until I moved to Tokyo a couple of years ago.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if Koushi told you, but our family is from Akita.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi nodded. “You couldn’t get much more different from New York City than up there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed. “You’re right. Do you miss it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He thought about it. “I missed Miyagi on and off when I was in Tokyo. Now that I’m here, though, I think I miss Japan as a country rather than any specific part of it. Just the food, the people, the culture. I like it here too, but you don’t realize all the tiny things you love about a place until you leave it.” Sayuri nodded in agreement, and he continued: “But I can’t imagine coming here for college and staying. Did the feeling of missing Japan ever go away?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, let’s see. I moved here and Koushi was born in the same year, so it’s been over twenty years. I still miss Japan; I think a part of my heart will always be there. But Brooklyn is my home now. I love how much more vibrant it is.” She looked at Camila with a warm, loving gaze. “And really, home will always be wherever she is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ew, gross,” Suga teased, and Camila reached over to swat them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, how’s your apartment? Are the two of you being good influences on each other?” Camila asked, mock-seriously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two made eye contact for a long moment. Daichi thought about how he’d enabled Suga to eat Easy Mac with hot chips sprinkled on top for breakfast, and how their plans for tomorrow night revolved around doing drugs with Suga’s best friends. “The apartment’s really nice, and Koushi’s been very helpful with all of my author responsibilities,” he finally said, settling on something innocuous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And we eat together a lot,” Suga added. “And Daichi always tells me to go to bed if I stay up too late.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, the two of you seem happy enough,” Sayuri noted, a smile on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s been fun,” Daichi agreed. “Suga’s a great roommate. This is all so delicious, by the way. I love the eel. Thank you for the meal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” Sayuri said, pleased. “We don’t really celebrate the fourth of July, but it’s nice to have an excuse to have a good meal together. And, of course, it’s lovely to meet one of Koushi’s friends, especially a fellow Japanese native.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do Americans usually celebrate?” Daichi asked. “It’s the independence day, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Camila rolled her eyes. “It is. Lots of people cook outside, have get-togethers. Wear red, white, and blue. In this household, we’re not very patriotic,” she said with a wry smile. “I do love the fireworks, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We thought we’d go up on our building’s roof tonight and watch them, if you’d like,” Sayuri suggested. “I have a feeling Nara might not love them, but we thought we’d try anyway, just to expose her to them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, I like fireworks,” Daichi agreed, and glanced at Suga, who nodded in agreement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oba-san, Camila oba-san was telling Daichi about her jobs earlier. You should tell him about what you do,” Suga prompted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sayuri waved her hand dismissively. “It’s not so interesting, but I work for a landscaping company. I help design aesthetically pleasing and ecologically-friendly lawns for pollinators and other native species.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And she comes up with innovative cultivation and maintenance strategies that are eco-friendly and low impact,” Camila added, looking at her wife fondly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, wow,” Daichi said. “That explains all the plants.” They were ubiquitous--clusters of little flower pots on the windowsills, larger trees in pots, and long viney plants hanging in baskets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone laughed. “We have a bit of a reputation around the building as being witch ladies,” Sayuri chuckled, “in large part because of that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, also because Camila illustrates tarot decks,” Suga pointed out with a grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tarot decks?” Daichi said curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re cards used for divining,” Camila explained. “Each card has different symbolism, and you pull cards to receive messages. I could do a reading for you, if you’d like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t scare him, dear,” Sayuri admonished as she cut a strip of eel into small pieces for Nara.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it sounds cool,” Daichi said. “And I’d love to see the illustrations.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, I’d be happy to show you,” Camila said, smiling. “So, Koushi. What have you been up to recently? Besides being a very competent personal assistant.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, my professor gave me permission to keep using the studio on off hours during the summer, so I’ve been dancing a lot. I’ve mostly been trying to relax and enjoy the break. Catching up on books I’ve been meaning to read.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any thoughts on what you might want to do when the summer’s over?” Sayuri asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi watched a flicker of frustration pass over Suga’s face. “I’m still thinking about it. I might start volunteering at a nonprofit to see if I might be interested in doing that kind of work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any in particular you have in mind? I could get in touch with some friends of mine and ask if their groups are looking for people,” Camila offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to do a little more research and let you know,” Suga said. “Oh! I meant to tell you, the funniest thing happened last night…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They effectively diverted the conversation by recounting how Daichi had managed to go viral because of his speech at CUNY. Camila and Sayuri were introduced to the concept of “stan Twitter,” and were shocked to hear how much traction Dachi’s words had gotten. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, you said over a hundred </span>
  <em>
    <span>thousand</span>
  </em>
  <span> people liked the tweet?” Sayuri said incredulously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god, I didn’t know it was that many,” Daichi groaned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if people on the internet are going to pick a man to obsess over, at least it’s Daichi instead of that Justin Beiber or something. What is it, my love?” Camila bent down and Nara whispered into her ear. “Sure, I think they’d like that. Would you like to ask them yourself?” Nara shook her head emphatically and Sayuri laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nara would like to know if our guests would like to see the zoo parade.” Daichi exchanged a grin with Suga, who replied that yes, they and Daichi would love to. Camila waved them off to the living room, saying she’d clear up. Sayuri and Nara went to collect the rest of the animals (apparently, the handful Nara had already brought out were only the beginning).</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your aunts are really cool,” Daichi said in the few moments the two of them were left alone together on the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so glad you like them. I knew you would, though.” Suga smiled. “Are you still nervous?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah.” He grinned. “Thank you for bringing me. And we even get to see a zoo parade.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Truly, our lucky day. Oh look, Franklin decided to be brave and join us.” A grizzled-looking tabby cat haughtily stalked across the carpeted floor, headbutting their legs before lurching up onto the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ohh, he’s so cute,” Daichi cooed, extending a hand for Franklin to sniff. The cat’s little nose twitched as he lowered it to Daichi’s palm. Then, he stepped gingerly onto Daichi’s lap, settling down into a warm, soft lump.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, this is adorable,” Suga whispered, whipping out their phone to document the moment. Daichi gently smoothed a hand over Franklin’s head and down his back; after a moment, the cat was rumbling with satisfied vibrations.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not as grumpy as you look, huh, sweet boy?” Daichi whispered. “Such a good kitty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Looks like Franklin made a new friend,” Sayuri said, amused. Her arms were full with animal figurines, and Nara quietly directed her to set them down next to the coffee table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s getting soft in his old age,” Suga commented with a smile. “Nara-chan, you have so many animals. Will you show us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nara nodded shyly. She began with the tiger, gripping it in her tiny hand and moving it across the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What animal is that, Nara-chan?” Daichi asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tiger,” she replied resolutely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know what sound tigers make?” Suga questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...Rooaar,” Nara said, quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s right. But tigers are really loud. Can you make a loud roar? Like, ROAR!” Suga screwed their face up in an exaggerated fierce expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ROAR!” Nara repeated, smiling at the novelty of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good! You sound just like a tiger,” Suga praised. “What’s next?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Chigen,” Nara explained, setting a little chicken figurine on the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, that’s a chicken,” Daichi agreed. “What sound do chickens make?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bawk bawk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga slid off of the couch to sit next to her and picked the little chicken up. “Bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk,” they crowed, tapping the figurine all over Nara’s arms and face. She giggled delightedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I get anyone a beer? Or anything else to drink?” Camila asked, smiling at the scene from where she stood in the doorway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, thank you,” Daichi replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll have one too,” Suga said, glancing up from their spot on the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll just have a sip of yours,” Sayuri told her wife.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sipped their glass bottles of Modelo as Nara continued to parade her animals across the coffee table. As Suga and Daichi encouraged her to make animal sounds with them, her shyness began to fade away, replaced with beaming smiles and infectious giggles. Eventually, the zoo parade devolved into Nara and Suga sending the animals on an exploring adventure up Daichi’s arms and on top of his head. In Nara’s opinion, this was the height of comedy, and Suga couldn’t keep back their laughter either. Daichi tried not to move too much, not wanting to disturb Franklin, but eventually the cat got disgruntled anyway and sought refuge in Sayuri’s lap. The women looked on fondly, Camila discreetly snapping pictures.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate to interrupt,” Sayuri said eventually, “but the fireworks start at nine and we should probably start heading up there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want to go see some fireworks, Nara-chan?” Daichi asked, to which she nodded enthusiastically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once any needed bathroom breaks were taken and Suga had located Nara’s elusive sandal under the couch, the five of them took the elevator up to the roof. It was crowded already, and the sky was just barely getting dark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After waiting in the crowd patiently (or not-so-patiently, in Nara’s case), the first firework lit up the sky at ten past nine in a glorious gold spectacle to general oohs and ahs. They kept coming, bursts of all colors in quick succession. Daichi liked the ones that shimmered and made a fizzy noise. He glanced over to see Suga’s face illuminated by their light, and they met his eyes with a happy grin. Pushing down the impulse to reach for their hand, he looked up to see bright gold circles exploding with tremendous booms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The loud noises were followed by a child’s desperate wails, and he looked over to see an inconsolable Nara sobbing in Sayuri’s arms. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, that was really loud, huh? Let’s go back home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nara shook her head no and wailed even louder as the explosions kept going off, pointing a shaky finger at Suga. “Want Kou-shi...nii-san,” she sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sayuri and Camila looked at Daichi and Suga helplessly. “Would you mind going with Sayuri to help her to settle down, Koushi?” Camila asked. “I’m sorry to ask you to leave in the middle.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can all leave, I don’t mind,” Daichi offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you and Camila stay here?” Sayuri suggested. “Nara will probably have an easier time unwinding with fewer people around, and that way the two of you can watch the end of the show.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Suga, Sayuri, and a red-faced Nara went back to the apartment, and Daichi and Camila watched the show reach its finale. The sky was flooded with light, and explosions burst in quick succession. Daichi’s heart soared at the majestic display, and he felt the booms behind his sternum. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The final spots of light faded, and the audience waited in silence for a moment before breaking into applause and cheers, Daichi and Camila included. Then the spell was broken, and all at once the residents began to crowd toward the exit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s wait a moment for everyone to clear out,” Camila suggested, and Daichi agreed. The two of them leaned on the railing, gazing down at the streets below.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, Daichi,” she said, turning to him. “What are your intentions with our Koushi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi’s heart rate spiked at the unexpected question. “I--uh. What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Camila raised a dark eyebrow, unimpressed. “You heard me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Koushi and I are friends,” he said confidently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grinned. “I can see that. But I also see the way you look at them. You love them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stood there, stunned and mouth open. “I--well. I mean, yeah, I do. But I’m not--I’m not angling for anything. I didn’t mean to fall for them. I’m just here to be their friend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why just friends?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because they don’t want a relationship, and they don’t see me that way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you know that?” she asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because--I do. I just do,” he said, confused and frustrated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” Camila said peaceably. “You want Koushi to be happy, don’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” Daichi answered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you considered that maybe being in a relationship with you would make them happy?” She paused as he looked at her, agape. “I’m sorry, Daichi. I don’t mean to put you on the spot. I just want to encourage you. Whatever happens, the two of you have a special connection. It’s as clear as day to anyone who watches you together. I’m very grateful that such a kind and caring person has come into their life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, that means a lot,” Daichi said, still feeling blindsided. It was one thing for Tooru to hint at something going on between Daichi and Suga, and quite another for Suga’s own aunt to do so. He and Camila made small talk as they took the elevator back down to the apartment, but Daichi’s mind was elsewhere. He’d always felt selfish for wanting more with Suga, but what if Camila was right and being together would make Suga happy? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they came in, Sayuri and Suga were talking quietly on the couch. “She’s down for the night,” Sayuri said softly. “I think she was worn out from all of the excitement, because as soon as she stopped crying she passed out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Camila sighed, relieved. “Thank goodness.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should head out so the two of you can enjoy the peace and quiet,” Suga said, rising from the couch. “Oh, Daichi--would you be interested in babysitting Nara together next weekend? I thought it could be fun, and she really warmed up to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to, of course,” Sayuri jumped in. “Only if you’d like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, that’d be fun,” Daichi agreed, smiling at Suga. “It was so nice to meet her and both of you. Thank you for having me. And everything was delicious, Sayuri oba-san.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave him a warm hug and one of those heart-melting Sugawara smiles. “It was our pleasure.” Camila gave him a tight squeeze and a knowing grin. “Please come back anytime. And it sounds like we’ll see you next weekend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re looking forward to it,” Suga said, withdrawing from Sayuri’s hug. Daichi nodded in agreement. “Have a good night!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And thank you again,” Daichi added as they waved goodbye to their hosts, who watched them go fondly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Phew,” he sighed as the two of them walked down the hallway to the elevator.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That went well,” Suga said, and Daichi turned to see a content expression on their face. “I’m so glad you came.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad you brought me. They’re like...gay goals.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga laughed. “You’re so right. Their house is so colorful and warm and real.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, definitely.” He thought about the plants, the art, the tsundere cat. The smell of good food and the stacks of books. A sweet child to adore and a partner to share everything with. He glanced at his friend out of the corner of his eye as they rode the elevator to the ground floor. Suga would be a good person to share a life with, he thought. Whoever ended up getting to see their bedhead, their rolled-up shirt sleeves while they washed dishes, and their crinkly-eyes smile over a cup of coffee every day would be very lucky.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The mesh shirt was more clingy than Daichi remembered. Now that it was on him, he was having second thoughts about wearing it to the concert. Did it look like he was trying too hard? He turned to check out his side profile. Objectively, it did look pretty hot. In the privacy of his own room, he could admit that it might be nice to have everyone’s eyes on him. And maybe he wanted to put Suga on the spot and see their reaction to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d paired it with a silver chain around his neck, black jeans, and a black baseball cap. It was definitely a good look, but it felt like something was missing. Daichi made sure he had sure he had everything he needed for a night out and went to get Suga’s opinion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come in,” their voice called when he knocked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga was sitting at their desk, putting makeup on. They pulled the tiny brush away from their lid and glanced at Daichi, doing a double take.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, it’s the shirt,” they said, sounding a little strangled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does it look okay?” he teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga shook their head, a blush rising to their cheeks, and turned back to the mirror. “You look great. Ready to go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so. I just feel like I’m missing something? I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They finished applying a shimmery pink eyeshadow and looked at him thoughtfully. “Want some eyeliner?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will you do it for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Course.” They smiled. “Switch with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi sat in their chair and they pulled out a couple of different pencils for him to choose between. He picked the spring green instead of the magenta or aqua and Suga nodded approvingly. “Alright.” They looked down at him kindly. “Just close your eyes and relax.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He did so, feeling their hand cup his chin for leverage. Then, a light pressure at the edge of his eyelid, dragging across it and then going back to trace over the line again. Their hand pulled away after a moment and he was given permission to blink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I see it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope, not until I’m done with the other one. Close your eyes again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi obeyed. It felt nice, being doted over in this small way. Too soon, the peaceful quiet between them was broken by Suga telling him it was finished. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh wow,” he said, looking at himself in the small mirror. He liked the bright color and how it lit up his whole face. “I feel pretty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look pretty,” Suga said, as matter-of-factly as if they were discussing the weather. “You’re always beautiful, but the eyeliner makes you look especially pretty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi sputtered wordlessly, embarrassed, and Suga laughed. “You told me to tell you again when I wasn’t deflecting a compliment, so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t ready,” he muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s the point.” They cheerfully ruffled his hair. “Shall we go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They took the train downtown to Keiji’s tiny apartment by NYU. Suga was captivating under the subway’s fluorescent lights, with their shimmery eyelids and half of their hair pulled back into a little ponytail. They wore high-waisted purple shorts and a backless slate blue tank top. As he followed them up the steps to the street, he tried to limit his staring to a respectful appreciation of their back muscles rather than downright ogling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite what they were wearing, the most attractive thing about them was their bubbly excitement. Daichi’s heart leapt when they threw an arm around his shoulder and recounted the wild nights they’d had with Keiji and Koutarou before, including one memorable time when Koutarou had pretended to be a celebrity’s boyfriend for a night in order to make her ex jealous. He felt drunk on their laughter and closeness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji welcomed them in at the door, and Koutarou sprung up from where he was sitting on the carpet to greet them. “Daichi!” he cried, embracing him and then holding him at arm’s length to look at him better. “Oh, shit. Damn, you look...really good. Can we kiss later tonight or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi laughed uncertainly and glanced over at Keiji, who thankfully seemed amused rather than angry. “Uh, sure, let’s do it.” What the hell, Koutarou was hot, and it was a nice boost to his ego. Keiji had some candles lit and chill music playing, and directed the little group to sit on the ground where a bong, grinder, and lighter were already set out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I get you two anything to drink?” he asked, walking to the tiny kitchenette in the corner of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever’s easy,” Suga replied, plopping down next to Koutarou, who was swigging a hard cider.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Same here,” Daichi said. “Wait, sorry, are we smoking...inside?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone else laughed. “We took care of the smoke alarms,” Koutarou explained, pointing at the ceiling. Sure enough, sheets of plastic wrap were taped over the little circular units, covering them completely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And it’s mostly young people here, so no one cares about the smell, thankfully,” Keiji said, taking a seat and passing Daichi two hard lemonades for him and Suga.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When does the concert start again?” Suga asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doors at 10, opener at 10:30,” Keiji replied. “So I figured we could leave here at 10. Or whenever we want, really.” He opened the grinder, releasing the first whiff of weed into the air, and began to pack the bowl. “I also have edibles we can take before we leave, if anyone’s interested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you, Keiji,” Suga said adoringly, and the dark-haired man fought the smile on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Kay, it’s ready.” Keiji passed the bong and the lighter to Daichi. “Guests first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, uh. I’ve actually never smoked from a bong before,” Daichi admitted. “Maybe someone else could go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, sorry,” Keiji said, handing it off to Koutarou on his other side. “Bokuto-san can show you how it’s done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just follow my lead, Daichi!” Koutarou said proudly. He flicked the lighter so a little tongue of flame erupted from it, then held the fire to the bowl. Then he sealed his lips around the glass opening, breathing in until the water at the bottom of the bong bubbled, and pulled the bowl piece out. It was all very slick until he exhaled a plume of smoke and began to hack.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji pressed Koutarou’s cider into his hand. “You don’t have to try to take such big hits, Bokuto-san,” he reprimanded. “You’re going to get plenty high either way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, it tickles,” he groaned in between coughs, sliding the bong over to Suga.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m scared now,” they joked, flicking the lighter. But they took a hit like a pro, exhaling casually and taking a swig of their drink to chase it down. “Want me to light it for you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes please,” Daichi said sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll tell you when to breathe,” Suga reassured him. They lit the bowl and nodded at him, and Daichi began to pull in. “Harder!” they prompted him, and he sucked in enough to make the water bubble. “And keep pulling in,” they coached, removing the bowl piece, “and exhale.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He did so, puffing out a cloud of gray smoke and coughing, reaching for his lemonade. “Ack,” he coughed, “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicely done,” they grinned. “I feel like I just corrupted you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi blushed and occupied himself by taking a drink. Keiji, for all his lecturing of Koutarou, showed off by casually taking a big hit and exhaling like a dragon. As Koutarou went for round two, Daichi could already feel his head getting a little floaty. The music seemed more prevalent in his mind, and he dug his fingertips into the carpet, relishing the feel of the little scratchy fibers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi?” Suga’s voice sounded far away. “Want another?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s your turn first,” he argued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I just went,” they grinned. “Why don’t you wait a turn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No no, come help me,” he said petulantly, and they laughed, lighting it for him agreeably.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The air was hazy, and Daichi felt comfortable, ensconced in the tiny apartment with his three friends. Tokyo was so far away, and he couldn’t be happier. Koutarou and Suga were giggling about something, and Keiji was rolling his eyes fondly. Daichi stubbornly insisted on doing his third hit alone; once he remembered how to use a lighter, he fumbled through it successfully enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’re you doing there?” Suga said, petting Daichi’s head. He shifted, realizing he’d slumped against their shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hi,” he replied, Keiji and Koutarou cackling. Weed objectively smelled nasty, but having the fumes all around him was sort of nice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A couple of hits later, Daichi was lying on the ground, Suga’s hand still in his hair. When he focused hard, he could tell that the other three were speaking English, but their words flowed over him incomprehensibly. That is, until he heard Koutarou say his name. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji laughed. “You’re right. I’ll be surprised if he doesn’t go home on someone’s arm tonight,” he said, raising his eyebrows and smirking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noo,” Suga whined. “Daichi’s not allowed to go home with anyone. He has to stay with me, because the two of you are just going to end up all over each other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not true,” Keiji denied. Koutarou raised his eyebrows but for once, didn’t say anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you’d be okay if Koutarou went home with someone else?” Suga provoked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bokuto-san can do anything he wants,” Keiji shrugged, pretending to not care.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, there’s no one I’d want to go home with!” Koutarou said desperately, and Daichi giggled at the ridiculousness of the conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you’re still with us.” Suga grinned down at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“More or less. What was in that weed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Weed,” Keiji deadpanned, and everyone cracked up. The music kept playing in the background, and the candles flickered softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It feels like I’ve been here for five years,” Daichi said pensively, tracing patterns on Suga’s pale knee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s only been--oh fuck,” Keiji chuckled, looking at the time on his phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What time is it?” Suga asked, leaning to look at his phone despite having their own right in front of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji turned the phone around: 10:34 pm. Koutarou laughed and Daichi tried to remember the significance of those numbers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should we still go?” Suga asked, gently scratching Daichi’s scalp. Daichi didn’t even know where they were supposed to be going, but he was pretty sure he was in heaven.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to,” Keiji said decisively. “We’ll get there right when the opener finishes, probably.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then let’s do it!” Koutarou cheered, lurching upright and collecting everyone’s bottles and cans.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga,” Daichi said, gripping their knee before they could get up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up?” They looked down at him fondly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are we going?” he whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their smile got wider, and they kept combing their fingers through his hair. “We’re going to see a concert. It’s just a couple blocks away from here, so we’ll walk. But if you don’t want to go, we’ll just go home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, let’s go. Might need help getting up, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what I’m here for,” they said, getting up and gripping his hands with their strong ones. He wobbled a little once on his feet, but was stable enough to wander over to the full-length mirror mounted on the back of the front door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Admiring yourself?” Suga teased, appearing next to him in the reflection.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Admiring your makeup skills,” he returned, leaning in to check if his eyeliner was still intact. “We both look good tonight, though.” They made a hot couple next to each other: Daichi with his tight black clothes, Suga in their blue-and-purple with long expanses of their pale limbs on display.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right,” they said, turning and staring at him intently. His gaze dropped involuntarily to their lips for a brief second before returning to their intense hazel eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get outta here!” Koutarou called, breaking the moment. “Everyone have everything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then they were being blinded by the bright lights of the hallway, a sharp contrast from the comfort of the dim apartment. Daichi felt giddy and absolutely unready to engage with society, as if he was running around in only boxers. The warm summer air felt surreal under the dark night sky. Koutarou linked an arm with his and dragged him along as they skipped down the sidewalk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Turn LEFT!” Keiji yelled from behind them as the pair began to cross the street. “Oops, that’s right,” Koutarou said cheerily, yanking Daichi in a sharp ninety degree turn. “It’s just two blocks this way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, wait up!” Suga called when Koutarou and Daichi had reached the end of the next block. Koutarou groaned, too full of energy to stand still. “Hurry up!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Before you go running away,” Keiji said with a slight glare upon catching up, “do you want part of a brownie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ooh!” Koutarou said excitedly, extending his hand. “You’re the best, Keiji!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll have some,” Daichi said. Suga gave him a look. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re pretty high already,” they said around a chocolatey mouthful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But these won’t kick in for like an hour, right?” Daichi asked Keiji, who nodded. “I’ll take a little then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It tasted yummy, and the bitter weed flavor was only present if he thought about it hard. “Thank you, Keiji.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, thank you Keiji!” Koutarou said, his words muffled. Keiji rolled his eyes and stuffed the bag back in his backpack. “Alright, let’s get moving. It’s almost eleven.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They showed their IDs and tickets at the door and walked down some stairs to the dark, cramped space. It was crowded with young people and it smelled like hard liquor. The group on stage was playing something cool and sensual--perfect music for grinding, which a number of the patrons were already doing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s dance, Daichi!” Koutarou called, dragging him into the crowd. Daichi didn’t have it in him to resist. In his altered state, it was as though he was surfing the waves of layered sound from the crowd and the band. The sweaty heat and dark interior made him feel cocooned. It wasn’t entirely comfortable, but he was too spaced out to be bothered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They swayed and bopped like dorks for a song or two before getting closer. Urged on by the thumping of the bass notes, Daichi placed his hand around Koutarou’s neck, pulling him into a kiss. His friend responded enthusiastically, kissing back and wrapping a hand around Daichi’s waist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was having fun making out and running his hands over Koutarou’s strong body, but after a couple minutes, it all began to feel a little overwhelming. “I think I need a breather,” Daichi said, pulling back. “Stand in the bathroom line with me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Course,” Koutarou agreed. They made their way through the crowd to the dingy back hallway. Even having a little distance from the dance floor helped him breathe easier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a good kisser,” Daichi said, enjoying the way Koutarou’s face lit up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So are you,” he replied, grinning and bumping Daichi’s hip with his own. “I have to admit, part of the reason I wanted to kiss you was because Tetsurou couldn’t shut up about how you two had great sex.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi snorted. “Funny you should say that, cause I texted him a few days ago and he hasn’t responded.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aww, Daichi,” he teased, pecking him on the cheek and booping his nose. “It’s cause he doesn’t wanna fuck you anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” Daichi frowned. He may have been floaty and out of it, but he was aware enough to be offended.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou laughed. “Sorry, sorry. It’s not your fault. He just saw the way you look at Suga and realized the two of you need to figure some stuff out. I think he said you didn’t seem like you were in a casual hookup kind of headspace.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God damn it,” Daichi muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You, Tetsurou, Tooru, Keiji. Even Suga’s aunt. Am I really so obvious?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No one’s blaming you, dude. I mean, it’s Suga, they’re the textbook definition of crush-worthy. And I think they really like you, too. I’ve known them for over three years, and I’ve never seen them warm up to someone like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi ran those words over in his head as he used the grimy bathroom. He splashed cold water on his wrists as he washed his hands, trying to ground himself. His head was still swept up in a buzzy high and his thoughts were clumsy. Processing everything to do with his crush was hard enough sober; right now, he just wanted to be near them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He told Koutarou as much and the two of them pushed through the crowd, looking for Suga and Keiji. The music pulsed overhead. Daichi saw a flash of silver between bodies, but that couldn’t be Suga because that person was wrapped around someone else, someone taller, with dark, wavy hair….</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whoa, what the fuck?” Daichi said dumbly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn, they look good,” Koutarou said, eyes fixated on the pair making out, not an inch of space between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude, is Keiji trying to make you jealous?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The taller man laughed. “Hah! Could be. But I’m thinking this might be for you, pretty boy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really think Suga might wanna fuck me?” he said, filled with a combination of wonder and hope.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are so sweet and beautiful and silly,” Koutarou cooed, cupping Daichi’s cheeks and squishing them. “Literally name one person who wouldn’t want to fuck you. That’s right, you CAN’T,” he shouted vindictively, not giving Daichi a chance to interject. “I mean, if Suga won’t do it, I will. Have you seen your ass?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keiji would be mad at you,” Daichi said, waving the idea away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keeeiiiiijjjiiiiiii’s…” he leaned down to whisper loudly in Daichi’s ear, “reeeally kinky. He wouldn’t mind. He’d probably want to watch. And he knows I’m whipped for him and only him. Wait!” He looked at Daichi, panicked. “What if he doesn’t know? What if he doesn’t know how whipped I am for him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhh,” Daichi said, too high for critical thought, “then...you should tell him, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right!” He gazed at the lanky, dark-haired man. “...Like, right now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No time like the present, my man.” Daichi thumped Koutarou’s muscular back. “Wait. Are you two together?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou sighed. “Together...not together...all I know is we sleep in the same bed, and it feels so good when we kiss. Like, kissing you was awesome just now, but when Keiji and I kiss, it’s like...like clouds breaking after a rainstorm. It’s like a single drop of water. Like a porch swing swaying in the breeze. I feel like the reason I was born was to love him. He’s my favorite thing to look at. He’s all the comfort of home but the thrill of the first drop on a roller coaster.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi stared at him, mouth agape. “Bro, I’m a writer, and that was a poem. Maybe you should tell him all that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t know despondent and blissful was a combination one person could express until it showed up on Koutarou’s face. “Yeah...maybe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a roll of his eyes, Daichi grabbed his friend and hustled him over to where Keiji and Suga were intertwined, then tapped Keiji on the shoulder. “I have something for you,” he shouted as he pushed Koutarou toward Keiji.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji and Suga broke apart and had a silent conversation with their eyes. “Um, Keiji?” Koutarou said, looking like a six-foot tall kicked puppy. “Um, Keiji, I…” he trailed off into a mutter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you say, Bokuto-san?” Keiji said, voice raised and brow furrowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…” he said, pining infused in his voice, “Keiji, I love you. Daichi told me I should say it, because I didn’t know if you knew, and I needed you to know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bokuto-san,” Keiji said, his face pinched and frowning, “you’re not sober. You don’t know what you’re saying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe the two of you should talk alone,” Suga interjected. Koutarou nodded in agreement, extending a hand to Keiji. Keiji looked at Suga warily, then at Koutarou’s round eyes filled with longing. “Alright,” he agreed. “Sorry to dip out early.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about it,” Daichi reassured him. “This was fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, thanks for hosting,” Suga added. Their friends said their goodbyes and walked toward the exit together, hands clasped together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’re you doing?” Suga asked him. He looked at them. Their face was a little flushed, and some of the shimmer from their eyeshadow had migrated to their cheeks. Kissing Keiji had made their lips look even fuller.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You and Keiji looked like you were having a good time,” he blurted out, his internal filter nowhere to be found.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They raised their eyebrows. “Yeah, they’re a good kisser. What about Koutarou?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah. He is too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then the two of them should be very happy together,” Suga said drily, looking toward the stage and breaking the intense eye contact between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think they’ll get together after this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If they don’t, I’m dragging them to relationship counseling myself.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi snorted. “So do you want to stay for the rest of the concert?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm...honestly, the edible is starting to hit for me and I could really go for some food.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyone ever tell you you have great ideas?” Daichi said approvingly. He hadn’t been thinking about food, but now it was occupying his mind entirely. The two of them left the venue and walked back toward the main road at a leisurely pace, shoulders bumping together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that crowd up on the corner?” Suga wondered, squinting their eyes to try to make out the sign on the building.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it’s a food thing?” Daichi suggested, noting the foil people held in their hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh shit, Daichi--quesadillas!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ten minutes later, they were both cradling soft flour tortillas full of melty cheese and seasoned chicken. “Fuuuuck, it’s so good,” Daichi groaned, tipping his head back in ecstasy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘M so happy right now,” Suga said, words slurred due to their mouth full of food. “Like, I don’t even need to go home. I’d be perfectly happy sitting on the curb for the rest of the night, eating this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Kay, I kinda do want to go home though,” Daichi said. “Are we walking in the direction of the subway?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably,” Suga said cheerfully, immersed in taking another huge bite.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thankfully, they were, and soon Daichi was enjoying Suga’s warm presence slumped into his side as they sat together. The ride went by in a foggy blur as they enjoyed their midnight snacks. Finally, the two of them were safely home. Suga was barely in the door before they were stripping off their shirt and shorts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um?” Daichi asked, trying not to look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m wearing boxers, don’t worry about it. Everything’s just chafey, like the textures are too much. Damn Keiji and his powerful edibles. Are you doing alright?” They walked to the fridge and began chugging orange juice from the bottle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ooh, let me get some of that.” They passed it to him and it was as refreshing as it looked, all sweet and acidic. He handed it back, trying not to stare at their abs. “I’m fine, my body feels kinda liquidy though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga snorted. “We’re a mess. Are you going to sleep?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hesitated. “I don’t know. I’m kinda worried about feeling all whoosh and weird when I try to sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want me to stay with you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like, in my bed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They rolled their eyes. “No, on your floor. Yes, in your bed, dumbass.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just checking!” He stepped around them to get a glass of water. “Sure, if you don’t mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Course not! Cuddle buddies,” Suga grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have to brush your teeth, though, if you’re going to be sleeping next to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Same to you. And wash your face, you’re all shiny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fifteen minutes later, they were fresh-faced and minty-mouthed, settling in next to each other. “It feels like a sleepover,” Suga whispered, wiggling around to get comfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It kind of is,” Daichi agreed, rolling on his side to look at them. They’d put a t-shirt on, fortunately for his poor gay brain. The two of them chatted about nothing from a respectable distance, not making any physical contact. His eyelids were getting heavy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thought you said you wanted to cuddle,” he muttered, half-asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to?” they asked. Daichi could tell, even with his eyes closed, that Suga was making their little amused face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes please,” he yawned, holding his arms open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga scooched in to rest their head on his chest. Daichi’s arm wrapped around them, and their legs tangled together effortlessly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm, good,” he slurred. “You’re comfy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi felt, more than heard, their laugh. Several moments passed, and Daichi had just fallen asleep when Suga said something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You awake, Daichi?” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Was</span>
  </em>
  <span> he awake? Definitely not, so he didn’t respond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga sighed. “You’re making this really hard,” they admitted in a low whisper, and Daichi was pulled under into unconsciousness before he could ask what they meant.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><a href="https://kittytoastnjam.tumblr.com/post/629473215611322368/summer-in-the-city-lattice12357-haikyuu">daichi and suga all dressed up in front of the mirror together</a>  (thank you kittytoastnjam!!!!)</p><p>~~~~<br/>anyways bokuaka supremacy..........</p><p>also: interracial lesbian witches as aunts...it's what suga deserves &lt;3</p><p>thoughts on this chapter?!!?! lmk :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. suga is a dance teacher</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It had been quite a week.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On Sunday morning, Daichi experienced the torture of waking up with Suga in his arms. For a few brief moments, it was as though he had everything he wanted. He’d pushed that fulfilled feeling away--got out of bed, put a little space between them. But being around them didn’t get any easier. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mundane moments like going to the grocery store together were loaded with meaning. He’d been pushing the cart as always, half-watching Suga as they’d grabbed things off the shelf. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that?” he asked as they placed the items in the cart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm? You mean the syrup?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You got two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Yeah, you said you didn’t like the maple kind,” they said, peering over at the list. “Cereal next, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi followed them down the aisle, thinking about how poetic it was. The nonchalant way Suga remembered things about him, accounted for him. As if it were second nature to live based on the needs of two people. They always looked to him to really see him, when they asked if he was alright or if he wanted to go home early. The two of them were a unit, Suga-and-Daichi, two planets on a unique trajectory because they orbited each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Later that week, he wondered if he wasn’t the only one feeling the magnitude of their domestic lives together. He’d been washing pots and pans, humming some fragment of a song Suga had been playing earlier. Just a normal Thursday afternoon in their sunlit kitchen, wearing basketball shorts and a threadbare t-shirt. He heard footsteps entering the room, but when it was quiet and Suga didn’t come into view, he turned around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were standing there, staring at him with their arms crossed in front of their chest. Their lips were slightly parted, and they looked a little out of it. “Suga?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They blinked and seemed to remember where they were. “Sorry, I was just--just spacing out, I guess. Sorry. Just wanted some water.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And maybe Suga was telling the truth. But as Daichi got back to scrubbing, he wondered if sometimes, Suga found him as overwhelming as he did them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The final blow came earlier that day, Saturday, in a leafy park in Brooklyn. Daichi and Suga were taking turns chasing Nara around the playground, making her squeal and giggle with delight. Any shyness she’d shown the weekend before was gone within five minutes of meeting them again. She held both their hands as they walked to the park and babbled about all of her favorite games to play. And she had no reservations about hiding behind Daichi, clutching his legs and cackling as Suga wondered out loud where Nara could be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When all three were sweaty and tired, Daichi put Nara on his shoulders and the three of them bought popsicles from a vendor in the park. They settled on a bench, enjoying the icy treats and sticking their tongues out to compare colors (“Your tongue looks like a stop-sign, Nara-chan!”). Suga documented most of the afternoon with their phone camera. But when they carried a tired Nara back to the apartment on their hip, Daichi insisted on taking pictures of the two cousins. It was a little selfish of him. Suga was lovely in the afternoon sunlight. And their strong arms supporting the floppy, chubby-cheeked girl made Daichi feel things. They looked relaxed and natural, their posture emanating warmth and love. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt a twinge of longing then, and it came back in full force later when he looked at his camera roll. It was so evident what kind of parent Suga would be. Caring for Nara lit up their face, and they became completely engaged in everything the little girl had to say. Suga was Nara’s trusted confidant, and she obviously adored them. It made Daichi feel special to be included in their little unit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi and Suga made a good team, and it made him wonder what it would be like to have a family with them for real. Getting to see that soft, gentle, loving side of them all the time. The two of them would communicate through eye contact over the heads of their kids, sharing secret grins and complaints. And their kids would be so incredibly loved and accepted for whoever they were, whoever they wanted to be. Their family would be happy, all together, and Daichi and Suga would steal open-mouthed kisses alone in the kitchen and slap each other’s asses when the kids weren’t looking. They’d fall asleep holding each other, maybe with a child or two snuggled in between them if they had nightmares.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dreaming these dreams made Daichi’s heart feel too full. Thinking about marriage and children with someone he’d never even kissed was surely a sign that things had gone too far. It wasn’t sustainable to live this way alongside his friend. Daichi prided himself on being a level-headed person, and it was obvious that something needed to change.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He would tell them tomorrow, he decided. The thought sent fear pulsing through his body, and he dreaded having to look them in the eye and reveal the embarrassing truth. But he trusted them to be kind when they turned him down. When they put up walls to keep things platonic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other option seemed too good to dream about. He’d already had some incredible good luck in his short life, so he had no expectation that Suga would reciprocate his feelings. He refused to even think about the possible signs that could indicate their interest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What would it be like, though, if they felt the same way? He could hold them without having to think about when to let go. Kiss them on the forehead and look into their eyes, saying </span>
  <em>
    <span>I love you, I love you, I love you. </span>
  </em>
  <span>They’d cling to one another while rocking inside each other, Suga’s hazel eyes blown wide. Their hand would rest on the small of his back while the two of them moved through a crowd, and they’d hold hands in the grocery store. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I love you, I love you, I love you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stop it, Sawamura. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He needed to focus on what he’d say to them instead of indulging in pointless fantasies. He’d start off casual, maybe </span>
  <em>
    <span>hey, could I talk to you about something? </span>
  </em>
  <span>And then just come right out and say it: </span>
  <em>
    <span>Suga, I have a crush on you. </span>
  </em>
  <span>No, too childish; same thing with “I like you.” Maybe </span>
  <em>
    <span>Suga, I have romantic feelings for you. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Good, that was better. And then he’d follow up with </span>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t expect you to return them, but I wanted you to know. </span>
  </em>
  <span>No, maybe </span>
  <em>
    <span>but I wanted to be honest and tell you. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He ran through it in his mind. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hey, could I talk to you about something? (Sure, what’s up?) Suga, I have romantic feelings for you. I don’t expect you to return them, but I wanted to be honest and tell you. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Yes, that sounded good. Then maybe at the end he’d add </span>
  <em>
    <span>I hope this doesn’t impact our friendship, but please tell me if there’s anything I can do...to make you more comfortable? </span>
  </em>
  <span>No, that made him sound like a flight attendant. </span>
  <em>
    <span>If there’s anything you want me to do differently? </span>
  </em>
  <span>That didn’t sound right either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi turned potential confessions around in his mind as he aimlessly checked his email and scrolled through social media. He was trying to rest after their afternoon with Nara and regain some energy before they went to Tooru’s birthday party. Not for the first time, Daichi regretted that Tooru had decided to hold the party a whole eight days early. Tooru and Hajime were going camping the next weekend, which was as good an excuse as any. But all Daichi wanted to do that evening was confess to his friend and then sleep for twenty hours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He managed to nap for a while and was woken up by Suga knocking on his door. “Daichi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmrg, come in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They did, opening his door gingerly. “Are you sleeping?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unfortunately not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aw, you big baby,” they laughed. “I’m here to consult on your outfit, if you don’t already have one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pick whatever you want,” he said flatly, rolling over to look at them and wrapping himself more snugly in his blankets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga frowned, coming over and sitting on the edge of his bed. “If you’re not feeling well, you really don’t have to go. Tooru would understand. And I could try to come back early.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no. I’ll be fine, I just have to wake up a little.” He felt guilty for making Suga worry. Rallying so he could go to their best friend’s party with them was the least he could do. Especially because this was their last night of pre-confession normal. His stomach clenched.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he put on the red crop top and denim shorts they set out anyway and went through the motions of getting ready. Maybe it would be nice to see other friends there. Thankfully, he and Tetsurou were no longer on awkward terms. They had texted and the other man had been supportive when Daichi came clean about his feelings. There was definitely still attraction between them, but he was confident they’d be able to hang out like normal. And he was looking forward to seeing Koutarou and Keiji, even though he and Keiji had been hanging out a lot as they prepared one of his stories for submission. Daichi and Hajime had been hitting the gym together, and it would be nice to see him there--although he doubted Tooru would let him far out of his grips. It would be fun to hang out with the birthday boy too, in small doses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On their way over, Suga scrolled through the guest list Tooru had sent them and showed Daichi the social media of people he hadn’t met yet. Most of them were friends from Columbia: Shigeru, who seemed a little stuck up, even though Suga assured him he was nice. Shinji, who was quiet but a sweetheart, and would likely bring his equally sweet girlfriend that appeared in many of his Instagram pictures. Yuutarou, whose hair sort of looked like a shallot and who apparently had a crush on Hajime, and his best friend Akira, who was as indifferent as Yuutarou was eager. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, and I can’t wait to meet this guy,” Suga said gleefully, typing another username into the search bar. “This is Tooru’s co-worker at the consulting firm he works at. He’s sort of Tooru’s mentor, because he’s been working there for a year already, but they’re the same age because Ushijima graduated in three years from Harvard. Which, of course, makes Tooru furious. Apparently, Ushijima thinks Tooru is super smart and keeps telling him he should have gone to Harvard, which only adds fuel to the fire. And he’s super hot--here, look.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn.” Ushijima was tall and muscular, with a handsome, serious face. His eyes were narrow and intense. “I can see why Tooru’s feeling a little threatened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t let him hear you say that,” Suga grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So wait, why is he invited?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, that’s the funniest part. So because Ushijima is so straight-laced, Tooru plans on making him really uncomfortable by making him hang out with all his gay friends in a bar. The best birthday present for him would be his annoyingly perfect co-worker letting something homophobic slip.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi snorted. “Well, it wouldn’t be Tooru if there weren’t some level of drama in the evening.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pair of them were split up shortly after arriving, Daichi pulled into conversation with Hajime while Suga was waylaid by Shigeru, whose hair was just as perfect in real life as it was on Instagram. The vibe was definitely celebratory. Their boisterous group occupied a handful of tables, enjoying each other’s company loudly. The birthday boy looked gorgeous, glowing with charisma and happy to hold court among his friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe he’s not here yet,” Tooru pouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Idiot,” Hajime said fondly. “You should be enjoying the people you actually want to see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am, I am!” he protested, leaning into his boyfriend’s side. “I just want to see my dear coworker’s face when he’s confronted with the general homosexuality of this group. No offense, Shinji.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“None taken,” the dark-haired man grinned, an arm around his girlfriend’s waist. “Hey, it looks like they’re setting up karaoke.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> yes. Everyone has to sing a song for me because it’s my birthday!” Tooru announced, looking very pleased with himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kou and I are going first,” Tetsurou called, Koutarou brimming with excitement. Just as an employee announced that karaoke signups were open, Daichi spotted a tall, broad-shouldered man walking over to their side of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t look now, Tooru, but is this him?” Based on the mix of fury and joy in Tooru’s face, the answer was yes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ushijima,” Tooru said venomously, draping an arm around Hajime’s shoulders with a terrifying smile. “I’m so glad you could make it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Oikawa,” Ushijima said, his face stern. “Happy birthday.” In a tight button down shirt and khakis, he looked incredibly handsome and utterly out of place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you said you were bringing a date?” Tooru questioned maliciously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, my partner loves karaoke and went to go reserve a spot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you have a seat here with us?” Hajime asked, clearly tired of his boyfriend’s posturing. Daichi was saved from listening to Ushijima’s discussion of Tooru’s work by Suga appearing next to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” they smiled, looking radiant. “I only just now escaped Shigeru’s clutches. Some guy he knows walked in. How are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, just enjoying the show,” Daichi said drily, glancing over at Tooru shooting daggers into his coworker. Suga snorted. “Are you going to sing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will if you do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like as a duet?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Course not, then I can’t watch you.” Suga grinned, and if it were anyone else, Daichi would have sworn they were flirting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rolled his eyes. “Fine, let’s do it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There you are, ‘Toshi!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A tall, slender, red-headed man stood over Ushijima with a hand over his shoulder. “Ah, Satori,” Ushijima said, glancing up. “Oikawa, this is my boyfriend, Satori.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice to meet you!” Satori said brightly, extending a hand to a shell-shocked Tooru. “Wakatoshi’s told me so much about you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru shook his hand dumbly. “You...you mean a boy who’s a friend, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I sure hope not,” Satori joked, smiling down at the stoic man. “I’m going to go pull up a chair, babe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima furrowed his brow. “Just sit here.” He gestured to his lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure?” Satori asked, his eyebrows raised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tooru and his friends are accepting of gay people,” Ushijima matter-of-factly reassured his boyfriend, and Suga snorted beer out through their nose. They tried to pass it off as a cough and Daichi hurriedly pulled napkins from the dispenser to pile in front of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru looked like his entire world was ending as Satori perched in Ushijima’s lap, wrapping an arm around his muscular shoulders and planting a kiss on his cheek. Thankfully, the moment was interrupted by someone tapping a mic at the front of the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey everyone. I’m Koutarou--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“--and I’m Tetsurou. And we’ll be singing ‘Shallow,’ by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper.” The two men on stage looked eminently proud of themselves, and Tooru’s cluster of friends whooped and clapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god,” Suga snorted. “Are you ready for this, Keiji?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji said something garbled and then rested his red face in his hands. Daichi laughed, feeling a little bad for his more reserved friend. Thankfully, Keiji and Koutarou had made it official last weekend, and both of them seemed over the moon about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me somethin’, girl,” Koutarou sang in a deep baritone voice, waggling his eyebrows at Tetsurou. “Are you happy in this modern world? Or do you need more...is there somethin’ else you’re searching for?” Tetsurou seemed like he was barely holding back one of his explosive laughs. But when he broke into song at the end of Koutarou’s second verse, his imitation of Lady Gaga’s powerful alto was surprisingly on-key.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time the song reached its climax, Tetsurou was cradling Koutarou with one arm while holding the mic with the other, belting about being off the deep end. They finished the “in the shallow” lyrics with a series of questionable harmonies, gazing into each other’s eyes romantically, and the crowd went wild. Daichi clapped along, grinning at the dramatic display.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did ya like it, Keiji?” a slightly sweaty Koutarou asked upon arriving back at the tables. On stage, Satori was preparing to sing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was very entertained, Bokuto-san.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Satori chose a song by Janelle Monae and, surprisingly, managed to do it justice. Suga nudged Daichi in the middle of it, directing his gaze to where Ushijima was at the edge of his seat, looking enchanted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s so wholesome,” Daichi whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I love it,” they agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a few performances from strangers, Suga and Tooru took to the stage to sing “Under Pressure,” with Suga singing Mercury’s part and Tooru singing Bowie’s. The two of them were far from trained singers, but they had great chemistry and knew how to put on a show. The way Suga’s hazel eyes flashed and their cocky little grin made Daichi recall the last time they were on stage. He shivered, pushing their strong legs wrapped around the pole out of his mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They look good together, don’t they?” Hajime asked Daichi, a satisfied smile on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They do.” The two were singing into the same microphone, eyes piercing and bodies inches apart. “Does it bother you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime shook his head. “No, it’s hot. And I know how he feels about me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, the two of you are annoyingly cute.” Daichi smiled at the blush on his friend’s tan cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This goes nowhere.” Hajime glared at Daichi, then glanced back at the tall brunette on stage. “But I think I might be falling for him. Like...this might be the real deal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The news didn’t exactly come as a shock, but Daichi still slapped him on the back, grinning. “I’m happy for you, man. I think you’re good for each other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime nodded, arms crossed over his chest and blush intensifying. “Thanks. Hey, aren’t you up next?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit.” He got up and hi-fived Suga and Tooru as they crossed paths on his way to the stage. “Nicely done, you two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kill ‘em, Daichi!” Tooru shouted, Suga agreeing with a supportive </span>
  <em>
    <span>wooo!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d picked “Keep the Customer Satisfied” by Simon and Garfunkel, for its satisfaction of the karaoke trifecta: short, upbeat, and catchy. “Ahem,” he coughed into the mic, looking out at his crowd of friends. He caught Suga’s eye and swore he’d have at least half the charisma they did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a fun song to sing, and Daichi got into it, smiling and rocking to the beat. His voice was decent, and he didn’t see any visible cringes in the audience. “And that’s for Japan,” he said confidently into the mic among cheers from his friends. Maybe he wasn’t as sober as he thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so annoying, Daichi,” Suga said as he sat back down. “Who makes Simon and Garfunkel sexy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh--I didn’t do anything!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about them, they’re just a hornball,” Tooru said dismissively, letting out a yelp when Suga jabbed him in the side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi does have a sexy smile, though,” Koutarou pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm, but does he? Or is he just a sexy person, so every face he makes is sexy?” Tetsurou brought up, with all the gravitas of a professor posing a question to a lecture hall of students.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Both. Daichi is hot, but his smile is especially hot,” Keiji answered with the same thoughtfulness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks everyone, you can stop staring at me now.” Daichi took a sip of his drink to cover his embarrassment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Easier said than done,” Suga countered, grinning at Daichi when he looked at them. He raised his eyebrows, but then Tooru was frantically shushing everyone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A short intro played, and they all glanced up to where Hajime was at the mic. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Todos están pendiente a ti, pero tú puesta pa' mí. Haciendo que me odien más…” he sang, the Spanish coming out as naturally as if it was his first language.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whoa, he sounds fluent,” Suga remarked. “I didn’t know he spoke Spanish.” They all glanced at Tooru, whose eyes were popping out of his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“His mom is Puerto Rican, but I had no idea he spoke it either. Suga, what’s the song saying?! He keeps looking at me meaningfully!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god, I haven’t done Spanish since high school. Um, the first bit was something like, ‘everyone’s thinking about you, but you’re mine. Making them hate me.’ And the whole ‘eres mia, mia’ thing he’s singing right now is ‘you’re mine, mine.’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh...wow,” Tooru said faintly. “Uh. Whoa. That’s...that’s hot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sub,” Keiji coughed, causing Koutarou to spit out his drink and Tetsurou to howl with laughter. Tooru didn’t even bother to respond, a sign of how transfixed he was by his boyfriend. Daichi couldn’t blame him. Hajime had a quiet confidence that shined when all eyes were on him. And he was basically eye fucking Tooru from where he was singing. No one needed to speak Spanish in order to catch the mood of the song.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your little friend over there seems to feel the same way,” Satori said playfully, nodding at where Yuutarou was sitting a table away. The boy was fixated on Hajime, mouth agape.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmph. That kid might be like my son, but I’ll still kill him.” Tooru glared at an oblivious Yuutarou, then went back to enjoying the show.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Hajime came back to the table, Tooru refused to budge from his side, clinging to him for several more songs until it was time for him to make his solo debut.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What will you sing, Oikawa?” Ushijima asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a surprise,” Tooru said with an insincere smile, sticking his nose up in the air and strutting away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s a total barb, it’s definitely going to be Nicki Minaj,” Keiji predicted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Barb?” Daichi asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just what Nicki Minaj fans are called,” Suga explained. “Ohh Keiji--you were right.” Even Daichi knew the iconic first bars of Super Bass. “He loves this song.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Predictably, Tooru rapped all the verses perfectly, and Suga coordinated their whole group to give him a standing ovation when he finished. Tooru waved his hand with fake humility, but he was clearly adoring the attention, and said as much when he rejoined them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My fans are so good to me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s only because it’s your birthday, little bitch,” Suga said, pulling their tall friend into a headlock and giving him a noogie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga-chan,” Tooru trilled, wriggling free and giving Suga a kiss on the head. “Dance with me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two disappeared into the dance floor that was quickly filling up now that karaoke was over. Yuutarou came and took Tooru’s seat, which would have concerned Daichi more if it weren’t clear that the kid was completely harmless. His friend had disappeared, and Shigeru was chatting in the corner with an angry-looking guy who looked very familiar. Shinji was also dancing with his girlfriend, who looked relieved to not be mingling with Tooru’s weird friends anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou was chatting with Satori about NYU--they both knew of each other but had never met while they were students there--and Ushijima sat by stoically, holding onto Satori’s hand for comfort. Surprisingly, Keiji and Tetsurou were dancing together and looked like they were having the time of their life, leaving Daichi to chat with Hajime and Yuutarou.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, there you are Yuu-chan!” Tooru called, returning after several songs. “Akira-chan is asking for you, he’s outside the bar.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Yuutarou said, frowning. “Is he alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He didn’t look so great when he walked out,” Tooru said, looking concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, I’ll check on him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime turned to Tooru once the younger man had left. “Was that true?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Tooru smiled benevolently. “Dance with me, Hajime.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The spiky-haired man rolled his eyes but let himself be pulled up, following his boyfriend onto the dance floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s getting soft,” Suga commented as they slid into a seat next to Daichi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hajime?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” they smiled. “For all his grumbling, there’s very few times I’ve seen him actually refuse Tooru something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right.” They sat together quietly, watching the crowd, Daichi leaning on Suga’s shoulder. “Seems like you’re having fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They glanced at him. “Yeah, I like karaoke. And dancing, and just being with everyone. And it makes me happy to see Tooru so happy. Are you feeling better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, definitely.” The song ended, and another came on. Daichi felt Suga perk up. “Oh, I love this song.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can go dance, I won’t be offended.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt them roll their eyes, even though he couldn’t see it. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Or </span>
  </em>
  <span>you could come with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t dance,” Daichi said hastily, lifting his head off their shoulder. “I won’t be any fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not possible,” Suga grinned. “Well, the you-not-being-fun part. And,” they leaned forward, as if telling a secret, and he shivered, “I’m good enough at dancing for two people.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi couldn’t think of any way to rebut that, and then they were taking his hands and pulling him to his feet. Dancing with Suga was completely at odds with getting over his romantic feelings for them. And yet, here he was, following them into the crush of people.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thankfully, they didn’t torture him as much as they could have. Sure, Suga’s beaming smile when they looked at him made his heart do weird flips in his chest. But they didn’t touch him, save for holding his hands so they could bop and sway at the same rhythm. Their body was poetic even when they were simply swaying their body to the beat. It was as if the music was a current running through every part of them. It took all Daichi’s efforts to keep his eyes on theirs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The song changed to something slower, and even Daichi knew enough to know his little bobs and shuffles no longer fit. “Want to learn an easy way to dance to a song like this?” Suga asked, eyes daring him to say yes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” The room was dim, putting their features in shadow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So do you know how to hula hoop?” He looked at them quizzically, and they laughed. “‘Cause it’s the same motion, but smaller.” They demonstrated, swiveling their hips in small circles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi tried to copy them, feeling like he wasn’t doing a very good job. “You’re fine,” Suga said, reading his mind. “Bend your knees a bit. Relax your shoulders and back...pretend there’s water flowing down your spine. And keep making those circles. Good! Look at you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grinned. “Is that it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The last step is to bend forward at the waist a little. And arch your back a bit.” It felt awkward for the first couple of swivels before it began to come together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you think, Sugawara-sensei?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Congratulations, Sawamura-kun. You’ve passed intro to grinding on someone,” Suga smirked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, now I need someone to grind on,” Daichi said, raising his eyebrows at them and reveling in how flustered it made them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me?” Their eyes were wide.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only if you want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean. Yeah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned around, grateful it was impossible to see his bright red neck in the dark. Suga’s hands rested lightly on his hips, purposefully not touching the skin exposed by his crop top. “Aren’t you supposed to be standing close enough for my ass to touch you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh,” Suga said intelligently, stepping closer so they were pressed against him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi shivered again, sure that Suga could feel it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You absolute dumbass. Well, might as well finish what you started.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He tried to relax--</span>
  <em>
    <span>like there’s water flowing down your spine, they said</span>
  </em>
  <span>--and began to circle his hips so his ass pressed into their crotch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga’s grip on him tightened instinctively as they let out a surprised gasp. He gulped and kept going, trying to arch his back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can slow down,” they whispered, very close to his ear. “Go with the beat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi did so. Eventually, he began to relax, letting himself move with the music instead of overthinking every motion. With newfound confidence, he placed his warm, slightly sweaty hands on top of Suga’s cool ones. He wondered what their face looked like.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He found out soon enough when the song ended. It was nice to see they were as speechless as Daichi felt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I kiss you?” Suga blurted out, interrupting him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh--what?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I--fuck. I’m sorry, shit--” they babbled, looking stricken.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, don’t be sorry. I just--did you mean that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga looked at him incredulously. Their hands still rested on his hips. “Daichi, I--</span>
  <em>
    <span>yes</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Yes, I really want to kiss you. And I have for a while now.” Daichi’s heart swooped. Instead of answering them, he put his hands on their shoulders and leaned in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pressed his mouth to theirs, and Suga….</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga kissed him back. Their lips fit together softly with Daichi’s. He felt their hands travel to the small of his back, holding him close. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>God, it felt good. Daichi’s body was humming with energy as they sucked gently on his bottom lip. His tongue brushed against Suga’s and they let out a little involuntary moan. Daichi’s fingers twitched on their shoulders. Everything was a sweet haze of closeness and need, both of their hearts beating to the rhythm of </span>
  <em>
    <span>finally, finally</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was everything he’d never dared to hope for.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi pulled back and opened his eyes. The room came flooding back. The two of them were still on the crowded dance floor, a new song playing overhead. The hazel eyes inches away from his were bright with an expression he’d never seen before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi,” Suga breathed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And how could he ignore the need in their eyes when they glanced down at his lips? He let Suga pull him in again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt just as good the second time, maybe better. But as the shock of the moment subsided, his chest began to tighten with anxiety. This...this was not the plan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga,” he gasped, pulling away for the second time. “We can’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? What’s wrong?” Their brow furrowed as they searched his face for an explanation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just--” Daichi tried to find the words, distracted by the very attractive pair of lips in front of him. “We should talk about this, sometime when we’re not--here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s there to talk about?” Suga frowned. “I’m a little buzzed, maybe, but I’m not drunk, and I know you had less to drink than I did. I know what I’m doing, I’ve wanted this for a while. I promise you, I’m not going to regret this when I’m sober. In fact,” it was hard to tell in the darkness, but it looked like they were blushing, “I’d like to keep doing this when we’re sober, too. Do you--do you feel the same way?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I do, but I don’t--not like this. For me, it’s--it’s different. You don’t understand--” Daichi began to feel his breathing speed up. Was he really going to confess his feelings like this? Here, now? He took a half step backwards so their hands were no longer on him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi?” Suga stepped closer to him. “I’m worried about you--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t touch me.” The words came out louder than he expected, and people around them looked on with concerned frowns. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. Please, help me understand--what did I do wrong? You’re scaring me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was so out of it that he couldn’t feel guilty for their hurt expression. “Don’t worry about it, I just--I need some space. I’m sorry.” Tears began to well up in his eyes. “I just need to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi turned and walked straight to the door, trying to get out before the tears started to fall. He was oblivious to the glares of the people he bumped into. Once outside, he began to jog, needing to get away as fast as possible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the end of the block, he patted his pockets as an afterthought. “Fuck!” His wallet and phone were still in the bag Suga had brought to the bar. Daichi sniffled and kicked the wall next to him in frustration. There was no way he was going back in there. How was he supposed to get on the train?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned around and saw someone running toward him. “Hajime?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit, I’m glad I caught you,” he panted, slowing as he came closer. “What’s going on, man? Suga’s scared shitless.” Daichi shook his head, staring at the ground and biting his lip as the tears began to fall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh shit,” Hajime said, worried. “Hey, it’s gonna be alright. Can I hug you?” He nodded wordlessly and Hajime wrapped his strong arms around him. Daichi clung on, sniffling and dripping tears onto Hajime’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stood there for a while on the street corner, Daichi allowing the embrace and little circles rubbed into his back to soothe him. Hajime led him down to the subway after that, using his MetroCard to pay for both of their rides. He didn’t ask any more questions until the two of them were settled in Daichi’s living room. Daichi felt better after a shower and a change of clothes, and he clutched a pillow as he recounted what had happened. His plan to confess to Suga tomorrow, all of the week’s little romantic moments that had been torturing him slowly, Suga’s flirting that night, him dancing on them, and the kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then I just--freaked out. Because they were all like, ‘oh, I’ve wanted to kiss you, I want to do this again.’ But I couldn’t ever do any sort of friends with benefits thing with them, you know?” Hajime nodded. “And I didn’t want to try to explain it right then and there. And it </span>
  <em>
    <span>sucked</span>
  </em>
  <span>, because kissing them--it felt incredible.” Tears pricked at his eyes. “Sucks to have something so good dangled in front of your face when you know you can’t have it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime wrapped an arm around Daichi, his quiet weight comforting and warm. The situation sucked, and nothing was going to get resolved that night. Hajime reassured Daichi that Suga was with Tooru and wouldn’t come back until Daichi wanted to see them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck, I feel bad for messing up his whole birthday thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, don’t be. We all indulged him for a couple hours. That asshole doesn’t deserve a whole night of being worshiped.” Daichi snorted, and Hajime continued: “Tooru has his faults, but he’s loyal as hell to the people he cares about. His first priority is always going to be making sure his friends are okay. He’d never resent you or Suga for needing help. So don’t worry, ‘kay?” Daichi nodded, feeling grateful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The last thing he remembered that night was Hajime turning on the tv and settling on some shitty late-night movie. The natural light woke Daichi up the next morning. Trying to check the time, he searched for his phone under the blanket before remembering Suga had it. It must have been early, though, judging by the color of the sky and how groggy he felt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smelled coffee and felt a jolt of anxiety. Was Suga back early? Hajime wandered into the living room with a mug, causing Daichi to sigh with relief. “Phew, it’s you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Course, I told you they weren’t gonna come back unless you wanted them to. Want some of this?” Hajime raised his mug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi accepted gratefully and Hajime went back into the kitchen to get a second mug. They chatted about nothing for a while, laughing about the Ushijima situation from the night before and talking about how Hajime flexed on everyone with his Spanish-speaking abilities.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi’s stomach grumbled, and Hajime laughed. “Was that you? We should go out to breakfast, get you something to eat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to, but I feel too anxious,” he frowned. “Shit. I guess I should just get this conversation with Suga over with, huh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably for the best,” Hajime agreed. “I think you’ll feel better when it’s over. Want me to text them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, thanks. Will you stay until they come?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Course.” Daichi turned down the offer to practice what he was going to say, not wanting to overthink it--or think about it at all, truthfully. The two of them were watching a “Top 20 ULTIMATE Line Shots” volleyball compilation video on Hajime’s phone when they heard the key in the lock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck,” Daichi swore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime clapped him on the back. “Hey. You’re strong, you’re going to get through this. In an hour, it’ll be over.” He stood up as Suga entered the living room. “I’ll talk to you soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, man.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Suga,” Hajime greeted them on his way out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” Suga smiled weakly before turning to look at Daichi. The door slammed behind Hajime. “Hi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” His mouth was dry. Suga sat down on the couch, leaving several feet of space between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” both of them blurted out. They exchanged wry smiles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it okay if I start?” Suga nodded. “Okay. So, I’m sorry I freaked out on you last night. I got overwhelmed, and I really didn’t communicate well.” He took a breath. “The reason I got that way is because I have feelings for you. Romantic feelings. I was actually planning on confessing to you today, before last night happened. I...I really liked kissing you. I really want to keep kissing you. But we can’t do that anymore, or hook up or anything else. Because I can’t handle being your friend with benefits when I’ve already caught feelings for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah.” Suga was quiet for a moment. “I’m sorry. I wish I could return your feelings.” Their eyes were shiny.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>I mean, I feel like there’s an icicle piercing my heart. But it’s okay. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“You don’t need to be sad. I want us to still be friends, like always.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga…” They looked up at him, lips pressed together and trembling. A tear rolled down their cheek. “Suga, what’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They pressed the heels of their palms into their eyes and let out a sob. “God, fuck. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright.” He tried to keep his voice calming. “Are you upset that I have feelings for you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga shook their head. “No, no.” They sniffed. “It’s just that...being your friend is--it’s killing me.” The icicle stabbing Daichi’s heart doubled in size. “Every moment I’m with you, I want to touch you. I want to kiss you. I want to hold your hand, I want to hug you, I want to--be with you. You just look so good all the time, it’s impossible not to want you. I feel like I’m constantly holding myself back. You’re in my head even when you’re not in front of me.” They looked at him and sniffed again. “I know I’m being selfish, but I feel like I need more intimacy with you. And I know you don’t want that, and I get why. It’s just hard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the first time, the living room they shared felt tight and small. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga, can I ask you something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are your feelings for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga frowned. “You’re my friend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I know, but how do you feel about me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sighed, and their lips quirked into a small smile. “Well, I really like you as a person. You’re kind, funny, smart, thoughtful. Easy to be with. It feels good to have you in my life. It’s been, what, a month and a half of us living together? And it’s been great. Doing fun stuff together, yeah, but even boring stuff like errands and eating--it’s nicer when it’s with you. And I trust you. It sort of scared me at first, how much. I don’t tell a lot of people stuff about my family and my childhood. But it feels good that you know these things about me. Oh, and my aunts and Nara love you, of course. So yeah. I feel really lucky.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi forced away the warm feeling of their affirmations. “And do you feel the same way for me as you do for your other friends?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga snorted. “No way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, with you, it’s just...more. I don’t get tired of being around you. At the end of the day, I have more history with my other friends, but you’re the one I want to come home to. Also, I’m attracted to pretty much all of them, but I’ve never felt the same, like, constant desire to touch them like I do with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Daichi tried to keep a level head. “‘Cause, that’s how I feel about you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I mean. I don’t want to overstep. But do you think you might have feelings for me? Like, romantic feelings.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh--” Suga looked blindsided. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, what’s the difference between your feelings for me and romantic feelings? I’m not trying to push or be a dick,” he said hurriedly. “It just sounds kind of like you’re describing...being in love.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stared at him. “It’s not--I--sorry. I think I need some time to think.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Maybe I’ll go out for a bit, give you some space? And you can text when you want me to come back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga nodded, still looking like their mind was somewhere else. Daichi threw together a bag with a change of clothes, a volleyball, his keys, a charger, and his phone and wallet that Suga had brought back. “I’ll, uh, see you later?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” they managed, trying and failing to smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wanted to comfort them, but knew that giving them space would probably help them more. Outside on the sidewalk, he was still buzzing with energy. How was it only ten in the morning?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hitting the gym and exhausting his muscles helped. Afterward, Daichi compromised between his hunger and anxious nausea by buying a Clif bar at a convenience store. He wandered over to Central Park, finger hovering over the “Call” button by Hajime’s number. But Suga had left him with more questions than answers, and he didn’t feel like speculating further with someone else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi laid down in the grass, hair still slightly damp from his shower at the gym, and practiced tossing to himself. The familiar feeling against his fingertips was soothing. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched the passersby as the day warmed up. He challenged himself to see how long he could go without checking his phone for a text from Suga. His record was twelve minutes, although it hardly felt like a success because he was thinking about them the whole time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Twelve p.m. passed, then one p.m. did too. He killed time by strolling around and playing games on his phone when he got tired. Their text finally came in when he’d stopped expecting it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Today, 1:46 pm</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Suga: </b>
  <span>hey, feel free to come back whenever</span>
</p><p>
  <span>just going to jump in the shower now</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Me: </b>
  <span>okay, eta 20</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thankfully, all of the unwinding Daichi had done in the past few hours kept the anxiety in his stomach to a dull roar. As he saw it, there were only a couple of possibilities: Suga’s feelings were romantic or they weren’t. Or perhaps Suga still didn’t know how to categorize their feelings. Regardless, he and Suga would either end up trying the romantic relationship thing, or figure out another dynamic that would hopefully preserve their friendship.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Suga and I care for each other too much to let this separate us</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Daichi thought. Believing in that was single-handedly keeping him from despairing over the situation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He let himself into the apartment, hoping that it would be the last time he felt so nervous coming into his own home. The living room was empty, but he couldn’t hear the shower upstairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be down in a second,” Suga called from their bedroom, and Daichi was reminded of how they’d come down to greet him the day they’d both moved in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No rush,” he replied. He paced aimlessly around the room as he waited, too jittery to sit still.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” Suga came downstairs in athletic shorts and an oversized navy blue t-shirt. Something about their shiny post-shower face and the wet gray hair stuck to their head made them look young and vulnerable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” Daichi’s heart leapt to his throat. “Should we sit?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” The two of them took their familiar places on the couch, still a safe distance apart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So,” Suga began. “Thank you for talking through stuff with me and giving me space to process. I thought a lot, and journaled, and called Tooru. This whole situation is confusing and new to me. I’ve never had lasting romantic feelings before, and I wasn’t interested in having them. Because, as you know, I thought love was a lie.” They gave him a wry smile. “And if I’m honest, I still don’t know how to categorize what I feel for you. But Tooru said something helpful--told me to forget about labels, but picture myself doing relationship stuff with you. Sleeping in the same bed, being casually affectionate with each other, going on dates. Kissing. And being involved in each other’s lives. Being each other’s confidants. Relying on each other. So I did picture it, and what I kept feeling was--that would be really nice. I want that with him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga took a breath. “And, I’m not sure what love is supposed to feel like. But I know I feel a deep admiration and affection for you. And I just--I like you, so much. So if you’re okay with me still being a little uncertain, and figuring stuff out--maybe we could try dating each other. Doing the romantic relationship thing. And see how it feels. Because--god, I feel greedy for saying this--being your friend’s not enough for me. I want more. And I’m scared, and I’m worried I’m not going to be a good enough significant other for you, because you deserve the best of everything. But if you’re willing to try with me, then, Daichi--will you be my boyfriend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi was hot and cold all over. There was a rushing in his ears. “Could you repeat that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They laughed, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>god, what a beautiful sound. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“I like you so much, Daichi, and being your friend’s not enough for me. Be my boyfriend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um--yes, please. Wait, is this really happening?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga grinned and pinched his arm, making him yelp. “It’s not April first, or opposite day, and you’re not dreaming.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Wow. Uh, can I hug you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga didn’t answer, choosing instead to scoot closer and wrap their arms around him, squeezing tightly. Daichi hugged back, feeling hours of tension ebb away. “It feels so good to have you right here,” he whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My heart feels full,” they confided in him, and he squeezed their strong torso harder. “Can we do this forever?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” he sighed contentedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them did break apart after a while, after what was the longest hug either of them had ever had. “Soo,” Suga grinned. “What are we supposed to do now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe we should move in together,” Daichi said seriously, making Suga snort. “I don’t know, whatever we want, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel kind of shy,” they admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Too shy to kiss me?” he asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe!” they squeaked, looking affronted. But they both leaned in, fighting awkward, happy smiles. Suga’s warm lips pressed gently against his, and Daichi deepened the kiss. It was tender and electric.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi pulled back after a while to look at Suga. “I was thinking, maybe we shouldn’t have any expectations about what things between us are supposed to look like. Maybe we should just do what feels right, and stop holding ourselves back from all the things we’ve been wanting to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What have you been wanting to do?” they asked, amused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um. A lot.” Suga laughed at him. “Mostly I just want to be close to you. Like when you’re standing in the kitchen, I want to come up behind you and put my head on your shoulder and hug you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aw,” they smiled, “that’s relatable. Whenever we’re watching tv together I want to curl up with you because you’re so comfy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I tell you something silly?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One sec.” Suga leaned in and kissed him again. “Okay, go ahead.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, you’re distracting,” Daichi said, unable to stop smiling. “I was going to say, I’m really excited to be able to cuddle you and fall asleep in the same bed tonight. If you’d want to, of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Want </span>
  </em>
  <span>to? That sounds so good I wish it were bedtime now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any time’s bedtime when you’re an adult without somewhere you need to be,” he pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My boyfriend’s so smart,” Suga said admiringly, brushing Daichi’s hair back from his forehead. “We could lie down now, if you wanted.”</span>
</p><p><span>“I’m</span> <span>your boyfriend,” he repeated smugly. </span></p><p>
  <span>They giggled. “Hell yeah you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And how could Daichi not kiss them again after that?</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ushiten were late for tooru’s bday meetup b/c wakatoshi took so long choosing an outfit. he wanted it to be perfect because it was for his friend tooru’s party &gt;:’0 and he wants tooru to like him so bad &gt;:’( satori told him it was too formal but wakatoshi just said I Refuse To Disrespect My New Friend By Being Underdressed</p><p>anyway. y'all we made it! they kissed and it only took 90k djhfsakjhkjhhg. this is kind of a spoiler ig but there's not going to be any "take-backs" or like unnecessary angst between these two from here on out. they are Together. the rest of the chapters will show how they grow into their relationship :')</p><p>was it worth the wait?? did the way they got together surprise you? do you, like me, want to watch bokuroo sing "shallow" together? (also yes I did a little hint hint at bokuakakuro on purpose. none of these characters know who monogamy is)</p><p>as always, thank you, thank you, thank you for reading this far! I hope you're enjoying the journey :')</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. daichi wastes water</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi! there is very little plot in this chapter. it's basically just sex. if that's not your thing, totally understandable and I will see you next week. my goal in writing this was to make it as in character and authentic as possible, not gratuitous porn (no hate for gratuitous porn &lt;3 this is just not that kind of fic). but it's still kinda hot. well. you'll see I guess !!!!!</p><p>our lovely transmasculine character's junk is generally referred to w/ masculine or neutral language, aside from two mentions of c1it and v4gina that are more about logistics. there's no mentions of dysphoria.</p><p>I think that's all you need to know but please comment if you think I need to add any additional notes or warnings &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Suga stirred, shifting closer to Daichi. “Good morning,” he said fondly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” they murmured. Their eyes were half-lidded, still heavy with sleep. Daichi ran a hand through their unruly silver tufts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look so cute when you wake up.” They scrunched up their nose. “Seriously. Remember that morning when we went to the beach and you were being all cranky? Adorable. I just wanted to kiss your forehead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good thing you can do it now.” Their lips twitched in a smile, and Daichi leaned in to press a kiss to their forehead. He followed it up with a gentle kiss to their lips, and they let out a soft sigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm. Your breath smells bad,” he teased. “But I like you so much I don’t even mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, romance is gross. Hey, c’mere.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They let out a simultaneous content sigh together as Daichi snuggled into Suga’s chest. “This is so good,” he groaned appreciatively. Suga was warm, and he could feel their heartbeat against his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m really happy,” Suga said softly. They rested quietly for a while like that. “Hey Daichi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we brush our teeth so I can kiss you more?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned his head to plant a kiss above their heart, then smiled at them. “Sure. I’m going to shower, too, if that’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d invite myself in to save water, but I don’t think we’re there yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah.” Daichi blushed and Suga laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They brushed their teeth together, hip checking each other in front of the mirrored cabinet. Suga was back in their own bedroom and the shower was already running when Daichi poked his head out of the bathroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” their voice called back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you--ah--” he trailed off, wondering what had compelled him to ask this now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did I what?” They stepped out of their room to look at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh. The whole showering together thing. I--does this mean you want to have sex? At some point? Together?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga’s pale face turned pink and their mouth went funny, like they were holding in laughter. “I would be interested, if you would be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Same.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...Cool.” They held each other’s gaze for a moment before Suga laughed and withdrew into their own room, still blushing. “Take your shower!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah.” He shut the door and got under the water. Legions of past horny Daichis would have killed to be where he was right now, he reflected. But he felt terror, not arousal. Now that sex was on the table, his brain helpfully generated all of the ways it could go horribly wrong. Suga might be disappointed in how he looked, or in his performance in general. What if he suddenly developed erectile dysfunction? Or, worse, what if he came embarrassingly fast?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thing about Suga was that despite their teasing, they were a very kind person. Daichi knew they’d be nice about whatever ended up happening, but there was still a chance that they’d never want to have sex with him again. Which would make things awkward. He decided the best course of action was not to think about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They played footsie under the kitchen table as they ate. Daichi had made eggs and heated up some rice while Suga showered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is good,” they praised. “So, got any plans today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.” He thought while he finished chewing. “I should probably start drafting my speech for the NYU students, but I have until Thursday. And I should probably write a little. You?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm, I’m going to start volunteering tomorrow. I actually...wanted to ask you on a date.” They smiled at him. “But I also sort of don’t want to leave the house because I want to be clinging on to you at all times.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, the feeling’s mutual. Maybe part one of the date could be lying on the couch reading together?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Suga grinned. “You go, I’ll wash up and join you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, I’ll help,” he insisted, trailing behind them as they carried the dishes to the sink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You made food,” they said dismissively. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll help--” Daichi wrapped his arms around them from behind and rested his head on their shoulder, “--emotionally.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt their laughter shake their back. As Suga began to scrub the frying pan, he placed kisses on the curve of their neck. He was so entranced in his task that it took him a moment to realize they were bracing themself on the counter, unmoving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They exhaled. “You can’t kiss my neck and expect me to do anything at the same time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...I didn’t tell you to stop.” The curve of their cheek was pinkening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Daichi kept going, noting the tension in their shoulders. His chest was pressed against their back. He kissed lightly near their hairline, over their pulse point. The softness of their skin against his lips was addictive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Suga was pushing him back, turning around and kissing him. Their hands cupped his freshly-shaven face. His hands cradled their hips. He followed their lead in what was nothing like their sleepy good morning kisses. Suga was still gentle, but the way they pressed their mouth to his was insistent. They wanted something. They wanted--him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi was still digesting that realization when Suga drew back, looking concerned. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to rush anything--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cut them off, lips fitting together smooth and perfect. “I’m ready.” His fingers brushed a lock of silver hair back from their forehead. “For whatever you want. Just tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” Suga said, brow furrowed. “‘Cause we can wait. You can’t exactly undo having sex with someone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t want to. Undo it. I may have...been thinking about this for a while.” Daichi blushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga’s face went from concerned to devilish. “Oh really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God.” He rolled his eyes. “Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You waaanted me,” they teased, pressing against him and running their hands over his chest. “You thought I was hot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are hot,” Daichi scoffed. “And you know it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wanted to fuck me,” Suga whispered, watching his eyes intently. “Or maybe you wanted me to fuck you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shivered. “Both. But…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me, Daichi,” they said, soft and low. “How did you think about us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their dominant voice made his cock twitch. “I want to do everything with you,” he admitted, fixed under their intense hazel eyes. “But most of the time I thought about you fucking me. Just taking what you needed...telling me how good I was being….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga inhaled sharply, rolling their hips against him. There was no way they couldn’t feel how hard he was. “Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want to hear something embarrassing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They smiled. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi’s intuition that Suga would be turned on by what he was about to say overrode his self-preservation instincts. “I wanted you to fuck me so bad, I’d pretend the people fucking me were you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck.” Their hands gripped his t-shirt. “You’re serious?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded, grinning. “Yep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then maybe we can make some dreams of yours come true, hmm?” Suga began to walk backward out of the kitchen, facing Daichi and pulling him by the hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please,” he breathed, kissing them deeply as they stumbled over to the staircase. When they separated to go up the stairs, Daichi seized the opportunity to pull Suga’s t-shirt off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, your </span>
  <em>
    <span>body</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he said reverently, kissing the abs he’d lusted after from afar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They giggled. “Come on, come on, you too,” they insisted, yanking at his shirt. Daichi let Suga take it off and watched them watch him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God damn it, Daichi,” they muttered, running their hands over his biceps and pecs. “You’re so cruel, you know that? When you wear tight shirts, or tank tops, or fuck, when we were at the beach. You look good enough to eat.” They began to plant kisses on his arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope, we’re not doing this here,” he said, pulling away and making a break for Suga’s bedroom. Suga made an indignant noise and gave pursuit, tacking Daichi onto their bed. Their combined laughter gave way to pleased sighs as Suga leaned over Daichi, who was on his back, Suga’s knee in between his spread legs. Suga interlaced their hands and pinned them to the bed before kissing him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi lifted his hips instinctively, trying to get closer to them. He felt Suga’s smile against his lips. They stayed straddling his leg, refusing to press against him. Their entrancing, all-consuming kisses made him needy. He wanted Suga all over him, and kissed them open-mouthed and desperate to prove it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clever, perfect, sex god that they were, Suga drew back and moved their hands to elastic waistband of Daichi’s shorts. “Want me to take these off?” Their tone was flirty, but they looked at him seriously, assessing if he was still feeling good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please.” He lifted his hips, allowing them to strip him of his shorts. “You too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They grinned at his hopeful tone. “Yeah.” His boxer briefs were comfy red cotton, proudly sporting a dark spot of precum at the end of his bulge. Of course, Suga noticed instantly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck, Daichi.” If he didn’t know sweet Suga was, the hungry way they were staring at the outline of his cock would have scared him. “I can’t wait to have you in my mouth.” He gasped at that, combined with the shivery feeling of their fingernails tracing his inner thighs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga, your shorts,” he reminded them weakly. They made a little discontent noise, smoothing their palms up the crease of his thighs. They placed a light peck on the trail of dark hair on his lower stomach before pulling away reluctantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How am I supposed to stop touching you when you look so good?” they asked, shimmying out of their shorts. Daichi didn’t bother trying to answer, instead staring at the short black boxer briefs that exposed their gorgeous legs. Wordlessly, he held his arms open. Suga collapsed on top of him, rubbing their legs against his like a cricket. The two of them put sex on hold for a moment, enjoying the intimacy of being skin-to-skin. Their chests were soft and warm against each other’s. Daichi traced fingers up and down their back while they ran their hands over his sides.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Suga broke the moment by grinding their hips down onto his. Daichi made a sound, trying to stop himself as soon as it came out of his mouth, but they just smiled and pressed a kiss to his neck. “Again,” they whispered, grinding against him roughly. The pressure against his sensitive cock made it impossible to hold back, and he moaned uninhibited. Suga </span>
  <em>
    <span>”mmm”</span>
  </em>
  <span>ed approvingly and pressed their open lips against his. They kissed deeply, rocking against each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga,” he gasped desperately, after it started to become too much. They pulled back and looked down at him. “Hey,” they said, brushing his hair away from his forehead tenderly. “Can I suck you off?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh,” Daichi said, blinking up at them. “This is real, right?” Suga’s eyes crinkled up with their smile. They looked happy in a pure, all-consuming way. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I did that</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he thought, heart leaping. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is very real.” Their fingers traced his cheek and they placed a kiss on his chin. “And I’m not just offering because I want to make you feel good. I do, but also...I’ve thought about blowing you, a lot. It really turns me on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you think about it when you touched yourself?” As the words left his mouth, Daichi wanted to take them back. Was he really allowed to talk like that to </span>
  <em>
    <span>the </span>
  </em>
  <span>Sugawara Koushi? The one he’d been lusting over in secret shame for over a month?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But of course, Suga only raised their eyebrows and smirked. “I’ve never masturbated a day in my life.” Daichi stared at them in confusion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m kidding.” He shoved them away and they cackled. “The answer is yes. But I thought about </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>much stuff with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh? Do tell.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would, but my mouth’s about to be otherwise occupied.” They kissed him again, then pulled back. “I meant with your dick, not your mouth. But I wanted to kiss you so bad just then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re ridiculous,” he said fondly, bringing them down into another distracting kiss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt a little shy as Suga pulled his boxers off. But it helped to think about all of the times they’d made him feel comfortable and safe. And it felt good to be shamelessly ogled by someone he trusted so completely. They slipped their own boxers off and settled between Daichi’s legs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I forgot to ask--are you clean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I got tested a couple of weeks ago. But I can put a condom on, if you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I wanna taste you.” They licked at the precum on his slit and Daichi’s head fell back on the pillow, overwhelmed by the sensation and the visual of their pink tongue on his cock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ohh, fuck. I’m not going to survive this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You better, cause I have plans for us.” They planted their hands gently on his thighs. “Tell me if I do anything you don’t like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” he agreed, chest tight with anticipation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” Suga smiled up at him, stroking his hip with their thumb. “Breathe for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi obeyed, trying to relax. He sighed as their soft lips wrapped around his tip. Suga licked and sucked their way down his length, and his fingers curled into the sheets in response. They looked better than all of his fantasies, completely engrossed in him. Their intense eyes flicked up to meet his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look kind of desperate.” Suga slid a hand lazily over his wet cock and Daichi stifled a groan. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Feels--feels good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Put your hand on my head.” That was all the warning he got before they took him back in their mouth. They bobbed up and down, taking more of him each time. He was surrounded by their hot, wet throat and it felt incredible. Gripping their hair, Daichi helped guide them down, setting a rhythm. Suga moaned, the vibrations causing him to whimper. They gripped his ass and dug in with their nails.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After what was probably only a few minutes but felt like forever, Suga pulled off. “Fuck, Daichi.” Their voice was gravelly. “Can I finger you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He moaned. “Yes. Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One second.” They leapt up, presumably to find lube. Daichi stared at their naked, muscular ass shamelessly. “Hurry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay.” Bottle in hand, they got back between his legs and slicked up their right fingers. Their lips were wet against his dry ones, lingering to kiss his neck and whisper in his ear. “I can’t wait to be inside you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god.” He shivered. “Please, I need it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So they obliged, deepthroating him again to distract from the finger massaging his entrance. Just as Daichi had gotten used to it and was losing himself in how they were blowing him, Suga’s finger pressed inside him, soft and slow. His hips bucked involuntarily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ahh--shit, sorry--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They coughed. “‘S okay.” Their fingers moved inside him gently, opening him up as they sucked him off. Suga avoided his prostate directly, which was probably for the best considering how intense he was feeling already. He hummed appreciatively as the second finger slid in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So good,” he said contentedly. Suga was giving their mouth a break, lazily stroking him with one hand and fingering him with the other. “Hey, would you want to fuck me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like, with more than my fingers?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I really want that.” They grinned. “How big of a dick do you want to take?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi laughed, abruptly trailing off into a moan as Suga spread their fingers inside of him. “I’ve been--</span>
  <em>
    <span>ah--</span>
  </em>
  <span>accused of being a size queen before. But maybe average sized is good to start.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Judicious. I need you a little more open for me, then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gimme a third. Please?” He lifted his hips invitingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga rolled their eyes fondly, sliding a third finger inside. “So what position do you want to start in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, what?” Daichi was blissed out, his eyes shut. He was nice and full, their fingers brushing by his prostate with every stroke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What sex position would you like to start in, my dear?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes opened hearing the term of endearment, and he gazed down at them, feeling a rush of affection. “Can we start like this? So I can see you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Their eyes reflected the same affection. “I want to watch you take me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuuuck. Suga. Please? Can we?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really want to?” they teased. “Maybe my fingers are enough for you.” They began to thrust sharp and fast into him, hitting his prostate. Daichi cried out and Suga gripped the base of his cock so he wouldn’t cum.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“SUGA! Please fuck me with your cock, please, please--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi,” they said lowly, slowing their fingers, “god, you’re perfect.” They kissed him on the lips softly as they pulled out of him. He strained upward, trying to deepen the kiss, and they obliged. Their soft mouth fit perfectly against his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His breathing calmed down as Suga got ready. He’d only ever had sex with cis men, so he watched with interest as they slid an average-sized lime green dildo through an o-ring that was attached to a mess of black straps and buckles. “That looks confusing,” he commented as they held out the straps and put their legs through the harness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not when you’re used to it.” The o-ring and the patch of material under it sat over their crotch, covering their wiry gray hair. They tightened the strap around their waist and the two that looped around their strong thighs. The end result--a green dick jutting out from between their legs--was hotter than he would have anticipated. He took in the full sight of his naked significant other. Strong shoulders, brown nipples, the faded dark pink line across their chest. Abs he’d never tire of looking at, a cute belly button he wanted to kiss, and harness straps that interrupted the sharp V of their hips. Finally, those perfect, muscled legs dusted with silver hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please fuck me.” They looked so good, and he couldn’t stand having them so close and not touching him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They answered him with a tender kiss, tracing their hands over his body and down to his thighs. The click of the lube bottle made him tense up with excitement. “Okay.” Hazel eyes met brown, and Suga planted a hand next to his shoulder to support themself. They leaned over him, glancing down with a look of concentration on their face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Daichi felt it, the head of their silicone cock pressing against him and--into him. It was bigger than three fingers. “You okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keep going.” The pressure was a lot, but not painful, and Suga had used enough lube to make the slide easier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Kay, that’s it.” He looked down to see that they were buried all the way inside him. “How does it feel?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Big,” Daichi said honestly. “But good. Just need a second.” He glanced up at their face, then back down. “Looks hot.” He loved the sight of his brown thighs spread with Suga’s pale hips pressed between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look incredible like this, with your legs open for me.” They looked at him with an intense, needy expression that sent a chill down his spine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck. Move a little?” They obliged, rocking back and forth with small movements. “Shit, yeah.” He thrusted up to meet them and Suga responded by pulling almost all the way out before sliding back in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Again,” he gasped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So they did, over and over, increasing their pace steadily until they were fucking him properly. “Suga, oh my god.” His hands gripped their ass tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi.” They kissed his cheek, then gripped his shoulders to better pull him onto their cock. “Call me Koushi when I’m inside you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi’s poor mind was blown. It was so possessive, so dominant, so...intimate. “FUCK! Fuck--</span>
  <em>
    <span>Koushi!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga moaned and sped up, ramming into their boyfriend’s open hole insistently. Their cock was rubbing his prostate, making him limp and pliant. His neglected cock was hard and leaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit,” they exhaled, slowing down after a couple of minutes. “God, you’re perfect. Want to switch positions?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi looked up at them, their perfect body covered in a light sheen of sweat. “Mm, yeah. Any preferences?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m down for whatever. You could ride me, we could do it from behind….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga laughed. “Oh? Well, I’m not complaining. I love staring at your ass.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One day I’ll have to ride you facing away from you, then. I’ve gotten good feedback on that view.” He winked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, Daichi, such a flirt,” they teased, leaning down close to him and thrusting lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ah--</span>
  </em>
  <span>guess you bring it out in me, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kou-shi</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They moaned. “Fuck. Alright, alright, we’re switching.” Gently, they pulled out of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who would have known you have a name kink?” He rolled over onto his hands and knees and arched his back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s not go down that path right now, Mr. Praise Kink.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do not have a praise kink,” he scoffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” The lube bottle clicked again and Suga slicked their cock up. “You look so hot like this, presenting your ass for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi bit his lip, hoping they couldn’t see the back of his neck blushing. They laughed. “You ready?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” They eased back inside him, and he hummed with satisfaction. It didn’t take long for Suga to find the angles that felt best for him, and soon they were picking up the pace. For his part, Daichi had dropped from his hands to his elbows, sticking his ass up in the air even higher and spreading his knees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, yes--just like that--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, Daichi, you’re killing me, you know that? You take me so well. You’re perfect for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ohh--Koushi--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They kept fucking into him, holding him by his hips for leverage. “What is it, baby?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He moaned. “I’m close, really close.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga leaned forward, curving their body around his so their mouth was next to his ear. “I want you to cum. Touch yourself.” He obeyed, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>god </span>
  </em>
  <span>it felt good to finally pay attention to his cock. Between his hand, and Suga on top of him, inside him, and in his head, he didn’t last long.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Koushi, I’m cumming,” he whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.” They kissed his shoulder, cock still pounding his insides. “Cum for me, Daichi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And so he did, crying out as his hips jerked. They fucked him through it, slowing to a stop and easing out of him. His thighs were trembling, so they helped him move to a dry spot on the sheets and handed him a tissue for his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, you’re amazing.” They kissed his nose. “Let me just take this off and wash my hands, okay?” He nodded mutely, and a few moments later they were sitting in bed next to him, holding a glass of water to his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we lie down?” he asked after swallowing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, come here.” Suga laid back and opened their arms, and Daichi nestled in between them, putting his head on their chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them caught their breath together, Suga’s soothing hands on Daichi’s head and back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you? How was that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “It was--wow. It was so good. Like, if I weren’t so drained, I’d jerk off to the memory of it right now. But yeah, I’m feeling great. Just tired. What about you? You didn’t, like, have a super stealthy orgasm, did you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They laughed. “No, I didn’t. It still felt good for me, though, especially because using the strap-on indirectly stimulates my clit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He raised his head to look at them. “Could I touch you? I want you to get off too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm. How about I get myself off, and you watch? That way I can show you what I like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Uh, yeah. That’s hot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so too. I like the idea of putting on a show for my boyfriend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck.” He buried his head into their chest. “That’s so overwhelming, romantically and sexually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I can’t really believe this is real,” Suga admitted, running their fingers through his dark hair. “The whole you-being-mine thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> can’t believe you just blew my back out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga laughed out loud, their chest lifting his head up. “Was it like how you imagined it’d be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Better. ‘Cause you were all over me, you know? Your smell, your voice, the way you look. You turn me on so much.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.” Their hand trailed down his back. “The feeling’s very mutual. You looked so good taking me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going to make me hard again,” he muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then touch yourself while I touch myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit.” Daichi sat up to look at them. “How do you want me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lie next to me.” So he curled up at their side, left arm propping his head up so he could watch better. Suga’s right hand traveled down between their slightly spread legs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, my dick--the organic one,” they said, snorting at their own joke, “it’s really sensitive.” Their fingers parted their lips to expose it. It was pink and a little smaller than Daichi’s pinky finger. “I normally start by touching above and around it.” He watched as their index and middle fingertips rubbed gentle circles above their cock. “It feels good,” they breathed, glancing over at him. “I’m thinking about driving inside of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck.” His hand drifted down between his own legs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga sighed with pleasure. “I don’t like using my vagina for penetrative sex, but I really like how wet it gets when I’m turned on.” He could hear the slick sounds of their fingers parting their folds. “Mm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god.” Daichi had never had sex with someone with a vagina before, and couldn’t say he’d wanted to. But the thought of Suga getting wet from blowing him and fucking him was overwhelmingly hot. “Sounds so good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All ‘cause of you. Hey, kiss me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He leaned over to meet their lips, and they sucked at his bottom lip needily. Eventually he pulled away, wanting to watch their wet fingers tease around their cock. It clearly felt good for them, from the soft exhales and moans they let out. Daichi’s hand wrapped around his own cock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You like watching me?” Suga turned their head to look at him, smiling with their lips slightly parted. They were beautiful, silver hair mussed on the pillow and cheeks rosy with exertion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he managed. “Yeah, you look--amazing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so cute, Daichi.” Their eyes fluttered closed and they moaned. “You make me so wet. I’d touch myself this way while you were just down the hall, you know. Covered my mouth so you wouldn’t hear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus, Koushi. I wanna taste you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuuuck.” Their left hand came up to clutch at their hair. “Next time. I want to feel your tongue on me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please.” He watched Suga’s back arch off of the mattress as they slid their fingers down both sides of their cock, then dipped between their pink folds and spread the wetness upward. His own cock was hard, but he tried to pace himself, pumping his hand slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘M close.” Their big hazel eyes gazed desperately into his. “Thinking about how--I want to ride you--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh shit--fuck, you’re going to make me cum again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ha, already?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have no idea how good you look right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You like me all wet? On my back, legs spread?” They fought to keep their voice steady as they panted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Koushi, god.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk about how you’d fuck me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi was happy to obey. “You’re so flexible. I’d bend you in half, make you hold your own ankles as I fucked your tight ass.” They whimpered, screwing their eyes shut, and he continued: “That’s what I thought about every time you pranced in here after dance. All of those tight little shorts? I just wanted to pull them down around your ankles and make you sit on my cock while I sat at the kitchen table. I’d wrap my hands around your waist and bounce you up and down on me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi, please, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please--</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Their hand was working frantically on their cock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t wait to watch myself disappearing inside your perfect ass. You’re gonna take me so well, Koushi, such a good hole, I’m gonna cum so much in you--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga gasped and moaned loudly, head thrown back into the pillow as they came. Their hips thrust up in the air, twitching. Daichi swore and came a second time onto their white sheets, only looking away from his significant other for a moment. Both of them were breathing hard. Suga looked out of it, hand still twisted in their hair and eyes screwed shut. Their body was limp, all tension released, and they looked peaceful, like an ancient marble statue of a god.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their eyes opened halfway, and their face broke into a sleepy smile. “I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi stared at them for a second as their face transformed from relaxed to shocked. “Shit. I don’t know why I said that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘S okay, brains go kinda weird after cumming--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I think I meant it, though.” They stared at each other, both of their right hands wet and sticky. Daichi broke into a laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“After being the one who confessed to you and got you to consider that you might feel the same way, I thought for sure I’d be the one who accidentally let the L word slip. So thanks for doing it first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga rolled their eyes. “Look, I’m still confused by this whole thing. I don’t know what I’m doing. But when I said it, it felt true. Sex with you feels really good; I feel close to you, and,” they looked upward, smiling, “I don’t know. I’m just really happy. And I love you, Daichi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you, Koushi.” The response came easily, as naturally as welcoming them home. “If I’m allowed to call you that when we’re not doin’ it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Doin’ it,’ please never say that again.” They grinned at him, a little sweaty and very happy. “No, it’s just intimate. So you can call me that whenever you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow.” He snuggled his own sticky body closer to theirs, nuzzling their shoulder. “Special.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re special,” they said softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed happily. “I love you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too, boyfriend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want a gender-neutral version of boyfriend to call you. ‘Significant other’ is so clunky.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They shifted to their side to better look at him. “I agree. How about...humanfriend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi snorted and Suga’s eyes crinkled with laughter. “Yeah, really romantic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could just replace the ‘boy’ with a term of endearment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm...dearfriend. Babyfriend--no, I take that back. Angelfriend. Heartfriend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait! I kinda like that one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Heartfriend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” Their face was a little embarrassed. “‘Cause it’s like, I’m your friend but you have my heart.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you have mine.” He planted a kiss on their forehead. “I think it’s cute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you’re cute. Also, you’re naked.” They glanced down, checking him out shamelessly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi looked down at himself in mock surprise. “Wow, no way. I’m so embarrassed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, it’s hot.” Suga trailed a finger down his chest. “I hope you know it’s going to be really hard to pry me away from your side now. I love finally being able to touch you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, ‘cause I feel the same way.” He reached around them to caress the small of their back. “Perks of being heartfriends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They kissed his cheek. “You’re my cutiefriend.” He chuckled, and for a while the two lay there, basking in the post-sex glow and gazing into each other’s eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Daichi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, my sweet Koushi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think we’re at the showering-together stage yet?” He frowned, trying to hold back a laugh as he recalled their conversation from earlier that morning. “I heard it saves water.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we do love the environment,” he conceded thoughtfully. “So I suppose it’s the least we could do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Heh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you smiling for?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so cute and gorgeous at the same time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi traced a finger from their ribs to their hip, taking in the feeling of their soft skin. “I guess all the time I spend around you is rubbing off on me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pfft.” Suga sat up slowly, stretching their arms above their head, and he admired the strong lines of their torso. “Alright, let’s get clean.” They helped pull him up and made the mistake of turning their back to him as they walked away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A cheerful </span>
  <em>
    <span>smack! </span>
  </em>
  <span>rang through the air and they turned to look at Daichi, eyebrows raised. “I’m sorry,” he explained, “your ass is just...so smackable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their lips twitched. “Alright, your turn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, no, now I’m scared. Don’t hit me too hard, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, my dear, your ass is really smackable. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>have </span>
  </em>
  <span>been waiting for this for a while--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ow!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For a guy with such nice muscles, you’re kind of a big baby--hey!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi got his revenge by carrying his heartfriend into the shower and using them as a shield from the cold water. After some shrieking and light wrestling, the shower got used for its intended purpose. The goal of getting clean, however, was soon overshadowed by the innovative game “use soap to rub down your significant other’s body seductively.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The water ended up running for forty minutes, but in retrospect both agreed it was a necessary luxury.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>the author is self-conscious about this chapter and would appreciate you commenting your feelings/reactions to it :') </p><p>I especially hope that any trans and/or nonbinary people who read this enjoyed it and are having a great day today &lt;3 thank you for being you</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. suga gives a piggyback ride</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cheers to 100k+ words :') thanks for sticking with me! and apologies for the slight delay on this chapter</p><p>you may have noticed that I bumped the chapter count from 22 to 24 :P as of now I'm planning for two more chapters of the fic (after this one, so 21 and 22) and then two chapters of epilogue/flash forward into the future</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Hey, I have a proposition.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga eyed Daichi with suspicion from the other end of the couch. “Did you finish outlining your speech?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, no, but--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I distracting you?” They were sitting against opposite arms of the couch, legs entangled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well. A little. But I just wanted to ask you something really quick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga relented. “What’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So for our date tonight,” Daichi said with a smile, relishing the feeling of the words. “I saw something on social media about there being live jazz music and dancing in Central Park on Monday evenings.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They raised their eyebrows. “And today is Monday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m surprised you aren’t traumatized from two nights ago when I made a move on you on the dance floor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grinned and rubbed his toes against their calf. “I think it was a mutual move. But maybe I want you to make one on me again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you hated dancing. Are you just trying to appease me?” Suga asked, leaning their head against the side of the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could never hate dancing with such an amazing teacher.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re an absolutely shameless flatterer, aren’t you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi shrugged, the picture of innocence. “Is that a yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you finish your speech, yes.” They sat up and leaned in, pressing a kiss to his lips that was enthusiastically welcomed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mixed messages,” he breathed against their lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga kissed him again before pulling away. “You’re just very kissable.” The two went back to their own work, Suga reading a book while Daichi typed. They took turns sneaking fond glances at each other, enjoying the relaxed afternoon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All was going smoothly. Daichi finished his talk for the college students and they’d shared an afternoon snack of Goldfish and watermelon. They were on track to get to the event on time and stake out a space when Suga came out of their room in a short-sleeved button down shirt Daichi had never seen before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Is there a stain on this?” They glanced down to check. “Why are you looking at me like that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tried to explain. “It’s like, the dark gray really makes you pop, but then the thin light blue vertical stripes are all fashion, and then it’s tight? And you--your neck, and your...arms,” he trailed off, looking at their unbuttoned collar and cuffed sleeves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Uh, thank you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi’s hands cupped Suga’s hips and guided them back against the hallway wall. Their hazel eyes widened with surprise. But as he kissed them, they leaned into his body, wrapping their arms around his neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them still stood a chance of getting out of the house on time until Suga let out a little sigh of pleasure. Daichi pressed his thigh between their legs and they pulled him closer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn, I really wanted to go to this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be fine,” Daichi assured them, pulling their shirt out from being tucked into their shorts. “We’ll just--be a little late.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little?” they grinned, grinding against his leg. “What exactly are your intentions with me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um...” he trailed off, head empty of everything except the sensation of them against him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dumb horny Daichi.” Suga laughed, cupping his face in their hands lovingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” His attempt at a pout was disrupted by his grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dumb, horny, and absolutely perfect.” They leaned their forehead against his. “I adore you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, now I’m horny </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> I feel like I’m about to cry,” he whispered, gazing into their eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga deliberately kissed his forehead, his cheekbones, his nose, and his chin. “You can if you need to. I just want to take care of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Twin tears did slide down his cheeks then and he blinked rapidly. The tender vulnerability contrasted with the tension and uncertainty during some of his intimate moments with Asahi. “Shit, sorry. I’m not even sad, I don’t know when I’m crying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never apologize for stuff like that when you’re with me.” They ran comforting fingers through the hair at the base of his neck. “I want to be with you no matter what you’re feeling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But why?” He laughed and sniffed. “What did I do to deserve you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re kind and sweet and good. You support me. You make me happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t look at me so skeptically.” Suga brushed their lips over his, and he melted into the gentle kiss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you be interested in taking this into the bedroom?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their thumbs brushed the tears from his cheeks. “My place or yours?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them emerged sated from Suga’s room an hour and a half later. “God, is it really that late?” Suga asked, shrugging their shirt back on. They stared at themself in the bathroom mirror, craning their neck to see how visible their hickies were.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have no idea how that happened. We were mostly just kissing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Until my fingers were up your ass.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I said mostly, didn’t I?” Daichi came up behind Suga and got on tiptoe to kiss the top of their head. After holding back for so long, yanking his heartfriend into the bedroom because they looked hot had been immensely satisfying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They smiled at him in the mirror, reaching backward to hold his hips. “We still going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Kay. I bet it won’t be too crowded.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This hope turned out to be wishful thinking. Pairs and groups were sitting on every inch of the low wall near the clearing, and people were spread out over the grass on blankets. Dancers swayed together up front near the band. The music and the dusk settling over the park made the atmosphere convivial rather than cramped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them agreed to sit and listen for a song, finding a patch of grass that appeared dry enough. Young children scampered around, groups of friends sat chatting together, and couples held hands. Daichi noticed two people who looked like they were on an awkward first date, and was about to point them out to Suga before remembering this was their first date too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The music,” Suga said, gazing at the band contentedly. He took in their handsome profile, glancing at the places on their neck where he’d left small bruises.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They are.” They both joined the audience in applauding the end of the song, and Suga turned to him expectantly. “Koushi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They fought a grin. “Yes, Daichi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He extended a hand. “May I have this dance?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” They weaved through the spectators together, Suga’s hand warm in his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a lot of people here,” Daichi commented. Standing up front made them more exposed than he anticipated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just focus on me,” Suga reassured him. It was funny, being instructed to do the very thing he’d been doing non-stop, and Daichi smiled as they placed their other hand on his waist. His hand settled on their shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unsurprisingly, Suga’s grace and coordination didn’t rub off of him. But they just laughed every time he bumped their feet together, doing their best to lead him. Dancing like this felt more intimate than whatever they’d done in the club that weekend. He lost himself in their hazel eyes, warmed by the happiness they radiated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They pulled apart to applaud the end of the song. “This is fun,” Suga said, smiling. “Thanks for taking me here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for tolerating my dancing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next song began and they fell back into their positions, holding each other comfortably. “I’m enjoying, not tolerating.” And their face was open, shamelessly happy, prompting Daichi to lean in. Their dancing devolved into gentle swaying as they kissed for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look so happy,” Suga commented once they broke apart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” He grinned. “I was just thinking that about you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am happy.” They looked at him with affection, raising their joined hands so Daichi could twirl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really love this,” he confessed. “Dancing with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right? I can see why in the olden days, people would have balls and stuff. ‘Cause dancing with someone you like is the best feeling in the world. I love being close to you. It feels like it’s just us, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” The audience, the other couples, the people responsible for the music had all faded away. There was only Suga--</span>
  <em>
    <span>Koushi</span>
  </em>
  <span>--lovely in the twilight. Their face was comforting and familiar. And yet, there was so much to learn. He could spend a lifetime memorizing the curl of their eyelashes, their faded acne scars. He wanted to witness every microexpression that flitted across their face, the subtle ways their nostrils flared and lips pursed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They cut off his train of thought by kissing him again, and his eyes closed out of surprise. “You looked like you wanted to kiss me,” they whispered, a teasing gleam in their eyes as they pulled away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I always want to kiss you,” he admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a relief, because same.” Suga squeezed his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The music ended after a handful more songs, and they were glad to call it a night. Crickets chirped as the two of them made their way out of the park.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ooh, an ice cream truck!” Suga pointed out. They bought themself a strawberry shortcake bar and got Daichi the Spiderman-shaped ice cream he’d jokingly picked out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh...my god.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Suga asked, snorting when they saw what he was looking at. “Wow. That’s Spiderman after a night out on the town. And like, three different kinds of substances.” Its eyes were lopsided, and the colors of its face were blurred.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Poor dude. You, on the other hand, chose the twinkiest flavor out there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For that, he received a chop to the ribs, but he could tell it was done lovingly because it was nowhere near full strength. “Hey, strawberry shortcake is good. Here, try.” Suga extended the frozen treat to him, but he bypassed their hand and went straight for their mouth, kissing them deeply. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right, it is good.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga stared for a second before shaking their head to bring themself back to reality. “You’re so annoying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You love me,” Daichi teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really do,” they sighed, feigning disappointment. “Hey cutie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Sup,” he replied, chewing on one of Spiderman’s gumball eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wanna come back to my place?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” he said suggestively. “You have any roommates?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One, but he’s pretty hot, so maybe he could join us.” Daichi snorted at this, glancing over at a grinning Suga.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lead the way, my dear.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On Thursday afternoon, they took the subway downtown together for Daichi’s talk to the NYU students. Their hands were casually interlaced, keeping Daichi grounded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Were the people at the clinic disappointed you weren’t coming in today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga laughed. “I’ve only been volunteering there for two days.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He bumped their shoulder with his. “Well, you’re very easy to get attached to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Speaking from personal experience?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re silly. Actually, she did seem a little disappointed. She really deserves a full-time assistant.” Suga was referring to the receptionist at the immigration legal aid clinic where they’d been helping out. Because the organization was small, the receptionist often ended up dealing with things that weren’t strictly in her job description. Having someone as competent as Suga there to keep her organized and answer the phone was a lifesaver. “But the work they do there is really cool. You can tell the lawyers are brilliant. And they said I could help with some of the intakes if I come consistently for a month.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s awesome. You’re so good at making people feel comfortable, I bet you’d be great at that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” Suga smiled, and Daichi was glad that they’d found something that interested them. “So did you and Keiji end up submitting the story?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Last night. I’m relieved, I feel like I’ve accomplished something, even if nothing comes of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. “Amazing! I’m so proud of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you. Couldn’t have done it without you.” Suga rolled their eyes. “No, really! You were the one who told me to stop trying to write a novel and encouraged me after reading the short stuff I wrote.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.” They squeezed his hand. “Well, I’m glad I helped. What were you working on so intently this morning, then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, that.” He blushed. “It’s embarrassing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, now you have to tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi was pretty sure he couldn’t keep a secret from Suga even if he tried. “Ah, it’s not much. Some poetry. The topic might be...related to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ohoho.” Their eyes gleamed with excitement. “And does your muse get to read any of this poetry?” The two of them stood, hands still joined, as the train decelerated toward Christopher Street station.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pfft. Maybe. If it ever becomes something I’m happy with. I haven’t written poetry since high school.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, Daichi. You’re so cute. You have no idea how cute you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t even do anything!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly.” Suga beamed at him as they got off the train. He followed their lead to the NYU humanities building.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it weird being back here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly, yeah.” They lowered their voice as they stepped inside. “I had a couple classes here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good memories?” They made a noncommittal sound and Daichi laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once the elevator doors slid shut, enclosing them in a brief moment of privacy, they turned to each other as if on cue. Suga breathed out a chuckle of laughter as they kissed, and Daichi pulled them even closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They pushed him away as the elevator dinged, cheeks pink. He made a complaining sound and they glared at him with mock-seriousness. “Someone has to preserve your professional reputation. Wait,” they said, as he reached for their hand. “Is this...do you want people to know you’re dating your assistant?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” They lingered there together at the end of the hallway. “Honestly, I haven’t even thought about it. I don’t really see why it has to be a secret.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, when we go to stuff like this, I want the focus to be on you and your work. I don’t want to distract from that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess.” Daichi frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s not make it obvious, but let’s not hide it either. At least for now, and we can talk more about it later?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” He squeezed their hand before releasing it, and they walked side by side to the room. A middle-aged woman with dark brown skin and box braids lingered outside, presumably waiting for them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr. Sawamura?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, yes,” he said, shaking her hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Dr. Alyssa Hynes, director of the summer undergraduate writing program. Thank you so much for coming today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’m Suga, we’ve been communicating via email.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga! Yes, it’s good to meet you in person.” She shook their hand too. “The students are finishing up their independent writing session, and we’re ready for you whenever. You’re welcome to sit at the table with them, or stand at the front of the room. And Suga, you can sit with me at the back. Can I get you anything before you start? Do you need a moment?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked toward Suga, who gave him a reassuring smile. “I’m good, thank you. There are twenty students, right? Would it be alright if we do introductions before I start talking?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, that’d be great.” Dr. Hynes led the way into the room. “Alright everyone, go ahead and get your final thoughts down. As we discussed earlier, Mr. Sawamura will be giving today’s afternoon lecture. I’m excited to hear what he has to share with us and I know you all are too.” Students closed their laptops and shut their notebooks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, everyone,” he said, glancing around the large table as he sat in the empty chair at the head. Students murmured “hi”s and nodded in his direction. “I’m Daichi Sawamura, and I’m glad to be here with you all today. I thought we could all introduce ourselves with our names, pronouns if you’re comfortable, our hometowns, and something we enjoy writing. I’m Daichi, I use he/him pronouns, I’m from Miyagi, Japan, and I enjoy writing magical realism.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The students followed suit, with varying levels of confidence. Out of their group, there were several trans people, people from all over the U.S. and a couple of international students, and a broad range of writing interests, from investigative journalism to romantic relationships. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for humoring me; it’s always nice to know a little bit about who I’m talking to. I was in college not so long ago, and I don’t want this session to feel too formal. I’ve prepared a short talk on my journey as an author and my approach to writing, but I’d like to leave plenty of time for questions and discussion at the end.” He glanced up to see Suga smiling at him from their place next to Dr. Hynes. Seeing them reminded him to take a deep breath and relax.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I was a little kid, I actually hated writing in school. It was really difficult for me. Even in high school, essays took me a long time to write. But I always enjoyed making up stories. I loved being able to control everything that happened, especially creating things that couldn’t happen in my own world. Looking back, I think being a queer, closeted kid had a lot to do with how much I needed to write. It was an outlet for all of the parts of myself that felt different, that were at odds with the athletic, confident personality I put on at school.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I decided to study creative writing at my local community college, and I had professors who encouraged me to write the novel I’d sort of been turning over in my head for a year or two. I won a couple awards for some shorter pieces, so when I finally finished </span>
  <em>
    <span>Apartment 43</span>
  </em>
  <span> I decided to try to get it published, not expecting much to come of it. The rest is sort of history. I ended up leaving college after my second year to work with my editor on getting it ready, and then did a lot of promoting it the following year, which was interesting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After that brief overview, he spoke more in detail about his writing process, highlighting the importance of writing content that genuinely excites you and saving self-criticism for the editing stage. “I think young authors who come from underrepresented backgrounds can feel self-conscious, like they need to emulate a certain style or write about certain topics. But sometimes the work that is most needed is work that hasn’t been written yet. You have a unique perspective that will deeply resonate with the right people. But first and foremost, write for yourself. Write the kind of work that you want to read.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And...I think that’s mostly it. I’m happy to answer all of your questions.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At first, the questions were more professional, tentatively asked by the more confident students. One wanted to know how he made his characters feel so real; another inquired about how much suffering was too much to put a character through. After he offered his opinions on those topics, the group seemed to relax some, venturing forth slightly more personal questions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr. Sawamura, do you ever feel insecure about your work when you’re writing? Does that self-critical voice ever go away? I feel like that’s something I struggle with a lot.” The girl who asked the question had circular glasses and short, close-cropped dark hair; Daichi couldn’t remember her name but recalled that she was interested in writing science fiction with Latinx heroes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a great question.” He met Suga’s eyes. When he saw that they were grinning at him, he couldn’t help but smile back. “I’m smiling because this question is very relevant to me, actually. My personal assistant knows this all too well. Self-criticism is something I still deal with. Something that’s helped is having supportive people read my early drafts--not to edit it, just to see if they find it enjoyable. If someone close to me likes what I’m writing, it gives me the motivation to keep going with a story even when I feel insecure. It’s also a great idea to hold on to the positive feedback you get. I have a physical folder with work that professors left nice comments on. I’ve printed off emails and internet reviews that really motivated me and I put them in the folder too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded her thanks and smiled, and Daichi took the next question. “Yeah, you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to,” the athletic-looking white guy with bleach-blond hair said, “but, uh...were you worried about getting homophobic backlash when you published your novel? It seems to me like it was pretty brave, especially ‘cause I know gay marriage isn’t legal in Japan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi nodded. “If I’m honest, I wasn’t so concerned about backlash from random people. Especially when I met with my editor and she was supportive of the queer themes. The support from her and the publishing house meant that this was a novel that deserved to be taken seriously even though it wasn’t heteronormative. What I was more worried about, actually, were the reactions from friends and family. And it was a mixed bag. Some people were great, others weren’t. That was the unfortunate reality. But now, with hindsight, I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m so glad I wrote and published the book, controversial parts included, even if it made some of my loved ones unhappy. When you’re dealing with unsupportive people, it’s important to lean on the friends, mentors, and family who affirm your truest self.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Several people around the table looked thoughtful, and Suga proudly looked on from the back of the room. Daichi was feeling great about all of the wise advice he was dispensing until a student asked him for tips on finding a literary agent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would say, do your research, and don’t be so eager for representation that you agree to anyone. Listen to your gut. And don’t be afraid to ask them lots of questions. It’s not worth being with an agent who won’t support your career goals completely.” His mind flashed to his mom’s consistently angry text messages and the short story submission he had yet to tell her about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, this is not a super deep question, but I was wondering if you manage your own social media accounts, and if it’s ever stressful to maintain your online presence? I was looking you up on Twitter before this, and you’re really popular!” The girl who asked the question was as tiny and cute as Yachi. Daichi inwardly groaned, wondering if anything else about him had gone viral recently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes I post, sometimes my agent does. Honestly, I have no interest in any sort of internet fame, so I was slightly dismayed when my assistant told me a quote of mine went viral--I see some people grinning, oh god.” He chuckled. “The whole thing baffles me, honestly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“People on the internet think you’re cool, Mr. Sawamura. You’re a gay icon,” the girl with round glasses piped up. Several other of the more alternative-looking kids in the room nodded approvingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t on purpose, I promise,” Daichi said, only half-joking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We probably have time for one more question,” Dr. Hynes jumped in. “Anyone who hasn’t asked yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A nonbinary student with a fluffy afro half-raised their hand to get his attention. “Um, yeah, I just wanted to say I loved </span>
  <em>
    <span>Apartment 43. </span>
  </em>
  <span>And I’ve read your interviews and statements saying you don’t have a sequel planned. So I was wondering if you’re working on something now? And if coming to New York was part of that creative process.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes and yes. I’ve been working on a handful of small side projects. No new novel yet, sorry. But being here has been very inspiring. The change of scenery has helped my writing, and I’ve met some great people.” He glanced up at Suga again, smiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, thank you very much, Mr. Sawamura, for being so generous with your time,” Dr. Hynes said, rising from her seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you all for having me, this was fun.” He smiled at the students around the table as they said scattered “thank you”s and “bye”s. Dr. Hynes shook his and Suga’s hands again, and then the two of them were back in the privacy of the elevator.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi let out his customary post-event groan and collapsed in his heartfriend’s arms. “Daichi, my love,” they crooned, holding him and pepping his hair with kisses. “Amazing, eloquent, inspirational.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m never talking to anyone again,” he groaned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to,” Suga said soothingly. They humored him by letting him lean on them as they walked from the elevator to the exit. Once on the sidewalk, they gently shifted to try to dislodge him. “Want to walk now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Piggyback ride,” he said smugly, eyes screwed shut and continuing to cling to them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi’s eyes snapped open. “Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just to the subway. Here, get on.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure I won’t crush you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re practically the same height, and I’m strong. C’mon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he jumped onto their back, causing them both to sway precariously. Suga let out an </span>
  <em>
    <span>oof </span>
  </em>
  <span>and readjusted, hooking their arms firmly under his legs. “Alright, enjoy this while it lasts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I already am.” He pressed a kiss to their temple and draped his arms over their shoulders. No one so much as spared them a second glance as they walked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought the kids were cute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So did I,” Daichi agreed. “Everyone treats me like I’m this important person with all this stuff to do. But really I would have hung out with them all afternoon while they talked to me about their writing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you’re a natural at that kind of stuff. Mentorship. The captain side of you really jumps out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, in the best way. It’s nice seeing you in your element.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm, thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And very smooth, the way you subtly mentioned how your assistant reads some of your rough drafts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Did you like how I stopped myself from saying it’s really reassuring to have someone I have a giant crush on tell me my work is good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did,” they chuckled. “But seriously, it’s up to you to decide who you want to know about us. I just thought we should talk about it first. And that you should maybe tell your mom before you go public with it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, I was just thinking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About?” They shifted him up on their back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, one of the students asked that thing about agents.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah. I wondered what was going through your head then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I mean, all the stuff about how it should be someone who’ll make sense for your career. I don’t know, it’s like I’m practically still in the closet with her. Me being gay is something she’s willing to overlook. But for my professional career and my personal life, it’s an important part of who I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely. I know it’s easier said than done, but I think any drama with her would be worth having the career you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right. I’m just worried about the twins. They won’t be legal adults for seven more years. I don’t know what I’d do if she stopped me from seeing them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They reached the station and Suga stopped walking. “Can I let you down?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They dropped him and straightened their back, stretching. “I have faith that you’ll figure out a way to talk to them and continue to have a relationship with them.” Their face was calm and reassuring as the two of them descended the stairs. “And soon they’ll be old enough to have phones of their own. I know it’s scary not knowing exactly what’ll happen with them, but I think no matter what happens, you’ll be able to make it work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.” He reached around their waist to pull them closer. “You really think I should fire her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, absolutely.” Suga stopped to load more money onto their MetroCard, continuing to talk as they did so. “It’s an investment in your future. And I’ll be right there with you, holding your hand as you do it if you want. I do think you should talk to Kiyoko about it first, though. Maybe even have a replacement lined up before you tell your mom.” They threw their wallet back into their bag and Daichi followed them through the turnstiles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I’ll text Kiyoko now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. You’re right. I’ve known I needed to do this for a while.” He kissed their cheek. “Thank you for talking through it with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Course. I’m proud of you. For that, and for doing a great job with the students. And for being you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so nice to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I--” Their train rumbled to a stop in front of them, drowning out their words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They boarded and sat next to each other before Suga answered. “I said,” they murmured in his ear, “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” He nodded, then his eyes widened. “Oh!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dumbass,” they laughed lovingly. “We’ve said it before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, yeah, but you just--so casually--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga squeezed his hand in theirs and leaned their head on his shoulder. “I love you, Daichi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glanced up at their reflection in the dark window opposite them. The two of them looked like a couple, and his heart thrilled realizing that it was really Suga, leaning there so comfortably against him. “I love you too, Koushi.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>anyone else cry when people are tender with them? Just me and Daichi? ok </p><p>I hope you enjoyed the fluff, I'm not used to writing it! If you're missing the squad--don't worry, they will be back next chapter :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. daichi eavesdrops</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey all! not a whole lot happened in the previous chapter but somehow so much goes down in this one? I'm fairly proud of it and I think it's pretty entertaining so I hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Today, 6:47 pm</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Koutarou: </b>
  <span>[img attached]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>we r all so excited !!!!!!!!!!!!!! waiting for the main event!!!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Koushi &lt;3: </b>
  <span>[img attached]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>the main event says “i cant believe theyre actually here”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tooru: </b>
  <span>DAICHI AWW</span>
</p><p>
  <span>he’s so handsome</span>
</p><p>
  <span>stan twitter is going to freak</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Koutarou’s slightly blurry selfie showed the spiky-haired man pressed against Keiji and beaming. Tetsurou leaned into Keiji’s other side with a smirk, Tooru’s arm thrown around his shoulders. Tooru flashed a peace sign with his other hand, obscuring part of Hajime’s face. The five of them sat in a row of folding chairs, waiting in the main room of the independent bookstore. In just over ten minutes, Daichi would come out and read from his book before signing autographs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had been Suga’s idea to have their friends come to his penultimate book event. The final book signing would be at the Strand, a well-known bookstore where attendance was expected to be much larger. Already, though, he and Suga could hear the mumblings of a bigger-than-expected crowd from where they waited in the tiny employee break room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to be able to look at them while I talk,” Daichi sighed, imagining how his friends’ eyes would excitedly bore into him. His hands kneaded Suga’s shoulders as the two sat together on the grungy couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga chuckled. “Yeah, that’s probably safest. You feeling okay about it otherwise?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm. Haven’t had much time to worry about it, with everything else going on.” He had officially fired his mother two days ago, and he’d had to mute her contact so her notifications wouldn’t constantly flood his phone. Suga had held him after it had happened and he was too shaky to speak. Their solid body made him feel safe, like her rage couldn’t touch him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The situation was slowly getting easier to think about, less terrifying. It helped that Suga was always so close, warm and familiar when he’d give them impromptu hugs from behind or trail fingers over their forearm. And on the logical front, it helped to know that Kiyoko, one of the wisest people he knew, supported him fully. She’d found and vetted three potential agents that he’d interviewed over video chat. The man he’d hired, Takeda Ittetsu, had a baby face and a kind smile. He was straightforward and genuine, but also had a tough, steely side when it came to advocating for his clients, specifically around LGBT issues. Daichi suspected Takeda himself was queer, which was a relief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d told the group chat about the whole thing, and Hajime had suggested that they all go out to dinner after Daichi’s book signing to celebrate his getting a new agent. It was a nice excuse to spend time with everyone. They hadn’t all been together since Tooru’s birthday party, but he and Suga had treated Tooru and Hajime to a double date earlier that week as thanks for helping them get together as a couple. The night had quickly turned into each person exposing how their best friend had gay panicked over their partner before getting together. Tooru gleefully shared that Suga would text him covert pictures of Daichi being “annoyingly hot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Suga admitted, “but at least I’m not the one who challenged Hajime to a volleyball game in front of a bunch of children.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See, I told you that was his stupid attempt at flirting,” Daichi told Hajime, while Suga snorted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Suga also brought you up once while we were--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“TOORU! No!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whaaat?” Tooru teased. Daichi and Hajime traded glances.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, I’m curious now,” Hajime said. Suga buried their head in their hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re normally so shameless,” Daichi mused, rubbing his heartfriend’s shoulder. “It must be pretty embarrassing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, it is,” Tooru said smugly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can tell them if Daichi and Hajime both tell us one thing the other person said or did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two bros looked at each other. “I don’t think I have anything that bad,” Daichi admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, you were mostly just kinda sad and very respectfully pining. Like ‘I know they don’t want a relationship, so I’d never say anything, but I just adore everything about them.’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My voice does not sound like that!” Tooru and Suga laughed. “Alright, well, the funniest thing Hajime did when he’d talk about Tooru was just be angry that he liked him. Like, ‘god this guy is such an asshole. But he’s so hot. Fuck him.’ And then I’d have to be like, ‘yeah totally, he’s the worst.’” Suga snorted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Iwa-chan,” Tooru said delightedly, perching his chin on Hajime’s shoulder, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> thought I was </span>
  <em>
    <span>hot</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Idiot, of course I did. That was like, the whole point.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, you just wanted me for my sexy, sexy body. Until you became completely enchanted with everything about me,” Tooru added matter-of-factly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keep telling yourself that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly, I was pretty impressed with how you just went after him that night of the talent show,” Daichi said. “I mean, I don’t think you breathed once while Tooru was on stage. Then five minutes later you were dancing together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime nodded, half-grinning with the memory. “Yeah, that was the moment I decided I was so attracted to him that it didn’t matter what stupid shit came out of his mouth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m hurt and flattered,” Tooru sighed. “Meanwhile, Suga was annoying me backstage, asking every two seconds if I thought Daichi had been watching their performance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, we’ve talked about that night,” Suga said, glancing at their boyfriend meaningfully. They were referring to a few days prior while the two of them were fucking. It came to light how much they’d wanted each other the night of the talent show, and things had gotten a little...intense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway!” Tooru said cheerfully. “In June before Iwa-chan and I were official, Suga and I were having sex--” the other three at the table made embarrassed noises, and Tooru continued, unphased, “and Suga was on top of me, casual, whatever--and </span>
  <em>
    <span>then</span>
  </em>
  <span>, they just stop out nowhere. And they start telling me about how this one time, Daichi got drunk, and couldn’t stop talking about how much he wanted to be fucked--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus, Suga,” Daichi muttered, mortified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were never supposed to know!” Suga wailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If it helps, they started talking about it because they were horny and turned on by it. They were all, ‘isn’t that hot? I feel like he’d be so good in bed, don’t you?’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, cheers, Suga. Don’t let your dreams stay dreams,” Hajime said, causing everyone to snort with laughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y’know, Tooru, there are less roundabout ways to ask another couple if they want to have a four-way,” Daichi added, mostly joking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru went pink. “I mean, I wouldn’t say </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all looked at each other awkwardly. “Well, we can talk about it once Daichi and I have been together for more than two weeks,” Suga said lightly, breaking the tension.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Back in the present, on the couch in the back room of the bookstore, Suga was calling his name. “Daichi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, was just spacing out. Thinking about dinner with Hajime and Tooru.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god.” Suga laughed. “Can you massage in between my shoulder blades?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” They were a little tense from overdoing it at dance the other day, and Daichi found it soothing to help work knots out of their strong muscles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The manager of the bookstore chose that moment to barge in with a five-minute warning. “Oh, Mr. Sawamura! I’m sorry--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s alright.” The two of them weren’t doing anything lewd, but massaging his personal assistant was, he supposed, less than professional.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She led them to the screen set up behind the podium and, thankfully, left them alone. Suga pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. “Hey. I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A knot in his stomach loosened. “I love you too. Thank you for this, for everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s my pleasure.” They smiled and squeezed his hands, then kissed their backs. “You’re going to kill it. And then we’re all going to go out and have a good time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I’ll see you out there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be there.” They left one last kiss on his cheek, and then he was alone, fidgeting and listening to the large crowd. Feeling Suga’s absence. He was alright without them right by his side. It wasn’t as though being alone was bad. Suga just had this--shininess to them. A sparkly brightness to their personality that made even mundane moments feel special. Things felt duller when they left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi went through the motions of his public appearance like always: listening to the introduction until it was time to step on stage, then getting to the podium and looking at the audience. There was the distinctive line of five eager early-twenties men who were grinning at him, and there was Suga, constant as ever, lingering on the side of the chairs. He was so grateful for them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He thanked everyone and read his passage, as charismatic and captivating as ever. Their eyes weighed on him as he breathed life into words that many of them were intimately familiar with. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Back straight, shoulders down</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The applause was loud when he finished. As employees directed patrons to form a line, Suga placed a hand on his shoulder under the guise of showing him to his seat at the signing table. He smiled a thank-you to them and settled in for a couple hours of being Daichi Sawamura, famous author.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Signing his friends’ books was a brief, fun reprieve. The five of them waited good-naturedly afterward, lingering to browse the shelves. Daichi kept half an eye on their antics as he greeted people and signed books. At one point, he looked over to see Tetsurou standing frozen and staring at the book signing table. Before he could figure out why, he became aware of the next person in line hovering in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, sorry, I was just distracted by my friend,” Daichi apologized, gesturing at Tetsurou. “Thank you for coming. Who should I make it out to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s for my friend, actually. His name is Shouhei Fukunaga.” The man replied, but kept his gaze directed off to the side, where Tetsurou was. His faint accent identified him as a fellow native Japanese speaker.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you like it written in English?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, sure. Whatever’s easier.” The man’s hands were buried in the pocket of his black sweatshirt. He made being comfortable look stylish, with a handful of piercings on his ears and black shoulder-length hair that was blonde at the ends. As Daichi signed the first page of the book, he wondered how old the guy was--he had a bit of a baby face, but looked tired and hunched at the same time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here you go.” Daichi tried to hand the book back, but the man didn’t take it, still staring over where Daichi’s friends were gathered. “I’m sorry, are they bothering you? I can ask them to step outside.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. That’s okay,” the dyed-hair guy said slowly, turning back to him. “I thought I saw someone I recognized. Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The exchange was strange but soon forgotten due to all of the fans Daichi spoke to in quick succession. When the store had mostly cleared out thirty minutes later, though, he looked up to see dyed-hair guy lingering near the exit, talking to Tetsurou.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know him?” he asked Suga after signing the last fan’s book.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t. No one does,” Suga said, voice lowered conspiratorially. Their hand rubbed the small of Daichi’s back casually as the two of them stood by the table, grateful for a brief moment alone. “Koutarou and Tooru are dying to go over and be nosy. Thankfully, Keiji and Hajime have them on short leashes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi snorted and pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the time. “Are we still good to make the reservation?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but we should leave soonish. I don’t want to interrupt them, though. It’s weird, their body language is awkward, but it looks like they don’t want to stop talking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right.” Suga leaned against him and he put an arm around their shoulders. “We could invite him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To dinner?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, why not? If they have room for a party of seven it shouldn’t be hard to add an eighth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure? It’s supposed to be your celebration thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, the more the merrier. That’s the saying, isn’t it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga smiled. “It is. Well, if you’re sure. Let’s collect everyone else, and we can say goodbye to our hosts on the way out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other four were excited about the prospect of having dinner with Tetsurou’s mystery man. “He’s cute,” Koutarou exclaimed un-subtly, earning himself a pinch from Suga and a hissed warning to be quiet. Daichi and Suga took a moment to thank the manager and owner of the bookstore for having them before reconvening with the others at the exit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The stranger was glancing around at their large group, eyes wide. “Well, don’t pressure Kenma into coming, we’re a big group and he might not want to,” Tetsurou reprimanded Koutarou.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can speak for myself, Kuro,” the guy </span>
  <em>
    <span>(Kenma?)</span>
  </em>
  <span> sighed, a mix of frustrated and fond. He glanced at Daichi. “If Sawamura’s alright with it, sure, I’d like to come.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, call me Daichi. And yeah, it’d be great to meet one of Tetsurou’s...friends?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenma and I were best friends in Tokyo before I moved to the States!” Tetsurou jumped in. “We lost contact then. So I haven’t seen him since I was ten and he was nine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenma nodded. “I’m Kenma Kozume,” he told Daichi and Suga.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Koushi Sugawara, but everyone calls me Suga.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’m--well,” Daichi said sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know who you are,” Kenma said with a small grin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As much as I would love to stand here and interrogate Kenma all night, we do have a reservation to get to,” Tooru jumped in. “Shall we?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Indian restaurant was just a short walk away through the humid night air. True to form, Tooru had the waitress swooning and happy to accommodate him after speaking two sentences to her. So the eighth place was set, and they all took their places around the round table. Ice clinked as the waitress poured water into everyone’s cups. Suga had the foresight to make everyone decide on what they were getting before they launched into conversation. They and Daichi ordered a meal-for-two combo special together, which struck him as incredibly romantic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aw, Daichi, you’re so cute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop,” he half-heartedly complained. “I don’t know, it’s just nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you’re right, it is.” They smiled at him and squeezed his thigh under the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, you two are revolting,” Tetsurou joked cheerfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait.” Kenma glanced around the table. To his left, Keiji was convincing a pouting Koutarou that no, they shouldn’t order the couples special because both of their favorite dishes came separately. To his right, Tooru was teasing Hajime about something. The latter was rolling his eyes, but the two of them were still holding hands on top of the table. “Is everyone here dating?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all looked at each other. “Somehow, yes,” Keiji said, speaking for the three couples.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Owch, Kuro,” Kenma snorted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve chosen the bachelor lifestyle, thank you very much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keep telling yourself that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve gotten meaner in my absence, Kenma!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>like </span>
  </em>
  <span>him,” Tooru grinned, appreciative of anyone who’d take up the mantle of bullying his ex-roommate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So wait, we need to go back for a second,” Suga interjected. “You said the two of you were best friends growing up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it was only a couple of years,” Kenma clarified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I think I moved to the neighborhood when I was eight?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whoa, so you must have gotten super close,” Koutarou said thoughtfully. “If you only knew each other for two years.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was mostly because we were both losers,” Kenma replied drily, making everyone laugh. “Part of the reason I didn’t think it was really you in the bookstore was because you had friends around you. The hair is the same, though. Like, exactly the same.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hard to imagine that much hair on a child,” Daichi mused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did you recognize Kenma, Tetsurou?” Keiji asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, I don’t really know, to be honest. I just knew. Your eyes are pretty distinctive.” Kenma shrugged noncommittally.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you’re a fan of Daichi’s, Kenma?” Hajime said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh,” Kenma replied, glancing at Daichi, “respectfully, no, not really. I haven’t gotten around to reading your book, but I’ve heard it’s good. I wouldn’t have come at all tonight, but my friend Fukunaga is a huge fan and he couldn’t get off work to come, so I went instead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn, it’s super lucky the two of you met there! Like, what are the odds!” Koutarou exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So do you live here full-time?” Tooru questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenma laughed. “Hell no. I couldn’t stand it. I’m just here on an internship. It started in January, and I’ll be going home in a couple of weeks.” Upon being prompted, he explained more of the work he was doing with video game design. Daichi barely knew Kenma, but he could already tell that the reality of his job was likely way more cool and interesting than he made it out to be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you sound excited to go home,” Daichi said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I mean, you get it. It’s so dirty and chaotic and expensive here. No offense. I much prefer Tokyo. I miss combini food.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed. “That’s true.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you moved here permanently?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no. Just for the summer. So I’ll be going home in--what, a month?” he asked, turning to Suga.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They nodded. “A little more than that.” Their voice was flat, and there was an awkward beat before waiters bearing trays of steaming food descended on their table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I propose a toast,” Keiji said to Daichi, once everyone had their meal. “To firing your mom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone laughed and the tension was broken. They raised their glasses together. As everyone dug in to the aromatic food, Daichi recounted the dramatic phone call with his mom, highlighting the humor of it rather than the trauma it inflicted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it was great. She also gave you all a shoutout. Talked about the degenerate American homosexuals who are corrupting my mind and causing me to lose touch with my values.” He watched Kenma laugh with an ease that no well-meaning straight person should possess, and felt pleased that Tetsurou’s friend was also one of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The dishes he and Suga shared were a delicious mix of creamy, spicy, and fried. As they enjoyed, everyone gave updates on their weeks. Hajime recounted a bear sighting that he and Tooru had when they went camping the week before. In the middle of Keiji talking about the latest microaggression his boss had committed, Suga excused themself from the table. Daichi didn’t think anything of it until their waitress came to ask them for their dessert order and they still weren’t back. Tooru was gone too, he realized. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They probably started talking in the bathroom,” Hajime said, rolling his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go get them,” Daichi offered. He had a strange feeling about the situation. He trusted Suga and didn’t think that he and Tooru were doing anything questionable. And yet, they’d been gone for a while….</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was about to walk into the mens bathroom when he heard his own name mentioned on the other side of the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...haven’t been together long enough to ask.” Suga’s muffled voice said. “It’s been less than two weeks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tooru huffed, exasperated. “You don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>look</span>
  </em>
  <span> like a couple that’s only been together for that long.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean. It feels like longer too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And it’s clearly bothering you, so--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was it that obvious?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh, kind of, but they can all be pretty oblivious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Suga sighed. “Thanks for checking on me. We should probably go back out there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will you talk to him about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi heard footsteps from the other side of the door and panicked, pushing it open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah!” The door ran into something solid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh shit, sorry,” he exclaimed, stepping back to let Tooru and Suga out. “I was just coming to look for you two. The waitress wanted to know if you wanted dessert.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.” Tooru eyed him for a moment before turning and leading the way back to the table. “I wonder if they have sorbet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry for taking so long,” Suga apologized to Daichi. “We got caught up talking about something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No worries.” But he was, in fact, worried. Suga was upset about something, and it seemed to be related to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Had it really only been two weeks since they’d gotten together? Last weekend they’d had copious amounts of sex on Saturday and gone to see an outdoor movie together on Sunday. Then the Thursday before that weekend had been the NYU kids, and yes, the weekend before that had been Tooru’s birthday meetup. Being with Suga felt so natural that it was easy to forget how recently they’d been tiptoeing around each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the evening seemed normal, but it was difficult for Daichi to relax completely. The friends finished their meal with some excellent mango sorbet, to Tooru’s delight, and said their goodbyes outside the train station. Everyone congratulated Daichi again on a great event and his new agent. They also made Kenma promise to hang out with them again sometime, and received a noncommittal shrug in return that seemed a little bit fond. On the ride home, Daichi wrapped an arm around Suga’s waist, looking for reassurance. They leaned into him, their familiar weight a comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them were home for all of five minutes before Daichi cracked. “Hey, is everything okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm? Why do you ask?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You seemed--a little off, maybe? I just wanted to check in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” They sighed. “Yeah. I’m sorry. Could we sit and talk about it for a minute, maybe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” The two of them settled in on their couch together; Daichi felt a rush of worry as he remembered their tense last talk about their relationship. “I’m kind of anxious,” he admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be, you didn’t do anything wrong.” They took this hand and met his eyes. “I’ve just been wondering...what happens at the end of the summer?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah.” So it was this conversation. He’d been hoping to put it off a little longer. “I’ve been trying not to think about it, honestly.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I get that. And we don’t have to talk about it now. We should just make a plan for when we’re going to.” He nodded. “I was thinking separately that it might be nice to take a little trip together? Like a weekend away? And maybe we could plan to talk about it while we’re there. Work everything out while we’re spending some quality time in a beautiful place together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, that’d be great.” He squeezed their hand. “Did you have somewhere in mind?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They spent the next hour cuddled up together and scrolling through AirBnBs on Suga’s laptop. After a quick text to their aunts to confirm that they could borrow their car for a weekend, Suga proposed going to the Catskill Mountains. “It’s less than three hours drive,” Suga explained happily, showing Daichi on Google Maps. “And it’s supposed to be really beautiful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They decided to splurge a little and rent a cabin instead of just a room. “These are all so cute,” Daichi said. “Are they available this coming weekend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me filter for those dates...wait, is it really going to be August 1st through 3rd?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Today’s the 25th, so yeah. Shit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga pressed a warm hand between his shoulder blades, a silent assurance that everything would be alright even though the summer was slipping away. “What about this one? Look, it has a hot tub.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, fuck yeah. Here, put it on my card.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Five minutes later, they were booked. “Ashley, your host, will be emailing you the check-in details,” Daichi read off the screen. “Perfect.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga shut the laptop and climbed into his lap. He wrapped his arms around them gratefully, inhaling their fresh, herbal scent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘M excited for next weekend,” they sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He planted a kiss on the top of their head. “Me too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The cabin was even more picturesque in person. Daichi was especially glad to see it at last, given some of Suga’s...habits behind the wheel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re not in any rush, babe,” he’d tried hinting, surreptitiously searching “what is 90 miles per hour in kilometers per hour” on his phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I want to get there sooner, don’t you?” Suga said brightly, merging sharply in front of another car. 100 gecs blared from the speakers of their aunts’ aged Subaru.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, but I also want to get there in one piece.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They laughed. “You’re silly, Daichi. I’m a great driver, so don’t worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And to Suga’s credit, the Subaru pulled into the long driveway fully intact and a full fifteen minutes earlier than predicted. It didn’t take long to explore the small cabin--the kitchen and lounge were in the same main room, then there was a bathroom and--</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A bedroom with one bed.” Suga grinned and slid their backpack off their shoulders. “It’s so romantic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We sleep in the same bed at home every night,” Daichi said amusedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But we choose whether it’ll be your room or mine. This one’s just ours,” they explained, flopping down onto it with a pleased sigh. Daichi’s heart clenched. He loved hearing the word “ours” come out of their mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a late lunch, the two of them weren’t hungry yet and decided to explore instead of making dinner. Instructions from their host led them up the road they drove in on and to a well-marked trail. Daichi’s legs appreciated the stretch after hours in the car. The air was fresh, cooler than it was in the city, and they walked side by side under a canopy of green leaves. They passed other people on the trail, families and couples who were enjoying the early evening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thirty minutes later, they’d reached an overlook with a striking view of trees as far as the eye could see. They sat next to each other on a warm, flat stone, enjoying the water they’d brought with them and snacking on some granola bars.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I bet the sunset will look really pretty from here,” Suga said, wiping sweat off their upper lip. They were relaxed and beautiful in the golden light. There was no one Daichi would rather be next to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His hand gently turned their face toward his. Their eyes were loving as they glanced from his lips to his eyes, and they closed the distance between them. The gentle kiss made Daichi feel like everything was right with the world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is so perfect,” Suga sighed, resting a hand on his thigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was. And the perfection of the moment made it impossible not to be honest about the strength of his feelings. “Koushi. I don’t want this to end.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga frowned a little and pulled back. “What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean that I don’t want to be without you.” He exhaled, trying to stay reasonable and articulate. Telling them like this hadn’t been the plan. “I understand if you don’t feel the same way, and I know this is fast, but when August is over I don’t want us to separate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you’re leaving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “Who says?” Suga’s frown deepened. “Don’t look at me like that. I don’t want to leave you. I’d stay here in order to make that happen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t leave everything behind in Tokyo in order to be with me,” they said dismissively.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because--because we haven’t even been dating for a month yet!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to break up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their hand reached for his instinctively. “No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga sighed. “I don’t know. I keep trying to be logical and remind myself how short this whole thing has been. But we’ve been living together for two months, and that has to count for something, right? I don’t want to break up. Like, I really, really don’t. I just have a feeling about this. That you and I could be something really good. So I...I want to try. Give this our best shot and see where this goes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi nodded emphatically, stroking the back of their hand with his thumb. “I feel the same way. Like we can’t let something this good go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” They shifted. “Do you want to stay in New York?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would if you were here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But if I weren’t here, would you want to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “Not really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How would you feel about me coming with you back to Japan?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stared at them. “I can’t ask you to do that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not asking,” Suga pointed out. “I’m offering. I’ve always wanted to go. I don’t have a job lined up here, or anything I need to be in the U.S. for.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Except for your friends and aunts and cousin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They grinned. “I can make friends in Tokyo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, yeah, but--what would you do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their face took on a more serious expression. “I’ve been thinking about it. I could get a job teaching English, and maybe also find a minimum wage job somewhere else to supplement that. I would love to work in a dance studio, but it’s less likely a place like that would be hiring. And I could also keep volunteering at some sort of social justice organization. And...I haven’t told anyone about this. But I’ve been thinking about going to law school, so I could also use my time in Tokyo to study for entrance exams.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve really thought about this. Wow, law school?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, yeah. I don’t know, it started off as daydreaming about following you back to Tokyo and it kind of turned into real planning. And I’m interested in civil rights law. I’ve been talking with some of the lawyers at the legal clinic, and I could focus specifically on LGBT issues. How cool would that be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’d be amazing at that.” They really would be--they were logical and strategic, as well as undeniably charismatic and a good communicator.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks. It’s been the first career thing I can really see myself doing. But, yeah. What do you think about all of that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He reflected for a moment. “I want us to stay together, and I don’t want to do long distance. So if you genuinely want to come to Tokyo, I would love that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do,” they assured him. “But I’m definitely not ready to commit to being there forever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, of course not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was thinking a year, and then reevaluating after that. And, of course, it’ll depend on if we’re still together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right.” He looked at them. “I think we will be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi! You can’t just say that.” They swatted his shoulder but couldn’t keep a smile off their face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just intuition.” He smiled back. “Wait, so you’re really serious about this? Like, at the end of the month, you want to get on a plane with me and move into my apartment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, is it a nice apartment?” He rolled his eyes, thinking they were teasing him. “I’m serious! I mean...god, this is cheesy. But I’d like to have wherever we live be our home. So if your place is just like a bachelor pad you got because it was convenient, maybe we could look for something together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His chest felt warm. “No, I like my apartment. It’s not huge, but it’s definitely big enough for two. And I think you’ll like it too. I want it to be our home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” They looked at him, eyes full of emotion, and he opened his arms. They held each other. “Is this real?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he confirmed, a little choked up. “Will you move in with me, Koushi? Even though it’s an ocean and a continent away?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” They pulled back to look at him. “I would love to. Let’s stay together and not separate for as long as we love each other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, thank god.” He kissed their forehead, then their lips. “I feel like a huge weight’s been lifted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It still hasn’t really hit me. I’ve been so sad and tense, worrying about having to separate from you. Worrying that you wouldn’t want us to stay together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hummed sympathetically. “Don’t worry, I’m not letting you go that easily.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dai.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Koushi?” He stroked their cheek with the back of his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Two things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One: I really want to go buy my plane ticket right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled. “We can do that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Two: I think we should celebrate this new stage in our relationship by having sex.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm, I love having such a smart heartfriend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They laughed. “Just stick with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s the plan.” Their hands intertwined and Suga kissed his cheeks before leaning in to plant a soft, sensual kiss on his lips. By the time the sun began to set, they’d clambered into his lap, insistently grinding their hips down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh--whatcha doing there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their hands stilled from where they’d been undoing Daichi’s fly. “Uh. Consummating our commitment to being long term significant others?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re in public!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s getting late, no one’s hiking by anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t have lube.” Suga winked and pantomimed giving a blow job, pushing their tongue into their cheek. “Oh my god.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They brought their face close to his and smirked. “May I please suck you off, Daichi?” It wasn’t fair of them to use their low whisper like that. But he couldn’t find it in himself to mind how easily they manipulated him. Not when moments later his fist was clenched in their silver hair, pushing them lower as they gagged obscenely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck, Kou, I--I’m close but--” They pulled off, spit strings hanging from their lips. “I don’t think I can cum in public,” he admitted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga laughed and kissed him, lips wet against his. “S’okay. Thank you for indulging me. I actually...really want you to fuck me,” --again, that hoarse whisper that went straight to his cock-- “so maybe you could wait to cum until you’re inside me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goddamn it,” he muttered, nails digging into their hips. “Fuck, how do you just--you say these things and I need you so much--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They hummed, a satisfied smile playing on their lips, and kissed him deeply. Their tongue teased the roof of his mouth and he moaned into them. “Mmm--fuck, okay,” he gasped as he pulled away, “c’mon, get up, we’re going back to the cabin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes sir,” Suga breathed, getting off of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glared at them as he stuck his dick back into his boxers and zipped his fly. “Stop being hot.” They stuck out a hand and helped him to his feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, do you have a sir kink?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmph. I think I’d have an anything kink if it came from you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Intriguing.” They took his hand in theirs as they walked down the dirt trail, both with more urgency than on the way there. The sunset sent warm light beaming through the trees, but the beauty was lost on the two lovers. They’d have time to appreciate nature the rest of the weekend, Daichi told himself, unsubtly checking out Suga’s legs in their short running shorts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Upon stumbling back into the bedroom, Daichi proceeded to fuck Suga up against the wall. The position was a first for them together. For Suga, being held up by their strong boyfriend was, apparently, a big turn on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my--fuck, Dai, that was so hot, I just fell a little bit more in love with you,” they gasped after he came inside them. He lowered their shaky legs to the ground and they stood, wrapping their arms around his neck and kissing him hot and desperate. “Get on the bed, baby, hands and knees--” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He loved this insistent, pushy side of Suga. It didn’t matter if they were giving or receiving. Their eyes burned into him as they demanded and grabbed at him roughly. It was satisfying, being the one who made them so needy, and it was even more satisfying to be good and give them exactly what they wanted. So he took their cock doggy style while they indulged the praise kink he definitely did not have, calling him filthy names and saying that he was good, amazing, perfect. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi had his second orgasm of the night as they rammed his prostate from that angle. Afterward, they planted gentle kisses along his spine and gently pulled out. “You alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God.” He looked at Suga, who had hair stuck to their sweaty forehead. “Thank you. That was...so good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They kissed him softly after taking the harness off. “My pleasure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So...can I blow you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm. You sure? You don’t have to if you’re tired.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to.” He genuinely did. Licking and tasting his heartfriend while they moaned sweetly above him was quickly becoming one of his favorite things to do. It was a steep learning curve. Suga was more sensitive than him and a touch could quickly go from pleasurable to too much. But each time was getting better. He loved that he was learning them, loved to think about how well he would come to know them in the future. They had time, and lots of it, thanks to their earlier conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re smiling,” they noted, running fingers through his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just thinking about how many times we’ll get to do this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Suga smiled back, tracing fingertips over his face. “Think it’ll get boring after a while?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No way.” He closed his eyes, enjoying the attention. “Familiar, yes, but never boring.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pinky promise?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi’s eyes opened with amusement. “Pinky promise that we won’t have boring sex?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a big fear of mine! One of the reasons I don’t get long term relationships.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stuck out a pinky. “I have faith that I’m always going to be lusting after you, and that’ll keep things passionate. And the two of us are pretty creative, so I have no doubt we’ll get up to plenty of freaky shit if we need to spice things up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Always is a bold word for someone who’s only been banging me for a few weeks,” Suga countered as they wrapped their pinky around his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you’re the kind of special that makes even a level-headed guy like me bold.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘S kinda romantic, Dai.” Their pinkies uncurled as they kissed, unhurried and smooth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I happen to love you.” Suga blushed. “Lie back, please.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So they reclined, head against the pillows. He made himself comfy in between their parted legs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His thumb parted their folds and he slid his tongue between them. “Fuck, you’re so slick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ahh--well, what did you expect? You fucked me and I fucked you and I’ve been horny since I sucked you off out in the woods--oh, right there…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi lost himself in the rhythm of going down on Suga. Tracing patterns with his tongue, moving against them until his whole face was sticky. His hands rested on their soft, pale thighs. Sometimes they watched him, hazel eyes intent and blazing. More often their eyelids fluttered shut and their head tipped back as they felt his soft lips around their cock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was gratifying when he could feel them getting wetter, and he licked eagerly, addicted to the slightly salty taste. Suga was close, from the way they were whimpering, so he focused his attention on their cock. Fingers clenched in his hair and he looked up to see their eyes screwed shut. “Just like that--don’t stop, don’t stop--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He did as he told and was rewarded when their legs tensed up and their moans got louder. Suga trembled. “Fuck, fuck, oh Daichi, you look so good--oh!” And then all the tension was released and their chest was heaving. They tugged on his hair and opened their arms for him to come lie on their chest. “C’mere.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi settled on top of them and they captured his lips, tasting themself with a satisfied hum. “Dai, baby. That was so good.” Their arms wrapped around him. “Mmm, I love love love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too.” He snuggled into their chest. “I’m glad it was good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It really was.” They hugged him close. “I know it probably doesn’t seem like a big thing, but being able to have sex and have you touch me and feel safe about gender stuff with you, it’s a big deal for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He planted a kiss on their chest and gazed up at them. “I love you, and I want you to be safe and happy always.” His fingers traced over their shoulder idly. “I’m sorry that sex was sometimes uncomfortable for you in the past. I want to do everything I can to make sure you always feel good when we’re together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I already do. Thank you for being so good to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love being good to you,” he said matter-of-factly. “But more than that, ’s what you deserve.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm...thank you. Hey, don’t let me get too comfortable, alright? I gotta go pee so I don’t get a UTI.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ooh, I forgot about that. You should go now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just one more minute?” They leaned up slightly to kiss his head, and he was powerless to refuse them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga eventually got up and used the bathroom, and the two of them showered together </span>
  <em>
    <span>(“This is the first shower that we’ve showered in together that isn’t our home shower, Daichi!” “Say shower one more time, babe”). </span>
  </em>
  <span>Afterward, they settled back on the bed in their pajamas, looking up Daichi’s flight information on his laptop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So Saturday, August 30, 12:40 pm, nonstop, Japan Airlines,” he read from his confirmation email.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, I can’t believe it. Four weeks away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. Okay, here’s the flight--’book now.’” He turned the laptop toward them so they could put their information in. “God, everyone’s going to be so sad you’re leaving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, stop, don’t talk about it. This weekend is only for romantic, happy thoughts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re in charge. Ah, there’s going to be so many fun dates we can go on together in Tokyo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s more like it.” They grinned, studying the screen. “Hey, did you already get your seat assigned? I’m going to throw a fit if we’re not next to each other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Koushi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” Suga waited for him to find the words, looking soft and adorable with their flat wet hair and oversized light blue t-shirt. “A couple of hours ago we hadn’t talked about any of this, and now we have plans to move to Tokyo together, and a future to look forward to. It’s just hitting me? Like, I’m so, so relieved that we get to stay together. I feel incredibly lucky. I mean, getting to date you for even a short time would be lucky. And to have so much ahead of us--” Suga set the laptop down, scooched closer to him, and hugged him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” they whispered. “I know, I feel like it’s a dream. I’m torn between always wanting to feel how lucky we are, and wanting to take it for granted and just have it be our normal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi laughed, sniffling a little as he held onto them tightly. “I can’t believe we’re ever going to be at a point where getting to stay together is normal. I just--I don’t know what I ever did to deserve someone so good. I feel like I’ve tricked you into liking me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga sat back abruptly, frowning. “Daichi. No. Look, I love you. I’m like, obsessed with you. And I’m smart. You didn’t trick me, I know what I’m doing--even if I needed some help to understand what I felt. I want my love and support to be like a pillar in your life, something you can rely on. Not like, some delicate thing you admire but are always scared it’ll disappear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure. I’m committed to you. Are you committed to me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See that? How certain you are?” They held his hands in theirs. “That’s how I feel about you. Everything we do together, all the time we spend together, only confirms it for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “I think I’m going to have trouble believing it for a while. But thank you for saying all of that. It feels really good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them kept trading reassurances into the evening: saying “I love you” out loud, talking about together-things they were looking forward to, leaving casual kisses on cheeks, foreheads, and hands. They fell asleep that night in the first of many beds they would call “ours.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>1. yall thought I forgot about kenma!!! B-) kuroo can have a little romantic interest as a treat. also, part of the reason kuroo recognized him so fast is b/c he’s googled kenma a couple of times over the years but never had the courage to reach out aw</p><p>2. we stan a couple who are both switches</p><p>3. we are getting close to the end wow! I'm curious--is this the ending you predicted for daichi and suga? and is the romance cute or much too fluffy? I honestly can't tell lol</p><p>update 10/22: it's taking me more than a week to write ch 22 but it is coming! thank you for your patience &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. suga says goodbye</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thanks for your patience! this chapter is over 10k long oof. this is also the end of the main story! there will be two chapters of epilogue/flash forward after this</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Moving out of the country to live with your boyfriend was a romantic concept. The preparations to do so were not. It started the next evening, when Suga sat on the front steps of the cabin to call Tooru and tell him the news. They came back inside almost two hours later, smiling and eyes red from crying.</p><p>“He says congratulations.” Suga flopped face first onto the bed next to Daichi.</p><p>“How are you feeling?” He shifted to lie down close to them, rubbing soothing circles on their back.</p><p>They groaned into a pillow. “Drained. Sad. Happy. I mean, he’s genuinely glad for me and supportive. And it was fun to gushing him, being all excited together. But, yeah. At the end, he got really sincere--which, as you know, not all that common for him. And he was talking about how grateful he is for me and how much our friendship has changed his life for the better. So I got emotional.”</p><p>“Mmm.” Daichi kissed their shoulder. “That’s a lot.”</p><p>“Mhmm.” They scooched closer and cuddled up in his arms, breathing a sigh of relief. “I need to make a list of stuff to do before I leave.”</p><p>He held them. “Okay. I can help. We’ll work it all out together.”</p><p>And they did. As they laid in bed, Daichi created a shared google doc on his phone. He typed with one hand while Suga listed off the responsibilities that were weighing on them--researching programs that placed English teachers, getting their winter clothes and other miscellaneous stuff out of storage, shipping their and Daichi’s stuff back, checking if they could use their credit card and cell phone plans abroad, telling the legal clinic what their last day would be, ordering LSAT practice books, getting power adaptors for their electronics. And, of course, telling the rest of their friends and family the news.</p><p>To ward off the stress he could feel his heartfriend accumulating, Daichi decided that the two of them were going to spend the rest of the evening enjoying the hot tub. He kept his phone in arm’s reach in case they came up with more tasks for him to write down. Thankfully, the soothing heat seemed to be helping them relax.</p><p>“You don’t need to think of everything now,” he reassured them, massaging their back. “Let’s enjoy tonight and tomorrow while we’re still here.”</p><p>“You’re right. ‘S just so much.”</p><p>“Yeah.” He pressed a kiss behind their ear. “But a month from now, we’ll have finished it all, and we’ll be relaxing and celebrating together in our apartment. And it’ll all be okay.”</p><p>“It feels like--ooh, right there, do you feel that knot? Mm, thank you. Yeah, it feels like we’re never going to be there. There’s so much that needs to happen before then.”</p><p>“But you also thought we’d never get together, and look where we are.”</p><p>“You’re right.” Suga turned to face Daichi and swung a leg over his lap to straddle him. In the water, their weight was more buoyant. His heart thrilled from having them so close. He held their waist; their hands rested on his shoulders. “We’ll figure it out together.”</p><p>They kissed lazily in the hot tub for a while, illuminated by the soft aqua light that shone through the water. As they pressed against each other more needily, hands wandering underwater, Daichi remembered their day at the beach. How it had felt to hold Suga’s body as they bobbed in the waves together. He’d held back any non-platonic feelings then, but now he was free to enjoy their smooth, strong body. The submerged closeness added a novel thrill as they made out like teenagers.</p><p> </p><p>~~~     </p><p>The morning hike they’d agreed upon seemed much less appealing once eight am actually came around. Daichi attempted to wake Suga started with gentle kisses on the cheek and quiet murmurs. Their eyes only fluttered open when he resorted to raising his voice.</p><p>“Koushi. It’s eight. We’re going hiking.”</p><p>“Dai?” Their confused, scrunched-up face erased any irritation he might have felt. “Why’re you yelling, baby? C’mere.”</p><p>He resisted their open, tempting arms. Although he was the more awake of the two, he knew he’d fall asleep instantly if he laid back down. “We’re going on a hike, remember? We have to leave early so we can come back and shower before check-out at eleven.”</p><p>“Hmm.” Their eyes opened a little wider, and they grinned impishly. “Maybe there’s another way you can help me wake up.”</p><p>It took staring at them blankly for a moment for his foggy brain to catch up. “You want me to blow you?”</p><p>“Only if you want to.”</p><p>“I do.” He yawned. “If I stop all of a sudden, though, it’s because I fell asleep.”</p><p>They laughed, stroking his hair back from his forehead fondly. “’Kay.”</p><p>“Promise me we’ll hike after?”</p><p>“If we both want to go hike after, we will.”</p><p>Their flimsy agreement was good enough for Daichi, who crawled under the bedding to end up in between their legs. Suga lifted their hips to help him slide their boxers off. His warm hands roamed over the soft skin of their legs, and they sighed contentedly as he spread their folds with his tongue.</p><p>He found he didn’t need to worry about falling asleep. Every little sound they made spurred him on, made him want to pleasure them more. Their soft wetness made it impossible not to get horny. Daichi told them as much when they asked how he was doing, and they laughed, moaning in the middle of it. “Fuck, like that—god, you’re perfect, I want to choke on your dick after this—”</p><p>He groaned, causing little vibrations to run through his lips and onto their dick. An insistent fist clenched in his dark hair, and he kept going, completely blissed out to be exactly where he belonged. It was floaty and light, the feeling of serving them. Drowning in their smell.</p><p>“Don’t stop, baby, don’t—yes! There, fuck,” and he moaned again involuntarily as they thrust up to grind against his tongue. Daichi didn’t move until they were finished and trembling, hands making grabby gestures at him. He clambered on top of them and they pulled him into a deep kiss, sweeping their tongue over his lips and mouth to taste themself.</p><p>“You’re so good.” A soft peck on his lips, “so perfect.”</p><p>“I like it,” he murmured hazily, and Suga laughed.</p><p>“Sooo…” they said suggestively, pressing a leg in between his, “can I help with this?”</p><p>“If you want.”</p><p>“I really do.” They switched places, and Suga looked up from between his legs, idly stroking his cock with their hand. “Feel free to fuck my mouth.”</p><p>Daichi shivered and they squeezed one of his hands before starting with gentle, teasing licks. He kept his eyes closed, enjoying the sensations, until he felt them start to take him down their throat.</p><p>“Ah! God, Koushi—”</p><p>They raised their eyebrows to egg him on, squeezing his thigh reassuringly. Tentatively, he thrust upward. A wet, choking sound, but their wide hazel eyes were the opposite of distressed, daring him to keep going.</p><p>So he did, working up more confidence until his fingers were buried in their soft gray hair and tears were running down their cheeks. Suga was moaning lewdly around him. It was so hot how turned on they were just from being face-fucked, and Daichi wondered how wet they were getting.</p><p>“Kou, I’m gonna—I’m—”</p><p>They nodded encouragingly, lifting up for a second to breathe in through their nose before sinking back down. He came inside their throat, and they pulled off when he’d finished, coughing.</p><p>“Shit, I’m sorry. You okay?” he gasped, catching his breath.</p><p>“Water?” they croaked. After a couple of gulps from the glass on the bedside table, they sighed. “Oof. Yeah, I’m fine. Sometimes I just get a little slutty and take more than I can handle. Don’t look at me like that,” they said, grinning at Daichi’s reproachful face. “I enjoyed it.”</p><p>“If you’re sure. It definitely felt…really good.”</p><p>“Oh?” They set the water back down and cuddled up next to him. “Well, I’m glad. C’mere.”</p><p>The two of them fluffed the bedding back on top of themselves and got comfortable. Suga spooned Daichi, slinging a comforting arm around his waist and pressing a kiss to the back of his neck. He wiggled happily, pressing against them and interlacing his hand with theirs. “Was your plan to get me all blissed out post-orgasm so I wouldn’t care about skipping our hike?”</p><p>Suga laughed. “No. But I’m not going to apologize for enjoying this.” They nuzzled their nose against his neck. “Tell you what. We’ll relax in bed, then get up in time to shower and tidy before checkout, then stop for a hike on our way out. And we’ll make it a chill hike so we don’t have to sit in the car all gross.”</p><p>“Mmkay,” he sighed, happy to let them be in charge. “You’re so smart.” They chuckled, and he felt them shift as they set an alarm.  The next hour or so passed in a soft haze. There was sleepy, murmured conversation, and Daichi’s own internal musings as he gazed at the rumpled sheets and the sunlight moving against the wall. Suga was so soft and strong at the same time, he thought, loving how safe and warm they made him feel.</p><p>Neither was glad to hear the alarm that went off at ten am, but thankfully Suga was more pliable than they were two hours earlier. “No funny business,” Daichi said sternly as their pale, naked self followed him into the shower. They cupped his face in their hands and kissed him, deep and sultry, as the hot water rained down.</p><p>“Funny business? Me? I would never.”</p><p>Despite their teasing, the two of them were decent, the car was packed, and the cabin was clean by the time eleven am rolled around. Suga drove them to a nearby trailhead while Daichi attempted to give helpful directions. Even getting turned around and having to backtrack couldn’t dampen his heartfriend’s happiness. They were still exuberant by the time they were on the trail, looking like the poster child for outdoor adventures in their sporty tank top and shorts.</p><p>“Smell, Daichi! Doesn’t it smell amazing?”</p><p>“It does.” It must have rained the night before; the air was particularly earthy and woodsy. They held hands, reveling in it and swinging them back and forth for fun. The summit was three miles uphill (“almost five kilometers,” Suga explained), so they decided to just walk and enjoy the trees surrounding them for half an hour.</p><p>“What are you looking at?” they asked, passing him the water bottle after chugging some at their turn around point.</p><p>“Uh, just admiring your biceps, honestly.”</p><p>“Yeah?” They looked down, pleased. “Thanks. Shoutout to testosterone.”</p><p>“Wait—testosterone.”</p><p>“…Yes?”</p><p>“For Japan. Do you know if you’ll be able to get it there? Or if we’ll have to make sure you get prescribed enough beforehand?”</p><p>“Oh! Yeah, I have no idea.”</p><p>Daichi whipped out his phone to add it to the list of moving stuff. “We’ll figure it out.”</p><p>Suga wrapped their arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. “My supportive cis king.”</p><p>“I mean, of course. I want to support you in every way I can.”</p><p>They hummed appreciatively, slipping their hand into his. “You have no idea how much that means. I know it should be the standard, but still. You make me feel so safe.”</p><p>He smiled at them, loving how his eyes were almost exactly on the same level as theirs. “That’s all I want.” Suga kissed him on the lips then, disregarding the people coming down the trail toward them. Daichi couldn’t find it in him to be self-conscious about kissing in public, not when they were beaming at him like that.</p><p>On their drive home, they still drove too quickly for his liking. But he was able to distract Suga from their relentless pursuit of Passing Every Car by chatting with them about other things they wanted and needed to do before leaving.</p><p>“Let’s see…I’d love to go back to the beach with you and everyone. Oh, there’s a café I really want to take to you I went to all the time during my freshman and sophomore years. And you and I should get some retainers.”</p><p>Daichi paused in his typing. “Like, mouth retainers?”</p><p>They laughed. “No, they’re little clear things you put in your piercings instead of jewelry. So it’s less conspicuous.”</p><p>“Interesting.”</p><p>They returned the car to the Sugawara-Moreno’s in one piece and chatted briefly over cold drinks. Suga’s aunts had fussed over them and made them promise to come back for a goodbye dinner later that month. It wasn’t quite dinnertime yet, and Jim’s Tattoo and Piercing was on their way back from Brooklyn, so they swung by that same afternoon.</p><p>“I wonder if he’ll be here,” Suga mused as they held the door open for Daichi. The answer was a definitive yes; the person behind the front desk was Terushima himself, albeit with dyed red hair instead of yellow. His face lit up upon seeing Suga.</p><p>“Suga! It’s been too long! Let me look, let me see.” He got up in their face to examine their eyebrow piercing. “Healing nicely. Looks great on you, of course. And you, my friend!” He grinned at Daichi, leaning in to look at his chin. “Lovely, wonderful. How’ve you been, Suga? Here for another piercing? Maybe some jewelry?”</p><p>“Just some retainers today—Daichi, don’t let me spend money on anything I don’t need. But I’ve been really good, actually, how about you?”</p><p>“Oh, I’m good like always. You sure I can’t help with anything more interesting?”</p><p>“Not today. You’re one of many errands we have to do before we move.”</p><p>“Really! Moving back downtown, or…?”</p><p>Daichi watched Suga’s face break into a grin. “We’re moving to Tokyo, actually.”</p><p>Terushima’s eyebrows raised. “Shit! And we is—you two?”</p><p>Suga slipped a hand into Daichi’s. “Yep. Daichi’s my boyfriend.” Daichi restrained the urge to do a little shimmy of excitement at how natural and good it sounded.</p><p>“No way in hell.” Terushima looked a mixture of awed, disbelieving, happy, and disappointed. “Well, congrats! You must be really special, Daichi. Suga’s broken a lot of hearts.”</p><p>“He is,” Suga said, looking lovingly at their boyfriend.</p><p>“God, that’s adorable,” Terushima said wistfully. He helped them get the retainers they needed, peppering the interaction with a sprinkle of flirtation alongside professional piercer advice. When they left with his cheerful blessing and urging to “be safe, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Daichi exhaled with relief.</p><p>“Sorry, did that bother you?” Suga asked. They walked through the oppressive city heat, a sharp contrast to the fresh forest air that morning. “I thought he’d be a little less intense because we’re together.”</p><p>“He’s a lot,” Daichi admitted. “But I’m not upset by him being flirtatious.”</p><p>“No?”</p><p>“Yeah, I mean, I know how you feel about me.” They smiled at each other and he squeezed their hand. “Speaking of which, we never really talked about this, but…are we monogamous?”</p><p>Suga raised their eyebrows. “Oh. I guess I kind of just assumed that we were?”</p><p>“Yeah. I mean, I don’t need anyone else but you. I’m really happy as we are.”</p><p>“Well, good. Me too.” Suga gazed off into the distance thoughtfully. “I’d be more open to introducing sexual partners rather than romantic partners. I don’t think I’d want a secondary romantic person until we’d built a really strong foundation together.”</p><p>“I agree. Sex is one thing because it’s so temporary, but for love? I want to be one hundred percent occupied by you for the foreseeable future.”</p><p>“Daichi.” They slung an arm around his shoulder and pulled him close to peck his cheek fondly. “I feel like you don’t even realize how romantic you are sometimes.”</p><p>He shrugged, leaning into them. “You bring it out in me.”</p><p>The two of them were mostly quiet together on the train ride home, worn out from the day. Daichi’s mind was still busy, though, mulling over a thought that had emerged after Suga’s phone call with Tooru. He was curious to see how they’d react, but decided it was better to wait until they were in private. After all, it wasn’t every day your boyfriend asks if you’re interested in sleeping with your best friend.</p><p>It was a good call to wait. Back in their apartment, Suga stared at him, fingers frozen above their laptop’s keyboard as they browsed through dinner options. “Is this a trick question?”</p><p>“No, not at all,” he assured them. “I know how much the two of you care for each other, and you used to have sex a lot, and you’re going to be separated for a long time. I’ve been thinking about it, and I don’t want you to feel like you have to hold back around him on my behalf.”</p><p>“Would you—want to watch?”</p><p>“No. I mean, not that it wouldn’t be hot. But it’s private. The connection the two of you have is your own, especially because you’re going to be saying goodbye for a while.”</p><p>“Huh.” Their brow furrowed. “And you’re not jealous?”</p><p>He shrugged, resting a comforting hand on their thigh. “I don’t own you. And you having sex with someone else doesn’t diminish the intimacy of what we do together. As long as you still love me and want to be my heartfriend, not his, I’m happy.”</p><p>Suga laughed. “Oh god, Tooru and I would kill each other if we were in a relationship. I don’t have half of the patience that Hajime has. Wait—did you talk to Hajime about this?”</p><p>“Nah. I wanted to talk to you first. So…what do you think?”</p><p>“Wow. Um, it’s a lot to take in. It never crossed my mind that you’d be open to this sort of thing. But I think it might be…nice.” They glanced at him, worried, and he nodded supportively. “Yeah, like you said, he and I are really close, and I think it’d feel good.”</p><p>“That’s the goal.”</p><p>“Yeah. And you’re really sure? Are there, like, conditions or anything?”</p><p>“Um…I think I want to know when it happens. And I want us to be able to talk about it before and after.”</p><p>“Okay. Well, if you change your mind, even if it’s when I’m on my way over to his place, just tell me. I only want to do it if you feel good about it.”</p><p>“I’ll definitely tell you if anything changes. But I don’t really anticipate that happening. It’s weird, I feel like I should be more jealous? It just feels natural, to me.”</p><p>“Is there anyone besides me who you’re interested in sleeping with?”</p><p>He laughed. “No. Honestly, you’re all I ever think about.”</p><p>Suga rolled their eyes and smiled. “God, I love you. But if there’s ever anyone else, you can always tell me, okay?”</p><p>“Same here. And that goes for when we’re here, in Japan, wherever.”</p><p>“No secrets.” They set their laptop down and curled up to Daichi’s side. “Hey. I appreciate you so much. Thank you for trusting me and for wanting what will make me happy.”</p><p>“Mm. Thank you for making me so happy.” They held each other, tired and slightly sweaty and content, until Daichi’s stomach rumbled. Suga kissed his belly before making a break for it, lunging for their laptop while he whined in protest. “Don’t leave!”</p><p>“I’m not! Here, hold on to me and look over my shoulder at the menu. I could really go for some Thai red curry.”</p><p>“Koushi. It’s thirty-five degrees out.”</p><p>“That’s hot in Celsius, I’m guessing. Anyways. That’s what air conditioning is for, so you can enjoy spicy foods in the summer.”</p><p>“I’m adding ‘understand the metric system’ to the ‘moving to Japan checklist.’”</p><p>Suga huffed with fake indignance. “Do you want pad thai?”</p><p>“Yes please, with shrimp.”</p><p>They enjoyed their food in front of the tv, Suga humoring Daichi by agreeing to rewatch Naruto with him. He’d been aghast to learn they’d never seen it.</p><p>“I can already tell this is going to be sexist,” they sighed.</p><p>“You’re right, but please. This is my comfort anime. It’s inspiring, you’ll see.”</p><p>Despite their reservations, Suga was already getting into it by the end of the first episode. They enjoyed a comfortable evening together, eventually migrating upstairs to watch in bed and cuddle. Daichi felt content, and when he glanced down to see Suga intermittently texting Tooru, he couldn’t bring himself to feel even a little jealous.</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>“Sawamura-san? Can you hear me?”</p><p>“Hi Takeda-san. Yes, I can hear you.” He could see his new agent too, cheerful and bespectacled on the computer screen.</p><p>“Great! I’m glad we could meet. How are things in New York?”</p><p>“They’re good. I’ll be moving back to Tokyo at the end of the month, so it’s a busy time.”</p><p>“Well, I’m glad we’ll be able to talk in person soon. But for today, I was hoping you could tell me a little more about your career goals and how I can best support them.”</p><p>“Uh, sure. Well,” Daichi glanced down at some notes he’d jotted down the night before, “I guess the first thing is, I don’t have plans for a second book right now. My previous agent was really pushing me to write one, but there’s just—I’ve been a bit blocked, but I’ve been writing some other things instead—”</p><p>Takeda waved a hand dismissively. “I’m not concerned about that. I assure you, we’ll be able to find great success with your next book whenever you’re ready. Are there any projects you have going on now that you’re excited about?”</p><p>Daichi smiled. “Actually, I just got some good news about one earlier this week. I’m going to have a short story published in an American literary magazine.” Keiji had called him yesterday, more worked up than Daichi had ever heard him.</p><p>“Slow down—Keiji, are you alright?”</p><p>A large inhale. “Yes, yes, I’m fine. Go check your email, if you haven’t already.”</p><p>Waiting in his inbox was a personalized note from an editor at <em>Ploughshares</em>. “’Dear Mr. Sawamura,’” Daichi read out loud into the phone, “’We are pleased to inform you that we would like to publish your short story, ‘Percolate,’ in our Winter collection.’ Wait, am I reading this right? Didn’t you say it normally takes at least three months to hear back?”</p><p>“It does. I couldn’t believe it, but it’s right there, in writing.”</p><p>Keiji and Daichi babbled together in thrilled disbelief on the phone for a while. That night, the two of them and their significant others went out to celebrate. Even so, it still felt surreal to tell Takeda the good news.</p><p>“Congratulations, Sawamura-san! Do you have a translator, or did you write in English?”</p><p>“I wrote in English and a friend helped with edits.”</p><p>Takeda nodded, impressed. “I look forward to reading it. Are you interested in writing more short stories?”</p><p>“I’ve written several, actually. And I’m not sure if they’re any good, but I’ve written some poems, too.”</p><p>“Wonderful!” Takeda exclaimed. “Well, what I’m hearing is you’re still exploring. I can certainly advise you on submitting to other literary magazines, American or Japanese. Do you have any other goals you’d like to accomplish, short-term or long-term?”</p><p>“I’d definitely like to write another novel. It just might not be until next year,” Daichi said, stalling somewhat as he tried to find the right words. “Something I really want to do, actually—well, something I’ve enjoyed since I’ve been here, I guess—I’ve done some events to benefit students and to raise money for good causes. And that’s been really rewarding. I particularly enjoy connecting with and supporting, um…LGBTQ people.” He glanced to see Takeda’s reaction. “So it would be cool to do outreach like that when I’m home. And it doesn’t have to be LGBTQ specific, I want to work with and encourage all sorts of students. But I just—I don’t want to feel like I have to hide who I am. With my last agent, it almost felt like she was trying to keep me in the closet, even though my book was obviously…how it was. I guess I wanted to ask your opinion on that? On me being open and public about myself.”</p><p>Takeda was quiet for a second, looking pensive. “Sawamura-san, the results speak for themselves. Your success at home and abroad shows that people are ready to read about these issues. From a purely commercial perspective, you have little to lose by being an openly gay man. Conservative people already don’t like you, if I may be frank. And I think your supporters will only become more enthusiastic about you. Times are changing, and you’re in a unique position to be a role model to young queer people. Of course, you have no responsibility to do so, but it sounds like it’s something you’re interested in.”</p><p>“Yeah, I am.” Daichi hesitated. “When I say being public…I mean doing things that benefit LGBTQ groups. But I also have a significant other. We’re going to be living together when I get back. I would like—it would be nice to not hide that. To post on social media about them. As my agent, what’s your opinion?”</p><p>“As your agent, I will fully support you, and we will weather any backlash together. But as I said, I think seeing that side of you will only endear you to the people who already like you.”</p><p>Daichi exhaled, relieved. “Thank you, Takeda-san.”</p><p>His agent smiled fondly. “Perhaps my husband and I could have you and your partner over for dinner when you’re back.”</p><p>Daichi stared for a second, stunned despite his suspicions of Takeda being proven correct. “Uh, yeah. That would be really nice.”</p><p>He recounted the whole conversation to Suga later over dinner, their eyes round with excitement. “No way! Daichi, that’s so great. Wow, I can’t wait to meet him.”</p><p>“I know, I’m so relieved. Want to help me decide what picture of us I’m going to post?”</p><p>“Post—on your private account?”</p><p>“Nope, on my author account. Don’t worry, I changed the password so my mom can’t access any of my social media.”</p><p>“Oh. I’m just a little surprised. Are you sure about this? You can’t exactly take it back.”</p><p>Daichi finished the bite of salad he was chewing and looked at them amusedly. “Koushi. I don’t want to freak you out. But what we have, what I feel for you—it’s serious. You matter to me more than the opinions of strangers on the internet. And I’m already out, I’m just going to be more public about it. I’m lucky enough that my friends won’t leave and my career won’t fail, so why not? Why hide the person who makes my life so happy?”</p><p>They reached across the table to squeeze his hand. “Sometimes I can’t believe you’re the person I met back in June.”</p><p>“Why’s that?”</p><p>Suga smiled, their gaze fond. “You were so insecure. I thought, is this guy really an internationally acclaimed author? Uncomfortable around fans, not wanting to talk to friends about your career, under your mom’s thumb, internalized homophobia because of your past relationship—”</p><p>“Wait a second. Asahi was the one who was homophobic, not me.”</p><p>“I know. But I think it rubbed off on you more than you realize. And for good reason, right? I mean, it was your formative queer relationship, and it lasted a long time. I can’t imagine how it’d feel to know that the person you love is ashamed of loving you. And he wasn’t supportive of your book! God, that still pisses me off. Whatever, that’s not the point. It’s just, when I first met you it seemed like you were still carrying some of that shame. Even now you sometimes flinch away from me in public without realizing it.”</p><p>“I do?” He didn’t remember doing so. “Shit, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to.”</p><p>They stroked the back of his palm with their thumb reassuringly. “I know. It doesn’t bother me. The reason I bring this all up is you seem so much more happy and free than you did when I met you.”</p><p>“Oh.” He thought back to when he’d walked into their apartment for the first time, weighed down by anxiety. It had dissipated slowly without him noticing as he played in the YMCA gym where he could just be “Coach Daichi,” hung out in bars and living rooms surrounded by people like him, and sat on Suga’s bed knowing they’d listen without judgement. It was true that he was lighter now.</p><p>“It’s really nice to see.”</p><p>“Well, a lot of the credit for it goes to you.”</p><p>Suga shrugged dismissively. “No one can grow for you but you. I just supported.”</p><p>“But I couldn’t have done it without you,” he argued. “Seriously. I don’t think you realize how much you’ve helped me. Even before we were together, you made me feel so loved and safe. Before I’d go into author events, I’d reassure myself by knowing that no matter what, we’d be together afterward.”</p><p>“Daichi.” They looked at him, a little overwhelmed with emotion. “That’s—god, it’s funny, because I always felt like you were helping me more than I was helping you. You’re so solid, so reliable. From the beginning, you made me feel completely safe about my gender and my past. I—” Suga clenched his hand. “I never thought I’d want a romantic relationship. I never knew it could feel like this.”</p><p>“Kou.” He stood and came to their side of the table, and they hugged him tightly. “Let’s go upstairs.”</p><p>“We should clear the table,” Suga protested as they shuffled over to the stairs, still holding each other.</p><p>“Fuck the table,” he scoffed, and they giggled. “I just want to be close to you right now.”</p><p>So they did just that, curling up in Daichi’s bed as he ran fingers soothingly through Suga’s soft hair. They talked about the summer so far, about what a relief it was to finally be able to touch and be close casually, about how grateful they were to have found each other.</p><p>“I think it might have been fate,” Suga said seriously. Daichi gazed at their handsome features in the dim light and was inclined to think they were right.</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>The rest of Suga and Daichi’s August was busy, to say the least. By the Saturday one week before their departure, they’d almost finished their long, ever-growing list of logistical preparations. They’d also managed to fit in some of Daichi’s favorite experiences in New York thus far—meandering walks in Central Park, pick-up volleyball games with their friends, trying foods he’d never heard of before. And, of course, there were all the mundane, wonderful moments in between. He and Suga cooked meals together in their little kitchen and napped cuddled up to each other on the couch. In the best way, being with them was slowly becoming normal. Daichi felt comfortable and safe, and the thrilled disbelief that’d stuck around in the beginning was mostly gone. His heart would still sometimes seize up when they rested their head onto his chest in bed, or when they’d make an adorable, scrunchy-eyed face when shower water got in their eyes. In those moments, he knew with content certainty that this was love.</p><p>Their circle of seven gathered in Daichi and Suga’s living room that Saturday evening for an official going-away party. Suga had sternly informed them all that they were there to celebrate, and no sad feelings would be tolerated. The two of them still had plans to see their friends in the next week, and everyone had agreed to come see them off early next Saturday morning. “So the tears are gonna wait until then!” Suga declared cheerfully. Instead, they sat around sipping on alcoholic juice pouches from Hajime, courtesy of his cousin who’d brought them back from Puerto Rico. Mellow music from a playlist of Keiji’s played in the background.</p><p>Suga and Daichi weren’t the only ones starting something new. Keiji was going into his senior year of college. It was easy to forget he was the baby of the group, and everyone else cooed over him, asking if he was excited, what classes he wanted to take, and which friends he was living with. Hajime was also going back to school for his master’s degree in social work. To save money, he and Koutarou had decided to live together. The latter had found a job as an assistant teacher for kids with learning disabilities, which he was thrilled about even though it paid very little.</p><p>“I’ll be coaching volleyball on the side, too, though. Gotta make enough money to take my Keiji out on dates!”</p><p>“Bokuto-san,” Keiji said, embarrassed but smiling. The two sat cozied up together on the couch. Daichi and Suga sat on the other end. Suga was more clingy than normal, their arms wrapped around one of Daichi’s and a leg draped over his. They’d been very tactile ever since they and Tooru had finally hooked up earlier that week. At first, he’d worried that it had gone badly and Suga was upset.</p><p>“No, ‘s not that. I mean, it was…nice. Good. I’m glad we did it. But lying there afterward, I just really missed you. Wanted to be with you. And I guess I really need the reassurance of being close to you.” They’d looked up from where they were clinging to him. “Is that okay?”</p><p>He’d told them that of course, it was more than okay. He loved clingy Suga. And more than that, he wanted to make sure his heartfriend felt completely supported and safe after their first foray into opening up their relationship.</p><p>So Daichi and Suga cuddled on one side on the couch, Keiji and Koutarou sat on the other side, Tooru perched in Hajime’s lap on one armchair, and Tetsurou sat alone on the other. Tetsurou’s singleness was a running joke amongst their friend group at this point. His refrain was always that he’d dry his tears with his Big Pharma paychecks—he’d just accepted a job in “novel compound synthesis” at a pharmaceutical company. However, Daichi had a suspicion that Tetsurou’s romantic interests lay with a certain greasy-haired, up-and-coming video game developer. Kenma was back in Japan, but the two of them messaged constantly (“the time difference isn’t so bad ‘cause the little fucker never sleeps,” Tetsurou had explained with fond exasperation).</p><p>“Now that we’re all here, and we’ve been explicitly told not to talk about anything sad!” Tooru said. “How was everyone’s week?”</p><p>“Daichi went to the Strand for the first time,” Suga offered.</p><p>“Your last book signing, right?” Hajime asked.</p><p>“Yeah. It was really big and nice inside. A lot of people came.” Daichi said.</p><p>“More than the signing we all went to?” Koutarou inquired curiously.</p><p>“It had to have been double that,” Suga bragged, grinning at their boyfriend. “And Daichi did a great job. He did a Q&amp;A instead of reading a passage, and the crowd ate it up.”</p><p>“Oh yeah, I saw something on my timeline about some quote from you about Suga.” Tooru recalled.</p><p>Daichi chuckled. “Yeah. Well, someone who’d seen my Instagram post asked me if the person in my most recent picture was my boyfriend.”</p><p>“Pretty ballsy of them to ask a question about your personal life at an event like that,” Tetsurou commented.</p><p>“I thought so too!” Suga exclaimed. “You didn’t need to answer it, Dai.”</p><p>He squeezed their hand. “I know. But I wanted to.”</p><p>“What did you end up saying?” Keiji asked curiously. “I don’t know how you always manage to be so composed when you’re on the spot.”</p><p>“I dunno, I didn’t really think too much about it. Tooru could probably find the exact quote online, but I said something like ‘the person in the picture you’re referring to is my significant other. I wouldn’t be where I am without them, and I’m so grateful for their love and support.’” Suga leaned their head against Daichi’s shoulder affectionately.</p><p>“Ah, that’s so great,” Koutarou sighed happily. “I love you two together.”</p><p>“Me too,” Suga said, to general laughter. “So what else have people been up to?”</p><p>“I had my last shift at Nine Lives,” Tetsurou said. “It was more emotional than I expected, honestly. Some of the guys there are like brothers to me.”</p><p>“I still think you should be less of a filthy capitalist and work at the bar full-time instead of selling your soul to the pharmaceutical industry.” Keiji’s neutral expression made it difficult to tell if he was joking. “Didn’t they say they’d promote you to a manager?”</p><p>“Yeah, they really wanted me to stay,” Tetsurou sighed. “I don’t know, I figure they’re not going anywhere, right? I can always go back someday.”</p><p>“As much as I love that place, I’m glad you have the new job,” Koutarou piped up. “Now you’ll have more money to spend on me.”</p><p>“I already buy you food all the time, asshole,” Tetsurou retorted with a grin. “What I really want to do is save up to visit Japan. I can visit Suga and Daichi. And Kenma.” He added the last part offhandedly, but no one present was fooled.</p><p>“Well, Iwa-chan and I had an interesting experience yesterday.”</p><p>Hajime sighed, resigned. “God, that was a mess.”</p><p>“What happened?” Suga asked.</p><p>“We were at a concert—and the band was really good, we thought.”</p><p>“Yeah, they were,” Hajime agreed. “Which is why it sucked when this asshole came up to us.”</p><p>“In a homophobic way?” Tetsurou frowned.</p><p>Tooru laughed. “No, worse. A guy who used to come to the strip club I worked at.”</p><p>“Oh shit.”</p><p>“I know. He was harassing me, asking me to dance with him—thank god Iwa-chan was there to save the day, cause the guy was big.”</p><p>“Did you have to beat him up?” Koutarou gasped.</p><p>Hajime scoffed, wrapping his arms around Tooru’s waist, who was still sitting in his lap. “Nah. I just got between them and asked the guy if I needed to get security. Then he pushed me. Thankfully one of the guards saw and took care of it.”</p><p>“That’s kind of scary,” Daichi commented.</p><p>“I’m glad you two are okay,” Keiji agreed.</p><p>“Me too,” Tooru sighed. “Iwa-chan’s my hero.” Hajime rolled his eyes, a little blush visible on his cheeks in the low light.</p><p>“Um, I have a question for you all,” Keiji ventured. “It’s not related to this. But, well. I was wondering, do your parents know about your relationships? Or are you out to them in general? Bokuto told his parents about us recently and they were really happy about it. But they’re—how would you describe it?”</p><p>“Liberal Californians from the Bay Area,” Koutarou supplied. “Also, I’ve always relied on my parents for a lot, and I had no filter at all as a teenager, so I was never really in the closet.”</p><p>Keiji nodded. “I know I don’t have to tell them. I sort of want to, though? I don’t have any siblings and my mom and I have always been close. I’ve never come out, but I think she has a suspicion. She and my dad are pretty traditional, though, so. I was curious how it is for everyone else.”</p><p>Everyone glanced at each other. “I’d probably never tell my parents about a guy I was seeing unless we were engaged,” Tetsurou said, grimacing.</p><p>“My parents are accepting. I’ve told them about Hajime,” Tooru said.</p><p>“My mom knows about me. And I’m planning on telling her about Tooru. My dad and my mom’s extended family aren’t as accepting, so for them it’d be more like Tetsurou’s situation.”</p><p>“I’m estranged from my dad because I came out. My mom just barely tolerates it. I kind of ended up telling her about Koushi because I was going to go public about it anyway.” Daichi shook his head. “She basically laughed. But our relationship has a lot of other issues.”</p><p>Suga smiled wryly. “Well, we all know my situation. Dead mom, estranged from my abusive dad. But actually, one thing that was really nice was telling my aunts that Daichi and I were together.” He squeezed their hand in agreement. “I knew they’d be supportive, obviously, but I didn’t expect how validating it would feel to tell them. I mean, our relationship would have been equally official without telling them, but—I don’t know, having older relatives recognize us felt good. They love him,” Suga said, turning toward Daichi with a grin. “So I definitely get why you want to tell your mom, Keiji.”</p><p>“We’ll be here for you either way,” Tooru added, uncharacteristically serious.</p><p>“Thanks, everyone,” Keiji said sincerely. “Okay. We can go back to talking about something more fun now.”</p><p>While Koutarou told everyone about a runaway dog he’d befriended on his morning jog, Daichi reflected on their most visit with Suga’s aunts. Last week, he and Suga had gone over to say goodbye because the Sugawara-Morenos would be out of town the last two weeks of August. Suga had already told Sayuri and Camila about their new relationship over text. So the women greeted Daichi even more warmly than they had at the last visit. Camila embraced him in a tight hug, telling him he was officially part of the family. Sayuri was more understated, but told him sincerely how happy she was that he and Koushi had found each other. He and Suga ate their fill of her delicious cooking while Nara excitedly updated them on what their family had been up to.</p><p>Suga had been right when they said their relationship would’ve been equally official without telling their aunts. But being able to place a hand on the small of their back or casually hold their hand in front of two people who approved of them felt good. It was affirming to go places as a unit. As partners. The five of them enjoyed their dinner and Daichi remembered back to July fourth. When he’d been so full of yearning for Suga that Camila took him aside to encourage him. <em>And she’d been right</em>, he thought. Being with Suga had felt like too much to ever hope for back then. In the present, he leaned against them, feeling comforted and grateful. He’d gained so much that summer—a significant other, a friend group that was like a family, and two honorary aunts and an adorable cousin. He didn’t want to jinx anything, but he was looking forward to having all of them in his life for a long time.</p><p>Koutarou’s voice broke through Daichi’s thoughts. “I have a question for everyone! I think we should all go around and say what our favorite thing we did this summer was. Like, favorite thing with all of us together.”</p><p>“Good idea. You start, Kou,” Tooru suggested.</p><p>“Ooh, I didn’t think of one yet. Hmm. Oh, I know! Well, not everyone was there. But it was me and Keiji and Suga and Daichi, and we all got really high and went to a concert.” Keiji groaned, resting his head in his hand. “Don’t be embarrassed, babe! It was fun because I’d never smoked with Daichi before, so that was funny.”</p><p>“Wait, did I do anything bad?!” Suga snorted and Daichi looked at them beseechingly. “You never told me.”</p><p>“Not <em>bad</em>,” Suga said, “just…funny.”</p><p>“Different,” Keiji supplied.</p><p>“And Keiji and I finally got together that night! So that was obviously amazing.” Koutarou looked at his boyfriend lovingly and Tooru pretended to gag in the background.</p><p>“Ew, gay,” Tetsurou agreed. “I guess my favorite memory was when we went back to the beach the second time.”</p><p>“Oh yeah? And what’d you like so much about it?” Daichi teased. Tetsurou had spent most of that day curled up under the beach umbrella with Kenma, making sure he drank water and trying to cajole him into going into the ocean.</p><p>“It was fun,” Tetsurou grinned. “Your turn, Tooru.”</p><p>“Our movie marathon last weekend, obviously.” Everyone else groaned. Tooru had enticed them all with good snacks in exchange for being in charge of the movies. They were all B-rated sci-fi flicks with awful acting. “Oh come on, you all are exaggerating. We had a good time.”</p><p>“If you say so,” Hajime said, hugging Tooru from behind. “Uh, my favorite thing was going to the beach for the first time. It was sort of the first time I got to talk to everyone? And it was really nice.”</p><p>“That’s so sweet,” Suga said, smiling. “I was going to say the beach, but I guess my second favorite time was when I introduced Daichi to everyone. Sorry, Hajime, this was shortly before you came into our lives. But yeah, it just went so well. I definitely liked Daichi before that, but seeing him interact with you all made me be like ‘okay, this guy and I are definitely going to be friends.’”</p><p>“That night was a lot,” Daichi admitted. “I was like, damn, all of you are gay?” Everyone laughed.</p><p>“What was your favorite memory, Dai?” Suga nudged him.</p><p>“Uh, definitely when you all came to my book signing. It made me feel so special.” People aww’d. “You are special!” Tooru cried.</p><p>Daichi chuckled. “Thanks. But yeah, it was really kind of you all. And it was nice going out for food after. What about you, Keiji?”</p><p>“Mm. Well, this might be controversial, but I had a lot of fun at the talent show.”</p><p>“Oh god,” Suga said.</p><p>“Seriously. You and Tooru did great, I liked a lot of the acts, and I liked hanging out with Daichi and Hajime. And Tetsurou.”</p><p>“And me!”</p><p>“Yes, Bokuto-san, but we’re always together.”</p><p>“Mmm, true.”</p><p>The hours passed as they reminisced and laughed together. Everyone had brought food or drinks to contribute, and Daichi became pleasantly tipsy. Even so, when people eventually began getting up to go, he was alert enough to remember he’d wanted to tell everyone something.</p><p>“Before you all go,” he started. “I just wanted to say, this summer has changed my life in the biggest way. A lot of it is because of Koushi and being totally crazy about them and them being so supportive, for sure—” he looked at Suga lovingly, “—but a huge part has been all of you. I never talked about this, really. But I never had a group of friends before where everyone was queer. Where I wasn’t the odd one out. I feel so safe with you all, and like—it just clicks, you know? I feel like I really connect with all of you, not necessarily because of our personalities, but because we just get each other. I feel so lucky, and I want you to know, I love each of you so much.” He looked around. Everyone was getting a little emotional. “So thank you for everything. I’m so glad I met you.”</p><p>Tetsurou broke the silence. “Daichi,” he said, voice teasing but also kind, “you know, we’re not going anywhere. We’ll still be friends, even though you won’t be physically here.”</p><p>“We’ll keep in touch,” Keiji agreed confidently.</p><p>“And if you miss us too much, move back,” Hajime added. It was so matter-of-fact that everyone laughed, dispelling the serious moment.</p><p>“Also, let’s not say goodbye yet, Dai-chan! Save that for next week.” Tooru got up to hug him and everyone else followed. Daichi felt surrounded by the love in the room. He was already dreading next Saturday.</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>“It’s eight thirty. Babe, tell me that they’ll be here soon and that I don’t need to freak out.”</p><p>Daichi cupped his hands on the outsides of Suga’s upper arms and took an exaggerated deep breath so they’d breathe with him. “They’ll be here any minute. We told them eight thirty. You don’t need to freak out. We planned this all out, and we’ll have plenty of time to make our flight.”</p><p>“Flight at 12:40 pm. We need to be there three hours ahead at the airport because it’s an international flight. So we get to JFK at 9:40 am, meaning we get a taxi to the airport at about nine,” Suga recited.</p><p>“Yep, and those are generous estimates. So if we get in the taxi a little after nine, we’ll still have plenty of time,” he reassured them. Their luggage was packed with the few remaining possessions they’d used that morning. They each had carry-ons containing everything they could possibly need for the fifteen-hour plane ride. And the apartment was spotless, looking as it had when they’d moved in. They’d had a busy week packing all their remaining items up and cleaning, and they were finally ready to leave.</p><p>Their buzzer rang and both of them jumped “I got it,” Daichi said as he walked over to buzz their friends in. Despite reassuring Suga, he was also feeling the anxiety of leaving.</p><p>Having friends there both helped and didn’t. It was a relief that other people were there to make noise and replace the nervous quiet the two of them had been stewing in. But as soon as the five of them walked through the door, boisterous and cheerful to offset the sad occasion, tears started to come to Daichi’s eyes.</p><p>“Hey guys. Thanks for coming.”</p><p>“Aw, Daichi, no—c’mere, buddy—"</p><p>Koutarou got to him first, engulfing him in big, strong arms. Daichi slumped into them, letting Koutarou hold him while tears trickled down his cheeks.</p><p>“I promised myself I wouldn’t do this,” he sniffed, breathing out a weak laugh.</p><p>“S’okay man, let it out.” After a moment, Daichi composed himself enough to pull back. Tooru and Hajime were hovering near him, looking concerned. Tetsurou was hugging Suga while Keiji had a supportive hand on their back.</p><p>“Oh god, this sucks,” Daichi laughed, wiping tears off of his cheeks. “You all are making this hard.”</p><p>“We’re gonna miss you.” Hajime pulled him into another hug. “But this isn’t forever. We’ll be in touch, and we’ll visit.”</p><p>Tooru hugged him next. “Daichi, do you know how annoying I am? I’ll keep blowing up our group chat until you wish you’d never met me.” He let out a mix of a chuckle and a sob.</p><p>“And we can do virtual hangouts. Watch movies together and stuff,” Keiji added. “And I’ll send you some of my writing to take a look at, if that’s still okay.”</p><p>“’Course.” He hugged Keiji briefly. “I’m looking forward to reading it.”</p><p>“Ah, Daichi.” Tetsurou gave him a warm squeeze, and he inhaled his familiar cologne. “Look, we’re going to miss you two. But this is going to be a great adventure you’re embarking on together. I’m excited for you.”</p><p>He sniffed. “Thanks, Tetsu.”</p><p>“You both better be sending pictures of where you are constantly. I haven’t been to Japan in years, I want to see everything. Send pictures of your toilet, even.”</p><p>Suga laughed. “Would you like me to start a travel blog just for you, Tooru?”</p><p>“Is that too much to ask?” Tooru was clinging to Suga’s left side and Koutarou was hugging their right. Suga looked smothered and happy about it. Their eyes were red-rimmed and they were clinging to their friends desperately. Daichi’s heart ached for them. He’d known these people for a couple months, but they’d been Suga’s family for a couple of years.</p><p>Hajime rested a comforting hand on Daichi’s shoulder, and they all stood there, soaking in each other’s company. No one wanted to be the first to break the silence and say it was time to go.</p><p>“All right.” It was Suga who spoke up. “Well, I have to say, I woke up this morning and worried, ‘what if everyone comes to say goodbye and I don’t want to leave?’ And as much as I don’t want to say goodbye, I’m excited to move to Tokyo. I’m excited to keep living with Daichi. I’m excited for something new and for the unknown.” They smiled at him, arms still around their friends. “And it feels good to feel so sure about this new adventure, sure enough that I’m ready to leave the people I love the most.”</p><p>“I’m excited to see how you’re going to grow, Suga,” Keiji said. His voice was steady even though his eyes were tearing up. “I’ve always admired how strong you are, and this is just another example of that.”</p><p>“Oh, Keiji.” Suga wriggled out from Tooru and Koutarou and threw their arms around him. Koutarou sidled up to Daichi instead, leaning against him. “I know you’re going to have the best senior year. Don’t study too hard, okay? Same goes for you, Hajime.”</p><p>Hajime chuckled, wiping a tear away. “Whatever you say.”</p><p>“And keep Tooru in line,” Suga added.</p><p>“I could tell Daichi the same thing about you,” Tooru grinned. “We’re going to be seeing the headlines in two days: ‘American dancer starts flash mob in Tokyo subway!’”</p><p>Suga snorted, then pulled back from Keiji to hold him at arms length. “Alright. Keiji, I’m also going to need you to bully Tetsurou for me.”</p><p>“I can do that.”</p><p>“You’re such an asshole. Why are we sad about you leaving, again?” Tetsurou joked.</p><p>“Go cry about it to your internet boyfriend.” Suga smiled, and the two hugged again. “Fuck, Daichi. We gotta go, or I’m just going to keep hugging everyone in circles.”</p><p>“Right.” Hajime rubbed Daichi’s back reassuringly. “Alright, let’s head out.” Everyone fought to carry Daichi and Suga’s luggage, wanting to be helpful.</p><p>“We’ll wait downstairs with the stuff; we won’t be able to all fit in the elevator anyway,” Tooru said. “You two do a final sweep of the apartment.”</p><p>They agreed, and the noises of their friends receded down the hallway. Suga turned to Daichi. “We’re really doing this.”</p><p>“We’re really doing it,” he agreed. “Are you sure about this?”</p><p>“Positive.” They kissed his cheek. “I’ll check the kitchen, you check the living room and bathroom, we check our respective rooms?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Neither of them found anything that didn’t come with the place, probably because they’d done the same sweep several times that morning out of nerves.</p><p>“I guess that’s it, then,” Daichi said, standing by the front door and looking at the apartment. Suga held his hand.</p><p>“Thank you, apartment, for housing us and keeping us safe. We had a good time here,” they said.</p><p>“Thank you, apartment,” Daichi echoed, feeling a little silly but like he needed to express gratitude for the place. “Shall we?”</p><p>“Wait.” Suga pulled him into a deep kiss. “’Kay, now I’m ready.”</p><p>“I love you,” he blurted out.</p><p>“I love you too.” They smiled at him. “I meant what I said. It takes a really special person to make me feel secure about leaving these people.”</p><p>“Koushi.” He leaned in and kissed their forehead. They led him by the hand out of their front door and to the elevator for the last time.</p><p>Their friends were waiting in a clump outside on the sidewalk. “Alright, one more round of hugs,” Koutarou pronounced, embracing Daichi and sweeping him off his feet. Daichi soaked up everyone’s love, watching Suga do the same out of the corner of his eye. Tetsurou hailed a cab and everyone crowded around to load their bags into the trunk.</p><p>“Bye. Love you guys,” Daichi said, looking at them all.</p><p>“Love you too.”</p><p>“Text when you land.”</p><p>“Text when you get to the airport.”</p><p>“Text me a picture of the first Japanese toilet you use.” Hajime flicked Tooru’s forehead for that.</p><p>Suga laughed. “Bye, you all. Take care of each other.” Daichi opened the taxi door for them and they slid in. He waved at everyone before getting in himself. The taxi started moving, and he looked back at his friends, getting smaller in the distance and still waving.</p><p>“Where to?”</p><p>Daichi was out of it, still staring out the window. “JFK,” Suga answered, putting their seatbelt on.</p><p>He sat back in the seat when he could no longer see them and checked his phone. “9:07,” he told Suga.</p><p>“Perfect.” They smiled at him and squeezed his thigh comfortingly.</p><p>Daichi watched the buildings speed by, saying a silent goodbye to the city. They made it to the airport at 9:45 despite a little traffic, and by 11:07 they were waiting at their gate with their luggage. It was nice traveling with someone, Daichi decided. Someone to pat his head soothingly while they stood in the security line and wait with the bags so he didn’t have to bring them into the bathroom with him. He sat messing around on his phone while they waited to board.</p><p>He’d posted a selfie of himself and Suga on his private Instagram story, with a filter showing their location and text saying “omw home.” When he checked later, a couple of people had responded. Tooru, Tetsurou, and…Nishinoya?</p><p>The last time Daichi and Noya had talked was when Daichi apologized for drunk calling him months ago. It had been embarrassing being a jealous ex in front of his kouhai. He and Noya had a good relationship before Asahi had been emotionally unfaithful to Daichi with Noya. He opened Noya’s message with trepidation.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Today, 11:17 am</strong>
</p><p><strong>rolling_thundaa (reply to story): </strong>daichi-san!!! are you coming back to japan???</p><p><strong>Me: </strong>yes! landing 5 pm sunday</p><p><strong>rolling_thundaa: </strong>awesome &gt;:D some of the karasuno guys are getting together next week so if you can you should come! and bring your significant other ;DD you two are cute</p><p><strong>Me: </strong>haha thank you</p><p>sounds fun! we’ll try to come</p><p>good to hear from you :) I’ve missed you all</p><p><strong>rolling_thundaa: </strong>same here :’’’D</p><p>safe flight!!!</p><p> </p><p>“Huh.”</p><p>“What’s up?”</p><p>“Nishinoya messaged me.”</p><p>“Nishinoya…wait, Asahi’s boyfriend?”</p><p>“Yeah. I thought he didn’t like me anymore because of the drunk phone call fiasco, but he just invited me to a high school volleyball reunion.”</p><p>“Hm.” Suga nudged his foot with theirs. “Well, you’re a pretty good guy. You were his senior for two years, and it sounds like you were a great leader. That probably goes a long way toward outweighing any awkward moments.”</p><p>“I hope so. Honestly, I don’t need to ever see Asahi again, but I love Noya. He said you should come to the get together too.”</p><p>“Me?”</p><p>“My significant other.”</p><p>“That <em>is </em>me.” Suga grinned at him. “I’d love to meet them all. I want to hear stories about high school you.”</p><p>“Oh god.” Now that seeing friends was on his mind, he shot off texts to Ennoshita and Kiyoko about when they’d be free to hang out. He’d been so focused on leaving his new friends that he hadn’t thought about how nice it would be to reconnect with old ones. He was excited, too, for them to meet Suga and vice versa.</p><p>Daichi pulled out his laptop and opened up the short story he’d been working on. Ever since talking to Takeda, the words wouldn’t stop coming. Several times, Suga had shuffled out to the living room hours after Daichi had promised to come to bed and found him typing away, illuminated by his laptop screen. They’d linger in front of him, tired and grumpy, until he shut his laptop and let himself be pulled back to bed. “I need my body pillow,” they’d mutter. Daichi genuinely never meant to work for so long, but it was easy to lose track of time when he got into a good groove.</p><p>The same thing happened at the airport gate. “Dai, that’s us.”</p><p>“Hm?” He didn’t look up from his screen, searching for an adjective that was eluding him.</p><p>“We’re group three, babe. Time to board.”</p><p>“Oh!” Daichi hurriedly packed up his things and followed them over to the line. Patting his pockets, he asked, “hey, did you happen to see my—”</p><p>Suga handed over his boarding pass without a word. “I hope you have your wallet, though, ‘cause I don’t have it.”</p><p>“Got it in my pocket.” They shuffled forward in line together. “Thanks for looking after me.”</p><p>Suga smiled at him fondly. “My absent-minded intellectual.”</p><p>“Only sometimes.”</p><p>“Only sometimes. But it’s always cute when it happens.”</p><p>“We’ll see how long you think that,” he remarked cynically.</p><p>Suga kissed his shoulder. “I like taking care of you. Same way you like taking care of me.”</p><p>“Hmm, good point.” The friendly stewardess scanned their passes and they walked down the jetway together. Daichi loaded their bags into the bin above their heads. Suga took their personal items to their seats, setting up water bottles and layers for when it got cold and plugging in chargers.</p><p>“Do you think they’ll serve wine when they first send drinks around?” Suga said contemplatively. “Maybe I could have some and sleep for a couple hours.”</p><p>“Hmm, I’d join you for that. We should see what movies they have so we could watch together.”</p><p>“I also downloaded the next fifty Naruto episodes onto my laptop so we can watch those if you’d like.”</p><p>He looked at them lovingly. “Has anyone ever told you you’re perfect?”</p><p>“Yeah, this one guy keeps telling me. He follows me around too. He’s actually kinda hot though, so I’m not complaining.”</p><p>Daichi snorted. “Hey. Does this feel real to you yet?”</p><p>“Mmm, it’s starting to. I feel like it won’t fully hit me until we wake up Monday morning in your apartment.”</p><p>“Our apartment.”</p><p>Suga smiled. “If you say so. Our apartment in Tokyo.”</p><p>“Yeah.” He leaned his head on their shoulder, resting his eyes as the flight attendants made their rounds. It had been a long day, and it was only 12:30 in the afternoon.</p><p>He must have fallen asleep, because the next thing he was aware of was the plane jerking forward. Suga was looking out the window, watching them slowly roll past workers and vehicles on the ground.</p><p>“We’re really leaving,” they murmured.</p><p>His hand found theirs and squeezed. “A new adventure together.”</p><p>Suga nodded. Their plane finally halted on the tarmac after turning, idling, and rolling forward again. “Here we go.”</p><p>They accelerated slowly, then faster, bouncing as they raced over the ground. Daichi and Suga were pushed back in their seats. They gripped each other’s hands tightly. He felt the plane lift off, soaring upward. The ground receded below them and the city fell away as they raced into the sky. <em>Here we go</em>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>OOF so the main point of this chapter is to show how much daichi has grown since the beginning of the story. I hope you enjoyed :) I'd love to hear what your favorite part was. If there's something you really want to see in the epilogue, comment and maybe I'll write it!</p><p>as always, thank you for reading &lt;3</p><p>update 11/11: mx. lattice has clearly fallen off their weekly update schedule. chapter 23 is in progress and will be a few more days. I think it will be worth the wait, I'm really liking how it's turning out--everything's coming together :') thank you for your patience</p>
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<a name="section0023"><h2>23. daichi's first thanksgiving</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>finally! we're back with another 12k (!) chapter. this is your special, seasonally-appropriate (for U.S. ppl) Thanksgiving holiday episode!! and thank you for 200 kudos, it really means so much to me &lt;3</p><p>CW: I didn’t want to add this to the tags bc its only one scene out of the whole fic, but there's a short sex scene with 1. Dominant/submissive undertones, and 2. light gender play (feminization) that’s consensual and asked for by the trans character. It’s pretty tame (no she/her pronouns, no AFAB body parts language). However, I can see how that could be uncomfy to read so take of yourself!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <span>A gentle alarm chimed from Daichi’s computer and his eyes jumped to check the time. Was it really four pm already? He leaned back in his desk chair to stretch, releasing tension in his back. His eyes closed, the darkness a needed break after staring at the screen. Well, he’d go switch the laundry and take one last look at his story after that.</span>
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  <span>Daichi tossed his and Suga’s wet clothes from the washer to the dryer, both conveniently tucked away in the hallway closet. Once that was running, he wandered back to the main room, lingering on the kitchen side to put away some dry dishes and wipe down the counter. When he’d lived here alone, he’d been less than fastidious about keeping things tidy. But it was satisfying to have his partner come home to a clean home. Suga joked that he was a house husband despite being the higher earner. Daichi always scoffed, disapproving of the sentiment that it mattered how much money they each made but secretly flustered and pleased to be called their husband. It felt good to take care of Suga, to reclaim the little labors of love he’d been taught were a woman’s job. His daily bentos for them had evolved accordingly, incorporating cute shaped food and little love notes. They answered these by leaving him notes where he’d find them around the house--on his favorite bag of chips, his t-shirt drawer, even inside his shoe. He’d taped some of his favorites next to the trackpad of his laptop so he could look at them and smile whenever he felt stressed or blocked.</span>
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  <span>It made sense that he ended up picking up more of the household tasks because he often worked from home. Suga taught at a middle school and was there from seven to four on weekdays. As someone with a flexible schedule of writing, meetings with his editor or Takeda, and occasional workshops with students, even hearing about Suga’s day was enough to tire Daichi out. It was exhausting for them too, but they always smiled when they told stories about funny things that the kids had said or done. Daichi didn’t know how other teachers managed, but he knew that Suga’s flexibility, sense of humor, and patient insight made them well equipped to deal with whatever the job threw at them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He settled back at his desk on the other side of the main room. The space doubled as a living room and dining room as well as his study, but he and Suga made it work. It was cozy, with a bookcase, couch, and low dining table on top of a patterned rug. Since Suga’s arrival, little touches of theirs had appeared--soft beige pillows on the blue couch, tchotkes on the bookshelf. Plants brightened up the windowsills, and Camila’s art hung on the walls next to framed photographs--Daichi and Suga with their arms around each other, Daichi and his Karasuno teammates, Suga and their mom, a candid picture of Daichi and Suga smiling at each other. A group shot from their friends’ second visit to Brighton Beach in August. Suga beaming on their first day of teaching. Daichi caught off guard, laughing at something Suga had said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And the most recent one: Daichi with his little siblings. It surprised him every time he saw it. They were so grown-up, almost eleven and finally giving him attitude instead of idolizing everything he did. He couldn’t even bring himself to care; having them around was such a gift. Their mother didn’t know about the visits. Daichi got in touch with the twins by texting one of his sister’s friends who was lucky enough to have a phone. Every couple of weeks, Daichi would take the train up to Miyagi and meet them after school. He’d buy them snacks and hang out with them at the park, just chatting about their lives. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After they’d repeatedly asked to meet his partner, he’d brought Suga up to Miyagi one weekend in late October. The four of them had met at the park and had a picnic. Predictably, his siblings had fallen in love with Suga, who had an uncanny way of making any kid they talked to feel like the only person in the world. And it didn’t hurt that Suga was beautiful. Daichi had no intuition for what genders his siblings would grow up to be interested in, but it hardly mattered; Suga’s androgynous energy seemed to be universally attractive. He’d looked on sympathetically as Michi blushed when Suga smiled at her and Yudai insisted on tugging Suga’s sleeve to make them watch as he attempted a cartwheel. They’d insisted on Suga coming back every time since, and Daichi had obliged for the most part. Thankfully, Suga didn’t mind the long trip, and enjoyed having Daichi take them around the haunts of his youth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The clock read 4:16 pm. Knowing he should try to leave at 4:30 to meet Suga at five, Daichi forced his attention back to his story. He and Takeda had decided on publishing a small anthology of his short stories, including the one that was slated to be published in </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ploughshares</span>
  </em>
  <span>, a handful of others that had recently been accepted to Japanese literary magazines, and several new works. The one he was working on now was one of the new ones, and something about the character development wasn’t sitting right with him. By 4:28, he’d made some annotations about things to change and had a better sense of the issue. He pulled himself away somewhat regretfully, knowing he could happily keep working for hours if left to his own devices. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But seeing Suga was more exciting anyway, doubly so because they were going out for ramen together. And he was sorely in need of fresh air, as his heartfriend often reminded him. The walk to the bus station was refreshing--cool November breeze under a dusky blue and orange sky. He passed commuters in suits and students in uniforms, heading toward food or fun or home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes he thought about New York in these moments. He’d gaze down streets in Tokyo and overlay his memories of Manhattan’s avenues on top of them. The colors were different here, less exposed brick and old, fancy exteriors and more whites and bright colors. And of course, signs in kanji, hiragana, and katakana greeted him on every street, a welcome sight he hadn’t realized he missed until he was home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It made him nostalgic, thinking about the summer. The busy streets, sweaty days, and sticky evenings there would forever be linked with the feeling of growing into himself, falling in love, and feeling wholly accepted. But as much as he remembered it fondly and missed his friends every day, he couldn’t be happier with where he was now. The tentative, hopeful, giddy beginning of his relationship with Suga had matured into something reliable and strong. He loved their home and their life together. With that in mind, he ducked into a flower shop a few blocks away from their school, emerging with a bouquet of purple irises.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thankfully, the middle school had ended classes at 3:30 that afternoon, so there wasn’t a crowd of students there to stare and giggle at him as he waited for Suga with flowers--he’d learned that the hard way. Today, Suga had stayed late in an attempt to get ahead on some grading. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He watched them leave the building, recognizing them immediately. They looked handsome in the twilight, wearing a light blue scarf, a charcoal gray sweater, and fitted black slacks. A black messenger bag was slung over their shoulder. When they spotted him, their face lit up with a wide grin. “Hi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” he replied, extending his arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga hugged him and exhaled happily.  “Are those for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They are.” He handed them the bouquet and they took it, smiling. In exchange, he lifted their messenger bag onto his own shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the occasion?” The purpley-blue of the irises was soft under the streetlights, contrasting with Suga’s pale face as they leaned in to smell them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No occasion, I just love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dai.” They kissed his cheek fondly and interlaced their hand in his. “Thank you. I want to hear about your day, but let’s walk and talk; I’m starving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” The two of them set off in the direction of the restaurant. Daichi recounted his uneventful Wednesday--breakfast together, then a relaxed morning during which he’d worked on his newest short story. He liked to go to the gym near their apartment in the middle of the day so he didn’t sit still for too long. Then lunch, checking email, and writing more until it was time to come meet them for dinner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds nice.” Suga bumped their shoulder into his affectionately. “Did the writers workshop kids get back to you about the details for Saturday?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, and I think they apologized about ten times for the delay. It’s going to be at eleven am, at a high school that’s like thirty minutes away from here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga nodded. “Not too far. Will it be similar to the other ones you’ve done?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I think I’ll do a character development exercise with them. Then I’ll have them write a short passage with their character and trade papers, and I’ll lead them through editing them. And we’ll have time for Q&amp;A. It’s a coalition of creative writing clubs from five neighboring high schools.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds fun, I’m jealous.” They squeezed his hand. “I want to come and watch you be smart and helpful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Skip your dance class.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, I wish. But it’s Haruna’s first time attending class after having her baby, and she’s self-conscious about her body, so I promised I’d be there for moral support. And I </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> been looking forward to learning the new sequence Kimika-san demonstrated last week…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi smiled; he knew that very few things could pull Suga away from Saturday morning dance. After some trial and error, they had found a friendly studio that taught advanced adult classes. Most of the other students were women. Being a handsome outlier and naturally charming meant that Suga had quickly assembled a troupe of dear friends. One of the teachers, impressed with their skill, had even hinted that they could start leading their own classes if they kept coming consistently and did some trainings. Suga loved their middle school students, but Daichi could see how much teaching exhausted them. So it was nice to see them come back from the studio fully rejuvenated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was getting chillier outside as the sun set fully. They stepped inside one of their favorite ramen shops and were enveloped in cozy warmth. Daichi sniffed the savory air appreciatively as the hostess led them to a small table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, could we just get two bowls of shoyu ramen? With pork, please,” Suga said, smiling at the waiter who tried to hand them menus. The waiter nodded affirmatively and Suga turned back to Daichi, finding him looking on amusedly. “We always get the same thing here. And if I’m hungry, chances are you’re hungry, so why not expedite the process?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>And very cute</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Daichi noted as Suga unwound their scarf from around their neck. “So how was your day? Anything interesting happen with the kiddos?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me think.” Suga rubbed their cold hands together as they pondered. Daichi reached across the table to hold them. “Oh, thank you. How are you always so warm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have one foot perpetually in hell.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They laughed. “If you’re going to hell, I’m going to...I don’t know, super hell?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, hopefully you’ll still be allowed to hang out with me. Anyways. You were saying. The kids?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right. Well, I spent my lunch break comforting a ninth grader having a meltdown about entrance exams.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi winced. “Poor thing. But also, that sounds overwhelming to deal with.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I try not to let their emotions get to me too much. Most of the time, they just need a non-judgemental person to listen and tell them it’ll be okay. Then while I was trying to eat my lunch quickly before the next class, some kids came up to me and interrogated me. ‘Sugawara-sensei, your bentos are always so cute. We were wondering, does your mom make them? Or your girlfriend?’ And then they all dissolved into giggles.” In general, Suga only told a few close friends in Japan about their gender. For the most part, people--students included--assumed they were a man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should have said, with a super serious face, ‘My mom is dead.’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga laughed. “God, that would have been funny. Instead I pretended to get offended. ‘So you don’t think your sensei is capable of packing a cute lunch?’ Really, I wanted to brag all about you. I can’t, because I don’t share anything about my personal life with them. But I tell everyone else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone else? What do you tell them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Teachers who I know aren’t homophobic, my dance friends, friends from home, your friends when we’re hanging out and you leave to go to the bathroom. And I tell them stuff like, ‘my boyfriend and I saw that movie last weekend,’ or, ‘I should try that on my boyfriend,’ or, ‘my boyfriend is so handsome, look at him!’ And then I show them my lockscreen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, I--I kind of like that you talk about us to people? It’s really cute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well. I’m whipped for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi held their warm gaze and smiled. “Good, ‘cause I’m hopelessly whipped for you. Anyway. How was the rest of your day?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, pretty uneventful. I put two girls who I think have a crush on each other in the same group for something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sugawara-sensei, champion of gay rights.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly. Honestly, they’re all good kids. More willing to learn than I thought they’d be. Maybe it’s because I’m a foreigner. Or maybe it’s because American children are brats.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or you’re just likeable and good with people.” He squeezed their hands. “I wish I could watch you teach. I feel like it would be hot.” Suga laughed. “Not, like, seductive! But it’s attractive to see someone in their element, especially if they’re in a position of power.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No no, I get what you mean. That’s always how I feel when I watch you do events.” A familiar shiver went down Daichi’s back as they sent him a meaningful look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They pulled their joined hands away from the table as the waiter set down two steaming bowls. After saying thank you for the food, the two of them were quiet for a moment as they enjoyed their first bites.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So good,” Suga sighed contentedly. “The only other notable thing about my day was I made a schedule for cooking tomorrow’s dinner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ooh, like on those cooking shows.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly.” They smiled. “I’m a little worried about getting it all done. But I’m only doing a couple dishes. Nothing close to the typical American Thanksgiving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you’re not cooking the turkey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not cooking the turkey,” they confirmed. “It’s definitely overrated. My white grandparents always made it super dry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So it’ll be…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mashed potatoes, green beans, and stuffing. With pumpkin pie for dessert.” Daichi’s face was somewhat suspicious. “Don’t worry, I already warned Yachi and Kiyoko that it’s going to be a little different.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just don’t get what stuffing is. You keep trying to explain it and it keeps not making sense.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess it’s just something you have to experience yourself.” He watched their blissed-out expression as they demolished one of their slices of pork.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I was trying to remember--when was the last time we saw Yachi? We’ve hung out with Kiyoko a couple of times recently, but…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It must have been the Jackals vs. Adlers game,” Suga recalled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That long, huh?” About a month and a half ago, Karasuno reunited as they watched Hinata and Kageyama face off in person. Suga had already met Asahi, Noya, Ennoshita, Kiyoko, and Yachi back in September. The game in October was their first time meeting Tanaka, Yamaguchi, and Tsukishima. Yamaguchi also successfully convinced Hinata and Kageyama to come along for a reunion dinner afterward, so Suga got to know all of the former first years. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi frowned, reliving the chaos that had ensued when his heartfriend and his old teammates collided. He’d thought Suga and Noya were bad enough--Noya energized Suga, and Suga encouraged Noya’s shenanigans. But when Tanaka met Suga, it was as if two long-lost comrades were reuniting after being separated on the battlefield. It was terrifying to witness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Although, the captain side of Daichi had to acknowledge that despite Suga’s chaotic nature, they were uncannily good at wrangling the first years. They seemed to know just what each one needed. He’d been impressed by how they encouraged Hinata’s bright enthusiasm and drew Kageyama out of his shell by listening to him and gently teasing him. Suga matched Yamaguchi’s friendly energy, and most impressively, won Tsukishima over with a mix of snide remarks and with affectionate jokes. The first time Suga had said something snarky to him, the whole table went silent, terrified. But Tsukki just rolled his eyes and retorted something back, which was as close to friendly as he got. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi could tell, too, that the old first years--well, everyone, really--respected how smart and thoughtful Suga was under their playful exterior. They could talk with anyone about anything--from Ennoshita’s explanation of how joints work to Hinata’s musings on if he could learn to play volleyball in his sleep. (‘Suga-san, I think it could work because people sleepwalk, and during ultramarathons some runners fall asleep while still running!’ ‘I didn’t know that, Hinata-kun. Maybe you could start by learning how to sleep-run. But if you try it, you should wear your kneepads to sleep so you don’t get hurt.’)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was a fun day,” Suga said wistfully. “I wish Tanaka-kun didn’t live so far.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, the guys all really liked you.” Daichi sipped a spoonful of the hot, salty broth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was so relieved,” they sighed. “I mean, they’re important to you. I wanted to make a good impression.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You did. Do you remember what Hinata said about us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not exactly, just that I was taken aback by how blunt it was.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was something like, ‘Daichi-san is different around Suga-san.’ Everyone asked what he meant, and he said that I’m usually sturdy like ‘bwoom.’ And that when I’m next to you, I’m light. Like ‘woosh.’ Because you’re so ‘bwah!’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it weird that that kind of makes sense to me?” Suga chuckled. “That kid is observant when he wants to be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They spent the rest of dinner chatting about their friends back in New York. Both of them had talked to different people on the phone recently, so together they had a fairly complete picture of what had been going on. In particular, Suga was always intimately updated on anything pertaining to Tooru. He was prone to FaceTiming them any time he was bored. Of course, the time difference meant Suga was often at work or asleep whenever he tried. When they did pick up, there was no telling what Tooru would actually be doing. He’d called several times from the toilet or when he was out doing errands. The benefit of his persistence and lack of boundaries was that Suga was up on the latest gossip. And as much as Suga would yell at Tooru to “ew, mute yourself, I can hear you shitting” or “hang up, dumbass, Hajime’s naked in bed right next to you,” Daichi was glad that the two of them were still so close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tetsu is still depressed, according to Tooru,” Suga reported. Tetsurou had come to stay with them and Daichi earlier that month. It had been fun to see him and take him around Tokyo; he knew Suga in particular was glad to see a familiar face. However, Tetsurou ended up spending less time at their apartment than anticipated. He “accidentally” fell asleep playing video games at Kenma’s apartment more nights than not. And when he did hang out with Daichi and Suga, Kenma was the only thing he wanted to talk about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Needless to say, returning to New York afterward was difficult for him. Everyone had assumed he’d be in a slump for a couple days, a week at most. But it was going on two weeks now, and his friends were beginning to worry. Daichi just hoped that Tetsurou’s feelings were reciprocated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hajime says that he and Koutarou are trying to invite Tetsu over to their place a lot,” Daichi said. “Hajime’s classes are going well, and it seems like Koutarou is happy. Apparently he likes his job, and the team he’s coaching has been winning a lot. And he’s still as crazy about Keiji as ever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, speaking of. Did you see that picture in the group chat? Of Keiji’s race bib?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but I was confused what it was for.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For some reason, there are a lot of races on Thanksgiving day. He’ll be doing his third marathon tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, go Keiji.” He’d been in somewhat frequent contact with the younger man as they’d edited a few of each other’s works. But in general, Keiji tended not to talk about his personal life unless Daichi asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They made quick work of their ramen and commiserated over how full they were. Satisfied, they paid the bill and thanked their waiter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool. Ready to go?” Daichi asked, zipping his jacked up. Suga nodded, smiling at him. “What is it? You’re staring.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just thinking about how hot you are. And how nice your hair looks”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He really should be used to this by now, but that didn’t stop him from blushing. “Koushi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi.” They grinned at him, looking equally as attractive. He couldn’t help but smile back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They headed home. Suga’s hand rested on the small of Daichi’s back. It was dark now, and chilly--a good excuse to press close together on their bus ride.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, are you up to anything right now?” Suga asked as Daichi pulled his keys out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, no? Maybe folding laundry.” He held the door open for them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Camila wants to know if we want to Facetime and say hi to Nara.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, I’d love to. But Kou, they’re your family, you know? It’s okay if sometimes you want to talk to them alone.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I appreciate the sentiment.” The two of them walked up the flights of stairs to their floor. “But you’re my family too. I think Nara thinks you’re also her cousin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel like she’s gotten so much bigger since we left. Is it just me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you’re right. And her hair’s definitely longer.” Suga unlocked their apartment door and slid their shoes off. “Let me put these in water and change.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Five minutes later, the irises were in a vase and Suga and Daichi were cuddled up to each other on the couch. “We won’t be able to talk for long, I think they have to get ready for daycare.” The familiar tone chimed until Camila picked up, filling their screen with an unflattering angle of her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Koushi! Daichi! Can you hear me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can hear you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nara, come see your cousins!” Camila sat on the couch and Nara barreled into the frame next to her, clambering over Camila’s lap to see the screen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kou nii-san! Dai nii-san!” Nara leaned in close, and the frame filled with chubby three-year-old cheeks and a slightly crusty nose. Her big brown eyes blinked as she took in her cousins waving at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Nara-chan,” Suga said, grinning. “Daichi and I are so happy to see you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you?” Daichi asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stared at the screen thoughtfully. Daichi felt for her; even though they’d video called before, it still must be disconcerting seeing people you knew trapped on a tiny screen. “Mama and I have to go to daycare. I play with the sand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They have a big sand table with toys in it that Nara loves,” Camila explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I go to see Sam,” she added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that your friend?” Suga asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nara nodded, rubbing her nose with her hand. “Kou nii-san come play?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nara, we talked about this. Remember? Your cousins are in Japan.” Camila tried to fix one of her daughter’s pigtails with one hand as she held the camera with the other. “How are you two?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good,” Suga said. “Everything’s good here. We’re going to have our friends over for a Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, how fun.” Camila gave up on the pigtail. “Sayuri’s sad she missed you, but she had to run out the door early today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, I see. How is she?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Busy, but alright. Hopefully things will slow down soon.” The frame filled with Nara’s forehead. “Nara, love, it’s easier to see if you lean back a little.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dai nii-san come play?” she tried hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Nara-chan. I wish I could.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But we love you very much. Look, we’ll make a heart for you.” Suga and Daichi each curved a hand and put them together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a heart, baby. Because they love you,” Camila explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Heart,” she repeated pensively.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s right.” Camila kissed the top of her head. “I’m sorry, you two, but we should probably say goodbye so the little princesa can get to daycare.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay. Bye bye, Nara.” Suga and Daichi waved.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you say bye to your cousins?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nara kissed her own palm, then blew toward the camera. “Bye bye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did she just blow us a kiss?” Daichi marveled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Camila laughed. “I think she saw it in a movie. She won’t stop doing it. Okay, take care, you two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You too, bye.” They hung up and Suga tossed their phone to the side, sliding to lie with their head on Daichi’s lap. “Ugh, I miss her so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. She’s so precious.” He combed through their hair with his fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>want a baby.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked down into their hazel eyes. “Like a human baby?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm. But you love being independent. I feel like a baby would mess with that, a little.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” They closed their eyes and yawned. “‘Cause if we had a child, it would be chill. We’d just hang out with it. Good vibes only.” Daichi chuckled, refusing to dignify that opinion with a response. “Hey, Dai. Does it ever freak you out that if we ever really wanted a kid, we could make one?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That got his attention. He stared at Suga, a little terrified. “We could?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They laughed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Yeah, probably. Only one way to find out, but it’s definitely possible. Don’t worry, it’s not something I’m interested in at all. Thinking about being pregnant makes me so dysphoric I could throw up.” Daichi breathed a sigh of relief. “It’s just funny to me that we could organically procure a child.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know trans guys could.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm, it happens. I’m not into the kind of sex that would lead to that, luckily. Birth control is a pain in the ass.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And a pain in your ass is the price you pay for no birth control.” They stared at him. “Like, a literal pain in the ass. Get it, ‘cause we do anal inste--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes! Thank you, I got it.” They frowned at him, trying not to laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Admit it was a little funny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga huffed out a laugh and half-heartedly punched him in the stomach. “Yeah, it was funny. Very clever. I mostly can’t believe I walked right into that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you. I like to be appreciated.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They snorted and yawned again. “God, it’s not even that late.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve been working hard recently.” He planted a comforting hand on their chest. “Maybe we should get away for a weekend. How would you feel about going back to an onsen again soon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes please. Lying in hot water with you is everything I want right now.” They’d gone to one about a month ago on their way back from visiting Suga’s grandparents in Akita. The visit itself had been difficult. So unwinding at a small town onsen halfway between there and Tokyo was a much-needed break. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After some persuading, Suga agreed to start getting ready for bed while Daichi folded the laundry. He brought the basket of folded clothes upstairs to the bedroom and did his nightly routine. When he was done, he flopped on top of Suga, causing them to “oof” and drop their book. They giggled and hugged him. “One of these days you’re going to make a pancake out of me.” He leaned back to see them better; they stroked his back. Suga smelled homey, like their body wash and clean clothes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Purple’s a nice color on you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” He looked down, realizing he was wearing one of their NYU shirts. “Oh. Yeah.” He snuggled his face into the crook of their shoulder. “I like wearing your clothes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the lights were off and they were lying facing each other, Suga asked, tentatively, “Dai?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just.” They bit their lip. “Ugh. I don’t know. I’ve just been feeling guilty. You do so much for me, and I feel like I’m not contributing enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rested a hand on their waist and smiled at how entirely wrong Suga was. “My love. It’s in your nature to give and give to everyone you come across. But you’ve uprooted your whole life to come here. You’re in a new job, a new apartment, a new country. Right now, you need to put yourself first. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you remember how loving and caring you were toward me before we even got together? You helped me become who I am now. I’m so happy that now I’m in a place to return the favor. Koushi...being able to take care of you is such a gift.” He watched them watch him. “It’s selfish, in a way. I’ve always put a lot of pressure on myself to achieve things. But now, those external successes don’t matter so much. Because at the end of every day, I’ve still done something good by helping make you happy. And that’s the most satisfying thing to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga’s expression was inscrutable; their eyes shone in the darkness. “Sometimes your love feels like a gift that’s too big to accept.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You deserve all the love the world has to offer.” He bent down and planted a kiss over their heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re sure it’s okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure. If it’s ever not okay, I’ll tell you. And you do so much for me, more than you realize, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” They shared a soft kiss in the dark and settled in next to each other, nestled under the covers with their legs tangled together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Daichi tried to relax into sleep, a persistent need grew in his chest. Sometimes these were the times he wanted Suga most: quiet, intimate moments when they were centimeters away. All warm and close and not in the least sexual. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Until he instigated a kiss, and Suga responded by tugging him closer. Their fingers grabbed his t-shirt and they pressed their lips against his insistently. And Daichi was relieved that the feeling was mutual. He didn’t have to feel guilty about ruining the wholesome moment. It was a relief to press against them, deepen the kiss because he needed to be even closer. Sometimes it felt like all his body knew how to do was want Suga. So when they matched him, just as insatiable or maybe more so, it was deeply satisfying. Spontaneous, instinctual sex that was their bodies speaking an enthusiastic yes to each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thought of Suga wanting him as much as he wanted them went to his head. With both of them soft, relaxed, and needy, there was no need for pretenses. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Clothes off,” Suga murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You too.” Both stripped themselves impatiently. When they laid back down, wrapped up in each other’s smooth, warm skin, they shared an appreciative sigh. Daichi slid a hand around Suga to grope their ass, then paused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kou? What’s this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” They pulled him in for another deep kiss as they grinded their dick against his thigh. He gasped into their mouth. “Remember how the other day I told you that...it’s weird to have everyone think I’m a guy all the time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm, and how you miss being able to wear feminine stuff more regularly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. So I thought maybe we could try something…” They traced a finger down his bare chest. “I’m wearing lace panties.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stared at each other for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dai? Good, bad...what are you thinking?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. Good, good, good, very good,” he managed, running a finger under the lace where it curved across their ass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, you had me worried there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! Just surprised. Good surprised. I—is there anything special you’d like me to say? Or do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you could try...” they leaned in to whisper in his ear. His eyes widened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. And if it starts feeling bad—“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll stop,” Suga finished his sentence. “I know. Now please,” they kissed him, deep with tongue, “pull these covers back so you can appreciate me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You completely planned this, didn’t you?” Daichi flung the covers back so he could stare down at them. “What happened to being tired?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re very inspiring. Also, I don’t plan on moving that much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like you’re asking me to top you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They smiled, running a hand through his hair as he stared at the panties. They were a light pink, and a combination of lace, sheer, and satiny textures. Daichi’s unrefined brain couldn’t make much sense of the design, but it was without a doubt, hot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I may have already prepped myself in the shower.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head in mock disapproval and grinned. “Sugawara Koushi. It’s a Wednesday night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t save all my freakiness for the weekend; that’d be no fun. Also…” they looked up at him with sultry eyes, “kinda hot when you say my name like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please…” he snorted, leaning over them. One hand traced under the pink waistband. “You’re too much. Someone’s gotta keep you in line.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you think it’s going to be you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it’s going to be me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cocky.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My dear.” He used his other hand to pin their hands above their head. “It’s almost eleven. I plan on enjoying how pretty you look tonight, finishing inside you, and being asleep by twelve. If you want to be a brat, go ahead. You can get yourself off after I’m done with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga fought unsuccessfully to get their hands free. Daichi grinned, knowing that his partner got off on him being stronger. They huffed. “You’re mean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” He moved his hand from their panties and cupped their cheek as he kissed their soft lips. “But you like when I’m mean, don’t you?” he whispered. His thumb pulled their lower lip down. “My little degenerate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh…” they sighed with pleasure. “Mmm, maybe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We both know you do.” He traced their jawline with his thumb and held their chin before grabbing lube and a condom from the bedside table. Their eyes followed him as he settled next to them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so pretty in these, I think we’ll keep them on.” His fingers slid under the pink fabric to feel how wet Suga was. He distracted them with a soft, passionate kiss so they were relaxed and unsuspecting when he traced over their dick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm--ah, Daichi--” they gasped. Their needy sounds made him harder, and he pressed his hips into their side so they could feel it. “Please--in me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi smirked, using his free hand to toy with one of their nipples. “Soon, baby. Don’t worry. I’ll open you up so you’re ready to fit all of me.” After a parting kiss, he knelt between their spread legs, opening them up farther by pressing on Suga’s soft inner thighs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He slicked up his fingers and eased one inside. When they’d gotten used to that and weren’t clutching at his arm anymore, he pulled out. The crestfallen look on their face made him laugh. “I’m going to take care of you, Kou. Trust me.” And he kept his word, leaning down to lick at their cock and folds. A moment later, he pressed two thick fingers in their ass as he continued to give them head. Suga swore, latching onto his short hair. “Fuck! Ohh god, just like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he kept going, lazily tracing patterns with his tongue while he focused on fingering them. He sped up after they’d loosened around three of his fingers, pumping in and out. Suga whimpered, so he made a point of sucking their cock at the same time. They moaned beautifully in response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi came up for air to give them a break, leaving his fingers inside. “Did that feel good?” They nodded, breathing hard and staring intently at him. “Good.” He kissed them and they devoured his wet lips, running their tongue over his. “Let’s see if you can fit four.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please,” Suga breathed. With a little more lube, all four of the fingers on his right hand were buried inside. He fucked them slowly, gently, gazing down at them with admiration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beautiful, Koushi. You’re so feminine, you know that?” Suga gasped and clenched around him. “It’s part of why you’re such a great fuck. All smooth and soft.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi,” they whispered, head rolling back onto the pillow. They didn’t need to say anything else. He pulled out and rolled a condom on quickly, lubing up his cock and lining himself up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take me like a good girl, Koushi.” Their eyes widened, and he pushed inside them. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>, just like that.” Perfectly tight around him, a beautiful mess below him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dai.” Suga wrapped their arms around his neck and their legs around his waist. “More--say it again--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi kissed them softly, Holding them by the shoulders, he thrusted his hips faster. It felt so good to fuck them, and he had to focus in order not to cum too early. “You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> pretty girl. Only for me, right? Everyone thinks you’re a man. But you and I--” he forced himself deeper and they gasped--”we know better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Holy fuck Daichi, oh my god—“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He buried his face in the crook of their neck and they scratched at his back. It was getting sweaty, and their hips made a crude sound slapping together. His mind was a constant stream of </span>
  <em>
    <span>KoushiKoushiKoushi</span>
  </em>
  <span>; he was entirely present, flooded with the sensations of being with his partner so intimately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think,” Suga panted, and he lifted his head to meet their gaze, “I’m close. I want to cum, can I please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah--do you want me to touch you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll do it. Keep fucking me; don’t hold back. And--” their eyes darted between his, “can you keep saying stuff like that in my ear?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi was happy to oblige, turned on because of the transgressive nature of it and because Suga was into it. As they touched themself, he pounded their cute ass and whispered filthy things. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Your hole’s so wet, Kou, just like a woman’s. I can’t believe I get to use someone as lovely as you in such a filthy way. You’re so soft and pretty under me. No man could make me feel this good. Taking it all inside, you’re so shameless, so sexy, I’m so hard for you. You’re a perfect girl for me, Kou. I’m ruined for anyone else. I love cumming inside you after you do such a good job. I wanna mess you up, give you everything, make you my princess--</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga shouted and clenched around him. Overwhelmed with how intensely erotic it was--their orgasm face, their hole pulsing, how much he wanted to let go--he moaned out loud. “Oh god, Kou, I’m--ohh--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” they panted, “yeah, I can feel you--Dai--” They pulled him into a sloppy, breathless kiss as they both rode out their climaxes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god.” Daichi collapsed on top of them once he was finished. “God, that was--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, so good.” Suga was breathing hard, their eyes shut. “Wow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow,” he agreed. They rested together for a few minutes together, coming down. Suga stroked his back absentmindedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m getting a little squished, babe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm, okay.” He lifted himself up with some difficulty and slid out of them gently. His partner sprawled out like a starfish while Daichi disposed of the condom. “Hey, love. You should pee before you fall asleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t want to.” Their eyes were still shut.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll come with you.” Suga frowned, looking discontent. “Please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stuck their arms straight up into the air. “Help, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he did. They stumbled downstairs to the bathroom together, naked and sleepy. After a stop in the kitchen to chug some water, they fell back into bed, trying to avoid the sweaty spots.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was still too warm to be pressed against each other. So they laid close, linking pinkies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling, after that?” he asked, yawning. “Was kind of intense.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Suga’s tired eyes blinked open and closed. “Just to close it out...can you do some gender affirmations for me? To kind of cancel out the other stuff you said? It’s hot as a kink, but now that we’re back in real life?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Course.” Daichi rolled onto his side to see them better. “I love you, Koushi. You are definitely not a woman, not even close. Because I’m gay, and I don’t date women.” Suga smiled, yawning in the middle of it. “Your nonbinary gender is one of the many things that attracted me to you. Being around your mix of masculine and feminine energies is comforting and always interesting. I’m so lucky to be with a person like you. I love that you’re not a man or a woman. And I love your transmasculine body. I love your flat chest and how strong you are. I love your leg hair and how cute you look when you’re shaving your face. Mx. Sugawara, you couldn’t be a woman if you tried. And you’re far superior to men. You’re more evolved. And it’s attractive. I love your nonbinary self so, so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm. Thank you, that was good.” They yawned. “Cis king.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your cis king.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, my cis king.” Suga smiled and kissed the tip of his nose. “Anything on your mind?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just that you’re perfect, ‘n I’m in love with you. Thanks for the sex.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They laughed. “Hey, you too. I enjoyed being dicked down by you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘M glad to hear it.” Dachi’s eyes closed, and he fell asleep easily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He woke up the next morning to a gentle hand on his shoulder. He felt suspiciously refreshed, and he didn’t remember his alarm going off. “Kou? What time‘s it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, dear.” They stood next to the bed, fully dressed. “I checked your calendar and turned off your alarm so you could sleep in. There’s breakfast for you downstairs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Babe, why—” He sat up groggily. “I would have made you something--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I woke up early. I feel great, last night was exactly what I needed. And I wanted to let you rest. You worked hard last night.” Daichi was barely awake, but he’d have to be dead for their suggestive wink to not be sexy. It was even more so because they were wearing a long-sleeved button down shirt with a tie and slacks. Their hair was neat and they looked every part the professional Sugawara-sensei. Any traces of Koushi, the gorgeous, lingerie-wearing degenerate, had vanished, scrubbed away in their morning shower.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C’mere, you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They laughed. “Ah—Dai! I’m going to be late”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just one more minute.” He definitely had morning breath, and yet Suga relented, kissing him and interlacing their hand with his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I really have to go now.” They pulled themself away after one more peck on the lips, a fond kiss on his forehead, and another kiss on the lips because he was too cute to resist. “There’s tea for you on the bedside table. I love you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love you too.” Daichi snuggled up in the covers, content and feeling their kisses linger on his skin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Welcome home.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga padded into the kitchen in their socks and gave Daichi an affectionate peck on the shoulder. “My love! You peeled all the potatoes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yup, and I’m almost done removing all the stems from the green beans.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow.” They stood behind him and draped their arms around his shoulders, watching him chop green bean stems on the cutting board. “Thank you so much. The note I left you, I made sure to write ‘only do these if you feel like it,’ right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes yes. Don’t worry, I needed a break from sitting so this was perfect.” He set the knife down and turned to face them, wrapping an arm around their waist. “How was school?” Suga groaned and rested their head on Daichi’s shoulder in response. “That bad, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm.” He stroked their back as they leaned on him. “I should go get changed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Kay. Want me to start boiling water?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes please. Thank you babe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Course. Hey, happy Thanksgiving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga laughed. “I’ve been so caught up with getting ready I sort of forgot the whole reason for the occasion.” They straightened up and kissed the tip of his nose. “I’ll be back down in a bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They reappeared ten minutes later, fresh-faced and wearing an old Karasuno t-shirt and sweatpants. Daichi was putting off sending some emails, so he stayed in the kitchen to help out. He chopped the components for the stuffing, cringing at the combination (“apples and onions? Celery?! If this ends up tasting good, I’m going to be really impressed”). Suga just laughed, taking things on and off the stove, preheating the oven, and handing him bowls of things to stir. They talked about their days together with the casual ease that came from being familiar with each others’ daily minutia. When the conversation lulled, or when Suga got quiet because they needed to read instructions, they would sometimes hum to themself or mutter things under their breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was that, babe?” he teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The song you were singing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ohh. It’s a little tune that goes like, ‘I love my boyfriend, my boyfriend Daichi. Daichi is my boyfriend, my boyfriend who I love’.” This brief performance was accompanied by hips rocking side to side on the beat. Daichi loved Suga’s voice, had loved it even back when they were platonic roommates. It was warm and even, and calming no matter what emotion it took on. Their singing ability was average at best, but their voice somehow managed to make being off-key charming. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grinned at them, heart full of fondness. “Cool song. I’ve never heard that one before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? It’s a classic. Maybe I’ll have to sing all the other songs on the album for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, there’s a whole album.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep, it includes hits such as ‘My Boyfriend is Cute,’ ‘Coolest Guy Around,’ ‘Daichi Fan Club,’ and ‘Wow! There’s a Hot Man in My House.’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi kissed the top of their head. “You, my friend, are goofy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joking around and spontaneous kissing aside, they still managed to have everything ready on time. Daichi had just finished setting the table when the buzzer rang.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, they’re here. Could you--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got it.” Daichi buzzed their friends in and opened the door when they knocked. “Hey Kiyoko, hi Yachi. Thanks for coming. Here, I can take your coats--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Kiyoko shrugged off her black pea coat and handed it to him. “It’s good to be here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Daichi-san!” Yachi unzipped her puffy green jacket, her cheeks pink from the cold. “Wow, I like your apartment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s right, I’d forgotten you haven’t been here before. I’d give you the grand tour, but this is basically the whole thing.” He led them from the hallway to the main room, with the kitchen on the left half and the living room/dining room/study on the right half. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kiyoko, Yachi-chan!” Suga dried their hands on a dish towel and came to greet them. “We’re so glad you could make it. Can I get you anything to drink? Water, tea, wine?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take some tea,” Kiyoko said.  “Actually, we brought some sake, but I’m realizing I don’t know if it’ll pair well with a Thanksgiving dinner.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga laughed and took the bottle gratefully. “I can’t say I’ve ever had sake at a Thanksgiving before, but I want to try it.” The four of them made themselves comfortable around the low dining table and Daichi poured tea for everyone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It smells good,” Yachi commented. The food was ready, keeping warm on the stove, and the pumpkin pie was baking in the oven. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Koushi’s been working hard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So have you.” Suga nudged Daichi’s shoulder affectionately. “Yachi-chan, Daichi and I were trying to think when we saw you last and we realized it hasn’t been since the volleyball game back in October.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, yes! I’ve just been so busy with school lately. I don’t even see Kiyoko as much as I’d like to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiyoko looked at her girlfriend fondly. “You’ve taken on a lot. But the things you’re doing are really interesting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What have you been working on?” Suga asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Some graphic design projects. In the first two years of my program, we learn a lot of theory and boring basics. So now I get to make things that are actually fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell them about the competition,” Kiyoko prompted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, well. A professor has a friend who works in PR for Asics, and the friend said that the best student design proposal for their new website will get to pitch it to the PR department. And if the department likes it, you get paid as a contractor for your work on it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s really cool. Did you submit a proposal?” Suga said, sipping their tea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well...yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hitoka, don’t be modest,” Kiyoko chided.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, I’m one of the three finalists. We got feedback from the professor and I’ll be resubmitting it soon. So we’ll see what happens.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yachi! That’s amazing,” Daichi grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, good for you!” Suga agreed. “I can see how that would take a lot of time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m a bit of a perfectionist also, so it’s slow sometimes. But it pays off, I think.” She turned to Kiyoko, who nodded reassuringly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll never forget when you first made posters to help us fundraise for the volleyball club. They were so cute,” Daichi described to Suga.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still have one of the flyers tucked away somewhere,” Kiyoko added with a grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, that’s so embarrassing!” Yachi blushed and waved her hand. “My work now is a lot more impressive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They went around the table, each giving an update on what they’d been up to. Since quitting her job as Daichi’s secretary, Kiyoko had become a manager at a sporting goods store. Doing so had encouraged her to take up running again. Her old injuries meant that sprints and hurdles weren’t possible, but long, slow runs were going well. Daichi mentioned some of the student workshops he had planned and the short stories he was working on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve also been sort of toying with the idea of starting a new book.” He hesitated. “I don’t know, it’s such a big commitment. But Suga and I--well, mostly Suga--have been volunteering at this--how would you describe it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga laughed. “It’s a funny story. Daichi’s agent’s husband runs a convenience store-slash-cafe. He employs a lot of high schoolers. And queer kids sort of gravitate toward the place, maybe because Ukai himself is bi? Anyway, some of his employees don’t have supportive parents or great home lives. So they end up hanging around and doing homework in the store after hours. And Ukai’s a big softy, so he lingers around after closing, inventing reasons to stick around so there’s someone to supervise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s so sweet,” Yachi sighed. “I would have loved something like that in high school.” Kiyoko nodded in agreement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right?” Suga said. “And he wants to let them keep using the space after hours, but a lot of them are minors and he feels like there should be a responsible adult present. And he has a life, too, and can’t stay all the time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So Koushi and I were at my agent’s house for dinner, and we sort of got to talking with them about this. Suga had mentioned how they’d been wanting to give back and maybe volunteer with a group that supports LGBTQ people. One thing led to another…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...And now I babysit queer teenagers two nights a week and help them with their homework. Daichi comes to keep me company sometimes, and of course they all love him. They bug me every day asking if he’s going to come.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re selling yourself short,” Daichi said. “They idolize you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga shrugged, smiling. “One thing is for sure, they love that we’re together. They think we’re super cute. And they ask a lot of inappropriate questions about what our relationship is like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god,” Yachi giggled. “You don’t answer them, do you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ha, no. I do answer more wholesome stuff they ask. Like, ‘does dating boys feel different than dating girls?’ ‘Is it okay to be a lesbian and still change in the club room with other girls?’ And I have answered a few awkward sex questions, just because there’s so much misinformation about it online.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re very lucky to have you,” Kiyoko commented. Her blue eyes were thoughtful behind her glasses. “Both of you. I think I would have understood myself a lot sooner if I had a safe adult to talk to about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Suga smiled. “Oh, but we started talking about this because Daichi was talking about a potential book.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it’s just that being around teenagers has put this idea in my head of writing a novel in the young adult genre. Something that’s maybe a little less...deep than my first book. But I’m still sort of mulling it over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds exciting,” Yachi said. “I want to read it already.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi laughed. “We’ll see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga rested their hand on his back comfortingly. “Shall we eat? Dai, could you help me bring the food over?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, Suga, before you do. What have you been up to?” Kiyoko asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, me. Just the volunteering stuff that we talked about and teaching, really. Starting to get applications for law school together, which is a pain in the ass.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And dancing,” Daichi added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And dance class, yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you ever have performances?” Yachi inquired. “It would be so cool to go watch you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh gosh,” Suga laughed. “I think they happen twice a year? I’m sure if they do, Daichi will make sure everyone knows it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled, guilty as charged. “Food?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Yachi cheered. “Can we help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay! We got it.” The table was already set and had two orange candles flickering in the middle. Suga pulled the pie out of the oven and Daichi found serving utensils. They carried the warm dishes to the table, resting them on wooden trivets. And, of course, brought out the gift bottle of sake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, so we’ve got mashed potatoes with gravy and green beans”--the three Japanese citizens nodded in recognition--“and stuffing, which is like a soft bread dish that’s savory and sweet. There’s also pumpkin pie for dessert.” As they spoke, Daichi poured Suga, Kiyoko, and Yachi’s drinks, leaving his own empty for Suga to fill. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What should we toast to?” Yachi asked, holding the white ceramic cup.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Something Thanksgiving themed, right Suga?” Kiyoko suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, sure. Let’s see.” They poured Daichi his sake. “Cheers to us all here together. For being able to connect and build our friendship.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kampai!” They drank and served themselves portions of the steaming food. Daichi tried the green beans first; they were tender and flavorful. The buttery, smooth mashed potatoes didn’t disappoint either; he could tell he’d be eating a second serving of them. Then, the stuffing. He felt Suga’s eyes on him as he tried it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was...not what he was expecting. “Oh.” He chewed thoughtfully. “I think...hm. I think I like it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga laughed. Yachi chimed in. “It’s different. But I feel like I can tell it’s American, you know? Because it’s sweet and salty and bready.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s so savory, though. Is there meat in this?” Kiyoko asked, an inscrutable expression on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Chicken broth, yes. Please, don’t feel pressured to eat any of it if you don’t like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yachi was already serving herself more green beans with gusto. She’d started with mouse-sized portions, maybe to be polite in case she hated everything. “So this is what American celebrations are like!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Normally there would be more food. A turkey. People normally get together with friends or family. I actually hated it growing up, because I don’t get along with my dad and his parents, and we had to drive to another state to see them. But in college, I had some fun friendsgivings with my buddies.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiyoko nodded. “So is it just a holiday for gratitude? That’s sort of sweet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga shook their head as they finished their mouthful of potatoes. “That’s what it’s become, and that’s how I like to celebrate it. But its origins are pretty morbid. I was already talking Daichi’s ear off about it earlier.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The U.S. is weird,” Daichi agreed. “Not the benevolent world power it makes itself out to be. You said Thanksgiving originally celebrated indigenous people helping out British settlers, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right. Which is messed up, because then the settlers went on to steal indigenous land and viciously kill their people. And this eventually ended up happening all over the country. And even after the U.S. established its own government, it continued to force native people off the land and exploit them. It’s still going on to this day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yachi and Kiyoko looked horrified. “So...the holiday celebrates that?” Kiyoko asked, brow furrowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It celebrates indigenous people helping settlers and ignores all the bad stuff,” Suga said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Yachi set down her chopsticks, visibly upset.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s why I prefer not to celebrate the holiday’s origins and focus on being thankful for the good things in my life. And I donate to indigenous aid groups.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Koushi, this reminds me of this summer when you had to explain the American independence day to me. That was really depressing too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, the fourth of July. Yeah, another holiday that whitewashes U.S. history.” Suga shook their head. “It’s a weird, unjust country. But maybe we all could go around and share something we’re thankful for? That’s something I like to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” Kiyoko agreed. “And Suga, the green beans and potatoes are really good. And the stuffing is sort of growing on me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It makes you want more, doesn’t it?” Daichi said, serving himself another spoonful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so glad you like it.” Suga smiled. “I can say something I’m thankful for first. I’m really grateful for all the people I’ve met in the last three months, present company included. It’s made moving here so much easier. Like, having you two here with us? It makes things feel really homey. So thank you for welcoming me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s really lovely to be here with you, Suga-san!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiyoko nodded. “I agree. I’m glad we’re becoming better friends. And also…” she looked at Daichi, “I’m about to embarrass him, but I’ve known him for almost a decade, so I’m allowed to. Suga, I can see how happy you make Daichi. He needs someone like you. As his friend, I’m grateful he found you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga’s eyes looked a little watery. “Thank you, Kiyoko. That means a lot to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi rested a hand on the small of Suga’s back. “And let’s not forget that Kiyoko is the whole reason Suga and I met in the first place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? How did that happen?” Yachi asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hired Suga as Daichi’s personal assistant.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How many people applied?” Suga inquired curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I’m not sure. It was months ago. But maybe five hundred?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga squawked. “You picked me out of </span>
  <em>
    <span>five hundred</span>
  </em>
  <span> people?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know that,” Daichi marveled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I could throw out a lot of applications easily--people who were too old, or too young. Anyone who didn’t speak Japanese. So that got rid of half. Then there was a question about LGBTQ+ issues, and some people gave really flimsy answers. That got me down to maybe 150? Then I picked my favorites from there based on how friendly and competent the answers seemed. I ended up interviewing twenty-five, and out of all of them, Suga was my favorite. They seemed like the one Daichi would most likely be friends with. And they had a sort of--toughness about them? Like they would be able to tell Daichi off for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow.” Yachi looked from Suga, to Kiyoko, to Daichi. “You really knew what you were doing. It’s scary to think about. What if you’d picked someone else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m eternally grateful you didn’t,” Daichi said, rubbing a hand over Suga’s back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too.” Suga shivered. “Kiyoko, Daichi and I really owe you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can just promise me your firstborn child,” she said nonchalantly, and everyone laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I said this already, but to say my official Thanksgiving gratitude: I’m thankful for Kiyoko bringing us together. And I’m thankful that I’ve been able to reconnect with my younger siblings.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m grateful for my mom’s health. She was doing poorly, but it’s really improving. And I’m grateful that I’ve avoided any running injuries.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm, I’m grateful for learning so much in college and having support from professors and friends. It’s exciting to study something I like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga nodded, smiling. “Perfect! Thank you all for indulging me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does it feel like a Thanksgiving?” Daichi asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, very much so. One of my favorites.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so glad!” Yachi said, eagerly polishing off another serving of potatoes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Kiyoko, before I forget. I’m so glad your mom is doing better. Would she be up for visitors? I’m in Miyagi every so often to see my siblings.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, but I’d like to come along too. Oh, well,” she frowned, “then she’s going to bug us and ask if we’ve tried dating each other yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, I remember her not-so-subtle hints about how athletic our kids would be.” Suga chuckled and Yachi tried not to look bothered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just say Daichi has a girlfriend,” Suga suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi stared at them. “But you’re not a girl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They shrugged. “It doesn’t bother me if you lie about what gender I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm, alright. And if she asks to see a picture of you, I’ll just say you’re not very photogenic and shy about getting your picture taken.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Foolproof,” Suga grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The conversation wandered as they finished up dinner. Suga brought out the pumpkin pie and another bottle of sake. It was funny to watch Yachi get louder as she got more tipsy. Kiyoko’s delivery stayed the same, but her comments were sharper and completely uninhibited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“On the way over here, Hitoka and I were talking about you two. And we were curious about something. We weren’t going to ask, but now I want to. I’m sure I’ll be embarrassed by this when I’m sober, but I don’t really care.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga giggled. “Go ahead. I’ll answer literally anything.” Daichi was too buzzed to feel concerned about that statement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Throughout your whole relationship, you’ve lived together the whole time. Isn’t that--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How?!” Yachi interrupted. “How. Don’t you need alone time? Personal space? Space to be alone and, I don’t know, fart? Pop pimples? Be gross?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi laughed. “Fortunately or unfortunately, we got pretty immune to each other’s grossness over the summer. Like, before we got together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga nodded. “We definitely do stuff separately, too. We’re not joined at the hip. And I’m out of the house for work every weekday. I don’t know, this is weird, and maybe it’ll go away after we’ve been together longer. But I really love being close to him, to the point where hugging isn’t even close enough. I want to, like, crawl inside his skin.” Everyone made a face. “I told you it was weird! And even if we’re both in the apartment doing our own thing, I like looking up and seeing him there. It’s nice. His face is so cute. So, I don’t know. It’s working for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aw, babe.” Daichi squeezed their hand and Suga grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You two are like, the perfect couple,” Yachi sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you kidding? You two are so lovely together. I’m mean to Daichi, sometimes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m grown, I can handle it,” Daichi snorted. “But Suga’s right. You two are really cute together. How long has it been now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eight months,” Kiyoko said promptly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t even pause to think!” Suga exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s--I mean.” She looked at Yachi. The two of them were clearly holding hands under the table. “It’s sort of exciting, keeping track. Because of that, I always know how long it’s been.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean, exciting?” Yachi asked, curiously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love being with you. So every increasing month that we’ve been together, it makes me happy. That you keep wanting to be with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kiyoko!” Yachi wiped at her eyes. “Please don’t make me cry in public.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is a private, gay-friendly zone. Cry all you want,” Suga said kindly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, let’s change the subject,” Yachi said, waving her hands in front of her face to dry her tears. Kiyoko placed a reassuring hand on her back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I have something I wanted to ask. Kiyoko--and Yachi-chan, too--I was wondering, do you have any stories about Daichi when he was in high school?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s really not necessary,” Daichi tried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh please, Daichi. You’re twenty-three, you have a successful career, your own place, a significant other who you’re crazy about. We need to keep you humble somehow.” Kiyoko sipped her sake, grinning. “So one really funny thing Daichi used to do was go on dates without knowing they were dates.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noo,” he groaned, “I’ve tried so hard to scrub this from my memory.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, how could you not know?” Suga asked curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, he was gay and oblivious. So girls would confess to him, and he would think ‘aw, she likes me platonically, that’s so nice.’ They would end up going out to eat or for walks together, and Daichi would just be his kind self, and they took that as romantic interest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, that’s too good,” Suga gasped, breathless with laughter. “But then how did he find out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He wouldn’t!” she exclaimed. “It was only when he told me about it that I’d connect the dots and have to say, ‘Daichi, this girl has feelings for you’.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Such a heartbreaker.” Suga kissed his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, Kiyoko. I wasn’t there when this happened, but didn’t--” Yachi leaned to whisper into the older woman’s ear, and Kiyoko’s blue eyes got wide.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hitoka, you’re absolutely right.” She smiled, and Daichi winced preemptively. “Suga, you know Kageyama and Hinata.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Their first day on the team, they were being ridiculously competitive. So much so that they wouldn’t listen to Daichi when he tried to get them to calm down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oooh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly. To make matters worse, the vice principal had stopped by the gym to check up on the volleyball team. He was disapproving because Daichi couldn’t control them. And then, the ball they were playing with flew out of control. It hit the vice principal in the face. His </span>
  <em>
    <span>toupee</span>
  </em>
  <span> flew off. </span>
  <em>
    <span>And it landed onto Dachi’s head.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Daichi said miserably. Yachi was beside herself with laughter. Suga gasped in horror. “I think a part of me died that day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really had to deal with a lot that year,” Kiyoko said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you made them obedient after that!” Yachi pointed out. “I was really scared of you until I realized you were only firm with people who needed it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, well. I tried.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga rubbed his back. “It sounds like you did a great job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He did,” Kiyoko confirmed. “But Suga.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I realized something about you, but it requires a little backstory. Hitoka is the stereotypical lesbian.” Yachi dissolved into laughter, resting a hand on Kiyoko’s thigh for support. “Because, one, she doesn’t like men. They make her uncomfortable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Men are programmed to make me uncomfortable! It’s the patriarchy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it’s different if she knows them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah--Daichi-san, you’re great!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed, holding Suga’s hand under the table. “Thanks, Yachi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had a point to this, though.” Kiyoko frowned, a red flush on her cheeks. “Oh! Two, she’s also a stereotype because she gets nervous around pretty girls.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do not!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiyoko smiled fondly at her. “Anyway. Before we met you in person, Suga, I was curious as to what she’d think of you. Because you’re not a man, and although you’re very pretty, you’re not a woman.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I--uh, thank you?” Suga sputtered. Daichi noted their embarrassment with amusement. Usually comments on their appearance didn’t phase them. Which was a good thing, because Suga was beautiful and people often told them so. He suspected that a compliment from Kiyoko, a goddess in her own right, was enough to make anyone nervous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But when you met Yachi it was like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>click! </span>
  </em>
  <span>It’s a combination of your gender and your friendly personality, but you hit it off right away. And at that moment, I realized the true power nonbinary people hold.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh wow. I’m...so flattered?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s true,” Daichi confirmed. “Suga has a specific effect on people, even people who don’t know they’re nonbinary. It’s like, everyone is simultaneously very comfortable around them and a little attracted to them.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not true,” they sputtered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes it is,” the other three said in unison. Suga put their face in their hands, blushing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Several embarrassing stories about Kiyoko, one pumpkin pie, and a lot of laughter later, the night was coming to a close. Daichi and Kiyoko started to clear the table, waving off the protests of their giggly, red-cheeked significant others. So Yachi and Suga stayed seated, leaning towards each other and laughing conspiratorially.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga hasn’t had much to drink since starting work,” Daichi said as he and Kiyoko stacked dirty plates in the sink. “I think their tolerance has gone down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiyoko smiled fondly. “Hitoka’s always been a lightweight. I don’t mind, though. It’s nice seeing her uninhibited.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m really happy for you two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m really happy for </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> two,” she said. “Suga looks so happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look at us. It feels like just yesterday we were complaining to each other about how single we were.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And now you practically share a brain with your significant other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tilted his head, confused. “Suga and I don’t share a brain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at him knowingly. “Sure, Daichi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What Kiyoko said lingered in his mind even as they all said goodbye fondly. The apartment was quiet, peaceful as they got ready for bed, putting off the rest of cleanup until the next day. They crowded into the little bathroom together to brush their teeth. Suga slung an arm around Daichi’s shoulders while they brushed. Daichi stared at their two faces in the bathroom mirror, squinting so that their bodies blurred into each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Under the covers together and slightly tipsy, their hands laced together. Suga’s breathing was soothing to listen to. He could feel himself slipping into sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel like we’re starting to share a brain.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi tried to figure out how he said that without moving his mouth. Then, a little creeped out, he realized it was Suga who’d murmured it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? You’re making a face.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing. It’s just funny because Kiyoko made the same observation about us earlier.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did she really?” Suga smiled, trailing their fingers over his chest. “I kind of don’t mind it. I never would have thought that I could ever be so in harmony with someone. I mean, I was scared of relationships for so long. But it’s like something you said to me once—I get to fall asleep with my best friend every night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m your best friend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dai!” They kissed his cheek. “Yes. Of course. Who else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know—Koutarou? Tooru?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, no. You’re my favorite. And not just because the sex is good.” He laughed and pulled them closer affectionately. “Seriously, though. I love being with you. You’re my rock. I left the only country I’ve ever lived in and I still feel like I’m at home with you.” They stroked his hair back from his forehead. “I don’t think I tell you that enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nice to hear. But I can feel it, too. In everything we do together. You make me feel so loved.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. I believe that’s what I was sent to the earth to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kou.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m serious!” They lowered their voice, soft. “Tell me this doesn’t feel holy to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Our divine purpose?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so.” Their hazel eyes were luminous, and Daichi was happy to drown in them. “Ugh, I forgot tomorrow is Friday. I hope I don’t have a hangover.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you have painkillers and water right when you wake up, maybe it’ll go away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm, okay.” They yawned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to lay some out for you so you can take them first thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t leave meee.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be back in thirty seconds.” They pouted as Daichi untangled himself so he could grab pills from the bathroom downstairs. “There, that wasn’t so bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmph.” They latched onto Daichi as soon as he laid back down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They settled in together, making little shifts and adjustments until they were comfortable. Suga laid their head on Daichi’s chest, a warm, grounding weight. One hand idly stroked their back. He was almost asleep when he heard a quiet “Dai?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm, whas up.” His words were slightly slurred.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we stay together for a long time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His hand stroking their back paused. He wondered if they could feel his heart rate pick up. “I would really like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Good.” They still sounded a little unconvinced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can stay together as long as you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga lifted their sleepy head from his chest to look at him properly. He couldn’t help but smile at their cranky frown. “But what if </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> don’t want to stay together anymore?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled. “That’s not going to be an issue for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stared at each other. Suga furrowed their brow. “You can’t know that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well.” He brushed their hair off of their forehead. “I know I’m happy with you. I know I want to wake up next to you tomorrow, and the day after, and next month. Next year. I want you with me, Koushi. And no matter how far into the future we go, you’re still going to be you and I’m still going to be me. So I’m going to keep holding onto the person who makes me so happy, for as long as they’ll have me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For forever?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If that’s what you want, sweetheart. I’ll be right there with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Promise?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise.” He stroked their cheek. “Want me to put a ring on it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga cracked a smile. “It’s too early for that. Let’s keep test driving this thing before we break out the hardware.” Daichi laughed. “I just like the security of knowing that you’re not going anywhere.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope. You’re stuck with me, Sugawara.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They settled their head back onto his chest and squeezed him tightly. “Thank god for that, Sawamura.”</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I think its rly sweet that the first and penultimate chapters of this fic both give us a glimpse of Daichi and Kiyoko’s friendship, she was a constant in this journey from the beginning and she’s seen him grow so much &lt;3</p><p>I hope you enjoyed! There was a *lot* of info packed into this chapter. I hope it felt interesting and not too dense. As always, I live for your comments :) I'm curious--what do you think about the daisuga relationship 4 months in? Is their life in Tokyo what you expected? Was there anything you especially liked/thought was clever or funny?</p><p>next chapter will be the final one, damn!! I really can't believe it. jsyk, it will be a bit different because it will be a bunch of short vignettes about different events in daisuga's future life rather than the whole chapter being about one time period. I will have a looong end note next time explaining a bit about what this work has meant to me and thanking certain people :) my goal is to have it done by dec 1! thank you for reading &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. suga gets married</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>quick note! each subsection of this chapter takes place a certain number of years after chapter 23. so "two years later"=2 years after ch 23. "fifteen years later"=15 years after ch 23.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>1. Two years later</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dai. Sweetheart. I love you, and I know you’re nervous, but could you please stop pacing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right. Sorry.” He fidgeted nervously in the center of their living room and checked the time again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga sighed and looked up from their intimidating pile of papers with tiny text. “Takeda didn’t give you a time when he’d email you, did he?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope, he just said ‘sometime Friday morning.’ And it’s 8:21 pm on Thursday here, meaning it’s 10:21 am on Friday in Tokyo, meaning he’s been at his desk for eighty-one minutes already.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. I’m so close to finishing this brief, so just give me five minutes? Then we’ll sit together on the couch and you’ll take a break from refreshing your inbox.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you’ll take a break from studying.” They needed it, judging from the gray bags under their eyes. Columbia Law School, to the surprise of no one, was intense. Suga had applied on a whim because the program had a social justice bent. Because the acceptance rate was so low, they never seriously considered it as an option and had even forgotten they’d applied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Until decisions were released and Daichi poked his head into the bedroom after hearing a panicked yelp. He read the message on their application portal himself to reassure Suga that no, they weren’t seeing things. They refused to celebrate until a week had gone by with no ‘sorry, we accidentally admitted you and are rescinding the offer’ emails.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi, being of the opinion that Suga was brilliant and tenacious and could do anything they set their mind to, wasn’t surprised. But in October of Suga’s first year, he found himself wishing they’d never gotten accepted in the first place. Nights at the Sugawara-Sawamura apartment followed a routine of Suga coming home exhausted, trying to study, having a breakdown because everything was so damn convoluted and impossible, calming down, then staying up until three to finish their work. It hurt to see them so beaten down and miserable. The two of them had seriously discussed Suga dropping out--in addition to the workload, some of the professors were pompous assholes and students were snobby and transphobic. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Suga, being Suga, managed to find friends anyway. Having other people to study with turned out to be their key to absorbing the inaccessible knowledge. And it lightened their mood tremendously to commiserate with others and not feel stupid for struggling. They were still working their ass off--this fall, they were interning at a legal clinic in addition to their courses. But they were also spending quality, intentional time with Daichi and their friends and sleeping more than three hours a night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thinking about his partner was a good distraction from worrying over Takeda’s incoming email. Reminding himself firmly not to pace, he mused about how he and Suga might spend this upcoming Saturday morning together. Traditionally, they turned off all alarms and woke up whenever their bodies decided to. They’d lounge around in bed, which sometimes turned into more intimate acts and other times was interrupted by the unsexy growls of hungry stomachs. Brunch was a celebratory affair, whether they cooked or threw on clothes to get something they were craving. The rest of the day depended on how busy and tired they both were. Some Saturdays turned into spontaneous outings while others ended up with them reading for work on the couch together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi began to think about a tiny breakfast place they’d gone to a few months back. Suga might not want to go back there this Saturday; it was definitely out of the way. But the french toast there was the best he’d ever had, and the huevos rancheros…!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga stood and sighed, interrupting his train of thought. “Alright, I’m done. For now.” Even with tired eyes, their smile was warm and loving. “Couch time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They settled in, Suga lounging with Daichi’s head on their chest. They always talked about how grounding it felt to hold him, which worked out nicely because it was one of the few things that reliably calmed him down. Their body began to relax under him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t fall asleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘M not,” they grunted unconvincingly. “The email you’re waiting for, it has people’s reviews of your book in it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, everyone who we sent an advance copy to who wanted to review it. There's very little we’d actually change at this point. It’s more to get those blurbs you see on the back of the book. And starting to get people excited about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm.” They ran a hand soothingly up and down his back. “I can see why you’re nervous.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” He sighed, breathing in the comforting scent of their deodorant and warm skin. “The reviews have been rolling in for the past month, but Takeda said he’d send them to me all at once at the deadline so I’m not constantly on edge.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Smart.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s the law?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They exhaled dismissively. “Oh, you know. Very legal.” He chuckled. “Actually, I got a little bit of bad news just now while I was studying. Don’t worry, no one’s dead or in danger,” they added hurriedly. “And it’s not about me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Still unnerving, even with those qualifiers. “Well, what is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure he wants me to tell you. But you and I are like, one person. I can’t keep anything from you and no one should expect me to.” Daichi grinned, able to discern what face Suga was making from their tone. “Keiji and Koutarou broke up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi lurched up to look at them, stunned. “They </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Broke up,” Suga repeated mildly, brushing hair off his forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit, why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm. A lot of reasons. Mostly they felt too codependent? Sort of like they were obsessed with each other and were always stifling each other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn.” He mentally sorted through his memories of Keiji and Koutarou. What Suga described made sense. He’d always assumed they were aware of their codependency and that it was healthy. They seemed happy, after all. “How are they?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wrecked. And in the opposite way you’d expect. Kou’s withdrawn, silent, almost like he’s in shock. Keiji’s sobbing and ranting to anyone who will listen.” Daichi shuddered; both of those images went against the natural order of things. “I’d be more worried, but Tetsurou and Hajime are with Kou and Keiji’s with the friends that he lives with. Which is great, because I want to be emotionally supportive, but I also am drowning in work right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded, pensive and heavy-hearted. “You don’t seem that surprised.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I definitely was at first. But the longer I thought about it, the more sense it made. I actually think they did the right thing. It’s not that they’re inherently bad for each other, they just both have some emotional maturing to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think they’ll get back together? Once they’ve done that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga shrugged. “I’m not counting on it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow.” He sat back against the couch, still absorbing. “That’s so sad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It really is.” They curled up next to him. “I feel so bad for saying this. But…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned to look at them. “You’re glad it’s not us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” They cringed at themself. “But like. Glad it </span>
  <em>
    <span>couldn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>be us, if that makes sense. Because I think our relationship is more mature and thoughtful. And healthy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel the same way.” Daichi took Suga’s hand in his and pressed it to his chest. “It’s a reminder of how lucky we are, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They nodded, brow furrowed, and he leaned in to kiss them. It was soft, reassuring. A constant. A reminder that he was home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After not nearly enough time sitting together and cuddling, Suga began to shift. “Alright--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nooo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, babe. I really need to get back to work.” They kissed the top of his head before extracting themself. “Want to check your phone one more time with me here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, right. Good idea.” He refreshed his inbox, prepared to not see anything. Except there it was, sitting at the top of all his emails: ‘Reviews and comments for MB,’ from Takeda Ittetsu. “Ah. It’s here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is?!” Suga peered over his shoulder. “Quick, grab your laptop so you can read it better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A brief scuffle later (“Shit, mine’s about to die, can I use yours?” “I’ve got all my work up on it--just use yours, look, there’s an outlet right here--” “But I can’t find my charger!”) Daichi’s laptop was on his lap, charging, and proudly displaying the long document with reviews of his book.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I read over your shoulder?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. I mean, you’ve read the book.” He’d given Suga an advance copy too. They finished it in one sitting and had been singing its praises ever since. He began to read with trepidation, hopeful that his reviewers would be similarly supportive.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Sawamura’s latest novel has all of the magical realism and cutting insight readers have come to expect from his work. But his first foray into the young adult genre carries newfound lightness. His masterful, organic storytelling leaves readers struck by the painful, humorous joy of becoming a person at odds with the world they live in.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Once again, Sawamura’s work defies categorization. A skillfully crafted novel for literary snobs that starkly comments on the self and society? A tender, raw, exciting story that teenagers will devour?  </span>
  </em>
  <span>Mirror Boy </span>
  <em>
    <span>is, exquisitely, both. Do yourself a favor and read it.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It is impossible to describe this book to people because it is unlike any other book I have read. It’s better than what you’re imagining.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“</span>
  </em>
  <span>Mirror Boy </span>
  <em>
    <span>is magic.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I will recommend this book to everyone. At the same time. I cannot be held responsible for what you do after you read it. You will perhaps leave a successful career years in the making, divorce your spouse, or burrow into the earth to become one with the universe, and therefore, yourself.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Mr. Sawamura writes beautifully about love, oppression, and identity. Mr. Sawamura also does not take himself too seriously, and gives a gentle reality check to all of us who get bogged down in our own selves. Throughout all of the emotional highs and lows, this novel shimmers with playful delight.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Upon finishing </span>
  </em>
  <span>Mirror Boy </span>
  <em>
    <span>I felt a hollowness in my chest that I couldn’t place. I realized it was the desire to live in the rich world of this novel and hold the main character’s hand through his journey.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“This book reads like an old friend and yet surprises you at every turn. Impossible to put down.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Writing about intense emotions without coming across as saccharine or overdramatic is quite difficult. The writer must transform something highly intuitive and difficult to categorize into evocative words. Sawamura does so brilliantly, allowing readers to connect to the characters as if they were real.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Holy shit,” Suga said quietly, turning to look at him. “Dai. This is incredible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi kept re-reading words that seemed too good to be true. Inside him, something was settling into place. These reviews confirmed that his successful first novel hadn’t been a fluke. That he truly did have ideas and a gift worth sharing with the world. He’d done it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Holy shit,” he repeated. “Are you reading what I’m reading?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Famous authors and critics being in love with your book? Yeah, I’m reading it.” They wrapped an arm around his shoulder and squeezed. “I’m so, so proud of you. How do you feel?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just--ah.” He shook his head. “I’m...relieved.” His heartbeat was finally starting to calm down, but he still felt full of nervous energy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga rubbed a hand soothingly on his back. “I didn’t realize how much this was weighing on you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t either.” Daichi leaned against their comforting, sturdy body. “I feel like everything in my life is going too well right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I think I’m actually going to be able to do this author thing as a real career. People like my writing. I have friends, family, a nice apartment. And you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me?” Their tone was teasing, loving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, yeah.” He tilted his head up to look at them, and they kissed him gently. “You’re the best part of it all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.” And there was that soft smile he would never tire of. “The feeling’s mutual, my love.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>2. Four years later</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Daichi and Suga entered the large room, they found their luggage hospitably placed on a bench by the door. The hassle of taking a train, a taxi, and a boat to get to the hotel had been worth it, Daichi thought. Traditional screens flanked the view from the large window. Outside, green trees rustled softly. The tranquility was reflected inside too, with pale blue walls, crisp white bedding, and elegant wooden beams and furniture.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s as gorgeous as it was in the pictures.” Suga wrapped their arms around Daichi’s waist and perched their chin on his shoulder. “We did a good job choosing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm.” He leaned back against them, enjoying the stillness. The two of them watched the leafy boughs sway. Quiet moments like these were exactly why they’d wanted this vacation. When Daichi asked Suga back in February what they wanted for their graduation present in May, they had scowled from across the kitchen table and muttered darkly about “‘m not even gonna graduate at this rate” and “god, I need to get the fuck out of this city.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Daichi bought two plane tickets to Tokyo and told the agent leasing their apartment there that the tenants would need to be gone by August. Suga’s late-night fantasies of escaping from society resulted in Daichi researching peaceful getaways in nature. When he finally convinced them that no, relaxing after three years of hard work was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> a waste of money, they helped him decide on one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which brought them to Kyoto, in a hotel with luxurious modern amenities in a traditional setting. Their room overlooked the tranquil Katsura River, with a view of lush green trees as far as the eye could see. And there was a huge bamboo forest nearby that both of them were excited to explore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After they’d cleaned off the travels of the day and were comfortably dressed in the hotel’s matching yukatas, they settled down to drink tea at the low table near the window. A breeze floated in, and Daichi inhaled appreciatively. New York’s sticky, polluted heat felt refreshingly far away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This feels so grown up.” Suga cradled the simple white mug in their hands. “Vacationing together. Like a thing real couples do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled, gazing at their tired face. Their hair was a little shorter now. He liked how it made their eyes stand out more. “It’s been four years. I think we might be a real couple by now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.” Their small grin was illuminated by the evening sun filtering through the window. “I guess sometimes I don’t feel like a serious, grown-up couple because I feel like a fake adult. I kept thinking that maybe I’d stop feeling it when I graduated college, or law school, or got a real job. Now I’m twenty-seven, and I still feel like I’m faking it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Who gave us the authority to be in charge of our lives?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly.” They both sipped from their cups appreciatively. “But it’s kind of funny, the timing of this. It was almost exactly four years ago when we had our first vacation together.” Daichi looked at them quizzically. “You remember! Up to the Catskills? The lookout where I told you I wanted to move back to Japan with you? The hot tub?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The hot tub from that trip would forever be seared into his memory. “Ohh. Of course. You’re right, that was early August too.” He stroked their arm. “Do you think that the you then would be surprised to see where we are now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga gazed into the distance, pensive. “Logically, yes. I’d be shocked that a committed relationship was going so well for me. I really thought I’d never date seriously, before you. Emotionally…” They turned back to look at him with the smile he knew so well. “I had a feeling, even then. That I didn’t want to let you go. And that this could be...well. This could be it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It?” he asked teasingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They rolled their eyes. “You know. The real thing? True love? The relationship I’d be in for the rest of my life?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I know.” They took his hand. Daichi reacquainted himself with his favorite view, reminding himself that this was Suga. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Suga</span>
  </em>
  <span>. They’d both chosen to be alone here, far from family and friends, save for the company of one person. And he was the person Suga most wanted to spend their time with. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Thank you, thank you, thank you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Daichi prayed. This wonderful human, his favorite person, was here holding his hand. Choosing to be by his side every day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wanted to try to explain this to them, to fully express his gratitude, the magnitude of his happiness. And he would, one day, he promised himself. Whatever it took. Poems, essays, novels on the subject of his love for Sugawara Koushi, so they could understand how fully they held his heart in their hands. But for now--</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you, Koushi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too, Daichi.” They smiled at him, gaze filled with warmth. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Home. This is home. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And then they were kissing, </span>
  <em>
    <span>and wasn’t one of the most wonderful about kissing that your faces got to be so close? Cheeks to cheeks, noses nestled together. Almost like your eyelashes could brush each other’s. A simple kiss had no right to feel this good. But how could he not be overwhelmed? When his heart was constantly beating to the tune of “Koushi, Koushi, Koushi,” and now the person themself was here, filling his space, up against him, real and warm and present--</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt them smile against his lips before pulling away. “Damn it, Daichi.” Their expression was a funny mix of joy, frustration, and uncertainty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” They didn’t answer, looking at his face thoughtfully. “Kou?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just--” There seemed to be something they were holding themself back from saying. “Ah, fuck. Of course this would happen, you’re just too--ugh.” Suga got up and walked away, leaving a bemused Daichi behind. “Stay there for a sec.” They didn’t go far, rummaging through their suitcase.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you--do you want to have sex or something?” he asked curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I mean, well.” They looked up to catch his eye and smiled, fond and handsome. “Yes. But there’s something else. Close your eyes for one second?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He did so, trusting them instinctually. Even if Suga was the more off-the-wall one in the relationship, they normally had a good reason for doing things. He wanted to help them resolve whatever distress they were having, and doing what they wanted was the fastest way to do so.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can open.” Nothing looked different when he did, and Suga plopped back down next to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So...what was that all about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga smiled and kissed him. “Well, my dear. I want you to know that I had a more romantic plan for this.” They took his hands in theirs, their expression soft. “But then we were talking, and just being together--I’m so happy, you know? So I couldn’t not say the thing that was on my heart. You know I’m not good at keeping things from you.” Suga squeezed his hands tightly and closed their eyes, taking a deep breath in and out. Daichi couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen his partner so...nervous? Shaken?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it, Kou?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, sorry. I’m being a little strange, aren’t I? Forget all of that--me freaking out. The important thing is, I need to tell you something.” They took another steadying breath before meeting his eyes. “Daichi. All my life I hated the idea that true love was about finding someone that completes you. I’m complete as I am, right? And I always thought that it was kind of pathetic to say that--to want that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And now I’m in love, and I can confidently say--my love, you do not complete me. You do something better. You elevate me. You help me be the person I want to be. But also, you make me feel things I never thought I could feel. When we were kissing before this, and just sitting, being together--I am uplifted. You are safety, stability, and yet I feel like loving you and being loved by you sets me on fire and takes me to an entirely new place. For me...it doesn’t get better than this. Everything about you and everything we do together is special to me. But I’m selfish. You, this, is so amazing--and yet, I want more. I want it every day, for the rest of my life.” Suga smiled as a tear slipped down their cheek and gently extracted their hands from his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sawamura Daichi.” They pulled a small black box from the folds of their yukata and a chill ran up Daichi’s body. Inside was a simple silver band. “Will you marry me? I want to call you my husband and be with you always.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I--what?” He looked from their face to the ring. “Really? I thought you said you didn’t want to get engaged until results from the bar exam came back in a couple months--and you had some job stability--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought so too. But then I was studying and studying one day and I realized--I don’t give a shit what happens on the exam. I want Daichi to be my husband, and the rest will work itself out. And also...I wanted to surprise you.” Suga exhaled nervously. “So. What do you say?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stared at each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Let’s get married.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” Suga asked hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Koushi, if you don’t stop being such a tease and put the ring on me, I’m going to have to take matters into my own hands.” They laughed and slid the band onto his left ring finger, then planted a soft kiss on it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had a whole plan to propose when we went to the bamboo forest tomorrow. It was going to be so romantic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi shook his head, unable to stop smiling. “This was perfect. Absolutely perfect.” They held each other close, savoring the moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re engaged,” he realized.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re fiances,” Suga added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow.” He pressed close to his partner. “I’m so happy, Kou.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The leaves rustled outside their room. “Me too, sweetheart.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>3. Six years later</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s my HUSBAND?” a voice shouted from down the hall. Peals of laughter followed it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiyoko stuck her head out of Daichi’s dressing room to answer. “He’s not your husband yet, and you’ll get to see him soon, so be patient.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga, get back here! I have to fold your pocket square.” Tooru’s voice was equal parts annoyed and amused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi laughed. “Stay still,” Keiji muttered as he flattened Daichi’s hair into place. “And don’t tell me you’re going to try to escape and see them too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would never,” he said unconvincingly, and Hajime snorted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t! I’m just saying, I don’t get the ‘you can’t see your fiance on the day of the wedding’ thing.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A knock at the door. “It’s not Suga, I swear,” Koutarou’s voice called. Kiyoko opened the door a crack and, seeing that Suga was safely back in their own dressing room, let him in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi! You look so great.” Koutarou’s eyes looked a little misty. “I can’t believe it’s finally the day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me neither,” he admitted. The Daichi reflected in the mirror certainly looked like a groom, and his groomsmen had all cleaned up nicely in their charcoal suits. In some ways, they looked just like the men he’d met six years ago. Lanky, striking Keiji; grinning, larger-than-life Koutarou; and Hajime, handsome and reliable. But something about the matching suits--</span>
  <em>
    <span>when did we all start looking so old?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, uh. Keiji, Suga was wondering if you and I could switch places. They wanted your opinion on something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” A beat of awkwardness passed between Koutarou and Keiji as they made eye contact. Then Keiji hurriedly made his exit and it was gone. Daichi and Suga had asked both of them--separately, of course--if they’d be comfortable being in the wedding party with their ex there too. Both waved off any concerns, saying that it’d been almost four years since their breakup and that they were “friends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hajime,” Daichi muttered so Koutarou couldn’t hear. The other man bent down to where Daichi was seated, looking effortlessly handsome and broad-shouldered. “Thanks for doing me and Suga a solid and getting back together with Tooru last year. Best wedding gift you could have given us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hajime cuffed him over the head affectionately. “Asshole.” They both laughed. “But you’re right. Koutarou and Keiji provide more than enough awkwardness for one wedding party.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jokes aside, Daichi was glad his friends were a couple again. Breaking up for a while had been a much-needed wake up call. Even from the outside, their relationship seemed more mature and relaxed now. Fewer jabs at each other, more open appreciation. It was nice, watching his friends be so in love. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No messing up his hair, Hajime.” Kiyoko said strictly, while the corner of her mouth twitched and she raised her phone to take a picture.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s so funny?” Koutarou slung his arms around Daichi and Hajime’s shoulders. “I wanna hear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Koutarou, how does Suga look?” Daichi asked, changing the topic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh man.” He grinned. “If you don’t cry when you see them, something’s wrong with you. They’re beautiful, handsome, every adjective.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A shiver went up Daichi’s spine. “</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another knock on the door. “It’s me. Suga’s not here.” Hajime opened the door a crack to check that Tetsurou was alone before letting him in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi!” Tetsurou grasped his shoulders and held him at arms length. “Ah, you’re so handsome, Suga’s gonna lose it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Tetsu. Did they kick you out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mostly Keiji. He said I was being ‘annoying.’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow. How could anyone ever feel that way about you, Kuroo-san?” Kiyoko asked dryly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello to you too, Shimizu-san. You look lovely, as expected.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I might need a glass of champagne.” Daichi said abruptly. He turned away from his reflection in the mirror and looked at Koutarou hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not? Let’s all have a toast.” Koutarou popped the bottle Daichi had received as a gift and filled five plastic champagne flutes that Tooru had the foresight to bring. “Feeling a little nervous, Daichi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I just can’t believe it’s finally happening.” He glanced back at the mirror, still surprised to see himself in the crisp, black tuxedo. His dark blue bowtie matched Suga’s suit, and both grooms wore white rose boutonnieres. Everything fit perfectly, and it didn’t hurt that his friends wouldn’t stop talking about how good he looked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay to be nervous,” Kiyoko reassured him. “But at the same time--it’s just Suga. The person you joke around with and see at their ugliest moments.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ Yeah, Daichi. Suga has literally thrown up on you. Don’t be too intimidated,“ Tetsurou added. Daichi laughed; somehow, the memory of that made him feel comforted. They all raised their glasses and looked around at each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To a wonderful wedding for Daichi and Suga,” Hajime said simply. They all said “kampai” and drank.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga’s okay, right?” The champagne was sharp and bubbly on his tongue. “They’re not too nervous? They don’t want to postpone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Tetsurou and Koutarou choroused. Tetsurou rolled his eyes. “I was just with them, remember? They’re doing fine. Nervous, excited. Same as you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A knock at the door. “It’s Sayuri. Everyone but Daichi and Shimizu, it’s time.” Daichi felt his stomach swoop as his groomsmen filed out, squeezing his shoulders and rubbing his back on the way out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still think it’s funny that the two of you decided Suga would stand by the officiant and you’d walk down the aisle because you’re younger by seven months,” Kiyoko commented, adjusting his boutonniere. She looked radiant, of course. They’d told her she could wear whatever she wanted because she was the only woman in the bridal party. The dress she’d chosen was a deep purple, and the contacts she only bothered with on special occasions made her blue eyes even more striking. Suga had joked that no one would want to watch them get married because the maid of honor (Kiyoko) and best man (Tooru, for Suga) would outshine them. “Having pretty friends is a curse,” Tooru had responded gravely, before Hajime and Suga flicked him on the head affectionately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, we almost flipped a coin for it.” Daichi smiled. “But then they convinced me otherwise. I am a bit sad I won’t get to see Sayuri walk Koushi down the aisle.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm. Well, that’s what the wedding tape is for.” She flattened his hair again. “You ready?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked into her eyes. It was bittersweet that his parents, siblings, and many of his Japanese friends weren’t here, but there was no one he’d rather have walk him down the aisle than Kiyoko.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their venue was small enough that he could see his fiance clearly from the end of the aisle. All of the decorations, flowers, and guests faded into the background. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga’s lips were parted slightly, stunned. They looked directly at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Koushi. </span>
  </em>
  <span>His Koushi. Elegant, magnetic, radiant. Daichi was torn between freezing in place and sprinting down the aisle into their arms. Kiyoko tugged him gently to get him moving down the aisle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga was beaming, now. Their dark blue suit fit them impeccably, and god, Daichi wanted to kiss them so badly. Koushi, his soon-to-be spouse. His </span>
  <em>
    <span>spouse. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He was terrified. He was exactly where he was meant to be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the days, weeks, and years after their wedding, Daichi would forever be grateful for the photographer they’d hired. The elation of being newlyweds made his memories of that day a bit fuzzy. And who could blame him? Becoming Koushi’s husband was the happiest moment of his life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The happy couple compared notes from the wedding while relaxing on their honeymoon in Santorini. “I loved the toasts,” Suga said, massaging sunscreen into Daichi’s back. “Well, you know that. You held my hand as I cried a little.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm. I almost did too. Especially during Camila’s.” He exhaled happily. “My favorite part was probably our first dance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga laid down on the chaise lounge next to him and kissed his cheek gently. “God, yeah. I love dancing with you, Dai.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do it more often, then.” He grinned. “Any excuse to be close to my beloved spouse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga cackled like a pleased troll and wrapped their limbs around him. “That’s right.” A beat passed. “Sweetheart.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” He cringed, knowing what was coming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you hard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi groaned and buried his head in their chest. “‘S not on purpose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We were supposed to go swimming.” They smiled teasingly, tracing a fingertip down his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We still...can?” he suggested insincerely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They smirked. “No thanks. I’m more interested in you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them kissed, sensual and unhurried. Daichi was just about to suggest that they go back to their hotel room when Suga pulled away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Babe!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just remembered--what happened with Koutarou and Keiji?! I was off talking to one of my law school professors.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, they started dancing, just as friends. And then it became...more than friendly. I think they were both tipsy, but it was clear that both of them wanted it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn! Do you think anything’s going to come of it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, definitely. Tetsurou promised he’d text updates.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank god. I think they’ll be able to make it work this time. They’ve always been so weak for each other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I feel like we should get some special reward for it all being thanks to our wedding, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely. Like naming their first kid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi laughed before scooching closer to Suga, unsubtly pressing his dick against their thigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice cock.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I--please, Koushi?” They smirked, held his bottom lip between their fingers, and pulled down gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Course, baby. Anything for my husband.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>4. Ten years later</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Transcript of </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Tonight Show</span>
  </em>
  <span>, April 3, Daichi Sawamura</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Jimmy Fallon:</b>
  <span> Our guest tonight is a prolific author whose work has had a tremendous impact--both on the literary world, but also on a personal level for many of his fans. I’m so excited to hear from him; please give a warm welcome to Daichi Sawamura!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Loud applause. Mr. Sawamura comes out on stage smiling; he and JF shake hands before sitting down.)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>Daichi Sawamura: </b>
  <span>Thank you, Jimmy. It’s great to be here.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>JF: </b>
  <span>Now, I’m thrilled we were finally able to find a time to have you--you’ve been a busy man recently!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>DS: </b>
  <em>
    <span>(sighs ruefully) </span>
  </em>
  <span>It really has been intense. Wonderful, don’t get me wrong. I’m doing what I love, and I’ve been lucky to have a lot of unique opportunities. But between writing, and publicity, and a lot of inter-continental flights--</span>
</p><p>
  <b>JF: </b>
  <span>It’s a lot!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>DS: </b>
  <em>
    <span>(laughs and nods) </span>
  </em>
  <span>It’s a lot.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>JF: </b>
  <span>Now, at this point in your career--you’re a household name here in the U.S. and in Japan, your home country. You’re internationally renowned for your work, specifically, for your unique writing style and your portrayal of queer and trans characters. But something I’m not sure casual fans realize is the sheer volume and diversity of work you’ve published in the past eleven years.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>DS: </b>
  <em>
    <span>(nods) </span>
  </em>
  <span>I </span>
  <em>
    <span>have </span>
  </em>
  <span>done a little bit of everything. It’s more interesting to me that way. I also normally have a side “for fun” project that I work on if I’m ever feeling blocked, and then those often turn into their own pieces.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>JF: </b>
  <span>If you don’t mind, I’d like to read your list of publications--again, these are all in the last eleven years. Your first novel, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Apartment 43</span>
  </em>
  <span>, that you wrote as a college student. A collection of short stories. Your second novel, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mirror Boy</span>
  </em>
  <span>, which was also adapted into a movie. Your first book of love poems. Your third novel, which many critics described as an “ideological and stylistic sequel” to </span>
  <em>
    <span>Apartment 43</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Your fourth novel was a bit of a departure from your other works--still highly acclaimed, but more stark and psychological with less reliance on magical realism. Then the sequel to your first volume of love poems. And finally </span>
  <em>
    <span>(he pulls a hardcover copy of DS’s latest novel out from behind his desk)</span>
  </em>
  <span>, your first formal venture into science fiction, the brand new </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dimensionality</span>
  </em>
  <span>--available in bookstores everywhere. </span>
  <em>
    <span>(Applause, cheers from the audience. DS nods his head and smiles graciously.)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>JF: </b>
  <span>Mr. Sawamura--I, and I think most of our audience--need to know. What’s the secret? You’re thirty-three now, correct? How do you keep raising the bar for yourself?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>DS: </b>
  <em>
    <span>(laughs) </span>
  </em>
  <span>Well, I’d like to tell you. But the truth is it’s all because of my spouse, and they told me I was sleeping on the couch if I said anything embarrassing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>(Audience laughs.)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>JF: </b>
  <em>
    <span>(laughs) </span>
  </em>
  <span>I definitely don’t want to be responsible for that. But it’s safe to say they’re very supportive of you?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>DS: </b>
  <em>
    <span>(smiles) </span>
  </em>
  <span>Yes. We keep each other grounded. Their job is stressful as well, but it actually helps us because we’re forced to take breaks to support each other. And I--Jimmy, I’m definitely sleeping on the couch tonight, but it needs to be said--they’re my greatest inspiration. The way their mind works, their multifaceted nature, and the deep love and adoration I have for them. I wouldn’t have achieved this success if not for them. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>JF: </b>
  <em>
    <span>(looking touched) </span>
  </em>
  <span>Well, I think I can speak for all of your readers when I say we’re very grateful to your spouse for making your iconic words possible.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>DS: </b>
  <span>Me too.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>JF: </b>
  <span>I also wanted to ask about your literary influences. Your style is often lauded for being very unique. Are there any authors who have shaped your work in particular?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>DS: </b>
  <span>I’m glad you asked me that. I think my style is inaccurately described as unique because I’m a man writing the way women write. Of course, this is a generalization. But identity and relationships are crucial to my works, and I think women are the masters of those themes. To name a few: Carmen María Machado, Isabel Allende, Adrienne Maree Brown, Arundathi Roy, and Elena Ferrante. Hayao Miyazaki and Yann Martel, too.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>JF: </b>
  <span>Is this why you have so many women protagonists in your works?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>DS: </b>
  <span>Yes and no. I think women are more interesting to write about. But I also don’t think a woman author in my shoes would ever get asked why she had so many male protagonists. It says more about the genre than it does about my writing.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>JF: </b>
  <span>Very true. You recently re-released a special tenth-anniversary edition of your first novel, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Apartment 43. </span>
  </em>
  <span>(</span>
  <em>
    <span>DS nods.</span>
  </em>
  <span>) Looking back on the ten years that have passed--does being an author feel different than it used to?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>DS: </b>
  <em>
    <span>(looks pensive) </span>
  </em>
  <span>Good question. The best thing is that I feel much less insecure now. Part of it is age and experience, but a large part is due to my spouse. Growing more confident in our relationship and our love has made me feel impervious to criticism or failure. But the joy from writing is the same, even if it ebbs and flows from time to time. Everything does.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>JF: </b>
  <span>Wise words, Mr. Sawamura. Now, I know the audience--myself included--is dying to know: what are you working on now? What can we expect from you next?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>DS: </b>
  <em>
    <span>(smiles) </span>
  </em>
  <span>Well, I’m sorry to disappoint. But I’ll be taking a breather from my breakneck pace once I’m finished doing publicity for </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dimensionality</span>
  </em>
  <span>. My spouse and I will both be taking a step back as we think about what’s next for our family. Of course, I can’t stop writing entirely--I’ve tried taking a full break, and I just make up stories in my head--but I won’t be trying to produce anything polished for a while.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>JF: </b>
  <span>Well, we wish you and your spouse all the best. And the world will eagerly await what you do next, even if we have to wait awhile. Mr. Sawamura--thank you so much.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>DS: </b>
  <span>Thank you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>5. Twelve years later</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Koushi?” He shut the apartment door behind him and toed his shoes off. “I’m home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Welcome home. We’re in here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He followed Suga’s voice to the living room, where his spouse was reclining on the couch with the tv on. Their six-month old baby, Mikoto, was snuggled up on Suga’s chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kou.” Daichi frowned. “I thought we agreed to not let her watch TV as a habit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga glared right back. “And I thought your visit to the gym would take less than three hours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It always takes about this long. On Saturdays. You said it was fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, you’re right. Forgive me for thinking you might cut it short after staying out until midnight last night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there a cap on the number of hours I’m allowed to leave the house in a 24-hour period?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga rolled their eyes and anger flared up in Daichi’s chest. “No. But I did tell you I have work I need to get done this weekend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You made it sound like it wasn’t a big deal. Whatever you had to get done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had the self-respect to at least look a little chagrined. “I may have understated it a little.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Koushi. We agreed weekends were for family time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please stop talking to me like I’m a child, dear husband of mine. Speaking of, did you get a chance to pick up rice for dinner tonight?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit. </span>
  </em>
  <span>His expression made the answer clear. Suga sighed, and Mikoto began to cry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s been doing this the whole afternoon.” They got to their feet and began to rock back and forth. “That’s why I’d turned on the tv.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At moments like this, Daichi acutely felt the weight of his thirty-five years. There was nothing he wanted more than to win the argument with his spouse. Make Suga concede that they had been wrong--for lashing out at Daichi, for letting the baby watch TV, for bringing home work on weekends even though Daichi did the majority of the childcare during the week. That his own faults--going out on the weekend and forgetting to bring rice home--paled in comparison.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was nothing like the satisfaction of winning and being right. And if he and Suga had adopted this child together ten years ago, he would have kept pushing. But both of them had dark circles under their eyes. He had nothing to gain from tearing his beloved spouse, the parent of his child, down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He dropped his gym bag and stepped closer to Suga. “May I touch you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They looked at him suspiciously, still shifting their weight back and forth to soothe Mikoto. But they seemed to come to the same conclusion--that they had nothing to gain from fighting each other. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi wrapped his arms around Suga’s waist and leaned his head on their shoulder. Mikoto’s wails gradually petered out into little snuffles. Her short, downy black hair was so soft--impossible not to kiss, Tooru had exclaimed tearfully. And her big brown eyes made her seem wiser than her few short months.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even when she’s crying, she’s so cute,” Suga whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “She’s perfect.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The most perfect baby ever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They laughed softly together. Daichi pressed a kiss to Suga’s neck. “Why don’t I take her out for a walk to pick up some rice? So you can have a little break.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Daichi strapped the baby carrier onto his chest while Suga pressed soft kisses on Mikoto’s cheeks. “Mikoto-chan, you and Dada are going to the store.” She burbled happily, tears forgotten.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And your oto-chan’s going to lie down and </span>
  <em>
    <span>rest</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Daichi said meaningfully. “Right, to-chan?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, yes, yes,” Suga singsonged happily, making their giggling daughter fly high up in the air over and over before gently settling her in Daichi’s chest harness. “Daichi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you.” Their soft lips met his gently. He sighed into their mouth, holding the small of their back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, now I don’t want to leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just come back soon. Maybe if our little blossom gets worn out from your grocery store adventure, we’ll have some alone time, hm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The little blossom in question was even more energetic when she came home, so it wasn’t until bedtime that her parents were able to have time to themselves. Daichi was splayed out in bed, on the verge of falling asleep. Suga turned off the lights and curled up to him under the covers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dai?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just wanted to apologize for earlier. I wasn’t at my best, and I’m sorry for snapping at you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” He smiled, swept a silver lock of hair away from their forehead. “Already forgotten, my love. I’m sorry too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In the future, if I need to make an exception to something we agreed to, I’ll come to you first and explain the situation. And I’m sorry about not outwardly appreciating how much you do for our family. I’m so grateful for you, and you’re such a great father, and husband, and--Dai baby?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will you kiss me? For a little while? I just want to be close to you--need to be close to you--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, get over here.” He grabbed Suga’s hips and pulled them up against him. Their body felt familiar, comforting. “My Koushi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi,” they sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was all he needed, after twelve years. To hold and be held by his lovely spouse. To be loved tenderly and completely between the sheets of their marriage bed.  </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <span>6. Fifteen years later</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come in, come in!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Uncle Daichi! Hi Auncle Kou!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daddy!!! To-san!!!” Mikoto toddled over to her parents and Suga scooped her off the ground, peppering her cheeks with kisses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did your cousin Nara help you with your hair, Mikoto-chan?” Daichi asked, admiring the vast number of colorful scrunchies on his daughter’s head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She beamed and nodded. “Very nice,” Suga approved.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And Mikoto-chan helped us make some cookies,” Camila added, entering the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So yummy,” Mikoto said seriously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How were your errands, you two?” Sayuri asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga sidled over to their aunt with Mikoto still on their hip and gave her a hug. “Good. Lots still to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you’re really still leaving right after I graduate?” Nara pouted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unfortunately,” Daichi sighed. “We wanted to have most of the summer for Mikoto to get adjusted before she starts preschool.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you’ll come back for her to start elementary, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga and Daichi shrugged in sync. “It really depends on how well she likes it. It’s certainly safer there, but more diverse here. We’re staying open-minded. Right Mikoto-chan?” Daichi cooed, tickling her cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s such a sweetheart,” Sayuri sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is the same age you were when you met your Uncle Daichi, Nara,” Camila pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whoa. I can’t even remember a time before I knew you,” she smiled. “Or a time before you and Koushi were together.” Her long, black hair with auburn highlights suited an eighteen year-old girl, but her lively brown eyes were the same ones Daichi remembered from fifteen years ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They were ‘just friends’ when we first met Daichi,” Sayuri recalled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But they were embarrassingly in love,” Camila grinned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ooh,” Nara teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And still are,” Suga added, grabbing their husband’s hip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you two stay for dinner?” Sayuri asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aw, that sounds lovely,” Daichi said. “But…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re supposed to grab dinner at Koutarou and Keiji’s apartment. They’re also living in Brooklyn now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How convenient,” Camila said, smiling. “I always liked the two of them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. They’re great with Mikoto-chan too.” She turned her face up toward Suga upon hearing her name. “Yes, you, my dear! Now give your cousin Nara her scrunchies back, okay? We gotta go see Uncle Keiji and Uncle Kou.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, she can keep them!” Nara said. “I have so many, and I think she likes them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, that’s very sweet. Well, we’ll be seeing you very soon for your graduation, my dear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay!” They exchanged hugs all around, a beaming Mikoto on the receiving end of most of the affection.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Until next time!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Until next time.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wow. We did it! Thank you for coming on this journey with me. If you’ve been here all the way since July--thank you for staying with me! If you found this fic recently--thank you for reading all the way through to the end! It’s been five months and 100k+ words. This is my first fic and first story I’ve written on my own.</p><p>A little about the author: I am American and the past nine months have been challenging ones. There’s the grossly mismanaged pandemic (obviously), combined with the life transition of having graduated college in the spring. On top of that, I’ve been struggling with some intense mental health issues. Shit’s weird right now, and writing this story has been a huge coping mechanism for me. Writing young adults who are trying to figure out what they want to do with their lives is, in large part, me projecting my own desire to feel less lost. I think it was also really meaningful to write many strong friendships as well as a budding romantic relationship during this time when I’ve been so alone. As I have also mentioned here and there, I am nonbinary! Writing a transmasculine character who’s surrounded by people who love and accept them without question was really important for me. [You thought you were reading a fanfic, but in reality it turned out to be an embarrassingly personal peek into lattice12357’s dreams (having a purpose, friends, a partner, and a gender-affirming environment).] </p><p>This story and its supportive readers have held my hand through a lot of change. When I started writing it, I was still (unhappily) in a long term relationship, severely depressed, and unemployed. I am now single, slightly less depressed after undergoing some intensive treatment, and employed :’) If you have interacted with this fic in any way, thank you for being a part of my recovery.</p><p>Another note on trans issues and this fic: I wrote the trans representation I wanted to see. I did not expect for other people to either 1. resonate with it or 2. find it helpful and educational. Having anyone read my work at all is a gift, but connecting with people over an issue that is deeply personal and important to me has been amazing. If you’re trans and/or nonbinary and you felt seen by this fic, I want to thank you for being you. I’m less alone in this world because you’re here too.</p><p>Big thank yous to: every single person who commented!! Especially OliviaWOW, who commented on so many of my early chapters and gave me the motivation to keep going--this work wouldn’t be here without you. <br/>The lovely art by kittytoastandjam!<br/>And of course, Furudate-sensei. Their story and characters have brought joy and meaning to so many people, myself included. I’m not sure if I’d be making it through this pandemic without Haikyuu!!</p><p>If you’re sad about this work being over, subscribe to my new daisuga WIP! It will be way shorter than 100+k, and it focuses around Daichi and Suga being crunchy, off-the-grid homesteaders who accidentally end up adopting a lot of gay teenage children.</p><p>Let me know what you thought of the final chapter/of this work in general! If you want to talk to me about this fic or related issues and you don’t want to comment, you can find me at heyitslattice at gmail.com. Or email me your favorite nonbinary fic recs :) THANK YOU and take care &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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